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Describe an interesting conversation that you had with an old person

Describe an interesting conversation that you had with an old person

I’m gonna talk about an informative and useful conversation that I had with my grandfather .
If my memory serves me right , it was about 2 months ago, I went to my grandparent’s house . You know , at that time , I was extremely confused due to the fact that I had an assignment that required me to describe my dream job in the future . In fact , my mind just went blank when it came to this topic . Knowing that my grandad could lend me a hand on this task , I made up my mind to seek advice from him.
To give you some background information , my grandad is already in his 70s. Despite the fact that my grandad is over the hill . He undoubtedly has a sharp mind and , at the same time I would consider him as a forward-thinking person . Having said that , he’s always one step ahead of everyone else and really has his head screwed on the right way .
Frankly speaking, instead of giving abstract advice , he told me about his career . According to my grandad's narration , as a highschool student , he didn’t see eye to eye with his parents in terms of which university he should attend . Having been required to follow in the family’s footsteps and become a teacher , my grandad said that it wasn’t what he was meant to do . You know , he wanted to step out of his comfort zone and explore his potential .
His tenacious personality trait gave rise to his intention of applying for a bachelor of science without financial support from family. Despite the initial struggle of adapting to a new academic environment , he never felt down in the dumps and hopeless, showcasing his dedication and adaptability .
What really impressed me during that conversation was his journey towards success , which was considered to be a testament to his exceptional qualities in the business realm . Before establishing his own business, my grandad underwent extensive courses in manufacturing processes and management, which equipped him with essential skills. However, the journey to entrepreneurship ( on trờ pner ship ) wasn’t without its trials. Facing stiff competition and financial constraints, he encountered initial setbacks that delayed profitability for nearly four years. Nonetheless, his unwavering determination and strategic decisions, such as innovative marketing approaches, eventually led to the flourishing success of his business . This journey resulted in a multitude of admirable achievements and prides in both her personal and academic life.
In summary , my aunt has always been an ideal role model for me. That conversation inevitably gave practical insights into my dream job in the future .


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "I’m gonna talk about an informative and useful conversation" -> "I will discuss an informative and valuable conversation"
    Explanation: The use of "gonna" is informal and colloquial. Replacing it with "I will" enhances the formality of the sentence.

  2. "If my memory serves me right" -> "To the best of my recollection"
    Explanation: "If my memory serves me right" is a colloquial expression. Replacing it with "To the best of my recollection" maintains formality and academic tone.

  3. "You know" -> Omit
    Explanation: "You know" is an informal filler phrase. Omitting it contributes to a more concise and formal presentation.

  4. "I made up my mind to seek advice from him" -> "I resolved to seek advice from him"
    Explanation: "I made up my mind" is slightly informal. Replacing it with "I resolved" adds a touch of formality to the sentence.

  5. "over the hill" -> "advanced in age"
    Explanation: "Over the hill" is an informal expression. Substituting it with "advanced in age" maintains a more formal tone.

  6. "really has his head screwed on the right way" -> "demonstrates astute decision-making"
    Explanation: "Really has his head screwed on the right way" is colloquial. The suggested alternative conveys the idea more formally.

  7. "Frankly speaking" -> "To be frank"
    Explanation: "Frankly speaking" is conversational. Replacing it with "To be frank" is a more formal expression.

  8. "see eye to eye" -> "agree"
    Explanation: "See eye to eye" is an idiomatic expression. Using "agree" is a more direct and formal choice.

  9. "step out of his comfort zone" -> "venture beyond his accustomed territory"
    Explanation: "Step out of his comfort zone" is slightly informal. The suggested alternative provides a more formal and descriptive expression.

  10. "His tenacious personality trait" -> "His tenacity"
    Explanation: "Personality trait" is redundant; "tenacity" alone suffices to convey the intended meaning more concisely.

  11. "gave rise to his intention" -> "sparked his determination"
    Explanation: "Gave rise to his intention" is less direct. The suggested alternative is more concise and maintains formality.

  12. "down in the dumps" -> "discouraged"
    Explanation: "Down in the dumps" is an informal expression. Replacing it with "discouraged" is more formal.

  13. "on trờ pner ship" -> "entrepreneurship"
    Explanation: The incorrect pronunciation and spacing of "entrepreneurship" have been corrected for accuracy and formality.

  14. "juncture resulted in a multitude of admirable achievements and prides" -> "journey resulted in numerous commendable achievements and sources of pride"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more formal and precise expression.

  15. "In summary" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: "In summary" is slightly informal. Replacing it with "In conclusion" maintains formality.

  16. "aunt has always been an ideal role model for me" -> "grandfather has consistently been an exemplary role model for me"
    Explanation: The incorrect reference to the aunt has been corrected to "grandfather" for accuracy. The language has been adjusted for formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses the prompt by narrating a conversation with an older person, specifically the author’s grandfather. It discusses the circumstances leading to the conversation and the valuable advice received.
    • How to improve: While the essay provides a comprehensive response, it could enhance clarity by explicitly stating the prompt or topic at the beginning and ensuring that each paragraph contributes directly to the description of the conversation.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by focusing on the advice received from the grandfather regarding the author’s future career. The stance is consistent throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the main idea or purpose of the essay in the introduction and ensuring that every paragraph reinforces this central theme.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents the ideas by narrating the grandfather’s career journey, emphasizing his tenacity, adaptability, and ultimate success. Specific instances and examples are provided to support these ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more details about the author’s own reflections on the conversation. This could include personal insights gained and how the conversation impacted the author’s perception of their future career.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the conversation with the grandfather and its relevance to the author’s future career. However, there is a brief mention of an aunt towards the end, which may be an inadvertent deviation.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all content directly relates to the main topic of the conversation with the grandfather. The mention of the aunt could be omitted or integrated more seamlessly into the narrative.

Overall Feedback:

The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear and consistent position throughout. The narrative of the grandfather’s career journey is well-developed, supported by specific examples, and provides valuable insights. To further improve, consider refining the introduction for explicit topic identification, reinforcing the central theme throughout, and maintaining strict relevance to the main topic without any slight deviations. Additionally, adding more personal reflections could enhance the depth of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. It starts with an introduction about the conversation with the grandfather, moves on to background information, and then narrates the conversation. However, there is room for improvement in the chronological order of events. For instance, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure, with a more distinct separation between the background information and the main narrative.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider organizing the essay in a more structured manner. Clearly delineate sections for the background information and the conversation with the grandfather. This can be achieved by introducing subheadings or using transition sentences that guide the reader through different phases of the narrative.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. There is a single long paragraph, making it challenging for the reader to follow the distinct ideas and transitions. Paragraph breaks should be strategically placed to create a visually appealing and logically structured essay.
    • How to improve: Break the essay into paragraphs to create a more reader-friendly layout. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the conversation or background information. This will help readers navigate through the content more easily, improving overall readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "however" and "nonetheless," there is a need for a more diverse range of cohesive devices. Additionally, the use of pronouns and connecting words could be refined to ensure smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a broader variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("this," "these"), conjunctions, and transitional phrases, to establish stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. This will contribute to a more seamless and cohesive flow throughout the essay. Also, pay attention to pronoun clarity to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

By addressing these points, the essay can achieve a more coherent and cohesive structure, leading to an improved overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate varied expressions and phrases, such as "over the hill," "step out of his comfort zone," and "flourishing success." However, some repetition of certain words and phrases, such as "grandad" and "dream job," is noticeable.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary variety, consider synonyms or alternative expressions where repetition occurs. This can be achieved by exploring different ways to convey similar ideas. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "grandad," try using "grandfather" or other related terms. Additionally, strive for more precision in word choice to avoid overly general or common terms.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay sometimes lacks precision in vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "went blank" could be replaced with a more vivid term, like "struggled to articulate." Additionally, the term "on trờ pner ship" appears to be a misspelling and affects precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for more precise language by selecting words that convey your intended meaning with clarity. Use a thesaurus to identify alternative terms that might add nuance to your expressions. Regarding misspelling, proofread your work carefully, and consider utilizing spell-check tools to minimize errors.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: While there are some spelling errors, such as "on trờ pner ship," the overall spelling accuracy is acceptable. However, attention to detail is crucial to maintain a professional tone.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, double-check your writing for common errors, and use spell-check tools. Pay close attention to words that may not be automatically flagged but are crucial for conveying the intended message. Consistent proofreading will help in identifying and correcting such errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid effort in vocabulary usage. To elevate your lexical resource, focus on incorporating a more diverse range of expressions, improving precision, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.5-7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of complexity and variety. The majority of sentences are straightforward, and a few instances of repetition can be observed.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex structures such as compound-complex sentences. Additionally, avoid repetitive phrases like "you know" and strive for a smoother flow by using transitional phrases or varied sentence lengths.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical issues, such as the misuse of pronouns ("his journey towards success, which was considered to be a testament to his exceptional qualities in the business realm" could be improved for clarity).
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to pronoun usage and ensure clarity in complex sentences. Review the essay for awkward phrasing, and consider rephrasing sentences for smoother readability. Additionally, make sure to consistently apply punctuation rules, especially in instances like the use of parentheses ("on trờ pner ship"), where clarity is essential.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and structure, but small refinements can elevate the overall quality. Strive for clarity, variety, and precision in expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

I will discuss an informative and valuable conversation that I had with my grandfather. To the best of my recollection, it was about 2 months ago when I visited my grandparents’ house. At that time, I was extremely confused because I had an assignment that required me to describe my dream job in the future. Honestly, my mind went blank when it came to this topic. Knowing that my grandad could lend me a hand with this task, I resolved to seek advice from him.

To provide some background information, my grandad is already advanced in age, in his 70s. Despite his age, he demonstrates astute decision-making and is a forward-thinking person. He’s always one step ahead of everyone else and really has his head screwed on the right way.

To be frank, instead of giving abstract advice, he shared insights into his own career. According to his narration, as a high school student, he didn’t see eye to eye with his parents regarding which university to attend. Required to follow in the family’s footsteps and become a teacher, my grandad felt that it wasn’t his calling. He wanted to venture beyond his accustomed territory and explore his potential.

His tenacity sparked his determination to apply for a bachelor of science without financial support from the family. Despite the initial struggle of adapting to a new academic environment, he never felt discouraged, showcasing his dedication and adaptability.

What really impressed me during that conversation was his journey towards success, considered a testament to his exceptional qualities in the business realm. Before establishing his own business, my grandad underwent extensive courses in manufacturing processes and management, which equipped him with essential skills. However, the journey to entrepreneurship wasn’t without its trials. Facing stiff competition and financial constraints, he encountered initial setbacks that delayed profitability for nearly four years. Nonetheless, his unwavering determination and strategic decisions, such as innovative marketing approaches, eventually led to the flourishing success of his business. This journey resulted in numerous commendable achievements and sources of pride in both his personal and academic life.

In conclusion, my grandfather has consistently been an exemplary role model for me. That conversation inevitably gave practical insights into my dream job in the future.

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