Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is a number of people proposed that having their university courses completed sets a higher chance of gaining high-quality jobs, while some believed that mastering soft skills and being experienced are more vital. From my perspective, I have a solid belief that both of the factors are necessary in work aspect.
Initially, university accomplishment is the first and foremost condition that the recruiter seeks to. Since the college degree induce them to be ascertained about our knowledge and the ensurence of being well-trained, we would be evaluated to be a qualify candidate. Therefore, our prospect in work are predominantly depend on possessing a certificate which may provide us with priorities and opportunities in workplace.
In contrast, the opponent statment also contains reasonable benefits especially when we desire for promotion in occupation. Besides, practically of the employees own a university degree, soft skills would probably distinguish us from the others. The primary reason is because the expertise in skills that we acquired on a consistant basis may induce our performance in jobs be more efficient. Additionally, with the absence of college certificate, we can either run our own business or participate in family's counterpart and earn our living.
In my conclusion, being recruited in high-quality jobs can have us faced less competition with the presence of university degree, due to the escalation of society's demand for specialized knowledge. While communication and social interaction skills pose significant impact on the occupation progress and bring about numerous advantages. Consequently, these factors had better be enhanced abreast in order to be conductive to elevated quality of life.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"There is a number of people proposed that" -> "It is proposed by many that"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity and formality. -
"having their university courses completed sets a higher chance of gaining high-quality jobs" -> "completing university courses increases the likelihood of securing high-quality jobs"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal and vague. The revision uses more precise language and a more formal structure, improving the academic tone. -
"some believed" -> "some believe"
Explanation: The verb tense should be consistent throughout the essay. Changing "believed" to "believe" aligns with the present tense used in the rest of the essay, enhancing consistency and clarity. -
"I have a solid belief" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "I have a solid belief" is redundant. "I firmly believe" is more concise and maintains the formal tone appropriate for academic writing. -
"both of the factors are necessary in work aspect" -> "both factors are essential in the workplace"
Explanation: "Work aspect" is an awkward and unclear term. "Workplace" is the correct and more formal term, and "essential" replaces "necessary" for a stronger, more academic tone. -
"the recruiter seeks to" -> "recruiters seek"
Explanation: "The recruiter seeks to" is passive and less direct. "Recruiters seek" is more active and direct, which is preferred in academic writing for clarity and assertiveness. -
"college degree induce them to be ascertained about our knowledge" -> "a college degree assures them of our knowledge"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing. -
"the ensurence of being well-trained" -> "the assurance of being well-trained"
Explanation: "Ensurence" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "assurance" fixes the spelling and enhances readability. -
"we would be evaluated to be a qualify candidate" -> "we would be considered a qualified candidate"
Explanation: "Qualify" is incorrect in this context; "qualified" is the correct adjective form. Also, "evaluated to be" is awkward; "considered" is more direct and appropriate. -
"our prospect in work are predominantly depend on" -> "our prospects in the workplace are predominantly dependent on"
Explanation: "Prospect" should be plural to match "are," and "dependent" is the correct form to use with "dependent on." Additionally, "work" should be "workplace" for formality and clarity. -
"the opponent statment" -> "the opposing statement"
Explanation: "Opponent" is incorrect in this context; "opposing" is the correct adverbial form needed here. -
"practically of the employees own a university degree" -> "practically all employees with a university degree"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar. -
"may induce our performance in jobs be more efficient" -> "may enhance our job performance"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision simplifies and clarifies the meaning, improving readability and formality. -
"with the absence of college certificate" -> "without a college certificate"
Explanation: "With the absence of" is unnecessarily wordy and awkward. "Without" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing. -
"we can either run our own business or participate in family’s counterpart and earn our living" -> "we can either start our own businesses or engage in family enterprises and earn a living"
Explanation: "Run our own business" is too informal and vague. "Start our own businesses" and "engage in family enterprises" are more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing. -
"being recruited in high-quality jobs" -> "being recruited for high-quality jobs"
Explanation: "In" is incorrect; "for" is the correct preposition to use with "recruited" in this context. -
"due to the escalation of society’s demand for specialized knowledge" -> "due to the increasing societal demand for specialized knowledge"
Explanation: "Escalation" is too strong and informal for this context. "Increasing" is more appropriate and maintains a formal tone. -
"pose significant impact on the occupation progress" -> "have a significant impact on occupational progress"
Explanation: "Pose" is incorrect; "have" is the correct verb to use with "impact." Also, "occupation progress" should be "occupational progress" for grammatical correctness and formality. -
"bring about numerous advantages" -> "yield numerous advantages"
Explanation: "Bring about" is slightly informal and less precise. "Yield" is more formal and fits better in academic writing. -
"these factors had better be enhanced abreast in order to be conductive to elevated quality of life" -> "these factors should be enhanced simultaneously to promote a higher quality of life"
Explanation: "Had better" is informal and vague; "should" is more appropriate for formal writing. "Abreast" is incorrect; "simultaneously" is the correct adverb. "Conductive" is misspelled; "promote" is the correct verb.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the importance of university education versus experience and soft skills. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs discuss each viewpoint. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in summarizing both sides before stating the author’s opinion, which would provide a clearer answer to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure that each viewpoint is given equal weight and that the conclusion explicitly states the author’s opinion on the matter. Consider adding a brief summary of both perspectives in the conclusion to reinforce the discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that both university education and soft skills are important, but this stance could be more consistently articulated throughout the essay. Phrases like "I have a solid belief that both of the factors are necessary" could be more assertively integrated into the discussion to reinforce the author’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: Use clear topic sentences in each paragraph that reflect the author’s position. For example, in the introduction, explicitly state that the essay will argue for the importance of both factors, and ensure that this is reiterated in the conclusion.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both university education and soft skills, providing some support for each. However, the development of these ideas lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions that soft skills can distinguish candidates, it does not provide specific examples or elaboration on how these skills can be developed or their impact on job performance.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, include specific examples or statistics that illustrate the importance of both education and soft skills. For instance, discussing particular soft skills that are valued in the workplace or citing studies that show the correlation between education and job success can enhance the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the relevance of both university education and soft skills. However, there are moments where the language becomes convoluted, making it difficult to follow the main argument. For example, phrases like "the absence of college certificate" could be clearer and more directly related to the main argument.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and coherence in language. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each sentence directly supports the main argument can help maintain focus. Additionally, avoid introducing unrelated ideas that could distract from the main discussion.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a balanced view, but it could benefit from clearer articulation of the position, deeper support for ideas, and improved clarity in language.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is somewhat hindered by abrupt transitions between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing university education to soft skills lacks a smooth transition, making it feel disjointed. The argumentation could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the essay prompt. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "Conversely," "Furthermore") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. For example, the first body paragraph mixes several ideas without clear separation, which can confuse the reader. The second body paragraph also introduces multiple concepts but does not clearly delineate them.
- How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph around a single main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, in the first body paragraph, you could first discuss the importance of a university degree and then provide examples or evidence to support this claim before transitioning to the next point.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "initially," "in contrast," and "additionally." However, the range is limited, and some devices are used repetitively. For instance, "besides" and "additionally" appear in close proximity, which can make the writing feel redundant. Furthermore, the use of cohesive devices does not always enhance clarity; some phrases may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "On the contrary," "For instance," "As a result"). Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used to clarify relationships between ideas rather than merely to connect sentences. This will improve the overall flow and readability of the essay.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall quality of the argument presented.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "university accomplishment," "high-quality jobs," and "soft skills." However, the range is somewhat limited and repetitive in places. For example, the phrase "high-quality jobs" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical variety. Additionally, terms like "prospect in work" and "being well-trained" could be expressed more diversely.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "high-quality jobs," alternatives like "prestigious positions" or "competitive roles" could be used. Expanding the vocabulary related to education and skills would also help, such as using "academic qualifications" or "professional competencies."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay are imprecise or awkward. For instance, the phrase "the recruiter seeks to" is not idiomatic; it would be more natural to say "the recruiter looks for" or "the recruiter prioritizes." The term "ensurence" is a misspelling of "assurance," which further complicates the clarity of the argument. Additionally, "qualify candidate" should be "qualified candidate," which affects the precision of the statement.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Reviewing common collocations and idiomatic expressions in English can help. For example, instead of "the absence of college certificate," it would be clearer to say "the lack of a college degree." Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and correct word forms is also essential.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "ensurence" (should be "assurance"), "consistant" (should be "consistent"), and "conductive" (should be "conducive"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or websites that focus on vocabulary building. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch spelling mistakes. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary use, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Since the college degree induce them to be ascertained about our knowledge and the ensurence of being well-trained" show an attempt to use varied structures. However, many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as "the opponent statment also contains reasonable benefits." The use of phrases like "the first and foremost condition" and "the expertise in skills that we acquired" indicates a reliance on certain patterns, which limits the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, instead of saying "Since the college degree induce them," a more varied structure could be "Given that a college degree often assures employers of a candidate’s knowledge and training." Additionally, using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can create a more engaging flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "a number of people proposed" should be "a number of people propose" to maintain present tense consistency. The phrase "the ensurence of being well-trained" contains a spelling error ("ensurence" should be "assurance"). Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, as seen in "In contrast, the opponent statment also contains reasonable benefits especially when we desire for promotion in occupation," where a comma is needed before "especially."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for tense consistency and spelling errors. Practicing the correct use of articles and prepositions can also help. For punctuation, understanding where to place commas—especially in complex sentences—will enhance clarity. For example, revising "the absence of college certificate, we can either run our own business" to "In the absence of a college certificate, we can either run our own business" would improve clarity and correctness.
Overall, while the essay shows an understanding of the topic and attempts to present both sides effectively, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help elevate the score in future writing tasks.
Bài sửa mẫu
There are a number of people who propose that completing university courses increases the likelihood of securing high-quality jobs, while some believe that mastering soft skills and gaining experience is more important. From my perspective, I firmly believe that both factors are essential in the workplace.
Initially, university education is the first and foremost condition that recruiters seek. Since a college degree assures them of our knowledge and the assurance of being well-trained, we would be considered a qualified candidate. Therefore, our prospects in the workplace are predominantly dependent on possessing a certificate, which may provide us with priorities and opportunities.
In contrast, the opposing statement also contains reasonable benefits, especially when we desire promotion in our careers. While practically all employees have a university degree, soft skills may distinguish us from others. The primary reason is that the expertise in skills we acquire on a consistent basis may enhance our job performance. Additionally, without a college certificate, we can either start our own businesses or engage in family enterprises and earn a living.
In conclusion, being recruited for high-quality jobs can lead to less competition with the presence of a university degree, due to the increasing societal demand for specialized knowledge. While communication and social interaction skills have a significant impact on occupational progress and yield numerous advantages. Consequently, these factors should be enhanced simultaneously to promote a higher quality of life.