Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem? Give specific reason and explain them with examples from your own experience or knowledge. You should write at least 250 words
Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?
Give specific reason and explain them with examples from your own experience or knowledge.
You should write at least 250 words
In our contemporary life,the problem of Deforestation has become more serious than ever before.Some people are believe that this dilemma has resulted from human activity,while an army of other claim that the goverments are supposed to hold accountability for it.Within this paper,I intend to elaborate on the sources of this issue as well as suggest some viable solution.
Chief among the primary causes is that human are cutting down tree for commercial purposes.It can be conceded that tree exert a major influence on human life.To be more specific,tree has a pivotal role in building process.Another contributing factor to this challenge is the government can not control all the human activity.No one can deny that the government try to propaganda to the citzens for the advantage of forest to human life.To illustrate,deforestation continued by human activity while goverment try to intercept the activity of forest destruction.
In order to resolve this worrying trend,I am personally convinced that we must address the root causes.Perhaps,the most effective method of tackling this would be propaganda the benefit of the forest the world.Admittedly,this would be the fastest ways to defense from deforestation.One further measure would be maintained the forest .In other words,if we prevent the forest by planting more trees,this obstacle will be dealt with effectively.
All things considered,thiss is a complex issue which can harly be solved in the short term;albeit we consistenly follow the abov-mentioned measures,it is likely that this problem can be overcome.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In our contemporary life" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "In contemporary society" is a more precise and formal expression that better fits the academic context, avoiding the colloquialism of "life" which is too broad and informal for academic writing. -
"the problem of Deforestation" -> "the issue of deforestation"
Explanation: "Deforestation" should not be capitalized unless it is the name of a specific instance or location. Capitalizing it incorrectly can be seen as grammatically incorrect and less formal. -
"Some people are believe" -> "Some people believe"
Explanation: The verb "are believe" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "believe," which is the base form of the verb needed here. -
"an army of other claim" -> "many others claim"
Explanation: "An army of other" is an idiom that is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Many others" is more precise and appropriate. -
"the goverments are supposed to hold accountability" -> "governments are expected to be accountable"
Explanation: "The goverments" should be "governments" for grammatical correctness. "Are supposed to hold accountability" is awkward and can be streamlined to "are expected to be accountable," which is more direct and formal. -
"Within this paper" -> "In this essay"
Explanation: "Within this paper" is less common and slightly awkward in academic writing. "In this essay" is the standard phrase used in academic papers. -
"human are cutting down tree" -> "humans are cutting down trees"
Explanation: "Human" should be "humans" for subject-verb agreement, and "tree" should be "trees" to match the plural subject. -
"tree exert a major influence" -> "trees exert a significant influence"
Explanation: "Tree" should be "trees" to agree with the plural subject, and "major" can be replaced with "significant" for a more formal tone. -
"the government can not control" -> "the government cannot control"
Explanation: "Can not" is a less formal contraction; "cannot" is the correct form for formal writing. -
"the government try to propaganda" -> "the government attempts to promote"
Explanation: "Try to propaganda" is incorrect and unclear. "Attempts to promote" is the correct phrase, and "propaganda" should not be used as a verb in this context. -
"deforestation continued by human activity" -> "deforestation continues due to human activity"
Explanation: "Continued by" is incorrect; "continues due to" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"goverment try to intercept the activity" -> "the government attempts to intercept the activities"
Explanation: "Goverment" should be "the government" for grammatical correctness, and "the activity" should be plural "the activities" to match the plural subject. -
"propaganda the benefit of the forest the world" -> "promote the benefits of forests worldwide"
Explanation: "Propaganda" is incorrectly used as a verb; "promote" is the correct verb. "The forest the world" is awkward and unclear; "forests worldwide" is more precise and formal. -
"thiss" -> "this"
Explanation: "Thiss" is a typographical error; "this" is the correct form. -
"harly" -> "hardly"
Explanation: "Harly" is a typographical error; "hardly" is the correct adverb. -
"consistenly" -> "consistently"
Explanation: "Consistenly" is a typographical error; "consistently" is the correct adverb.
These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the causes of deforestation and suggesting solutions. However, it lacks depth in exploring the specific reasons for deforestation and the proposed solutions. For instance, the mention of "human activity" and "government accountability" is vague and does not provide a clear understanding of the specific actions leading to deforestation. Additionally, the solutions presented, such as "propaganda the benefit of the forest," are not well-developed or practical.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly identify specific human activities contributing to deforestation, such as logging, agriculture, and urbanization. Each solution should be elaborated with concrete examples and potential impacts, such as reforestation programs or stricter regulations on logging.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position regarding who is responsible for deforestation. While it mentions both human activity and government accountability, it does not take a definitive stance, which can confuse the reader. The phrase "an army of other claim" is particularly ambiguous and detracts from a clear argument.
- How to improve: Establish a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the writer’s position. Consistently refer back to this position throughout the essay to maintain clarity. For example, if the focus is on human responsibility, the essay should consistently emphasize this perspective and provide supporting arguments.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For instance, the claim that "tree has a pivotal role in building process" is not explained or connected to the overall argument about deforestation. Furthermore, the solutions mentioned are not adequately supported with examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, each point should be expanded with explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing the importance of trees, the writer could include statistics on how trees contribute to air quality or biodiversity. Each proposed solution should also include potential benefits and examples of successful implementation.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic of deforestation and its solutions. For example, the discussion about government propaganda lacks a direct connection to actionable solutions for deforestation. Additionally, phrases like "this obstacle will be dealt with effectively" are vague and do not directly address the prompt.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Each point made should clearly connect back to the issue of deforestation and its resolution. A good practice is to outline the essay before writing, ensuring that all points are relevant and contribute to the overall argument.
In summary, to improve the essay’s band score, the writer should focus on clearly addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a consistent position, providing well-supported ideas, and staying on topic throughout the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the introduction states that the essay will elaborate on the sources of deforestation and suggest solutions, but the transition between discussing causes and solutions is somewhat abrupt. The body paragraphs do not clearly delineate between causes and solutions, leading to a mix of ideas that can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly separate the discussion of causes and solutions. For example, dedicate one paragraph to discussing the causes of deforestation and another to the proposed solutions. Additionally, using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the essay’s argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited by the lack of clear topic sentences and transitions. The first body paragraph discusses causes but does not clearly introduce the second body paragraph, which discusses solutions. This can lead to confusion about the main points being made.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus. For instance, the first paragraph could start with a sentence like, "There are several key causes of deforestation," followed by a clear explanation of each cause. The second paragraph could begin with, "To combat deforestation, several effective measures can be implemented," clearly signaling a shift to solutions.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In order to," "To illustrate," and "All things considered." However, the range is limited, and some devices are misused or awkwardly placed. For example, "this would be the fastest ways to defense from deforestation" contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "On the other hand," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity in sentences will enhance the overall coherence of the essay. For example, revising "this would be the fastest ways to defense from deforestation" to "this would be one of the fastest ways to combat deforestation" would improve clarity and correctness.
By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "deforestation," "human activity," and "commercial purposes" being appropriately used. However, there are instances where vocabulary is repetitive or overly simplistic, such as the repeated use of "government" and "forest." The phrase "an army of other claim" is awkward and could be improved for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "government," alternatives like "authorities" or "regulatory bodies" could be employed. Additionally, phrases like "a significant number of individuals" could replace "some people" to add variety.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the government can not control all the human activity," which lacks clarity. The phrase "propaganda to the citizens" is also misleading, as "propaganda" often carries a negative connotation. The term "exert a major influence" is vague and could be more specific regarding the influence of trees on the environment.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should choose words that more accurately convey their intended meaning. For example, instead of "propaganda," using "awareness campaigns" would be more appropriate. Additionally, the phrase "cutting down tree" should be corrected to "cutting down trees" to ensure grammatical accuracy and clarity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "goverments" (should be "governments"), "citizens" (misspelled as "citzens"), "thiss" (should be "this"), and "harly" (should be "hardly"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a list of frequently used vocabulary can help improve spelling skills over time.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences such as "Some people are believe that this dilemma has resulted from human activity" and "In order to resolve this worrying trend" are prevalent. The use of complex sentences is minimal, which restricts the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the government can not control all the human activity," which could be expressed more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For example, instead of saying "the government can not control all the human activity," the writer could say, "Although the government attempts to regulate human activities, it often struggles to enforce these regulations effectively." Engaging with sentence variety exercises and reading more complex texts can also help in recognizing and utilizing diverse structures.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "Some people are believe" should be corrected to "Some people believe," and "the goverments are supposed to hold accountability for it" should be "the governments are supposed to be held accountable for it." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing spaces after commas and inconsistent use of capitalization, as seen in "tree exert a major influence" where "tree" should be pluralized to "trees."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those that emphasize common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring proper spacing after punctuation marks can enhance overall readability. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes before submission.
Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical precision will greatly enhance the effectiveness of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
In our contemporary life, the problem of deforestation has become more serious than ever before. Some people believe that this dilemma has resulted from human activity, while many others claim that governments are expected to be accountable for it. In this essay, I intend to elaborate on the sources of this issue as well as suggest some viable solutions.
Chief among the primary causes is that humans are cutting down trees for commercial purposes. It can be conceded that trees exert a major influence on human life. To be more specific, trees have a pivotal role in the building process. Another contributing factor to this challenge is that the government cannot control all human activity. No one can deny that the government attempts to promote the advantages of forests to human life. To illustrate, deforestation continues due to human activity while the government tries to intercept the activities of forest destruction.
In order to resolve this worrying trend, I am personally convinced that we must address the root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of tackling this would be to promote the benefits of forests worldwide. Admittedly, this would be the fastest way to defend against deforestation. One further measure would be to maintain the forests. In other words, if we protect the forests by planting more trees, this obstacle will be dealt with effectively.
All things considered, this is a complex issue which can hardly be solved in the short term; albeit if we consistently follow the above-mentioned measures, it is likely that this problem can be overcome.
