Describe a useful object in your home that you can not live without it
With the emergence of the technological era , it should come as no surprise that nowadays many gadgets have been invented to contribute to the revolution of people’s lives . However , today I’m gonna talk about this device, which I am particularly familiar with and can’t imagine one day I can live without its presence . The smartphone .
Basically , a smartphone is the combination of the functionality of a traditional phone , and the advanced features of a smartphone , including video calling , internet access or various applications.
It goes without saying that a smartphone has significantly changed my life . First of all , a smartphone is like a portable encyclopedia ( bách khoa toàn thư ) , which can be bought anywhere or anytime at the day and it allows me to gain access to a wide range of information and data on the internet . Besides , a smartphone has become an irreplaceable self-study tool for a majority of students as well . Secondly , communication has also been a piece of cake due to the introduction of smartphones , I must say . Prior to the invention of the smartphones , the only way for us to communicate was through f2f conversation or handwritten letters , which required a great deal of effort and time .I still remember vividly 4 years ago , given the circumstance of the outbreak of Covid-19 , we were in the time of social distancing,hence, we were not allowed to go out . At that moment , students had to study via an internet-based platform , needless to say smartphone was the only device that saved my bacon. From 2019 to 2020 , I was in the habit of using this powerful piece of equipment all the time to keep in touch with other people as well as attain intellects delivered by teachers . If it hadn’t been for it , my life would have been much more depressed as communication via traditional ways are no longer applicable .
In summary , it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the introduction of smartphones has transformed my life to a great extent.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"gonna" -> "going to"
Explanation: Replacing the informal "gonna" with "going to" aligns with a more formal and academic writing style.
"Basically" -> "Essentially"
Explanation: Substituting "Basically" with "Essentially" enhances the formality of the expression, providing a more sophisticated transition to introduce the topic.
"it goes without saying" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: Replacing the colloquial phrase "it goes without saying" with "it is evident" contributes to a more formal tone, avoiding unnecessary informality.
"a piece of cake" -> "effortless"
Explanation: Replacing the colloquial expression "a piece of cake" with "effortless" maintains the meaning while adopting a more formal and academic tone.
"I must say" -> "I would like to point out"
Explanation: Substituting "I must say" with "I would like to point out" adds formality and emphasizes the speaker’s intention to highlight a particular point.
"vividly" -> "clearly"
Explanation: Replacing "vividly" with "clearly" maintains the clarity of the statement while using a more formal and precise adverb.
"saved my bacon" -> "proved indispensable"
Explanation: Replacing the informal expression "saved my bacon" with "proved indispensable" elevates the language to a more formal level while conveying the same meaning.
"If it hadn’t been for it" -> "Without it"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase "If it hadn’t been for it" to "Without it" maintains clarity and removes unnecessary complexity from the sentence.
"wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say" -> "is not an overstatement"
Explanation: Substituting "wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say" with "is not an overstatement" maintains the meaning while employing a more formal expression.
"smarphone" -> "smartphone" (consistent correction throughout the text)
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "smarphone" to "smartphone" ensures proper spelling and maintains a professional appearance in the essay.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay provides a clear response to the prompt by discussing a specific object (smartphone) in the home that the writer cannot live without. It discusses the impact and importance of the smartphone in various aspects of the writer’s life.
- How to improve: While the response is comprehensive, there is room to further enhance the essay by explicitly addressing the various parts of the prompt, such as describing the object in more detail and emphasizing why it is considered indispensable.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently highlighting the significance of the smartphone in the writer’s life.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the main thesis or argument in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents the idea of the smartphone being an indispensable tool in the writer’s life. Examples such as its function as a portable encyclopedia and its role in communication during the COVID-19 pandemic are well-developed.
- How to improve: To enhance idea extension, consider providing more specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the transformative impact of the smartphone on various aspects of the writer’s life.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the smartphone as a useful object in the home. However, there are moments when the writer diverges into a broader discussion of the technological era.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly relates to the chosen object (smartphone) and its indispensability. Minimize general discussions about technological advancements unless directly tied to the main argument.
In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position on the significance of the smartphone, extending ideas with relevant examples, and staying mostly on topic. To improve, consider providing more explicit details about the chosen object, reinforcing the thesis throughout, and maintaining a tighter focus on the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction provides a clear thesis statement about the importance of smartphones, and the subsequent paragraphs discuss different aspects, such as its role as an encyclopedia and its impact on communication. However, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be smoother. The sudden shift from introducing the topic to discussing the smartphone’s functionality is somewhat abrupt. This affects the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider providing a more gradual transition between ideas. Start by briefly introducing the smartphone’s overall significance before delving into its functionalities. This can be achieved by rephrasing the transition sentence between the introduction and the second paragraph.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the smartphone’s importance. However, the second paragraph is quite lengthy, covering both the smartphone as an encyclopedia and a self-study tool for students. Breaking this paragraph into two distinct sections, one for each aspect, would enhance clarity and readability.
- How to improve: Divide the second paragraph into two separate paragraphs, each dedicated to one specific function of the smartphone. This not only makes the essay more visually appealing but also allows readers to digest information more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("first of all," "besides," "secondly," "in summary"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by guiding the reader through different points. However, there is room for improvement in the use of more sophisticated cohesive devices, such as pronouns and synonyms, to avoid repetition of certain words.
- How to improve: While the essay generally uses cohesive devices effectively, consider incorporating a wider range of synonyms and pronouns to enhance lexical cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "smartphone" multiple times, experiment with using pronouns like "it" or synonyms like "mobile device." This adds variety to the language and improves overall cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, incorporating terms related to technology, communication, and education. However, some repetition of words like "smartphone" and "communication" is noticeable. The essay lacks a more diverse and nuanced vocabulary that could enhance the overall richness of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or alternative expressions for frequently used words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "smartphone," explore terms like "mobile device" or "handheld gadget." Additionally, introduce more varied adjectives and adverbs to add depth to your descriptions.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively to convey ideas. However, there are instances where the language could be more precise. For example, the phrase "a smartphone is like a portable encyclopedia" could be improved by specifying how it serves as an encyclopedia – is it a source of information, a knowledge repository, or a reference tool?
- How to improve: Aim for specificity in your language. Instead of using broad terms, provide detailed explanations. In this case, elaborate on how the smartphone functions as an encyclopedia, mentioning specific ways it offers access to information or serves as a learning tool. Precision enhances clarity and strengthens your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with only minor errors such as "bách khoa toàn thư" (which should be written as "bách khoa toàn cầu"). However, these errors do not significantly impede understanding.
- How to improve: Continue practicing spelling and proofreading to eliminate minor errors. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked mistakes. Reviewing your work before submission will contribute to a polished and error-free final product.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary use, incorporating more variety and precision could elevate the language to a higher band score. Additionally, maintaining consistent spelling accuracy will contribute to an even stronger linguistic performance.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are predominantly used, with some instances of complex structures. For example, the opening sentence employs a complex structure with an introductory clause. However, more varied sentence structures, such as complex-compound sentences or inversion, could enhance the overall sophistication and coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex-compound sentences, employing inversion for emphasis, or experimenting with rhetorical devices like parallelism. For instance, in the opening paragraph, vary sentence structures to create a more engaging introduction. Introducing a complex sentence or using inversion could capture the reader’s attention effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates reasonably accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity. For example, in the sentence, "Given the circumstance of the outbreak of Covid-19," it would be clearer to say "Given the circumstances surrounding the outbreak of Covid-19."
How to improve: Focus on refining grammar and phrasing for clarity. Consider revising awkward expressions and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Additionally, pay attention to articles and prepositions to enhance precision. For instance, in the phrase "to keep in touch with other people as well as attain intellects delivered by teachers," consider rephrasing to "attain knowledge delivered by teachers" for improved accuracy.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and sentence structure but would benefit from a more extensive range of sentence structures and refinement of certain expressions for greater clarity and precision.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the era of technology, it is evident that numerous gadgets have been invented to revolutionize people’s lives. Today, I would like to point out a device that I am particularly familiar with and cannot imagine living without – the smartphone.
A smartphone is essentially the combination of the functionality of a traditional phone and the advanced features of a smartphone, such as video calling, internet access, or various applications. Without a doubt, a smartphone has significantly changed my life. Firstly, it is like a portable encyclopedia that can be accessed anywhere, anytime, allowing me to gain information and data from the internet effortlessly. Moreover, a smartphone has proved indispensable as a self-study tool for many students.
Secondly, communication has become effortless with the introduction of smartphones. In the past, the only way to communicate was through face-to-face conversations or handwritten letters, which required a great deal of effort and time. I vividly remember four years ago during the outbreak of Covid-19 when social distancing was in place. Students had to study via an internet-based platform, and the smartphone played a crucial role during that time. From 2019 to 2020, I was habitually using this powerful device to keep in touch with others and acquire knowledge delivered by teachers. Without it, my life would have been much more challenging, as traditional communication methods were no longer applicable.
In conclusion, it is not an overstatement to say that the introduction of smartphones has transformed my life to a great extent. The smartphone has become an essential and indispensable part of my daily routine, proving its significance in the modern technological era.