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Demand for food is increasing worldwide. Why? Solution?

Demand for food is increasing worldwide. Why? Solution?

In the recent years, there is a substantial increase in the need for foodstuff on o global scale. In this essay, I will point out the main reason behind this trajectory and devise some strategies to tackle it.

To begin with, the most fundamental cause mainly derives from the overpopulation in many countries. As the modern life we are living is much different from that of our older generations, with better living conditions and not being seriously affected by war and fatal diseases, the adults tend to have more children than they did in the past.
In addition, thanks to the considerable advancement in biology and medicine, many detrimental illnesses could be treated, which consequently results in a higher chance of survival in human being. For example, the “Black Death” caused by plague once was a deadly nightmare to people suffering from it now can be prevented by vaccines and cured by anti-biotic chemicals.

However, this trend leads to some problems that require useful solutions to be fully addressed. First, mass-produced agriculture and animal husbandry is a must, which needs cutting-edge autonomous machines, instead of human power, to maximise the outcome production. Secondly, scientists, especially those who specialise in genetic technology and biology, should carry out research to manufacture new genetically-modified fauna and flora that can yield more staples with higher nutritional value in a much shorter period of time. And last but not least important, the policy makers should impose more benefical legislations, including financial aid and agricultural tools, for farmers with a view to encourage them to enthusiastically work for food supplies.

In conclusion, there are some reasons leading to the highly increasing food demand in every edge of the world; nevertheless, the basic ones are overcrowded population. Hence, it is evident that we should focus on establishing a mass-produced and modern growing and raisising to deal with this trend, which need to be prioritized over other measures.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In the recent years" -> "In recent years"
    Explanation: "In recent years" is a more concise and formal expression commonly used in academic writing.

  2. "there is a substantial increase" -> "there has been a substantial increase"
    Explanation: Using "has been" adds a sense of continuity and aligns with the formal tone of academic writing.

  3. "foodstuff" -> "food" or "food resources"
    Explanation: "Foodstuff" is an outdated and less precise term. Using "food" or "food resources" is more direct and suitable for academic writing.

  4. "trajectory" -> "trend"
    Explanation: "Trend" is a more commonly used term in academic writing to describe a general direction or pattern.

  5. "modern life we are living" -> "contemporary lifestyle"
    Explanation: "Contemporary lifestyle" is a more formal and sophisticated way to refer to the present way of life.

  6. "adults tend to have more children than they did in the past" -> "adults tend to have larger families than previous generations"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression.

  7. "considerable advancement" -> "significant advancements"
    Explanation: "Significant advancements" is a more precise and formal phrase.

  8. "detrimental illnesses" -> "life-threatening diseases"
    Explanation: "Life-threatening diseases" is a more precise and formal term.

  9. "anti-biotic chemicals" -> "antibiotics"
    Explanation: "Antibiotics" is the correct term, and it is more formal and widely recognized.

  10. "this trend leads to some problems" -> "this trend gives rise to various challenges"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative conveys a more formal tone and provides a broader term for issues.

  11. "mass-produced agriculture and animal husbandry is a must" -> "large-scale agricultural and livestock production is imperative"
    Explanation: The alternative uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial term "mass-produced."

  12. "cutting-edge autonomous machines" -> "state-of-the-art automated machinery"
    Explanation: "State-of-the-art automated machinery" is a more formal and precise description.

  13. "enthusiastically work for food supplies" -> "actively contribute to food production"
    Explanation: "Actively contribute to food production" is a more formal and clear expression.

  14. "there are some reasons" -> "several factors contribute"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative is more precise and aligns with formal writing conventions.

  15. "raising" -> "raising livestock"
    Explanation: Adding "livestock" provides specificity and clarity to the term "raising."

  16. "

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "In the recent years, there is a substantial increase in the need for foodstuff on o global scale. In this essay, I will point out the main reason behind this trajectory and devise some strategies to tackle it."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction outlines the intention to address the reasons for the increasing demand for food and propose solutions, which is a positive start. However, it lacks clarity in presenting the writer’s position. It is important to explicitly state whether the writer agrees or disagrees with the prompt’s assertion. An improved example could be: "The global demand for food has witnessed a significant surge in recent years. This essay will examine the primary cause behind this trend and suggest effective strategies to address the escalating need for food. Personally, I agree with the notion that…"
    • Improved example: "The global demand for food has witnessed a significant surge in recent years. This essay will examine the primary cause behind this trend and suggest effective strategies to address the escalating need for food. Personally, I agree with the notion that the demand for food is increasing worldwide due to various factors."
  2. Quoted text: "As the modern life we are living is much different from that of our older generations, with better living conditions and not being seriously affected by war and fatal diseases, the adults tend to have more children than they did in the past."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph discusses overpopulation as a fundamental cause of the increased demand for food, but the explanation lacks depth. It is important to provide specific examples or reasons supporting the claim. For instance, elaborating on how improved healthcare and living conditions contribute to higher birth rates would strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "The shift in lifestyle from previous generations, marked by improved living conditions and reduced impact of wars and fatal diseases, has led to a phenomenon where adults are inclined to have more children. For instance, the advancements in medical care ensure a higher rate of child survival, encouraging families to expand."
  3. Quoted text: "However, this trend leads to some problems that require useful solutions to be fully addressed."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the writer acknowledges the problems arising from the trend, it lacks specificity. A more detailed explanation of the problems, such as the strain on agricultural resources or the environmental impact, would add depth to the response.
    • Improved example: "However, this trend gives rise to significant challenges that necessitate effective solutions for comprehensive resolution. These challenges include the strain on agricultural resources, environmental degradation, and potential threats to food security."
  4. Quoted text: "First, mass-produced agriculture and animal husbandry is a must, which needs cutting-edge autonomous machines, instead of human power, to maximise the outcome production."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay suggests a solution involving mass-produced agriculture and automation but lacks elaboration on why this solution is effective. Providing specific examples or reasoning for how autonomous machines can enhance food production efficiency would strengthen this point.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, embracing mass-produced agriculture and the use of cutting-edge autonomous machines, rather than relying solely on human power, is imperative. For instance, automated systems can streamline planting and harvesting processes, significantly increasing overall production efficiency."
  5. Quoted text: "Secondly, scientists, especially those who specialise in genetic technology and biology, should carry out research to manufacture new genetically-modified fauna and flora that can yield more staples with higher nutritional value in a much shorter period of time."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the essay suggests genetic modification as a solution, it lacks specific details on how this would address the increasing demand for food. Providing examples of successful genetic modifications and their impact on crop yields or nutritional value would enhance this point.
    • Improved example: "Secondly, scientists, particularly those specializing in genetic technology and biology, should conduct research to create genetically-modified fauna and flora. For instance, developing crops with enhanced resistance to pests or increased nutritional content can significantly contribute to meeting the growing demand for food."
  6. Quoted text: "And last but not least important, the policy makers should impose more benefical legislations, including financial aid and agricultural tools, for farmers with a view to encourage them to enthusiastically work for food supplies."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The recommendation for beneficial legislation is provided, but it lacks specificity. Providing examples of the types of legislation, financial aid, or tools that policymakers can implement would strengthen this point.
    • Improved example: "Lastly, policymakers should enact beneficial legislation, such as providing financial aid and advanced agricultural tools, to encourage farmers. For instance, offering subsidies for sustainable farming practices or providing easy access to modern farming equipment can motivate farmers to contribute actively to meeting the increasing demand for food."
  7. Quoted text: "In conclusion, there are some reasons leading to the highly increasing food demand in every edge of the world; nevertheless, the basic ones are overcrowded population."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion briefly restates the reasons for the increasing demand for food but lacks a summary of the proposed solutions. Including a concise recap of the suggested strategies would provide a more well-rounded conclusion.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, the escalating demand for food can be attributed to various factors, with overpopulation being a fundamental driver. However, implementing strategies such as mass-produced agriculture, genetic modification, and supportive legislations can effectively address this issue and ensure sustainable food supplies for the growing population."

Overall, the essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for the increasing demand for food and proposing solutions. However, the ideas could benefit from more depth and specificity to fully develop the arguments and enhance the overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by addressing the increase in food demand. Body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, discussing the causes and proposing solutions. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph.

However, there are instances of underuse of cohesive devices, and some sentences lack clear connections. The essay would benefit from a more consistent use of transitional phrases to enhance coherence. Additionally, the conclusion could strengthen the overall cohesion by summarizing key points and reinforcing the proposed solutions.

How to improve:

  1. Use more transitional phrases: Incorporate words like "furthermore," "however," or "consequently" to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas.
  2. Reinforce conclusion: Summarize key points and restate the proposed solutions in the conclusion to enhance coherence.
  3. Ensure consistent use of cohesive devices: Review the essay for areas where transitional phrases could improve the flow and connectivity of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. The writer attempts to incorporate less common vocabulary, but there are instances of inaccuracy. For example, "need for foodstuff" could be more precisely expressed. Additionally, there are several errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, such as "o global" instead of "on a global," "raisising" instead of "raising," and "benefical" instead of "beneficial." These errors, however, do not significantly impede communication.

How to Improve:

  1. Enhance precision in vocabulary use. Instead of "need for foodstuff," consider using a more specific term like "demand for sustenance."
  2. Review and correct errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. For instance, replace "o global" with "on a global," correct "raisaising" to "raising," and change "benefical" to "beneficial."
  3. Aim for greater consistency in maintaining formal language and structure throughout the essay.

Note: The essay could benefit from more sophisticated and varied vocabulary, as well as improved sentence structure and coherence, to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is an attempt to use a variety of structures, but some errors in grammar and punctuation are evident. The essay communicates its message effectively, and while errors are present, they do not significantly hinder understanding.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar Accuracy: Focus on improving grammar accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Review and revise sentences to ensure they are grammatically sound.

  2. Punctuation: Work on punctuation, particularly the correct use of commas and periods. Ensure that each sentence is appropriately punctuated to enhance readability.

  3. Vocabulary: While the focus here is on grammatical range and accuracy, expanding your vocabulary could add depth to your essay. Aim for more varied and sophisticated word choices.

  4. Sentence Variety: Continue to incorporate a mix of sentence structures for better fluency. Introduce complex sentences strategically to enhance the overall coherence of your writing.

By addressing these aspects, you can elevate your essay to a higher band score by demonstrating improved grammatical control and language precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, there has been a significant rise in the global demand for food. This essay aims to identify the primary reasons behind this trend and propose potential solutions.

Primarily, the escalating need for food can be attributed to overpopulation in numerous countries. Modern living conditions, unlike those of previous generations, have resulted in adults having more children. Factors such as improved healthcare and a reduced impact of war and fatal diseases contribute to increased population growth. For instance, diseases like the “Black Death,” once fatal, can now be prevented by vaccines and treated with antibiotics, significantly boosting survival rates.

However, this surge in population poses several challenges that necessitate effective solutions. Firstly, meeting the demand requires the use of advanced automated machinery in agriculture and animal farming to maximize production. Secondly, scientists specializing in genetic technology and biology should conduct research to develop genetically modified crops and livestock capable of producing higher nutritional yields in shorter time frames. Lastly, policymakers ought to introduce beneficial legislation, such as financial support and access to modern agricultural tools, to incentivize farmers to contribute actively to food production.

To conclude, the escalating demand for food worldwide can be primarily attributed to overpopulation. It is imperative to prioritize the establishment of modern, mass-produced farming techniques to address this trend effectively. This approach should take precedence over other measures in tackling the issue.

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