Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say this is a positive trend, while others argue that it leads to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.
Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say this is a positive trend, while others argue that it leads to negative consequences.
Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.
There is an ever-increasing use of modern technology, such as tablets and laptops in schooling. Some hold the opinion that this trend can bring many benefits, whilst others believe that it may lead to drawbacks. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the latter opinion because the Internet can help students to study more easily with its variety of information and up-to-date techniques; however, technology can make students find it hard to focus on their studying, as well as reduce their creativity.
On the one hand, the Internet's vast amount of knowledge and cutting-edge study methods can make studying easier for students. Those technological devices are very helpful tools for education, as learners and instructors can research and learn any subject immediately. The Internet saves students time and helps them obtain faster, more relevant findings; unlike books, which need a lot of time to investigate. For example, students can quickly and easily get detailed knowledge by typing any keyword into Wikipedia, a global search website. Furthermore, technology can make lessons more interactive and engaging, leading to a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
However, despite those gadgets’ advantages, I think that technology can impair students' creativity and make it difficult for them to concentrate on their studies. Since teachers cannot manage a large number of students accessing computers, students may take advantage of it for personal use instead of studying. They may be tempted to check social media or play games, which can make them distract and take their attention away from learning; as a result, lower their productivity and grades. Moreover, as the Internet is overly accessible and contains everything learners require, it makes them overly dependent and less able to reason for themselves, limiting their ability to think and be creative. In contrast, traditional teaching methods help students to improve some practical skills such as debating or critical thinking.
In conclusion, while technology offers numerous benefits for education, I reaffirm my stand that its potential to distract students and limit their creativity cannot be ignored.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"There is an ever-increasing use of modern technology" -> "The increasing use of modern technology is prevalent"
Explanation: The phrase "The increasing use of modern technology is prevalent" is more formal and concise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"Some hold the opinion that" -> "Some argue that"
Explanation: "Argue" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "hold the opinion that," which sounds overly casual and vague. -
"can bring many benefits" -> "offers numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Offers numerous benefits" is more specific and formal, fitting better in an academic context than the more general "can bring many benefits." -
"may lead to drawbacks" -> "may result in drawbacks"
Explanation: "Result in" is a more precise and formal expression than "lead to," which is slightly less specific and less formal. -
"the Internet can help students to study more easily" -> "the Internet facilitates easier study"
Explanation: "Facilitates easier study" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the redundancy of "can help students to study more easily." -
"with its variety of information and up-to-date techniques" -> "with its diverse information and cutting-edge techniques"
Explanation: "Diverse" and "cutting-edge" are more precise and academically appropriate terms than "variety" and "up-to-date," which are somewhat vague and less formal. -
"make students find it hard to focus" -> "distract students"
Explanation: "Distract students" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward construction "make students find it hard to focus." -
"reduce their creativity" -> "diminish their creativity"
Explanation: "Diminish" is a more formal and precise term than "reduce," which is somewhat generic and less formal in this context. -
"Those technological devices are very helpful tools" -> "These technological devices serve as valuable tools"
Explanation: "Serve as valuable tools" is more formal and precise than "are very helpful tools," which is overly casual and vague. -
"can quickly and easily get detailed knowledge" -> "can readily access detailed knowledge"
Explanation: "Can readily access" is more formal and precise than "can quickly and easily get," which is colloquial and less precise. -
"make lessons more interactive and engaging" -> "enhance the interactivity and engagement of lessons"
Explanation: "Enhance the interactivity and engagement of lessons" is a more formal and precise way to describe the effect on lessons, avoiding the simpler and less formal "make lessons more interactive and engaging." -
"take their attention away from learning" -> "divert their attention from learning"
Explanation: "Divert their attention from learning" is a more formal and precise term than "take their attention away from learning," which is slightly informal and less specific. -
"lower their productivity and grades" -> "reduce their productivity and academic performance"
Explanation: "Reduce their productivity and academic performance" is a more formal and specific phrase than "lower their productivity and grades," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"overly accessible and contains everything learners require" -> "excessively accessible and provides all the information learners need"
Explanation: "Excessively accessible and provides all the information learners need" is more formal and precise than "overly accessible and contains everything learners require," which uses less formal vocabulary and is slightly awkwardly phrased. -
"help students to improve some practical skills" -> "aid students in developing practical skills"
Explanation: "Aid students in developing practical skills" is more formal and precise than "help students to improve some practical skills," which is less formal and slightly vague.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the use of computers in education. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents the two opposing views. The author discusses the benefits of technology, such as access to information and interactive learning, before presenting the drawbacks, including distractions and reduced creativity. This balanced approach demonstrates a clear understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide more specific examples or statistics to support each side of the argument. For instance, citing studies that show the impact of technology on student performance or creativity could strengthen the discussion. Additionally, a more explicit comparison between the benefits and drawbacks could help clarify the nuances of the argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay, stating a preference for the negative consequences of technology in education. This position is reiterated in the conclusion, reinforcing the author’s stance. However, the phrasing "I firmly agree with the latter opinion" could be clearer if it explicitly stated that the author believes the negative consequences outweigh the positives.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion, using phrases like "I believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits." This would ensure that readers understand the author’s viewpoint from the outset and see how it is supported throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas regarding the use of technology in education. The benefits are supported by examples, such as the ease of accessing information and the potential for interactive learning. However, the drawbacks could be more thoroughly developed. While the author mentions distractions and dependency on technology, these points could benefit from further elaboration or examples.
- How to improve: The author should aim to extend their arguments by providing more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing specific scenarios where technology has led to decreased creativity or concentration would provide a stronger foundation for the claims. Additionally, integrating counterarguments could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of technology in education throughout the discussion. The author does not deviate from the main argument and consistently relates back to the impact of technology on students. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt, particularly in balancing the discussion of both sides.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author could ensure that each paragraph explicitly ties back to the central question of whether the use of technology in education is ultimately positive or negative. This could involve summarizing the implications of each point made in relation to the overall argument, reinforcing the connection to the prompt.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more detailed examples, clarifying the position, and extending the discussion of ideas, the author could enhance the effectiveness of their response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are well-organized, with the first paragraph discussing the advantages of technology in education and the second addressing its disadvantages. Each paragraph effectively develops a single idea, supported by relevant examples. For instance, the mention of the Internet’s ability to provide quick access to information illustrates the benefits clearly. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help signal the shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks, making the transition more seamless.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a clear paragraph structure, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs are dedicated to discussing both sides of the argument. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer’s viewpoint. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from more explicit topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to ensure they encapsulate the main idea. For example, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Despite the advantages of technology, it poses significant challenges to students’ focus and creativity," which would provide a clearer guide for the reader.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "on the one hand," and "in contrast," which help to connect ideas and indicate relationships between them. These devices contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using alternatives like "additionally," "furthermore," or "nevertheless" can enhance the richness of the writing. Additionally, employing pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and maintain the flow of ideas.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and sophistication of their argument.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "ever-increasing," "cutting-edge," and "interactive" effectively conveying the writer’s ideas. The use of phrases such as "vast amount of knowledge" and "obtain faster, more relevant findings" showcases an ability to articulate complex thoughts. However, the vocabulary could be more varied in some areas; for instance, the repeated use of "students" and "technology" could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms for "students" (e.g., "learners," "pupils," "scholars") and "technology" (e.g., "digital tools," "educational devices"). Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the essay’s vocabulary. For example, instead of saying "very helpful tools," the writer could say "invaluable resources."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "make students find it hard to focus" could be more effectively expressed as "hinder students’ ability to concentrate." The term "gadgets" may also be too informal for an academic essay; "devices" or "technological tools" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the context and formality of the vocabulary used. Reviewing synonyms and their connotations can help ensure that the chosen words convey the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "impair" with "diminish" in the context of creativity might provide a clearer picture of the negative impact discussed.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "creativity," "concentrate," and "information" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong grasp of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While the spelling is correct, the writer should continue to practice spelling, especially with more complex vocabulary. Regular reading and writing exercises can help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, utilizing tools like spell checkers or apps designed for vocabulary building can further enhance spelling skills.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "the Internet can help students to study more easily with its variety of information and up-to-date techniques," which effectively combines multiple ideas. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, such as "if technology can make students find it hard to focus," which adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way points are introduced (e.g., "On the one hand" and "However").
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or transition words. For example, instead of consistently using "On the one hand" and "However," alternatives like "Conversely," "In contrast," or "Nevertheless" could be employed. Additionally, mixing in more compound-complex sentences could further enrich the text.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For example, the phrase "the Internet’s vast amount of knowledge and cutting-edge study methods can make studying easier for students" is grammatically correct and clearly conveys the intended meaning. However, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "which need a lot of time to investigate," which could enhance clarity. Additionally, the phrase "which can make them distract" should be corrected to "which can distract them" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding clauses. Reviewing the use of commas in complex sentences can help clarify meaning. Furthermore, proofreading for minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper phrasing, will enhance overall accuracy. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls could also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and attention to punctuation and phrasing. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can aim for an even higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is an ever-increasing use of modern technology, such as tablets and laptops, in education. Some hold the opinion that this trend can bring many benefits, whilst others believe that it may lead to drawbacks. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the latter opinion because the Internet can help students study more easily with its diverse information and up-to-date techniques; however, technology can make it hard for students to focus on their studies, as well as diminish their creativity.
On the one hand, the Internet’s vast amount of knowledge and cutting-edge study methods can make studying easier for students. These technological devices serve as valuable tools for education, as learners and instructors can research and learn any subject immediately. The Internet saves students time and helps them obtain faster, more relevant findings; unlike books, which require a lot of time to investigate. For example, students can quickly and easily access detailed knowledge by typing any keyword into Wikipedia, a global search website. Furthermore, technology can enhance the interactivity and engagement of lessons, leading to a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
However, despite these gadgets’ advantages, I think that technology can impair students’ creativity and make it difficult for them to concentrate on their studies. Since teachers cannot manage a large number of students accessing computers, students may take advantage of it for personal use instead of studying. They may be tempted to check social media or play games, which can distract them and divert their attention from learning; as a result, this can reduce their productivity and academic performance. Moreover, as the Internet is excessively accessible and provides all the information learners need, it makes them overly dependent and less able to reason for themselves, limiting their ability to think and be creative. In contrast, traditional teaching methods help students improve practical skills such as debating or critical thinking.
In conclusion, while technology offers numerous benefits for education, I reaffirm my stance that its potential to distract students and limit their creativity cannot be ignored.