Crime is a big problem in the world, and nothing can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

There is a school of thought that crime is the most global severe issue; therefore it can not be advoided. In my opinion, governments or each individuals would mitigate and find a effective solution for it.

On the one hand, there is a reason why more and more people assure that crime can be solved. A large number of scientiest demonstrates that human is not perfect. To specifically, every individuals has their own disadvantages and own negative qualities, such as tolerant, evy, evil,… For example; a huge number of wars are caused by human, and murderers were born more and more. Moreover, the percentage of murderers, thriefs, robbers increase by 5% in whole world; while there are various methods to face with this problem. Therefore, crime is still believed that can be prevented.

On the other hand, most of nations in the world effort to find solutions for it. Firstly; If citizens are educated properly, they will respect the law. For instance, Newzeland government applies and practices it extremely well; it lead to a significant decrease of crime rate (from 2334 to 12). Secondly, each individuals are more awared, and sympathic in recent days. In addition; encourging, promoting and supplying a positive condition for citizens are also effective ways. For example, the proportion of people who are victims of crime in Viet Nam declined dramatically by using those.

In conclusion, wherease it is believed that crime is not able to deal with, I still think crime would not be a huge issue in the future. There is a reconmendation that human should be more sympathy and aware our bad behaviors.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a school of thought that crime is the most global severe issue" -> "There is a prevailing view that crime is a globally severe issue"
Explanation: The phrase "most global severe issue" is awkward and unclear. "Globally severe issue" is more precise and maintains the formal tone of academic writing.
"it can not be advoided" -> "it cannot be avoided"
Explanation: "Advoided" is a misspelling of "avoided." Correcting this spelling error improves the professionalism of the text.
"governments or each individuals" -> "governments or individual citizens"
Explanation: "Each individuals" is grammatically incorrect. "Individual citizens" is the correct form and is more formal.
"would mitigate and find a effective solution for it" -> "could mitigate and find an effective solution to it"
Explanation: "Would" is less formal than "could," which is more appropriate for hypothetical or uncertain situations. Also, "a effective" should be "an effective" for grammatical correctness.
"A large number of scientiest" -> "A significant number of scientists"
Explanation: "Scientiest" is a misspelling and incorrect term. "Scientists" is the correct term and is more formal.
"every individuals has their own disadvantages and own negative qualities" -> "every individual has their own disadvantages and negative qualities"
Explanation: "Own" is redundant when used with "their." Removing "own" corrects the redundancy and maintains formal tone.
"tolerant, evy, evil," -> "tolerant, evil"
Explanation: "Evy" is not a recognized word. It appears to be a typographical error or a non-standard term. "Tolerant" is correct, but "evil" should be separated from the list with commas.
"a huge number of wars are caused by human" -> "a significant number of wars are caused by humans"
Explanation: "Human" should be plural "humans" to agree with the plural "number." Also, "huge" is somewhat informal; "significant" is more precise and formal.
"murderers were born more and more" -> "murderers are increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: "Were born more and more" is awkward and incorrect. "Increasingly prevalent" is a more precise and formal way to describe the trend.
"the percentage of murderers, thriefs, robbers increase by 5% in whole world" -> "the incidence of murder, theft, and robbery increases by 5% globally"
Explanation: "Thriefs" is a misspelling and incorrect term. "Robbers" should be plural to match "murderers." "Whole world" is informal; "globally" is more appropriate. "Increase" should be "increases" for subject-verb agreement.
"effort to find solutions for it" -> "efforts to find solutions to it"
Explanation: "Effort" should be plural "efforts" to match the plural "solutions." Also, "for it" should be "to it" for grammatical correctness.
"If citizens are educated properly, they will respect the law" -> "If citizens are properly educated, they will respect the law"
Explanation: "Educated properly" is awkward and redundant. "Properly educated" is more natural and avoids redundancy.
"Newzeland government" -> "New Zealand government"
Explanation: "Newzeland" is a misspelling of "New Zealand."
"it lead to a significant decrease of crime rate" -> "this leads to a significant decrease in the crime rate"
Explanation: "It" is vague; "this" refers more clearly to the preceding action. "Decrease of crime rate" should be "decrease in the crime rate" for grammatical correctness.
"each individuals are more awared, and sympathic" -> "each individual is more aware and sympathetic"
Explanation: "Each individuals" is grammatically incorrect. "Individual" should be singular to agree with "is." "Awared" and "sympathic" are misspellings; "aware" and "sympathetic" are correct.
"encourging, promoting and supplying a positive condition for citizens" -> "encouraging, promoting, and providing a positive environment for citizens"
Explanation: "Encourging" is a misspelling; "encouraging" is correct. "Supplying" is less formal; "providing" is more suitable. "Condition" is vague; "environment" is more specific and appropriate in this context.
"the proportion of people who are victims of crime in Viet Nam declined dramatically" -> "the proportion of crime

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether crime can be prevented. The introduction presents the writer’s opinion that crime can be mitigated, which aligns with the task. However, the essay does not fully explore the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement, which is crucial for a comprehensive response. For example, while the writer mentions that crime can be solved, they do not explicitly state how much they agree or disagree with the notion that nothing can be done to prevent it.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate their stance on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. A more nuanced position could be developed by discussing specific aspects of crime prevention and acknowledging the limitations of such efforts.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that crime can be mitigated, but the clarity of this stance fluctuates. The introduction suggests a belief in the possibility of crime prevention, yet the phrasing in the conclusion ("I still think crime would not be a huge issue in the future") could confuse readers about the writer’s overall position. The use of terms like "most of nations" and "whereas" adds to the ambiguity.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent tone and clear language throughout the essay. Using straightforward phrases to express agreement or disagreement will help solidify the position. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in each paragraph can reinforce clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to crime prevention, such as education and societal awareness. However, the development of these ideas is often weak. For instance, the claim about New Zealand’s crime rate lacks specific data or context to substantiate it fully. The use of vague terms like "huge number of wars" and "various methods" fails to provide a clear understanding of the arguments being made.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics, studies, or specific policies that have been effective in reducing crime. Additionally, elaborating on how these solutions can be implemented would enhance the depth of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing crime and its prevention. However, some sentences contain irrelevant details or unclear phrases that detract from the main argument. For instance, the mention of "human is not perfect" and "own negative qualities" feels somewhat disconnected from the central theme of crime prevention.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on maintaining relevance by ensuring that each point directly supports the thesis. Removing any extraneous information and ensuring that all examples and arguments are closely tied to the topic will help maintain focus.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in clarity, depth of argumentation, and adherence to the prompt will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the belief that crime cannot be prevented to the argument that it can be mitigated is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph introduces the idea that crime can be solved but lacks a clear connection to the subsequent paragraph, which discusses educational efforts. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to present contrasting views, but the connections between these views could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases could be employed to better connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the belief that crime can be solved, a transition such as "Conversely, despite these beliefs, many argue that crime is an inevitable part of society" would help clarify the shift in perspective.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with distinct sections for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph contains several ideas that could be more clearly delineated, leading to potential confusion for the reader. The use of examples is present but could be more systematically integrated into the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic, and conclude with a sentence that reinforces the paragraph’s main point. For example, in the first body paragraph, after stating that crime can be solved, the writer could follow with a sentence that introduces the reasons why this belief exists before providing examples.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "For example," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. For instance, phrases like "To specifically" and "the percentage of murderers, thriefs, robbers increase by 5% in whole world" are not only grammatically incorrect but also hinder the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Consequently," and "As a result." Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly in context. For example, instead of "To specifically," a more appropriate phrase would be "Specifically," or "In particular," which would enhance clarity. Moreover, proofreading for grammatical accuracy will help maintain the flow and coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with attempts to use varied expressions such as "school of thought," "mitigate," and "significant decrease." However, there are instances of repetition and limited sophistication in word choice. For example, the phrase "human is not perfect" could be enhanced by using synonyms like "humans are inherently flawed" or "human nature has its imperfections."
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and antonyms to avoid repetition. Reading more academic articles or essays on similar topics can help expose the writer to a broader range of vocabulary and phrases that can be incorporated into their writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the term "advoided" is a misspelling and should be "avoided." Additionally, phrases like "a huge number of wars are caused by human" could be more accurately expressed as "a significant number of conflicts arise from human actions." The use of "tolerant" in the context provided is also incorrect; it should be "intolerant" to convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary, the writer should focus on understanding the meanings and connotations of words. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more suitable words, but it is crucial to ensure that the chosen words fit the context accurately. Regularly practicing writing with feedback can also help identify and correct imprecise usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "advoided," "scientiest" (should be "scientist"), "awared" (should be "aware"), "sympathic" (should be "sympathetic"), and "encourging" (should be "encouraging"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Reading aloud can also assist in identifying words that do not look or sound right.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these areas will enhance the quality of the writing and potentially lead to a higher band score in the future.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Crime is a big problem in the world") and compound sentences ("On the one hand, there is a reason why more and more people assure that crime can be solved"). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For example, phrases like "there is a school of thought that crime is the most global severe issue" and "it can not be advoided" show an attempt at complexity but ultimately fail due to grammatical errors and unclear phrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and use a mix of clauses. For instance, using relative clauses (e.g., "which can lead to…") or conditional sentences (e.g., "If we take measures, crime rates could decrease") would add depth. Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and lengths can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. For instance, "can not be advoided" should be "cannot be avoided," and "scientiest" should be "scientists." The use of punctuation is inconsistent, as seen in "For example; a huge number of wars are caused by human," where a comma is more appropriate than a semicolon. Furthermore, the phrase "each individuals" is incorrect; it should be "each individual." The misuse of articles and plural forms also detracts from the overall clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common grammatical rules, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify persistent errors. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas and periods are used correctly can enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of proper grammar and punctuation in context.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will greatly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing view that crime is a globally severe issue; therefore, it cannot be avoided. In my opinion, governments and individual citizens could mitigate and find effective solutions to it.

On the one hand, there are reasons why more and more people believe that crime can be addressed. A significant number of scientists demonstrate that humans are not perfect. Specifically, every individual has their own disadvantages and negative qualities, such as being intolerant or even evil. For example, a considerable number of wars are caused by human actions, and murderers are increasingly prevalent. Moreover, the incidence of murder, theft, and robbery increases by 5% globally, while there are various methods to confront this problem. Therefore, crime is still believed to be something that can be prevented.

On the other hand, most nations in the world are making efforts to find solutions to it. Firstly, if citizens are properly educated, they will respect the law. For instance, the New Zealand government applies and practices this approach extremely well, leading to a significant decrease in the crime rate (from 2334 to 12). Secondly, individuals are becoming more aware and sympathetic in recent days. In addition, encouraging, promoting, and providing a positive environment for citizens are also effective strategies. For example, the proportion of people who are victims of crime in Vietnam has declined dramatically by implementing these measures.

In conclusion, whereas it is believed that crime cannot be dealt with, I still think crime will not be a huge issue in the future. There is a recommendation that humans should be more sympathetic and aware of their negative behaviors.