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Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and on billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy goods that they do not really need. What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism?

Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and on billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy goods that they do not really need. What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism?

In today’s era, numerous companies and corporate organizations are leveraging advertisements to bolster their profitability and productivity. Although they can directly benefit from this advertising method with the increased revenue, this tendency can harm the general public in terms of splurging on unnecessary products.
On the one hand, advertisements are a part of marketing strategies that draw the general people’s attention to products or services. In other words, advertisements give knowledge to people about the existence and nature of a particular good, creating its market. Therefore, a large number of businesses from small shops to large halls can have a chance to inform their products through a diverse range of platforms such as newspaper, magazines, pamphlets, television, social media, and applications. As a result, consumers would end up purchasing them, raising the consumerism among the general people. Eventually, it can be clearly seen that ads play a crucial role in increasing the sales of a specific product.
On the other hand, there is an extreme disadvantage when advertisements lure customers to buy some products that they do not even require. Specifically, companies may provide lucrative deals and discounts but offer cheap quality products. Another example for the adverse impacts of ads is that businesses seem active in running advertising campaigns, however, it is said that there are much differences between products raised in advertisements and those in the reality. Thus, consumers may feel dissatisfied, and especially cheated after using these poor quality products, leading to a waste of money which can put a financial burden on consumers due to their lavish spending habits.
In conclusion, despite its advantages such as facilitating promotional sales and turnover of a company, it also has some drawbacks when misleading consumers to an unhealthy spending culture. Hence, as wise consumers, it is their responsibility to direct their budget toward basic needs without the lack of insight considerations.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "numerous" -> "abundant"
    Explanation: "Abundant" is a more formal and precise term than "numerous," enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
  2. "bolster" -> "enhance"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more sophisticated synonym for "bolster," aligning better with formal language conventions.
  3. "profitability and productivity" -> "financial performance and efficiency"
    Explanation: "Financial performance and efficiency" is a more precise and formal phrase than "profitability and productivity," suitable for academic writing.
  4. "splurging" -> "excessive spending"
    Explanation: "Excessive spending" is a more formal term than "splurging," fitting the academic style of the essay.
  5. "draw the general people’s attention" -> "capture the public’s attention"
    Explanation: "Capture the public’s attention" is a more formal and idiomatic phrase compared to "draw the general people’s attention."
  6. "a large number of businesses" -> "a plethora of businesses"
    Explanation: "A plethora of businesses" is a more formal and descriptive phrase than "a large number of businesses," enhancing the sophistication of the language.
  7. "inform their products" -> "promote their products"
    Explanation: "Promote their products" is a more fitting term than "inform their products" in the context of advertising and marketing.
  8. "consumerism among the general people" -> "consumerism within society"
    Explanation: "Consumerism within society" is a more formal and concise expression compared to "consumerism among the general people."
  9. "ads" -> "advertisements"
    Explanation: "Advertisements" is a more formal and appropriate term for academic writing than the colloquial abbreviation "ads."
  10. "disadvantage" -> "drawback"
    Explanation: "Drawback" is a more formal synonym for "disadvantage," maintaining the academic tone of the essay.
  11. "lure customers" -> "entice consumers"
    Explanation: "Entice consumers" is a more formal and precise phrase than "lure customers," suitable for academic writing.
  12. "cheap quality products" -> "low-quality merchandise"
    Explanation: "Low-quality merchandise" is a more formal and descriptive term than "cheap quality products," enhancing the academic tone.
  13. "much differences" -> "significant disparities"
    Explanation: "Significant disparities" is a more formal and precise phrase than "much differences," improving the clarity and sophistication of the language.
  14. "dissatisfied, and especially cheated" -> "disgruntled, feeling particularly deceived"
    Explanation: "Disgruntled, feeling particularly deceived" is a more formal and expressive phrase than "dissatisfied, and especially cheated," suitable for academic writing.
  15. "waste of money" -> "financial loss"
    Explanation: "Financial loss" is a more formal term than "waste of money," maintaining the academic style of the essay.
  16. "put a financial burden on consumers" -> "impose financial strain on consumers"
    Explanation: "Impose financial strain on consumers" is a more formal and precise expression than "put a financial burden on consumers," aligning with academic language conventions.
  17. "due to their lavish spending habits" -> "as a result of their extravagant consumption patterns"
    Explanation: "As a result of their extravagant consumption patterns" is a more formal and descriptive phrase than "due to their lavish spending habits," fitting the academic tone of the essay.
  18. "In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
    Explanation: "To conclude" is a more concise and formal transition phrase than "In conclusion," suitable for academic writing.
  19. "misleading consumers to an unhealthy spending culture" -> "contributing to an unsustainable consumer culture"
    Explanation: "Contributing to an unsustainable consumer culture" is a more formal and descriptive phrase than "misleading consumers to an unhealthy spending culture," enhancing the sophistication of the language.
  20. "it is their responsibility" -> "consumers bear the responsibility"
    Explanation: "Consumers bear the responsibility" is a more formal and active expression than "it is their responsibility," maintaining the academic tone of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the positive and negative effects of consumerism. It discusses how advertising informs consumers about products, leading to increased sales and consumerism. Additionally, it acknowledges the negative impact of advertisements, such as enticing consumers to purchase unnecessary goods and the potential for dissatisfaction with product quality.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers both aspects of the prompt, a more nuanced exploration of the negative effects, perhaps with additional examples or counterarguments, could further strengthen the response. Encourage deeper analysis by considering different perspectives or implications of consumerism.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, presenting both the benefits and drawbacks of consumerism. It acknowledges the role of advertising in promoting sales while also highlighting the negative consequences, such as encouraging excessive consumption and dissatisfaction with product quality.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that the introduction clearly states the writer’s position on consumerism. Additionally, reinforcing the stance in the conclusion could strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas related to the role of advertising in consumerism, providing examples and explanations to support its points. For instance, it discusses how advertisements inform consumers about products and the potential pitfalls of misleading advertising.
    • How to improve: To extend ideas further, consider incorporating more in-depth analysis or additional examples to strengthen the argumentation. Providing statistics or studies on consumer behavior and the impact of advertising could also bolster the essay’s credibility and depth.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the effects of consumerism, particularly the role of advertising in influencing consumer behavior. However, there are moments where the focus slightly drifts, such as the brief mention of the responsibility of consumers in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points directly relate to the effects of consumerism as prompted. Avoid introducing tangential ideas, and instead, elaborate further on how advertising specifically impacts consumer behavior and societal trends.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the positive and negative effects of consumerism and maintains a clear position throughout, there is room for improvement in providing a more nuanced analysis, reinforcing the stance, extending ideas, and maintaining focus. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay could achieve an even higher score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing positive and negative effects, and a conclusion summarizing key points. The introduction sets up the topic and viewpoint effectively, while body paragraphs discuss each side of the argument coherently. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, there is a bit of abruptness in shifting from discussing the benefits of advertising to its drawbacks. The conclusion neatly wraps up the main points but could be strengthened by reinforcing the overall argument.

    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Use linking words or phrases (e.g., "However," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Consider reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay to strengthen coherence.

  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs could be more cohesive internally. For instance, the second paragraph discusses the positive effects of advertising but could benefit from clearer structuring of supporting points within the paragraph.

    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the overall argument. Develop each paragraph with supporting details and examples that strengthen the main point. Review the structure of each paragraph to ensure ideas flow logically and coherently.

  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a basic range of cohesive devices (e.g., linking words such as "although," "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion") to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there is scope to diversify the use of cohesive devices further to enhance coherence.

    • How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, moreover, consequently, therefore) to establish stronger connections between ideas. Use cohesive devices not only at the beginning of sentences but also within sentences to improve clarity and coherence. Practice integrating these devices seamlessly into the essay to create a smoother reading experience.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there are opportunities to refine the organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices to elevate the clarity and coherence of the writing. Incorporating these improvements will help enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising its band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing varied terms such as "bolster," "profitability," "productivity," "splurging," "consumerism," "lucrative," "disadvantage," "facilitating," "turnover," and "misleading." These choices contribute to a nuanced discussion of the topic.
    • How to improve: While the essay generally employs a wide range of vocabulary effectively, there is room to incorporate more nuanced or specialized terminology related to advertising, consumer behavior, and economic concepts. For instance, using terms like "targeted advertising," "impulse buying," or "economic ramifications" could further enhance the depth of analysis.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly utilizes vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "lure customers," "cheap quality products," and "lavish spending habits" clearly convey specific ideas related to consumer behavior and the consequences of advertising.
    • How to improve: To further enhance precision, ensure that each word used aligns precisely with the intended meaning. Avoid overly general or ambiguous terms that could potentially confuse the reader. Additionally, consider employing more specific vocabulary to articulate complex ideas with greater clarity and depth.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with only minor errors such as "knowledge" instead of "awareness" in the first paragraph and "halls" instead of "malls" in the second paragraph. These errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence and readability of the essay.
    • How to improve: To maintain consistent spelling accuracy, proofreading the essay carefully for typographical errors before submission is crucial. Additionally, utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can help identify and correct any overlooked mistakes. Developing a habit of double-checking the spelling of unfamiliar or complex terms can also contribute to improved accuracy in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is evidence of varied sentence beginnings and lengths, which contribute to readability. For instance, the essay employs complex structures such as "Although they can directly benefit from this advertising method with the increased revenue, this tendency can harm the general public in terms of splurging on unnecessary products." Additionally, the essay effectively utilizes transitions to connect ideas and maintain coherence.
    • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range and variety, consider incorporating more advanced structures, such as conditional sentences or inverted sentences, to add complexity and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, pay attention to sentence fluency and ensure that sentence structures flow smoothly to improve overall coherence and readability.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of minor grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the essay. For example, in the sentence "As a result, consumers would end up purchasing them, raising the consumerism among the general people," the phrase "raising the consumerism among the general people" could be revised for clarity and grammatical correctness. Additionally, there are occasional punctuation errors, such as missing commas or incorrect usage of punctuation marks.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review sentence structures carefully and ensure subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper use of modifiers. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation rules, including comma usage for clarity and coherence. Consider utilizing proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, seek feedback from peers or instructors to gain insights into areas of improvement and refine grammatical skills further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s era, numerous companies and corporate organizations leverage advertisements to enhance their profitability and productivity. While they directly benefit from this advertising method with increased revenue, it can also harm the general public by encouraging unnecessary spending.

On the positive side, advertisements are integral to marketing strategies that attract the public’s attention to products or services. They provide knowledge about the existence and nature of specific goods, thus creating a market for them. Therefore, businesses of all sizes, from small shops to large halls, can inform consumers about their products through various platforms such as newspapers, magazines, pamphlets, television, social media, and applications. Consequently, consumers are inclined to purchase these products, fueling consumerism. It’s evident that ads play a crucial role in boosting the sales of particular products.

However, there are significant disadvantages when advertisements persuade customers to buy products they don’t actually need. For instance, companies may offer enticing deals and discounts but provide products of inferior quality. Another adverse impact of ads is the discrepancy between advertised products and reality. Consumers may feel dissatisfied and cheated after using these poor-quality products, resulting in a waste of money and financial strain due to extravagant spending habits.

In conclusion, while advertising has its advantages such as facilitating promotional sales and boosting a company’s turnover, it also has drawbacks by encouraging an unhealthy spending culture. Therefore, it is essential for consumers to be wise in their spending habits, focusing on basic needs rather than succumbing to impulse purchases.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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