Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In the modern age, purchasing same commodities at flexible destinations around the world leads to the familiarity among nations. I truly believe this phenomenon can bring a positive side overshadowing a negative one for development of multi-national aspects.
First and foremost, one of the considerable drawbacks from is breaking the monopoly market of specific nations. Several areas may fail to provide exclusive products which often triggers the curiosity toward worldwide customers, resulting in the diminish competitive advantages and a number of tourists who desire to try these items. The chocolate from Switzerland or matcha from Japan, for instance, can lose their important role in the perception of customers and decrease exciting feelings as well as urge of buyers that accept to travel for a long distance to eat them because most of citizens can make a purchase within their country. In some cases, this composites the key features as a sole seller of these countries in the world, inducing the attraction for travel sector declines.
Notwithstanding the prior factor, the universal diversity of product distribution has a significant plus point, which can boost the growth of economy from collaborations among wide ranges of countries. Offering the same goods globally can bring the economy of scale for businesses, owing to expand the manufactural size, and gain a prominent deal in term of tax and tariff. To clearly illustrate, in Viet Nam, the majority of individuals effortlessly purchase cosmetic products from Korea or electronic devices from Germany with a authentic ensuring at affordable prices. The outcomes of synchronized setting are fostering the incorporation of numerous firms, elevating the socio-economic development and satisfying the customer demand of convenience.
In conclusion, it is worth improvement when inhabitants from different countries can make same purchases without barriers of moving or costing. From my perspective, I incline to the idea showing the encouragement of trade among nations around the worlds, removing the dependent on places, because this is accessible and beneficial for most of people.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"purchasing same commodities" -> "purchasing the same commodities"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "same commodities" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formal tone of the sentence. -
"flexible destinations" -> "various destinations"
Explanation: "Flexible" is not typically used to describe destinations; "various" is more appropriate and academically precise. -
"leads to the familiarity among nations" -> "leads to increased familiarity among nations"
Explanation: Adding "increased" clarifies the meaning and enhances the formality of the statement. -
"I truly believe" -> "It is believed"
Explanation: "It is believed" is a more formal and impersonal way to express a general opinion, which is more suitable for academic writing. -
"overshadowing a negative one" -> "outweighing the negative aspects"
Explanation: "Overshadowing" is not typically used in this context; "outweighing the negative aspects" is more precise and formal. -
"First and foremost" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase than "First and foremost." -
"is breaking the monopoly market" -> "is disrupting the monopoly market"
Explanation: "Disrupting" is a more precise term than "breaking" in this context, indicating a significant impact on the market. -
"may fail to provide" -> "may not be able to provide"
Explanation: "May not be able to provide" is a more formal and precise way to express potential inability. -
"triggers the curiosity" -> "stimulates interest"
Explanation: "Stimulates interest" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "triggers the curiosity." -
"diminish competitive advantages" -> "erode competitive advantages"
Explanation: "Erode" is a more precise verb for describing the gradual loss of competitive advantages. -
"a number of tourists" -> "many tourists"
Explanation: "Many" is more concise and formal than "a number of." -
"composites the key features" -> "comprises the key features"
Explanation: "Comprises" is the correct verb form for indicating that something includes or consists of something else. -
"sole seller" -> "sole provider"
Explanation: "Provider" is more specific and formal than "seller" in this context, referring to the role in the market. -
"inducing the attraction for travel sector declines" -> "leading to a decline in the travel sector’s appeal"
Explanation: "Leading to a decline in the travel sector’s appeal" is more precise and formal. -
"the universal diversity of product distribution" -> "the global diversity of product distribution"
Explanation: "Global" is more specific and appropriate than "universal" in this context. -
"manufactural size" -> "manufacturing scale"
Explanation: "Manufacturing scale" is the correct term for referring to the size of production. -
"gain a prominent deal in term of tax and tariff" -> "secure significant tax and tariff advantages"
Explanation: "Secure significant tax and tariff advantages" is more precise and formal. -
"effortlessly purchase" -> "easily purchase"
Explanation: "Easily" is a more formal alternative to "effortlessly." -
"authentic ensuring" -> "authenticity"
Explanation: "Authenticity" is the correct noun form needed here, replacing the awkward and incorrect "authentic ensuring." -
"worth improvement" -> "worth improving"
Explanation: "Worth improving" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"inclining to the idea showing" -> "supporting the idea that"
Explanation: "Supporting the idea that" is a clearer and more formal expression of endorsement. -
"around the worlds" -> "around the world"
Explanation: "Around the world" is the correct phrase, not "around the worlds."
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of globalization in terms of product availability. The writer acknowledges the drawbacks of losing unique products from specific countries, such as Swiss chocolate and Japanese matcha, which is a relevant point. However, the essay could be clearer in explicitly stating that the author believes the overall development is positive, as the conclusion is somewhat vague and does not directly answer the question.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are clearly articulated and that the final position is unmistakably stated in the introduction and conclusion. A more explicit mention of the positive aspects in the introduction would set a clearer tone for the essay.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards the positive effects of globalization, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. The first paragraph focuses heavily on the negative aspects, which may confuse readers about the author’s true stance. The transition to discussing positive aspects feels abrupt and lacks a clear connection to the initial argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the negative and positive points. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, a sentence could be added to transition into the benefits, such as, "Despite these drawbacks, there are significant advantages that warrant consideration."
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact on tourism and the economic benefits of global product distribution. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes weak or unclear. For instance, the argument about the decline in tourism due to product availability could be more effectively supported with statistics or examples that illustrate this trend. Additionally, the mention of Vietnam purchasing Korean cosmetics lacks depth and could benefit from further elaboration on how this impacts local economies or consumer behavior.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should provide more concrete examples and data to support their claims. Including specific statistics or studies related to tourism or economic growth would strengthen the argument. Furthermore, elaborating on how these examples connect back to the main thesis would provide a more cohesive analysis.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains focused on the topic of globalization and product availability. However, there are moments where the discussion strays slightly, particularly in the first paragraph, where the focus on tourism feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about product similarity. The phrase "the attraction for travel sector declines" could be better tied back to the main thesis regarding the benefits and drawbacks of product availability.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central argument of the essay. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, using topic sentences that clearly relate to the thesis can help keep the essay on track.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, there are areas for improvement in clarity, support, and focus. By refining the articulation of the main position, providing stronger evidence, and ensuring all points are directly related to the prompt, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, while the subsequent paragraphs discuss both the drawbacks and benefits of global product availability. However, the logical flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from discussing the drawbacks of losing exclusive products to the benefits of universal product distribution could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the thesis statement and that transitions between ideas are seamless. Using linking phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through contrasting points. Additionally, outlining the main ideas before writing can help maintain a clear focus throughout the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument. The second body paragraph is more cohesive but could still use a stronger concluding sentence to tie back to the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the writer should start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Additionally, concluding each paragraph with a sentence that links back to the thesis can reinforce the overall argument. For example, after discussing the economic benefits in the second paragraph, a sentence summarizing how this supports the positive view of globalization would strengthen the conclusion of that paragraph.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "notwithstanding," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used awkwardly, which can confuse the reader. For example, "this composites the key features as a sole seller" is unclear and detracts from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "therefore." Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help the writer become more comfortable with their application. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used correctly and appropriately will enhance clarity and flow.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. With improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve a higher band score in coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "commodities," "monopoly market," "competitive advantages," and "socio-economic development." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the phrase "same products" appears multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms like "identical goods" or "uniform items" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "same products," they could use terms like "similar offerings" or "standardized goods." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are notable instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the familiarity among nations" is vague and could be more accurately expressed as "cultural homogenization" or "global uniformity." Furthermore, the term "diminish competitive advantages" could be better articulated as "erode competitive advantages," which conveys a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing synonyms and selecting words that convey the exact nuance they wish to express. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing and using contextually appropriate vocabulary in writing exercises can aid in developing this skill.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "manufactural" (should be "manufacturing"), "authentic ensuring" (which is unclear and likely a misuse of "authentic"), and "dependent on places" (should be "dependence on places"). These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading of their work, focusing on commonly misspelled words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria of the IELTS Task 2 essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the opening sentence employs a complex structure: "In the modern age, purchasing same commodities at flexible destinations around the world leads to the familiarity among nations." However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar pattern, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, phrases like "one of the considerable drawbacks from is breaking the monopoly market" contain awkward constructions that detract from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different types of clauses and varying sentence lengths. For instance, incorporating more relative clauses (e.g., "which can lead to…") or using introductory phrases (e.g., "Despite the drawbacks…") can add complexity. Additionally, varying the placement of adverbial phrases can create more engaging sentence rhythms.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "one of the considerable drawbacks from is breaking the monopoly market" is grammatically incorrect due to the misplaced "from." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. The sentence "the chocolate from Switzerland or matcha from Japan, for instance, can lose their important role in the perception of customers and decrease exciting feelings as well as urge of buyers that accept to travel for a long distance to eat them" is overly long and convoluted, making it difficult to follow.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should focus on using commas appropriately to separate clauses and improve sentence clarity. Breaking down complex sentences into shorter, clearer ones can also enhance readability.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, improving the range of grammatical structures and ensuring grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help raise the band score. Regular practice, feedback, and revision are key strategies for improvement.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the modern age, purchasing the same commodities at various destinations around the world leads to increased familiarity among nations. I truly believe this phenomenon can bring a positive side overshadowing the negative one for the development of multi-national aspects.
First and foremost, one of the considerable drawbacks is that it disrupts the monopoly market of specific nations. Several areas may fail to provide exclusive products, which often triggers curiosity among worldwide customers, resulting in the erosion of competitive advantages and a decline in the number of tourists who desire to try these items. The chocolate from Switzerland or matcha from Japan, for instance, can lose their important role in the perception of customers and decrease the excitement as well as the urge of buyers who are willing to travel long distances to enjoy them because most citizens can easily purchase them within their own country. In some cases, this undermines the key features of being a sole provider in these countries, leading to a decline in the travel sector’s appeal.
Notwithstanding the prior factor, the global diversity of product distribution has a significant plus point, which can boost the growth of the economy through collaborations among a wide range of countries. Offering the same goods globally can bring economies of scale for businesses, owing to the expansion of manufacturing scale, and secure significant tax and tariff advantages. To clearly illustrate, in Vietnam, the majority of individuals effortlessly purchase cosmetic products from Korea or electronic devices from Germany with authenticity ensured at affordable prices. The outcomes of this synchronized setting are fostering the incorporation of numerous firms, elevating socio-economic development, and satisfying customer demand for convenience.
In conclusion, it is worth improving when inhabitants from different countries can make the same purchases without barriers of movement or cost. From my perspective, I lean towards the idea that supports the encouragement of trade among nations around the world, removing dependence on specific places, because this is accessible and beneficial for most people.