Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students.
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some argue that, due to the essential role of computers in today’s society, schools should equip classrooms with them and incorporate their programs for direct instruction. Conversely, others warn that excessive reliance on technology may pose risks for students. However, I believe that the benefits of using computers in classrooms outweigh these concerns.
Many people oppose the use of computing devices in education for two main reasons. First, they argue that reliance on technology can undermine students' critical thinking skills. When students turn to search engines for answers instead of developing their own ideas, they risk diminishing their ability to think independently. For instance, the prevalence of tools like ChatGPT has led some pupils to use them for cheating. Second, critics contend that these devices can be distracting. The constant interaction with computers can hinder students’ focus, as the multitasking capabilities of these devices can be overwhelming and challenging to manage.
On the other hand, incorporating computing devices in education offers significant benefits. Firstly, these devices can enhance the learning experience through a variety of tools and resources. Computers provide useful functions and applications, such as audio-visual learning aids, research capabilities, online courses, record-keeping, document creation, and exposure to new technologies. This versatility can greatly accelerate the learning process for many students. Secondly, computing devices facilitate collaboration and improve the accessibility of online learning. With technology, students can connect with one another more efficiently, regardless of time or location, saving travel time and allowing them to focus on other essential school activities.
In conclusion, despite drawbacks like reduced critical thinking and distractions, I believe computers in education offer greater benefits through enhanced learning tools and improved collaboration. By acknowledging these challenges, educators can create a balanced learning environment that maximizes technology’s advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some argue that, due to the essential role of computers in today’s society, schools should equip classrooms with them and incorporate their programs for direct instruction." -> "It is argued that, given the pivotal role of computers in contemporary society, schools should equip classrooms with them and integrate their programs for direct instruction."
   Explanation: Replacing "Some argue that" with "It is argued that" formalizes the statement and aligns better with academic style. "Given the pivotal role" is more precise than "due to the essential role," and "integrate" is more specific than "incorporate" in the context of educational technology integration.

2. "However, I believe that the benefits of using computers in classrooms outweigh these concerns." -> "However, I contend that the advantages of using computers in classrooms outweigh these concerns."
   Explanation: "I contend" is a more assertive and academically appropriate term than "I believe," which is somewhat informal and less definitive.

3. "Many people oppose the use of computing devices in education for two main reasons." -> "Several scholars oppose the use of computing devices in education for two primary reasons."
   Explanation: Replacing "Many people" with "Several scholars" specifies the source of the opposition, which is more relevant in an academic context. "Primary" is also more formal than "main."

4. "First, they argue that reliance on technology can undermine students’ critical thinking skills." -> "First, they contend that reliance on technology may undermine students’ critical thinking abilities."
   Explanation: "Contend" is more formal than "argue," and "abilities" is a more precise term than "skills" in this context, emphasizing the cognitive aspect of critical thinking.

5. "When students turn to search engines for answers instead of developing their own ideas, they risk diminishing their ability to think independently." -> "When students rely on search engines for answers rather than developing their own ideas, they risk diminishing their capacity for independent thought."
   Explanation: "Rely on" is more precise than "turn to," and "capacity for independent thought" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "ability to think independently."

6. "The constant interaction with computers can hinder students’ focus, as the multitasking capabilities of these devices can be overwhelming and challenging to manage." -> "The constant interaction with computers may hinder students’ focus, as the multitasking capabilities of these devices can be overwhelming and difficult to manage."
   Explanation: "May" softens the statement, making it less absolute and more suitable for academic discourse. "Difficult to manage" is a more formal alternative to "challenging to manage."

7. "computing devices can enhance the learning experience through a variety of tools and resources." -> "computing devices can enrich the learning experience through a diverse range of tools and resources."
   Explanation: "Enrich" is a more precise and formal term than "enhance" in this context, and "diverse range" is more specific than "variety," which is somewhat vague.

8. "computers provide useful functions and applications, such as audio-visual learning aids, research capabilities, online courses, record-keeping, document creation, and exposure to new technologies." -> "computers offer a range of functionalities and applications, including audio-visual learning aids, research capabilities, online courses, record-keeping, document creation, and exposure to emerging technologies."
   Explanation: "Offer" is more formal than "provide," and "a range of functionalities and applications" is more precise than "useful functions and applications." "Emerging technologies" is a more specific term than "new technologies," which is too general.

9. "computing devices facilitate collaboration and improve the accessibility of online learning." -> "computing devices facilitate collaboration and enhance the accessibility of online learning."
   Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise and formal term than "improve" in this context, emphasizing the specific impact on accessibility.

10. "By acknowledging these challenges, educators can create a balanced learning environment that maximizes technology’s advantages." -> "By acknowledging these challenges, educators can create a balanced learning environment that optimizes the advantages of technology."
    Explanation: "Optimizes" is a more precise and formal term than "maximizes," which is slightly informal and less specific in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the use of computers in education. The first paragraph introduces the opposing views, highlighting concerns about critical thinking and distractions. The second paragraph presents the benefits of technology in enhancing learning and collaboration. The conclusion succinctly reiterates the writer’s opinion that the benefits outweigh the risks. However, while both sides are discussed, the essay could have included more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the arguments on both sides.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could include more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the negative impacts of computer reliance, as well as specific instances where technology has significantly improved educational outcomes. This would provide a more balanced view and enhance the depth of the discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that favors the integration of computers in education, stating that the benefits outweigh the risks. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the drawbacks and benefits could be smoother, as the shift from one perspective to another feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect the opposing views. For example, phrases like "Despite these concerns" or "Nevertheless, it is important to consider" can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the section discussing the benefits of computers in education. The mention of various applications and tools illustrates the advantages effectively. However, the section on drawbacks could benefit from more elaboration. While the points made are valid, they are somewhat underdeveloped and could use further examples or explanations to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For instance, when discussing critical thinking, the essay could explore how specific educational practices can mitigate this risk, or provide examples of schools that have successfully integrated technology while maintaining critical thinking skills.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of using computers in education. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. There are no significant deviations from the topic, which is commendable.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate back to the central question of the prompt. This can be achieved by periodically revisiting the prompt in the discussion, ensuring that every point made ties back to the core issue of the benefits versus risks of computer use in education.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic with clear arguments and a well-defined position. With some enhancements in elaboration and transitions, it could achieve an even higher level of coherence and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s opinion, followed by two main body paragraphs discussing opposing views and then the writer’s perspective. Each paragraph logically flows from one idea to the next, particularly in the second body paragraph where the benefits of computers are systematically outlined. However, the transition between the opposing views and the writer’s opinion could be more explicit to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "In contrast" at the beginning of the second body paragraph can help signal the shift from opposing views to the writer’s opinion more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs, with each one dedicated to a specific aspect of the discussion. The first body paragraph addresses the arguments against the use of computers, while the second focuses on the benefits. This clear separation aids readability. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it currently blends into the final body paragraph without a strong transition.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked and distinct from the body paragraphs. A strong concluding sentence that summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s opinion can provide a more effective closure. Additionally, consider ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus and that all sentences within the paragraph relate back to the main idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "on the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, with a reliance on basic connectors. While the essay is generally coherent, the use of more varied devices could enhance the overall flow and sophistication of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help reduce repetition and enhance cohesion.

By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve greater clarity and sophistication, potentially raising the band score for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Terms such as "essential role," "incorporate," "critical thinking skills," "prevalence," "multitasking capabilities," and "collaboration" showcase the writer’s ability to utilize varied and appropriate vocabulary. This range contributes to the clarity and sophistication of the argument presented.
  • How to improve: While the vocabulary is generally strong, incorporating even more varied synonyms and expressions could enhance the essay further. For instance, instead of repeating "computing devices," the writer could use alternatives like "digital tools" or "technological resources" to avoid redundancy and enrich the text.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a high degree of precision. Phrases like "excessive reliance on technology" and "hinder students’ focus" accurately convey the intended meanings. However, there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "tools like ChatGPT has led some pupils to use them for cheating" could be misinterpreted as implying that ChatGPT is solely responsible for cheating, rather than being one of many tools that can be misused.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should clarify the context in which certain terms are used. For instance, rephrasing to "tools like ChatGPT can be misused by some pupils for cheating" would clarify that the misuse is a choice made by students rather than an inherent flaw of the tool itself.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "essential," "instruction," "independently," and "collaboration" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To maintain this high standard, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or utilizing spelling apps can help reinforce this skill. Regular reading can also expose the writer to correct spelling in context, further solidifying their understanding.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and exhibits a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Many people oppose the use of computing devices in education for two main reasons." This structure effectively sets up the argument. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, such as "if students turn to search engines for answers," which adds depth to the argument. However, while the range is good, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly in the second paragraph where several sentences start with "First" and "Second." This can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider varying the introductory phrases or using different sentence types (e.g., starting with adverbial clauses or using passive voice). For example, instead of starting with "First," you could begin with "One significant concern is…" or "A primary argument against this is…". This will enhance the essay’s readability and engagement.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the multitasking capabilities of these devices can be overwhelming and challenging to manage" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the idea. However, there is a slight inconsistency in punctuation, particularly with the use of commas. For example, in the sentence "However, I believe that the benefits of using computers in classrooms outweigh these concerns," the comma before "however" is correctly placed, but there are instances where additional commas could enhance clarity, such as in lists (e.g., "audio-visual learning aids, research capabilities, online courses, record-keeping, document creation, and exposure to new technologies").
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, focus on reviewing comma usage, especially in complex sentences and lists. Practicing the rules for using commas can help clarify the meaning of sentences. Additionally, consider reading the essay aloud to identify any awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies that may not be immediately apparent in written form. This can also help in ensuring that punctuation enhances the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and punctuation, it could reach an even higher level of sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that, given the pivotal role of computers in contemporary society, schools should equip classrooms with them and integrate their programs for direct instruction. Conversely, others warn that excessive reliance on technology may pose risks for students. However, I contend that the advantages of using computers in classrooms outweigh these concerns.

Many people oppose the use of computing devices in education for two primary reasons. First, they contend that reliance on technology may undermine students’ critical thinking abilities. When students turn to search engines for answers rather than developing their own ideas, they risk diminishing their capacity for independent thought. For instance, the prevalence of tools like ChatGPT has led some pupils to misuse them for cheating. Second, critics argue that these devices can be distracting. The constant interaction with computers may hinder students’ focus, as the multitasking capabilities of these devices can be overwhelming and difficult to manage.

On the other hand, incorporating computing devices in education offers significant benefits. Firstly, these devices can enrich the learning experience through a diverse range of tools and resources. Computers provide a variety of functionalities and applications, including audio-visual learning aids, research capabilities, online courses, record-keeping, document creation, and exposure to emerging technologies. This versatility can greatly accelerate the learning process for many students. Secondly, computing devices facilitate collaboration and enhance the accessibility of online learning. With technology, students can connect with one another more efficiently, regardless of time or location, saving travel time and allowing them to focus on other essential school activities.

In conclusion, despite drawbacks such as reduced critical thinking and distractions, I believe that computers in education offer greater benefits through enhanced learning tools and improved collaboration. By acknowledging these challenges, educators can create a balanced learning environment that optimizes the advantages of technology.