Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
While some people believe that the most effective way to get a good job is completing their university education, others think that it is more important to get experience and developing soft skills. Although both perspectives seems to be appropriate to some extent, I obviously think owning a university degree or having been experiencing through an academic education before entering the workfore could be more beneficial than the other notion.
On the one hand, getting some practival skills could play an important role in getting a well-paid job for some reasons. First and foremost, practical experiences are required in most of the specific fields related to engineering or manufacturing. For example, some pretigious organizations, such as Apple or Samsung, have always mentioned and highlighted the term “ job-related long-year experiencing preference” in their recruitment. In addition to experiences, soft skills are also becoming more essential in numerous aspects of working life. To be more specific, nowsdays almost occupations are in need of effective communicating skill, which means not only conversing with others but also convincing them in order to achieve the target of the conversation, like selling the products, increasing the profits, speading the brand awareness or so on. As a result, practical experiences and soft skills could act as a firm precusor for people to reach their goals in most specific areas.
On the other hand, despite some benefits that have been aforementioned of having expriences and soft skills, I believe that increasing our academic levels before taking part in the workforce could be significantly noteworthy. One thing is that people possessing a teritary degree could be more competive to get stable and high-paid careers in the job market. Specifically, the demand for graduating university applicants have never been in decline due to the global company’s expansion. Another important thing is that people with high academic level could have a higher status, which means they could get more appreciation and accessible to high living standards.
In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that having experiences and soft skills are beneficial to some extent, I firmly believe that having higher background knowledge by owning a university degree are remarkably more advantageous for those wanting to have a good job.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"completing their university education" -> "completing their university studies"
Explanation: "Studies" is a more precise term in academic contexts, emphasizing the academic aspect over the broader concept of "education." -
"getting experience and developing soft skills" -> "gaining experience and developing soft skills"
Explanation: "Gaining" is a more formal and precise verb than "getting" in this context, aligning better with academic language. -
"both perspectives seems to be" -> "both perspectives seem to be"
Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "seems" to "seem" to maintain grammatical agreement with the plural subject "perspectives." -
"owning a university degree or having been experiencing through an academic education" -> "possessing a university degree or having gained experience through academic education"
Explanation: "Possessing" is more formal than "owning," and "having gained experience" is more precise than "having been experiencing," which is awkwardly phrased. -
"practicival" -> "practical"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "practical." -
"well-paid job" -> "well-compensated position"
Explanation: "Well-compensated position" is a more formal and precise term than "well-paid job." -
"pretigious" -> "prestigious"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "prestigious." -
"long-year experiencing preference" -> "long-term experience preference"
Explanation: "Long-term experience preference" is grammatically correct and clearer than the awkward and incorrect "long-year experiencing preference." -
"nowsdays" -> "nowadays"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "nowadays." -
"effective communicating skill" -> "effective communication skills"
Explanation: "Communication skills" is the correct plural form, as it refers to multiple skills. -
"conversing with others but also convincing them" -> "communicating effectively with others"
Explanation: "Communicating effectively" is a more precise and formal way to describe the ability to converse and persuade. -
"speading the brand awareness" -> "spreading brand awareness"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "spreading." -
"firm precusor" -> "firm precursor"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "precursor." -
"expriences" -> "experiences"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "experiences." -
"teritary degree" -> "tertiary degree"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "tertiary." -
"competive" -> "competitive"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "competitive." -
"the demand for graduating university applicants have never been in decline" -> "the demand for university graduates has never been in decline"
Explanation: "University graduates" is more precise than "graduating university applicants," and "has" agrees with the singular subject "demand." -
"people with high academic level" -> "individuals with a high level of academic achievement"
Explanation: "Individuals with a high level of academic achievement" is more formal and precise than "people with high academic level." -
"accessible to high living standards" -> "access to higher living standards"
Explanation: "Access to higher living standards" is grammatically correct and clearer than "accessible to high living standards."
These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the value of university education versus experience and soft skills. The first paragraph introduces the debate, and the subsequent sections provide arguments for both perspectives. However, the discussion could be more balanced; while the author presents both views, the emphasis leans more towards the importance of a university degree without fully exploring the merits of practical experience in depth.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should aim for a more equal treatment of both sides. This could involve providing more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of practical experience and soft skills, thereby giving a fuller picture of the debate before stating their opinion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author states their position clearly in the introduction and conclusion, favoring university education. However, the phrasing in some parts, such as "I obviously think," could be perceived as informal and less assertive. Additionally, the transition between discussing the two perspectives could be smoother to reinforce the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use more formal language and ensure that each paragraph transitions logically to the next. Phrases like "In my view" or "I strongly believe" can help assert the author’s opinion more confidently.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the necessity of practical experience in certain fields and the advantages of a university degree. However, some arguments lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the author mentions companies like Apple and Samsung, they could elaborate on how these companies value experience beyond just stating it.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations. Incorporating statistics or studies that support their claims about job market trends or the importance of soft skills could also enhance the argument’s credibility.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of both education and experience. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of soft skills, which could be more directly tied back to the job market context.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of how education and experience contribute to securing a good job. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument back to the prompt, reinforcing the relevance of each point made.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides, deeper elaboration on points made, and a more formal tone throughout.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The argument flows logically from one point to the next, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the debate. However, the transition between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing practical skills to soft skills in the first body paragraph feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, when moving from practical skills to soft skills, phrases like "In addition to practical skills, it is also important to consider…" can help guide the reader more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the overall structure is appropriate for an IELTS Task 2 essay. However, the second body paragraph could be more balanced; it primarily focuses on the benefits of a university degree without adequately addressing counterarguments.
- How to improve: To create more balanced paragraphs, consider dedicating a few sentences to acknowledging the strengths of the opposing view before reinforcing your own argument. This would not only enhance the depth of analysis but also demonstrate critical thinking.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow, such as "the term ‘job-related long-year experiencing preference.’"
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," and "Conversely." Additionally, ensure that phrases are used correctly and clearly. For example, instead of "long-year experiencing preference," consider rephrasing to "preference for long-term experience" for clarity and correctness.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, focusing on smoother transitions, balanced paragraph development, and a broader range of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "practical skills," "soft skills," "academic education," and "high-paid careers." However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "having experiences and soft skills" is repeated, which could be varied with synonyms or rephrased to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "experience," alternatives like "practical knowledge" or "hands-on training" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases such as "academic qualifications" instead of "university degree" could enhance variety.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "long-year experiencing preference" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "preference for candidates with extensive experience." Additionally, "increasing our academic levels" could be more accurately expressed as "enhancing our academic qualifications."
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that terms are used correctly. For example, replacing "experiencing" with "experience" and "teritary" with "tertiary" would enhance clarity and precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "practival" (practical), "pretigious" (prestigious), "workfore" (workforce), "expriences" (experiences), "nowsdays" (nowadays), "communicating skill" (communication skills), "precusor" (precursor), "teritary" (tertiary), and "competive" (competitive). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling check tools or reviewing commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch errors before submission. Creating flashcards for difficult words or using spelling apps can also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall quality and clarity of the writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "While some people believe" and "On the one hand" indicates an attempt to create a balanced discussion. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting several sentences with "One thing is that" or "Another important thing is that," which detracts from the overall variety. Additionally, some complex sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "I obviously think owning a university degree or having been experiencing through an academic education before entering the workforce could be more beneficial than the other notion."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider varying the introductory phrases and using more diverse conjunctions. Incorporating more relative clauses and participial phrases can also add complexity. For example, instead of saying "One thing is that people possessing a tertiary degree could be more competitive," you might say, "People who possess a tertiary degree often find themselves more competitive in the job market." This not only varies the structure but also improves clarity.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "both perspectives seems" should be "both perspectives seem," indicating subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the phrase "practical experiences are required in most of the specific fields related to engineering or manufacturing" could be more concise. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences (e.g., "which means not only conversing with others but also convincing them in order to achieve the target of the conversation"), can lead to run-on sentences that confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural nouns are matched with plural verbs. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down complex sentences into simpler components can also help. For punctuation, familiarize yourself with the rules for using commas, especially in compound and complex sentences. Regularly reviewing grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can further enhance accuracy.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at varied structures and generally communicates ideas, grammatical inaccuracies and a lack of structural diversity limit the overall effectiveness. Focusing on these areas will help achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
While some people believe that the most effective way to secure a good job is by completing their university education, others argue that gaining experience and developing soft skills is more important. Although both perspectives seem to be valid to some extent, I firmly believe that possessing a university degree or having gained experience through academic education before entering the workforce could be more beneficial than the alternative viewpoint.
On the one hand, acquiring practical skills can play a significant role in obtaining a well-compensated position for several reasons. First and foremost, practical experiences are often required in specific fields related to engineering or manufacturing. For example, prestigious organizations such as Apple or Samsung have consistently emphasized the importance of “job-related long-term experience preference” in their recruitment processes. In addition to experience, soft skills are becoming increasingly essential in various aspects of working life. To be more specific, nowadays, almost all occupations require effective communication skills, which involve not only conversing with others but also persuading them to achieve the objectives of the conversation, such as selling products, increasing profits, or spreading brand awareness. As a result, practical experiences and soft skills can serve as a firm precursor for individuals to reach their goals in specific areas.
On the other hand, despite the aforementioned benefits of experience and soft skills, I believe that enhancing our academic qualifications before entering the workforce is significantly important. One reason is that individuals possessing a tertiary degree tend to be more competitive in securing stable and high-paying careers in the job market. Specifically, the demand for university graduates has never been in decline due to the global expansion of companies. Another important factor is that individuals with a high level of academic achievement often enjoy a higher status, leading to greater appreciation and access to higher living standards.
In conclusion, while it is undeniable that experience and soft skills are beneficial to some extent, I firmly believe that having a solid academic foundation through a university degree is remarkably more advantageous for those aspiring to secure a good job.
