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Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In the contemporary era, there is an irrefutable debate concerning whether the similarity between nations has appeared since individuals are supposed to make the same purchases around the world. As for my part, I would argue that this phenomenon has its own merits and demerits and this essay will elaborate on the stance taken to eventually present a conclusion accordingly.
On the one hand, there are a plethora of advantages when the dwellers are able to buy identical products everywhere. To begin with, this trend tends to diminish discrimination and elevate global relations, which acts as a precursor to the increase of diplomacy. An additional benefit of this tendency is that when the same items appear to be bought around the world, it means that there are more scopes for businesses to export their outcomes, which seems to elevate a country’s economy substantially. For instance, the figure for Vietnamese products has been imported worldwide to meet their citizens’ needs, while also bringing profits for wheat plants.
On the other hand, it is convinced that certain disadvantages may be associated with this concept and are worth mentioning. Firstly, a nation’s conventional goods may disappear when people buy similar things everywhere, which is likely to remove its characteristics. Furthermore, this trend may result in the establishment of diverse low-quality similar products. For example, many believed that pharmaceutical products sold online tend to detrimentally affect users’ well-being, although illustrated labels, and ingredients remain the same. Hence, it is advisable that the consumers should assume responsibility to stay cautious to the goods they tend to buy, while it is obligatory for the authorities to limit the import of other countries if the quality is not carefully checked.
In conclusion, having considered the aforementioned views, it can be confidently conveyed that the trend of buying unchanged products worldwide clearly has some validities as well as drawbacks, but in my opinion, the positive impacts may overshadow the negative ones if people have the awareness of what they are spending money on.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "there is an irrefutable debate concerning whether the similarity between nations has appeared since individuals are supposed to make the same purchases around the world." -> "there is an undeniable debate regarding whether the homogeneity among nations has emerged due to individuals making uniform purchases globally."
    Explanation: Replacing "irrefutable" with "undeniable" and rephrasing the sentence enhances clarity and formality. Additionally, the term "homogeneity" is a more precise and formal way to express similarity between nations.

  2. "As for my part, I would argue that this phenomenon has its own merits and demerits and this essay will elaborate on the stance taken to eventually present a conclusion accordingly." -> "From my perspective, I contend that this phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages, and this essay will elucidate my position and conclude accordingly."
    Explanation: The phrase "As for my part" can be simplified to "From my perspective," and the sentence is restructured for better flow and formality.

  3. "On the one hand, there are a plethora of advantages when the dwellers are able to buy identical products everywhere." -> "On one hand, numerous advantages arise when individuals can purchase identical products globally."
    Explanation: The phrase "a plethora of" is replaced with "numerous" for conciseness and formality. The term "dwellers" is replaced with "individuals" for a more general and formal expression.

  4. "To begin with, this trend tends to diminish discrimination and elevate global relations, which acts as a precursor to the increase of diplomacy." -> "Firstly, this trend diminishes discrimination and enhances global relations, serving as a precursor to increased diplomacy."
    Explanation: The introductory phrase is changed to "Firstly" for a more structured approach. The sentence is simplified for clarity while maintaining a formal tone.

  5. "An additional benefit of this tendency is that when the same items appear to be bought around the world, it means that there are more scopes for businesses to export their outcomes, which seems to elevate a country’s economy substantially." -> "Another benefit of this trend is that when identical items are purchased globally, it creates additional opportunities for businesses to export their products, contributing significantly to a country’s economy."
    Explanation: The term "outcomes" is replaced with "products," and "more scopes" is changed to "additional opportunities" for precision and formality.

  6. "For example, the figure for Vietnamese products has been imported worldwide to meet their citizens’ needs, while also bringing profits for wheat plants." -> "For instance, Vietnamese products have been globally imported to fulfill the needs of their citizens, simultaneously generating profits for agricultural enterprises."
    Explanation: The phrase "the figure for" is removed for clarity. The term "wheat plants" is refined to "agricultural enterprises" for a more specific and formal expression.

  7. "On the other hand, it is convinced that certain disadvantages may be associated with this concept and are worth mentioning." -> "On the other hand, it is evident that certain disadvantages may be associated with this concept and warrant consideration."
    Explanation: The phrase "it is convinced that" is replaced with "it is evident that" for a more accurate and formal expression.

  8. "Furthermore, this trend may result in the establishment of diverse low-quality similar products." -> "Furthermore, this trend may lead to the proliferation of various low-quality imitative products."
    Explanation: The term "establishment" is replaced with "proliferation" for a more nuanced and formal expression.

  9. "Hence, it is advisable that the consumers should assume responsibility to stay cautious to the goods they tend to buy, while it is obligatory for the authorities to limit the import of other countries if the quality is not carefully checked." -> "Therefore, consumers should take responsibility and exercise caution in their purchasing decisions, while authorities are obligated to restrict imports from other countries if quality is not rigorously verified."
    Explanation: The phrase "it is advisable that the consumers should" is simplified to "consumers should," and the structure is adjusted for clarity and formality.

  10. "In conclusion, having considered the aforementioned views, it can be confidently conveyed that the trend of buying unchanged products worldwide clearly has some validities as well as drawbacks, but in my opinion, the positive impacts may overshadow the negative ones if people have the awareness of what they are spending money on." -> "In conclusion, after considering the aforementioned perspectives, it can be asserted that the trend of purchasing uniform products globally indeed has both merits and drawbacks. Nevertheless, in my opinion, the positive impacts may outweigh the negative ones if individuals are conscientious about their spending choices."
    Explanation: The phrase "having considered" is simplified to "after considering," and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality. The term "validities" is replaced with "merits" for precision, and the expression "overshadow the negative ones" is changed to "outweigh the negative ones" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a well-rounded response to the prompt, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of the increasing similarity between nations in purchasing behavior. However, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity and explicit acknowledgment of the positive or negative stance in the introduction.
    • How to improve: Enhance the introduction by explicitly stating whether the phenomenon is viewed as positive or negative. For example, the introduction could state, "I believe that this phenomenon has both positive and negative implications."
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, arguing that the similarity in purchasing behavior has both advantages and disadvantages. However, there are instances where the stance is slightly ambiguous, such as in the conclusion where it suggests that positive impacts may outweigh negative ones, without a definitive stance.
    • How to improve: Ensure a consistent and unequivocal stance throughout the essay. The conclusion should restate the position clearly, leaving no room for ambiguity. For example, "In conclusion, despite the potential drawbacks, I firmly believe that the positive impacts of purchasing identical products worldwide outweigh the negatives."
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, with examples supporting the advantages and disadvantages of purchasing identical products globally. However, some ideas lack depth and could be further developed, providing a more comprehensive analysis.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on each point by providing more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing the benefits of global product availability, provide specific examples of countries that have significantly benefited from exporting their products globally.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but briefly touches on the idea of discrimination reduction without expanding on it. Additionally, the mention of wheat plants in relation to Vietnamese products seems unrelated to the main theme.
    • How to improve: Ensure all points contribute directly to the main argument. If introducing an idea, provide sufficient explanation to maintain relevance. In this case, either expand on the idea of reduced discrimination or omit it to maintain focus.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a balanced view, improvements in clarity, consistency, depth of analysis, and relevance to the topic would enhance its overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and there is a clear division of ideas between the advantages and disadvantages in the body paragraphs. However, some ideas could be more seamlessly connected. For instance, the transition from the advantages to the disadvantages could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas more cohesively. For instance, use phrases like "Moreover" or "On the contrary" to signal shifts between points. Additionally, ensure that the progression of ideas aligns with the overall argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed, with distinct sections for the introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion. However, the effectiveness of each paragraph varies. The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, but some body paragraphs could benefit from more clarity in presenting individual points.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single idea and presents it clearly. Consider using topic sentences to provide a roadmap for the paragraph’s content. Additionally, pay attention to coherence within paragraphs to enhance the overall structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying these devices. The essay tends to rely on a limited set of transitional words.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices to create a more nuanced connection between ideas. Use synonyms for commonly used transitional words and experiment with different sentence structures. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive presentation of arguments.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality. Ensure that each paragraph serves a distinct purpose, and use a richer variety of transitions for a smoother flow between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. It employs diverse terms such as "irrefutable," "plethora," "discrimination," "elevate," "diplomacy," "conventional goods," "characteristics," and "validities." However, some areas could benefit from more nuanced vocabulary to enhance precision and depth.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the vocabulary, consider incorporating more specialized terms related to the topic. For instance, instead of using "tendency," you might employ "trend" or "phenomenon." Additionally, explore synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repetition.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "increase of diplomacy" could be refined to specify the diplomatic relationships being fostered.
    • How to improve: Aim for clarity and specificity in vocabulary. For instance, instead of "increase of diplomacy," consider "strengthening diplomatic ties." This enhances precision and conveys a clearer message.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally correct level of spelling. However, there are some instances of misspellings, such as "dwellers" instead of "dwellers," and "validities" instead of "validity." These minor errors do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for a polished presentation.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully. Pay attention to commonly misspelled words and consider using spell-check tools to catch errors. Additionally, focus on improving consistency in verb forms, such as ensuring consistency between "appear" and "is supposed to make."

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in lexical resource, refining vocabulary precision and addressing minor spelling errors will contribute to an even more sophisticated and polished composition.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in utilizing a variety of sentence structures. There is evidence of complex sentence structures, such as the use of dependent clauses and the appropriate use of linking words. For instance, the introductory sentence, "In the contemporary era, there is an irrefutable debate concerning whether the similarity between nations has appeared since individuals are supposed to make the same purchases around the world," showcases a complex sentence structure with an introductory phrase and a main clause.
    • How to improve: While the essay displays a good range of structures, incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences or varied sentence lengths, can add further sophistication to the writing. Additionally, pay attention to the flow and coherence of ideas within sentences to enhance overall clarity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present. For example, in the sentence "while also bringing profits for wheat plants," the use of "wheat plants" may be unclear, and the phrase could be revised for better clarity. Additionally, there are a few instances of word choice that, while grammatically correct, could be refined for greater precision.
    • How to improve: Regular proofreading is essential to catch minor grammatical errors and improve overall clarity. Consider revising sentences for clarity, particularly when using phrases that might be interpreted ambiguously. Additionally, be mindful of word choice and ensure that each word accurately conveys the intended meaning.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy, contributing to an overall Band Score of 7. To further enhance the score, the writer is encouraged to focus on incorporating a wider range of sentence structures for increased variety and work on refining grammatical accuracy and word choice for improved precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, an undeniable debate surrounds the question of whether nations are becoming more similar due to the global availability of identical products. From my perspective, I contend that this phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages, and this essay will elucidate my position, concluding accordingly.

On one hand, numerous advantages arise when individuals can purchase identical products globally. Firstly, this trend diminishes discrimination and enhances global relations, serving as a precursor to increased diplomacy. Another benefit of this trend is that when identical items are purchased globally, it creates additional opportunities for businesses to export their products, contributing significantly to a country’s economy. For instance, Vietnamese products have been globally imported to fulfill the needs of their citizens, simultaneously generating profits for agricultural enterprises.

On the other hand, it is evident that certain disadvantages may be associated with this concept and warrant consideration. Furthermore, this trend may lead to the proliferation of various low-quality imitative products. Therefore, consumers should take responsibility and exercise caution in their purchasing decisions, while authorities are obligated to restrict imports from other countries if quality is not rigorously verified.

In conclusion, after considering the aforementioned perspectives, it can be asserted that the trend of purchasing uniform products globally indeed has both merits and drawbacks. Nevertheless, in my opinion, the positive impacts may outweigh the negative ones if individuals are conscientious about their spending choices.

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