Đề : nowadays many people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development

In recent times, a significant shift has been observed in how people communicate with each other. Instead of face to face meetings they tend to have conversations online . This is a nuanced trend with both positive and negative consequences
Using social media sites to keep in contact with friends can be beneficial to several people. One of the most apparent advantages is its convenience. It doesn’t matter how far apart the users are, as long as having technological devices with access to the internet, people can start virtual conversation , including video calls or voice messages. Moreover, social networking sites allow individuals to widen their circle of friends. In fact , there is an array of groups on online platforms like Facebook and Instagram created in order to connect members with similar interests . Thanks to that, it is no longer so sophisticated for people to find someone with common hobbies and thoughts to be fiends with .
Despite astounding merits of online socialization, users are still put at disadvantage. To be more specific , social media is unable to guarantee the privacy and safety of its users. In recent years, it issued reported thay there is a significant growth in the number of online users being scammed. Their personal information is illegally collected, in some circumstances, victims not only lose their money to scammers , but their identities also faked for malicious purposes. Besides, the fact that online chat is day by day replacing traditional communication also raises social concerns about the future of relationships in the real world.If people just simply communicate through the screen of advanced technological devices , this may led to the situation where face to face conversation becomes obsolete, people can not improve social skills , and sense of fulfillment while communicating is forgotten.
In conclusion , although it is undeniable that online socialization are capable of providing a satisfied experience for users , too little involvement in in-person conversation may result in a number of detrimental effects such as scams or the loss of well-being .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Instead of face to face meetings they tend to have conversations online" -> "Instead of face-to-face meetings, they tend to engage in online conversations"
Explanation: The phrase "face-to-face meetings" is more commonly used in formal writing, and "engage in" is a more precise verb choice than "have conversations," which sounds somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"Using social media sites to keep in contact with friends" -> "Utilizing social media platforms to maintain contact with friends"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is more formal than "using," and "maintain contact" is a more precise phrase than "keep in contact," which is somewhat colloquial.
"It doesn’t matter how far apart the users are" -> "Regardless of the distance between users"
Explanation: "Regardless of the distance between users" is more formal and concise than "It doesn’t matter how far apart the users are," which is somewhat informal and wordy.
"having technological devices with access to the internet" -> "possessing devices with internet access"
Explanation: "Possessing devices with internet access" is more formal and succinct than "having technological devices with access to the internet," which is redundant.
"start virtual conversation" -> "initiate virtual conversations"
Explanation: "Initiate" is a more formal and precise term than "start" in this context, and "conversations" should be plural to reflect the general nature of online interactions.
"In fact, there is an array of groups on online platforms like Facebook and Instagram created in order to connect members with similar interests" -> "Indeed, numerous groups on online platforms such as Facebook and Instagram are created to connect members with shared interests"
Explanation: "Indeed" is a more formal adverb than "In fact," and "numerous" is more precise than "an array." Also, "such as" is more formal than "like" in this context.
"it is no longer so sophisticated for people to find someone with common hobbies and thoughts to be fiends with" -> "it is no longer challenging for individuals to find others with shared hobbies and interests to befriend"
Explanation: "No longer challenging" is more formal than "no longer so sophisticated," and "befriend" is the correct term instead of "be fiends with," which is incorrect and informal.
"social media is unable to guarantee the privacy and safety of its users" -> "social media cannot ensure the privacy and safety of its users"
Explanation: "Cannot ensure" is a more direct and formal expression than "is unable to guarantee," which is slightly redundant.
"it issued reported thay there is a significant growth" -> "it has been reported that there is a significant growth"
Explanation: "It has been reported that" is grammatically correct and more formal than "it issued reported thay," which is incorrect and unclear.
"victims not only lose their money to scammers, but their identities also faked for malicious purposes" -> "victims not only lose money to scammers but also have their identities faked for malicious purposes"
Explanation: "But also have their identities faked" corrects the grammatical error and improves clarity and formality.
"this may led to the situation where face to face conversation becomes obsolete" -> "this may lead to a situation where face-to-face conversations become obsolete"
Explanation: "Lead" is the correct verb form, and "conversations" should be plural to reflect the general trend, and "face-to-face" should be hyphenated for consistency.
"people can not improve social skills" -> "people cannot improve their social skills"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of the modal verb, and "their" is necessary to possessively link "social skills" to "people."
"sense of fulfillment while communicating is forgotten" -> "sense of fulfillment during communication is forgotten"
Explanation: "During communication" is more formal and precise than "while communicating," which is somewhat informal and awkwardly phrased.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of online socialization. The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, acknowledging that this trend has nuanced consequences. The advantages, such as convenience and the ability to connect with like-minded individuals, are well-articulated. However, while the negative aspects are mentioned, they could be more thoroughly explored to provide a balanced view. For instance, the essay touches on privacy concerns and the potential for scams, but it could delve deeper into the emotional and psychological impacts of reduced face-to-face interaction.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are equally developed. This could involve providing more examples or statistics related to the negative impacts of online socialization, such as studies on loneliness or social anxiety linked to excessive online interaction. Additionally, a more explicit conclusion summarizing the overall stance on whether this trend is positive or negative would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating that online socialization has both benefits and drawbacks. However, the conclusion suggests a more negative view, which may confuse readers about the author’s overall stance. Phrases like "too little involvement in in-person conversation may result in a number of detrimental effects" imply a leaning toward the negative side, but the earlier sections do not consistently reflect this.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. For example, they could use transitional phrases that signal their position more clearly, such as "While online socialization has its advantages, it is crucial to consider the potential downsides." This would help unify the essay and clarify the author’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the convenience of online communication and the risks associated with it. However, some points lack sufficient development. For instance, the mention of scams and privacy issues is important but could benefit from further elaboration, such as specific examples or statistics that illustrate the prevalence of these issues. Additionally, the idea that online communication may lead to a decline in social skills is introduced but not fully explored.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to expand on each point made. This could involve providing real-world examples, citing studies, or discussing personal anecdotes that illustrate the impact of online socialization. Each paragraph could also end with a sentence that ties the idea back to the main argument, reinforcing its relevance.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays focused on the topic of online socialization versus face-to-face interaction. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the discussion of scams, while relevant, could be more directly linked to how these issues affect the overall experience of socializing online.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the trend is positive or negative. This could involve explicitly connecting each advantage and disadvantage to the broader implications for socialization as a whole, perhaps by asking rhetorical questions or making direct comparisons to face-to-face interactions.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their essay, potentially raising their band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized around distinct themes: the advantages of online socialization in the first paragraph and the disadvantages in the second. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks feels abrupt and could benefit from a transitional sentence that links the two ideas more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, summarizing the key points of the first paragraph before transitioning to the second can help reinforce the argument and provide a clearer connection between the two sides of the discussion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are also clearly defined. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into smaller sections to improve readability and clarity, particularly when discussing the various disadvantages of online communication.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on privacy and safety concerns, and the other on the impact on social skills and relationships. This division would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each issue and improve the overall clarity of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "Despite," and "In conclusion," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "Thanks to that" in the first body paragraph could be replaced with a more formal cohesive device to enhance the academic tone of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one by using devices that indicate cause and effect or contrast, which will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical organization, there are areas for improvement. By enhancing transitions between ideas, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "significant shift," "convenience," and "social networking sites." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "online socialization" and "social media." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the language. For example, instead of repeatedly using "online," the essay could incorporate alternatives such as "digital," "virtual," or "internet-based."
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should practice using synonyms and related terms. For instance, when discussing the advantages of online communication, they could use phrases like "virtual interaction" or "digital engagement" to avoid redundancy. Engaging with vocabulary exercises or reading diverse texts can also help expand their lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "this may led to the situation" should be corrected to "this may lead to the situation." Additionally, the term "fiends" is likely a typographical error for "friends," which alters the intended meaning. The phrase "too little involvement in in-person conversation" could be more clearly articulated as "insufficient engagement in face-to-face interactions."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure that the correct terms are used. They could also benefit from using a thesaurus to find more accurate words that convey their intended meaning. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and precision can also help.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "thay" instead of "that," "sophisticated" instead of "sophisticated," and "led" instead of "lead." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse readers. Additionally, the misspelling of "fiends" instead of "friends" is a significant oversight that impacts the clarity of the message.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a systematic proofreading process, checking for common spelling errors and utilizing spell-check tools. Regular practice with spelling exercises and reading can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria. Engaging in targeted practice and revision strategies will be essential for the writer’s development.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For example, the writer effectively uses complex sentences such as "Instead of face to face meetings they tend to have conversations online," and "In fact, there is an array of groups on online platforms like Facebook and Instagram created in order to connect members with similar interests." However, there are instances of simpler sentence structures that could be diversified further, such as "It doesn’t matter how far apart the users are," which could be rephrased to enhance complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more compound and complex sentences. For instance, combining shorter sentences into longer ones using conjunctions or relative clauses could enhance the flow and sophistication of the writing. Additionally, varying the use of passive and active voice can also contribute to a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "having technological devices with access to the internet" is awkwardly phrased and could be simplified. There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas before conjunctions in compound sentences (e.g., "Despite astounding merits of online socialization, users are still put at disadvantage" should have a definite article: "at a disadvantage"). Additionally, there are typos such as "thay" instead of "that" and "fiends" instead of "friends," which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure proper article usage. Practicing the rules of punctuation, especially regarding commas in complex sentences, will also help. Utilizing grammar checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can provide additional support in identifying and correcting these errors.

Overall, while the essay shows a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on enhancing grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, a significant shift has been observed in how people communicate with each other. Instead of face-to-face meetings, they tend to have conversations online. This is a nuanced trend with both positive and negative consequences.

Using social media sites to keep in contact with friends can be beneficial for several people. One of the most apparent advantages is its convenience. It doesn’t matter how far apart the users are; as long as they possess technological devices with internet access, people can initiate virtual conversations, including video calls or voice messages. Moreover, social networking sites allow individuals to widen their circle of friends. Indeed, there is an array of groups on online platforms like Facebook and Instagram created to connect members with shared interests. Thanks to that, it is no longer so challenging for people to find someone with common hobbies and thoughts to befriend.

Despite the astounding merits of online socialization, users are still at a disadvantage. To be more specific, social media is unable to guarantee the privacy and safety of its users. In recent years, it has been reported that there is a significant growth in the number of online users being scammed. Their personal information is illegally collected; in some circumstances, victims not only lose their money to scammers, but their identities are also faked for malicious purposes. Besides, the fact that online chat is day by day replacing traditional communication also raises social concerns about the future of relationships in the real world. If people simply communicate through the screens of advanced technological devices, this may lead to a situation where face-to-face conversations become obsolete, people cannot improve their social skills, and the sense of fulfillment during communication is forgotten.

In conclusion, although it is undeniable that online socialization is capable of providing a satisfying experience for users, too little involvement in in-person conversation may result in a number of detrimental effects, such as scams or the loss of well-being.