Competition for university study is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this a positive or negative development?

It is believed there has been a rise in competitive admission rates for universities these days calling the question of why and whether this has a negative or negative impact on society. In this essay, I will reason the factors that lead to this phenomenon and elaborate on its positive and negative aspects.

There are some reasons that explain why universities experience competitive consequences. First of all, with the relentless pace of development in today's world, higher education is more highly regarded than ever before. It equips candidates with a competitive advantage in the job market and prepares them for future career success. Therefore, competition for university placements, especially at institutions with top-tier faculty, is becoming increasingly intense. The second reason why universities are getting harder to get into is simply because of the rising population of high schoolers. The number of students is large, but university admissions are limited, leading to competing for a slot in the most prestigious university possible.

Regardless of the reason for this development, this phenomenon not only brings many positive effects but also many drawbacks. The fierce competition for securing a spot in university admission makes students more motivated. For example, an individual who has a dream university will put in an effort and be determined to compete against their opponents to lay on their hands in a prestigious university. On the other hand, this intense competition will take a toll on students. More time will be spent studying for the exam and undergoing high pressure which leads to the deteriorating physical and mental health of high schoolers. Consequently, a significant number of students who are unable to withstand the pressure may withdraw from the competition and opt not to pursue higher education, thus they will be limited in job opportunities that require a university degree.

In conclusion, getting into colleges is more competitive due to the growing demand for universities as well as the population rising. Although I think this is a positive signal for the enhancement of society, some measures are needed to avoid the ultimate burnout.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is believed there has been a rise" -> "It is widely acknowledged that there has been a rise"
Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general understanding or consensus, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"calling the question of why" -> "raising questions about why"
Explanation: "Raising questions about" is a more precise and formal expression than "calling the question of," which is colloquial and less commonly used in academic writing.
"negative or negative" -> "positive or negative"
Explanation: The original phrase is likely a typographical error. The correct phrase should be "positive or negative" to indicate the contrast between the effects of competitive university admissions.
"reason the factors" -> "identify the factors"
Explanation: "Reason the factors" is incorrect and unclear. "Identify the factors" is the correct verb choice for describing the process of discovering or determining the causes of something.
"competitive consequences" -> "competitive pressures"
Explanation: "Competitive pressures" is a more specific and accurate term in the context of academic competition, enhancing the precision of the description.
"highly regarded" -> "highly valued"
Explanation: "Highly valued" is more specific and academically appropriate than "highly regarded," which can be vague and less formal in this context.
"equips candidates with a competitive advantage" -> "provides candidates with a competitive edge"
Explanation: "Provides candidates with a competitive edge" is a more common and precise phrase in academic discussions about education and career advancement.
"simply because of the rising population of high schoolers" -> "primarily due to the increasing number of high school students"
Explanation: "Primarily due to the increasing number of high school students" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "high schoolers," which is less appropriate for academic writing.
"lay on their hands in a prestigious university" -> "secure a place in a prestigious university"
Explanation: "Secure a place in a prestigious university" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea of gaining admission to a prestigious institution.
"take a toll on students" -> "affect students"
Explanation: "Affect students" is a more straightforward and formal way to describe the impact of competition on students, avoiding the idiomatic expression "take a toll on."
"undergoing high pressure" -> "experiencing intense pressure"
Explanation: "Experiencing intense pressure" is a more precise and formal way to describe the stress caused by competition, aligning better with academic style.
"a significant number of students who are unable to withstand the pressure" -> "a substantial number of students who cannot cope with the pressure"
Explanation: "Cannot cope with the pressure" is a more precise and formal expression than "are unable to withstand the pressure," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"opt not to pursue higher education" -> "choose not to pursue higher education"
Explanation: "Choose not to pursue" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "opt not to pursue," which is less commonly used in formal writing.
"getting into colleges" -> "gaining admission to colleges"
Explanation: "Gaining admission to colleges" is a more formal and precise phrase than "getting into colleges," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"the population rising" -> "the population increasing"
Explanation: "Increasing" is the correct term for describing an upward trend in population, whereas "rising" can be ambiguous and less formal in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why universities are becoming more competitive and examining the positive and negative aspects of this trend. The reasons provided—higher regard for education and a rising population of high schoolers—are relevant and well-articulated. However, the analysis could be deepened; for instance, the essay could explore additional factors such as economic changes or technological advancements that contribute to this competitiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider incorporating a wider range of reasons for increased competitiveness. This could include the impact of globalization on education or the rising costs of tuition, which may influence both the demand for university spots and the pressure on students.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the increased competition has both positive and negative implications. However, the conclusion could be more definitive regarding the author’s stance. Phrases like "I think this is a positive signal" are somewhat vague and could lead to ambiguity about the overall viewpoint.
- How to improve: Strengthen the position by clearly stating whether the author believes the positives outweigh the negatives or vice versa. Use definitive language in the conclusion to reinforce the stance, such as "In my opinion, the benefits of increased competition outweigh the drawbacks."
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as motivation from competition and the potential for burnout. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the essay mentions that competition motivates students, it could include specific examples or statistics to illustrate this point more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, include specific examples or case studies that demonstrate the effects of competition on students’ motivation and mental health. Additionally, consider using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt directly. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the phrase "this phenomenon not only brings many positive effects but also many drawbacks" could be more clearly linked back to the specific aspects of competition discussed earlier in the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main question. Use topic sentences that directly relate to the prompt and summarize the main idea of each paragraph. This will help keep the discussion aligned with the essay’s central theme.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and support for ideas will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intent. The body paragraphs logically follow, with the first discussing reasons for increased competition and the second addressing the positive and negative impacts. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing reasons for competition to its effects feels abrupt, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate the relationship between ideas. For example, phrases like "In addition to the reasons mentioned," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first on reasons for competition, and the second on its effects. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat blends into the previous paragraph without a clear separation.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is a separate paragraph that succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s stance. This can be achieved by starting the conclusion with a clear signal that the essay is coming to an end, such as "In summary," or "To conclude," followed by a brief recap of the key arguments.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "therefore," and "on the other hand." These phrases help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are repeated, which can detract from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "first of all," consider alternatives like "initially," "to begin with," or "firstly." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast," "as a result," or "for instance," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall flow.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "competitive advantage," "prestigious university," and "fierce competition." However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of "competitive" and "competition" multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical diversity and can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "competitive," alternatives like "cutthroat," "intense," or "challenging" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more academic or sophisticated vocabulary related to education and societal impacts would elevate the essay’s language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While many terms are used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "lay on their hands in a prestigious university" is awkward and unclear. The intended meaning seems to be about gaining admission, but the phrasing does not effectively convey this.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of "lay on their hands," a more precise phrase would be "gain admission to" or "secure a place at." Reviewing phrases for clarity and ensuring they accurately reflect the intended meaning will improve overall communication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "calling the question" (which should be "raising the question") and "the population rising" (which could be more clearly stated as "the rising population"). These errors can disrupt the flow and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing writing regularly and focusing on commonly misspelled words can build confidence in spelling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improving vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "It is believed there has been a rise in competitive admission rates" and "the fierce competition for securing a spot in university admission makes students more motivated" showcases an ability to construct sentences of varying complexity. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the opening sentences of paragraphs, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The reason why," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses, such as "Given the relentless pace of development…" or "As a result of the rising population…". This will create a more engaging and dynamic flow in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "calling the question of why and whether this has a negative or negative impact" contains a redundancy ("negative or negative"). Additionally, the sentence "to lay on their hands in a prestigious university" is awkward and should be revised for clarity. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some missing commas that could enhance readability, such as after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for redundancy and clarity. For instance, revise sentences to eliminate repetitive phrases and ensure that the intended meaning is clear. Additionally, practice using commas effectively, especially in complex sentences, to separate clauses and enhance the overall flow. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and doing targeted exercises can also help solidify understanding and application.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, demonstrating not only a wide variety of structures but also precise and effective use of grammar and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that there has been a rise in competitive admission rates for universities these days, raising questions about why this is happening and whether it has a positive or negative impact on society. In this essay, I will identify the factors that lead to this phenomenon and elaborate on its positive and negative aspects.

There are several reasons that explain why universities experience increased competition. First of all, with the relentless pace of development in today’s world, higher education is more highly valued than ever before. It provides candidates with a competitive edge in the job market and prepares them for future career success. Therefore, competition for university placements, especially at institutions with top-tier faculty, is becoming increasingly intense. The second reason why universities are becoming more difficult to gain admission to is primarily due to the increasing number of high school students. The large number of students seeking admission contrasts with the limited university spots available, leading to fierce competition for a place in the most prestigious universities.

Regardless of the reasons for this development, this phenomenon brings both positive effects and significant drawbacks. The fierce competition for securing a spot in university admissions motivates students to strive harder. For example, an individual who dreams of attending a particular university will put in considerable effort and be determined to compete against their peers to secure a place in that prestigious institution. On the other hand, this intense competition can take a toll on students. More time is spent studying for exams and coping with high pressure, which can lead to deteriorating physical and mental health among high schoolers. Consequently, a substantial number of students who cannot cope with the pressure may withdraw from the competition and choose not to pursue higher education, thus limiting their job opportunities that require a university degree.

In conclusion, gaining admission to colleges is becoming more competitive due to the growing demand for university placements as well as the increasing population. Although I believe this is a positive signal for the advancement of society, some measures are needed to prevent ultimate burnout among students.