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Comparison possessing a house and renting an apartment.

Comparison possessing a house and renting an apartment.

In today’s world, possessing a house or an apartment is considered as a controversial topic. Although living in an apartment can offer greater secure and convenient, it can miss long-term financial security of owing a house.

Firstly, in terms of security, an apartment is more secure than a house because of its enhanced security features. When renting accomomodation, the renters totally ensure about controlled access, camera systems, and on-site management, which can help to deter crime and provide residents with safety status. In contrast, living in a house is frequently equipped with minimal security measures, so it is easier for burglars to break in and steal poverty.

Secondly, the convenience in apartment outweigh in a house. In fact, apartment buildings are fully equipped with public facilities and utilities such as fitness centers, swimming pools, convenient stores and even chains of restaurants, which enhance residents’ quality of life. On the other hand, living in a house typically requires residents to travel greater distances to access similar amenities, which can be time-consuming and less convenient.

Finally, living in a house can help homeowner gain long-terms financial security than living in an apartment. Having a house is considered as a foundation for financial stability. This is because the homeowners can reduce financial burden related to pay for electricity, gas and renting bill in monthly; therefore, owning a house can save a significant amount for the future by reducing these monthly expense. However, apartment policies also support financial stabilities. This offers installment with lowly cost in the short-term. Therefore, renters can easily manage their money expense without the burden of large payment in advance.

In conclusion, on the basis of secure and convenient, long-term financial security aspects, I strongly believe that renting an apartment is more benefit effects than having a house.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "possessing a house or an apartment is considered as a controversial topic" -> "the possession of a house or apartment is considered a controversial topic"
    Explanation: The phrase "possessing" is awkwardly used as a gerund in this context. Using "the possession of" corrects this and aligns with formal academic style.

  2. "greater secure and convenient" -> "greater security and convenience"
    Explanation: "Secure" should be "security" to match the noun form required in this context, and "convenient" should be "convenience" for parallel structure and grammatical correctness.

  3. "it can miss long-term financial security of owing a house" -> "it may lack long-term financial security associated with owning a house"
    Explanation: "Miss" is incorrect in this context; "lack" is the correct verb to use when discussing absence of something. Also, "of owing" is grammatically incorrect; "associated with" is more precise and formal.

  4. "enhanced security features" -> "advanced security features"
    Explanation: "Enhanced" is somewhat vague; "advanced" is more specific and suitable for describing technological or quality improvements.

  5. "totally ensure about controlled access" -> "ensure complete control over access"
    Explanation: "Totally ensure about" is awkward and unclear. "Ensure complete control over" is more direct and formal.

  6. "safety status" -> "safety"
    Explanation: "Safety status" is redundant; "safety" alone is sufficient and more direct.

  7. "frequently equipped with minimal security measures" -> "often lacking robust security measures"
    Explanation: "Frequently equipped with minimal" is awkward and incorrect. "Often lacking robust" is clearer and more precise.

  8. "it is easier for burglars to break in and steal poverty" -> "it is easier for burglars to break in and steal valuables"
    Explanation: "Poverty" is incorrectly used here; "valuables" is the correct term for items of value that can be stolen.

  9. "the convenience in apartment outweigh in a house" -> "the convenience of apartments outweighs that of houses"
    Explanation: "Outweigh in" is grammatically incorrect; "outweighs that of" is the correct comparative form.

  10. "fully equipped with public facilities and utilities" -> "fully equipped with public facilities and utilities"
    Explanation: No change needed; the phrase is correct and formal.

  11. "convenient stores and even chains of restaurants" -> "convenience stores and restaurants"
    Explanation: "Chains of restaurants" is redundant; "restaurants" is sufficient and more direct.

  12. "Having a house is considered as a foundation for financial stability" -> "Owning a house is considered a foundation for financial stability"
    Explanation: "Having" is less formal and less precise than "owning" in this context, and "is considered as" is awkward; "is considered" is more direct.

  13. "reduce financial burden related to pay for electricity, gas and renting bill in monthly" -> "reduce monthly financial burdens related to electricity, gas, and rent"
    Explanation: "Renting bill" is incorrect; "rent" is the correct term. Also, "in monthly" is awkward; "monthly" is the correct adverbial form.

  14. "lowly cost" -> "low cost"
    Explanation: "Lowly" is an adjective that incorrectly modifies "cost." "Low cost" is the correct phrase.

  15. "more benefit effects" -> "more beneficial"
    Explanation: "Benefit effects" is incorrect; "beneficial" is the correct adjective form needed here.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by comparing the advantages of owning a house versus renting an apartment. It effectively discusses security, convenience, and long-term financial implications. However, it could improve by explicitly stating the advantages of both options in a more balanced manner. For instance, while the essay mentions the benefits of renting, it does not sufficiently explore the potential downsides of renting or the advantages of homeownership in detail.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the comparison are thoroughly explored. This could involve adding a paragraph that discusses the disadvantages of renting and the benefits of owning a home, such as property appreciation and stability in housing costs.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that renting is more beneficial than owning a house, particularly in terms of security and convenience. However, the conclusion could be clearer in reinforcing this position. The phrase "more benefit effects" is awkward and could confuse readers about the writer’s stance.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use more definitive language in the conclusion. Instead of saying "I strongly believe that renting an apartment is more benefit effects than having a house," a clearer statement could be, "I firmly believe that renting an apartment offers greater advantages compared to owning a house."
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as security features in apartments and the convenience of amenities. However, some points lack depth and supporting evidence. For example, the claim about financial security from homeownership is mentioned but not sufficiently elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more detail on how owning a house contributes to financial stability.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples or statistics to support claims. For instance, when discussing financial security, the essay could include data on average property value increases or the long-term cost benefits of homeownership versus renting.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the comparison between owning a house and renting an apartment. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing financial burdens related to renting. The mention of "apartment policies" and "installment with lowly cost" is somewhat vague and could confuse the reader about how these relate to the overall comparison.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the comparison of owning versus renting. Clarifying terms and ensuring that each point ties back to the central thesis will help keep the essay on track. For example, instead of vaguely mentioning "apartment policies," the writer could specify how these policies affect renters’ financial situations in comparison to homeowners.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score by providing a more comprehensive, clear, and well-supported response to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear comparison between owning a house and renting an apartment, which is a strong point. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the comparison: security, convenience, and financial implications. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing security to convenience feels abrupt. The conclusion reiterates the main points but could better synthesize the arguments presented throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Moreover," "In contrast," or "Furthermore" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. For example, after discussing security, a transition like "In addition to security, convenience is another crucial factor to consider" would create a more cohesive flow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is commendable. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the comparison. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The paragraph on financial security, for instance, is longer and more complex than the others, which may disrupt the overall balance of the essay.
    • How to improve: Aim for a more uniform structure across paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally contain a similar number of sentences and depth of analysis. Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts. For example, the financial security paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the benefits of homeownership and the other on the financial advantages of renting.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally," to structure the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this offers installment with lowly cost in the short-term" lacks clarity and could be better integrated into the discussion of financial stability.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "On the contrary" when discussing the downsides of owning a house compared to renting, or "In addition" to introduce additional benefits of renting. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used accurately and appropriately to enhance clarity. For example, rephrasing the financial security point to clarify how renting can also contribute to financial stability would strengthen the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, addressing these areas for improvement will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with terms like "controversial," "security features," and "financial stability" being appropriate for the topic. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, such as the repeated use of "apartment" and "house." Additionally, phrases like "greater secure" and "long-terms financial security" suggest a lack of variety and sophistication in vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "apartment," alternatives like "flat," "unit," or "rental property" could be employed. Similarly, replacing "house" with "home," "property," or "residence" would diversify the language. Engaging with a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing can help in this regard.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are notable inaccuracies. For instance, "secure" should be "security," and "owing" should be "owning." The phrase "safety status" is vague and does not convey a clear meaning. Additionally, "poverty" is incorrectly used when the writer likely meant "property."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should carefully review vocabulary choices and ensure they align with the intended meaning. Utilizing context clues and definitions can aid in selecting the correct terms. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and correctness will also help refine vocabulary usage.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "accomomodation" (should be "accommodation"), "lowly" (should be "low"), and "expense" (should be "expenses"). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps through exercises that focus on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading extensively can also improve spelling through exposure to correct forms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their overall writing quality and effectiveness in conveying their arguments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, the sentence "In fact, apartment buildings are fully equipped with public facilities and utilities such as fitness centers, swimming pools, convenient stores and even chains of restaurants, which enhance residents’ quality of life" is a compound sentence but lacks complexity. More complex structures, such as subordinate clauses or varied sentence openings, are limited. The use of phrases like "on the basis of secure and convenient" is awkward and could be expressed more clearly.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although renting an apartment offers convenience, it may not provide the same financial security as owning a house"). Additionally, varying the sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or prepositional phrases) can add interest and complexity to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "secure" should be "security" in the phrase "greater secure and convenient," and "owing a house" should be "owning a house." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the convenience in apartment outweigh in a house," which should be "the convenience in apartments outweighs that of a house." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in lists (e.g., "fitness centers, swimming pools, convenient stores and even chains of restaurants"), detract from clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and practice identifying and correcting common errors. Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules, especially for lists and complex sentences, will enhance clarity. The writer could benefit from proofreading their work or using grammar-checking tools to catch errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay presents some relevant points and arguments, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, the possession of a house or an apartment is considered a controversial topic. Although living in an apartment can offer greater security and convenience, it may lack the long-term financial security associated with owning a house.

Firstly, in terms of security, an apartment is generally more secure than a house due to its advanced security features. When renting accommodation, tenants can benefit from controlled access, camera systems, and on-site management, which help to deter crime and provide residents with a sense of safety. In contrast, houses often lack robust security measures, making it easier for burglars to break in and steal valuables.

Secondly, the convenience of apartments outweighs that of houses. In fact, apartment buildings are fully equipped with public facilities and utilities such as fitness centers, swimming pools, convenience stores, and even chains of restaurants, which enhance residents’ quality of life. On the other hand, living in a house typically requires residents to travel greater distances to access similar amenities, which can be time-consuming and less convenient.

Finally, living in a house can help homeowners gain long-term financial security compared to living in an apartment. Owning a house is considered a foundation for financial stability. This is because homeowners can reduce monthly financial burdens related to electricity, gas, and rent; therefore, owning a house can save a significant amount for the future by minimizing these expenses. However, apartment living also supports financial stability, as it often offers lower costs in the short term. This allows renters to easily manage their expenses without the burden of large payments in advance.

In conclusion, based on the aspects of security, convenience, and long-term financial stability, I strongly believe that renting an apartment is more beneficial than owning a house.

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