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Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that longer working hours can determine the economic success of a country than shorter ones. From my perspective, I do not concur with this school of thought as several factors are more significant in ensuring the success of a national economy.

One of the compelling rationales is that the productivity of employees’ performance plays a pivotal role in the growth of a business. Extended working hours leave workers a negligible amount of time dedicated to their personal lives, which may lead to an increased level of dissatisfaction and depression. Despite devoting more hours at work, individuals with low mental health quality fail to perform their tasks at the fullest capacity. Therefore, as long as workers can showcase their professional potential, employers should not place an emphasis on the number of hours they are present at the office. Take Western nations as an example, their staff are allowed to adopt flexible working hours or work from home, if they can ensure their efficiency and complete their tasks on time.

Another primary factor contributing to the success of an economy is workers’ skills. Low-skilled staff, despite being required to expand their working hours, cannot enhance the working efficiency, hence a waste of time. Consequently, companies should instead reduce hours of working to invest in training their staff to sharpen their skills, ensuring productivity. Highly skilled laborers can support the growth of a business with their exceptional skills and creativity. Therefore, a rise in the number of working hours is not vital in ensuring a thriving economy when workers specialize in their own fields.

In conclusion, I disagree with the perspective that a nation’s successful economy is dependent on long working hours as other elements such as employees’ productivity and skills are of more importance.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "school of thought" -> "viewpoint"
    Explanation: Replacing "school of thought" with "viewpoint" contributes to a more formal tone, avoiding informal expressions commonly used in everyday language.

  2. "compelling rationales" -> "compelling reasons"
    Explanation: Substituting "rationales" with "reasons" maintains the intended meaning while using a more straightforward and commonly accepted term in academic writing.

  3. "negligible amount of time" -> "limited time"
    Explanation: Changing "negligible amount of time" to "limited time" provides a more precise and less colloquial expression, aligning with the formality of academic language.

  4. "Take Western nations as an example" -> "Consider Western nations as an illustration"
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces a more formal transition, enhancing the connection between ideas and aligning with the academic writing style.

  5. "adopt flexible working hours" -> "embrace flexible working hours"
    Explanation: The substitution of "adopt" with "embrace" elevates the formality of the language while maintaining clarity and coherence.

  6. "ensure their efficiency" -> "maintain their efficiency"
    Explanation: The replacement of "ensure" with "maintain" aligns with academic formality, providing a more appropriate term for expressing the continuity of efficiency.

  7. "Low-skilled staff" -> "Employees with lower skill levels"
    Explanation: Using "Employees with lower skill levels" instead of "Low-skilled staff" offers a more academically accepted and precise description of the workforce.

  8. "cannot enhance the working efficiency" -> "may not contribute to enhanced working efficiency"
    Explanation: The suggested change adds clarity and formality to the statement by providing a more detailed expression of the impact of lower-skilled staff on working efficiency.

  9. "a rise in the number of working hours" -> "an increase in working hours"
    Explanation: Substituting "a rise in the number of working hours" with "an increase in working hours" enhances the formality of the sentence without sacrificing clarity.

  10. "thriving economy" -> "prosperous economy"
    Explanation: Replacing "thriving" with "prosperous" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and precise term in the context of discussing economic success.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is believed that longer working hours can determine the economic success of a country than shorter ones. From my perspective, I do not concur with this school of thought as several factors are more significant in ensuring the success of a national economy."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The introduction is generally clear in expressing your disagreement with the statement. However, consider providing a brief roadmap of the main points you will discuss in the essay. This would enhance the structure and help readers anticipate the flow of your argument.
    • Improved example: "While some argue that longer working hours are crucial for a country’s economic success, I strongly disagree. In this essay, I will delve into key factors such as productivity and skills, arguing that they play a more pivotal role in determining a nation’s economic prosperity."
  2. Quoted text: "Extended working hours leave workers a negligible amount of time dedicated to their personal lives, which may lead to an increased level of dissatisfaction and depression."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: Your point about the impact of extended working hours on personal lives is valid. To strengthen your argument, consider providing a specific example or personal experience to illustrate this. For instance, sharing a story about how someone’s mental health suffered due to long working hours would add persuasive depth.
    • Improved example: "Extended working hours leave workers with little time for personal lives. I vividly recall a colleague who, due to prolonged work demands, experienced heightened dissatisfaction and depression, highlighting the toll such schedules can take on mental well-being."
  3. Quoted text: "Take Western nations as an example, their staff are allowed to adopt flexible working hours or work from home, if they can ensure their efficiency and complete their tasks on time."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: While you provide an example of Western nations adopting flexible working hours, consider expanding on this by offering a specific Western country or company as an illustration. This would add concreteness to your argument.
    • Improved example: "For instance, countries like Sweden have successfully implemented flexible working hours, allowing employees to balance work and personal life effectively. This approach has not only increased job satisfaction but also maintained or even improved productivity."

Overall, your essay presents a clear disagreement with the prompt and introduces relevant points. However, enhancing the introduction and incorporating more specific examples would further bolster your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas and a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph presents a central topic that contributes to the argument. There is an attempt to use a range of cohesive devices, although there are some instances of underuse, such as limited transitions between sentences and paragraphs. The overall flow of the essay is coherent and maintains a consistent focus on supporting the thesis statement.

The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, presenting the writer’s stance against the belief that longer working hours equate to economic success. Each subsequent paragraph addresses distinct reasons supporting this viewpoint: productivity and workers’ skills. These points are logically presented, offering clear examples and explanations to support the argument. Additionally, the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s disagreement with the prompt’s assertion.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider incorporating a more diverse range of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay. Strengthen the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Aim for a more explicit connection between ideas within and across paragraphs by using cohesive devices such as pronouns, transitional phrases, or conjunctions to create stronger links between sentences and ideas. Additionally, ensure each paragraph maintains a clear and consistent focus on the central topic to improve overall cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, showcasing varied lexical items that contribute to the overall argument. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and aids in conveying the writer’s viewpoint effectively. There’s evidence of attempts to use less common vocabulary and some awareness of style and collocation. The essay presents a balanced argument with cohesive vocabulary use, contributing to the overall coherence.

The essay effectively utilizes terminology related to the topic, discussing elements such as productivity, efficiency, dissatisfaction, mental health quality, skills, and specialization. Additionally, there’s an attempt to employ less common lexical items, enhancing the lexical resource.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further and aim for a higher band score, consider incorporating a more extensive array of sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. Strengthen the use of less common lexical items with more precision and accuracy. Additionally, strive for even greater variety in word choice and explore different nuances to convey the arguments more vividly. Finally, pay attention to minor errors in word choice or collocation to elevate the overall lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of grammatical structures with a high degree of flexibility and accuracy. The writer effectively employs complex sentence forms and exhibits control over grammar and punctuation. The majority of sentences are error-free, with occasional minor errors that do not impede communication. The essay showcases a good command of language and effectively conveys the writer’s perspective.

How to improve: While the essay is strong in terms of grammatical range and accuracy, a few improvements can enhance its overall quality. Consider paying closer attention to word choice and refining the expression of ideas to ensure clarity. Additionally, thorough proofreading can help identify and correct any remaining minor errors, contributing to a flawless presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often argued that a country’s economic success is linked to longer working hours compared to those with shorter working hours. Personally, I do not agree with this viewpoint as there are various factors that hold more significance in determining the success of a national economy.

One compelling reason is the impact of employees’ productivity on business growth. Lengthy working hours leave little time for personal lives, potentially causing dissatisfaction and depression among workers. Despite spending more time at work, individuals with poor mental health may not perform at their best. Therefore, employers should prioritize the professional potential of workers over the number of hours spent in the office. For instance, Western nations allow flexible working hours and remote work, provided that employees maintain efficiency and meet deadlines.

Another crucial factor influencing economic success is the skill level of workers. Low-skilled employees, even with extended working hours, may not contribute significantly to efficiency, resulting in time wastage. Consequently, companies should consider reducing working hours and invest in training to enhance staff skills, ultimately boosting productivity. Highly skilled workers play a vital role in business growth through their exceptional abilities and creativity. Therefore, an increase in working hours is not essential for a thriving economy when workers excel in their respective fields.

In conclusion, I disagree with the notion that a nation’s economic success relies on longer working hours. Instead, factors such as employee productivity and skills hold greater importance in shaping a prosperous economy.

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