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. Describe an occasion when you used a map

. Describe an occasion when you used a map

The truth is people find themselves disoriented at least once in their lives and that holds true for me as well . You know there was this one time I got lost and it turned out to be an unforgettable experience for me . In fact , I had to count on both an internet-based map and printed map to navigate through the entire journey .
The memory is still fairly vivid in my mind , so now let me delve into the great details . 1 year ago , my cousin and I paid a visit to DaLat City for vacation . Since it was our first time in DL , a completely unfamiliar area for both of us , we had to rely on maps to navigate . One morning , we set out for a local village located in the mountainous area , where there was a vast array of flowerbeds . Initially , we depended entirely on GG Maps, but it seemed that my phone couldn’t pick up strong signals from such a remote area, causing the map to malfunction . So we had to travel back and forth a few times , which made us feel extremely flustered and exhausted . Fortunately , I brought a printed map alongside with me at that time in case of an unexpected event like this . However , it turned out to be nonsense due to the fact I found it quite challenging to interpret and keep track of the route on the map .
You know , we finally decided to abandon the map and sought directions from the locals.What truly impressed me was the hospitable and responsive attitude of them towards us. The amusing part was that we were just a few hundred meters from our destination , but heading in the opposite direction. If it hadn’t been for the local’s support , we could have spent the whole morning in vain


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "people find themselves disoriented" -> "individuals may experience disorientation"
    Explanation: Replacing "people find themselves disoriented" with "individuals may experience disorientation" maintains a formal tone by using more precise language and avoiding the colloquial expression "find themselves."

  2. "holds true for me as well" -> "applies to my own experiences as well"
    Explanation: Changing "holds true for me as well" to "applies to my own experiences as well" contributes to a more formal and academic expression while retaining the intended meaning.

  3. "You know there was this one time" -> "On one occasion"
    Explanation: Substituting "You know there was this one time" with "On one occasion" enhances formality and eliminates the conversational tone present in the original phrase.

  4. "unforgettable experience for me" -> "memorable experience for me"
    Explanation: Replacing "unforgettable experience for me" with "memorable experience for me" maintains the emphasis on the significance of the experience while using a more formal term.

  5. "count on both an internet-based map and printed map" -> "rely on both an online map and a printed map"
    Explanation: Changing "count on both an internet-based map and printed map" to "rely on both an online map and a printed map" adheres to a more formal style and clarifies the type of maps being used.

  6. "fairly vivid in my mind" -> "still vivid in my memory"
    Explanation: Substituting "fairly vivid in my mind" with "still vivid in my memory" maintains clarity and eliminates the colloquial use of "fairly."

  7. "delve into the great details" -> "examine the details thoroughly"
    Explanation: Replacing "delve into the great details" with "examine the details thoroughly" provides a more formal and precise expression.

  8. "1 year ago" -> "One year ago"
    Explanation: Changing "1 year ago" to "One year ago" adheres to a more formal style by using the full word for numbers.

  9. "DaLat City" -> "Da Lat City"
    Explanation: Adjusting "DaLat City" to "Da Lat City" ensures correct formatting and follows the standard presentation of city names.

  10. "completely unfamiliar area" -> "entirely unfamiliar region"
    Explanation: Substituting "completely unfamiliar area" with "entirely unfamiliar region" maintains a formal tone and provides a more sophisticated term for "area."

Note: Due to the relatively short length of the text, some suggestions involve minor adjustments to enhance formality without altering the overall structure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by describing an occasion when the writer used a map. The narrative provides a detailed account of getting lost in DaLat City, relying on both an internet-based map and a printed map to navigate.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider including more reflection on the experience and its impact. Additionally, ensure that all aspects of the prompt are thoroughly covered, such as the emotions and lessons learned from using the map.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by narrating the experience of getting lost and relying on maps for navigation. The writer consistently conveys the challenges faced and the eventual resolution through interactions with locals.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, maintain a more focused discussion on the role of maps in the navigation process. Avoid unnecessary details that may distract from the main narrative.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas are presented and extended reasonably well, with a narrative that unfolds chronologically. The essay provides specific details about using both an internet-based map and a printed map, and it introduces the role of locals in resolving the navigation challenge.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, consider providing more elaboration on the emotional aspects of the experience and the significance of relying on maps. Additionally, connect the use of maps to a broader context or personal growth.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by describing the occasion when the writer used a map. However, there are moments where unnecessary details, such as the malfunctioning of the internet-based map and the difficulty interpreting the printed map, slightly deviate from the central theme.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, streamline the narrative by emphasizing the key moments related to using maps and getting lost. Avoid tangential details that do not contribute significantly to the central theme.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintaining a clear position and presenting ideas with some room for improvement in staying more focused and reflective. To enhance the overall response, consider refining the narrative by emphasizing the emotional aspects of the experience and avoiding unnecessary details that may dilute the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It starts with an introduction, narrates a specific incident, and concludes with the resolution. The chronological order of events aids in coherence. However, there are instances where the narrative could be more smoothly connected. For example, the transition from discussing the malfunction of the GG Maps to bringing out the printed map is abrupt. A smoother linkage between these ideas would enhance the overall flow.

    • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly guide the reader through different stages of the narrative. For instance, a sentence explaining the shift from digital to printed maps could be added, creating a more seamless transition.

  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, but the structure within some paragraphs could be refined. For instance, the paragraph discussing the journey to the local village could be broken down into smaller paragraphs to enhance clarity. The use of paragraphs generally aids readability, but attention to internal structure is needed.

    • How to improve: Break down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to focus on specific aspects of the narrative. This not only helps in maintaining clarity but also allows for a smoother transition between ideas. For example, a separate paragraph could be dedicated to the challenges with GG Maps, followed by another addressing the reliance on the printed map.

  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices, such as time markers ("One morning," "1 year ago") and transitional words ("however," "finally"). However, there’s room for improvement in diversifying the use of cohesive devices. The essay relies heavily on chronological order, and additional devices, such as pronouns or synonyms, could enhance cohesion.

    • How to improve: Introduce a variety of cohesive devices beyond chronological markers. For instance, pronouns like "this" or "these" can help link sentences, and synonyms for repetitive words (e.g., "lost" and "disoriented") can add variety. Ensure that the essay’s flow is not solely dependent on time markers but also incorporates other cohesive elements for a richer narrative.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. Improvements in transitional elements, paragraph structure, and the diversification of cohesive devices could elevate the organization of information and enhance the overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it includes words and expressions appropriate for the task, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary. For instance, the repetition of phrases such as "lost" and "map" could be replaced with synonyms or alternative expressions to enhance lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To widen the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of consistently using "lost," explore alternatives like "disoriented," "confused," or "misplaced." Similarly, find synonyms for "map" to avoid repetition.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay shows some precision in vocabulary usage, but there are instances where more precise terms could enhance the expression. For example, the use of "malfunction" in relation to the map may benefit from a more specific term like "failed" or "glitched" to precisely convey the issue.
    • How to improve: Aim for more nuanced and specific vocabulary choices. When describing technical issues, consider using precise terms that accurately convey the situation. In this case, replacing "malfunction" with a more specific term will enhance clarity and precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, it’s crucial to address instances such as "DL" for DaLat, which may be confusing for readers. Additionally, consider consistent capitalization, such as "GG Maps" or "Google Maps."
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to proper nouns and abbreviations. Ensure consistency in capitalization, and consider providing the full name of abbreviations on their first mention. Proofread the essay for any overlooked spelling errors to enhance overall spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, and improvements in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy can elevate the overall quality. Focus on incorporating a wider range of words, using more precise vocabulary, and ensuring consistent and accurate spelling throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. The writer effectively uses introductory phrases, such as "The truth is" and "You know," to engage the reader. However, there is room for improvement in enhancing the complexity of sentence structures for a higher band score. For example, incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses or varying sentence lengths could elevate the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses to provide more depth and complexity to your ideas. Additionally, experiment with varying sentence lengths to create a more dynamic and engaging writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances where subject-verb agreement and punctuation could be refined for greater accuracy. For instance, in the sentence, "The amusing part was that we were just a few hundred meters from our destination, but heading in the opposite direction," a comma splice is present. This could be rectified by using a semicolon or separating the clauses into two sentences.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Additionally, be cautious of comma splices and consider using semicolons or breaking sentences into shorter ones to enhance clarity and coherence. Reviewing these aspects during the editing process will contribute to improved grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation, with opportunities for enhancement in sentence complexity and precision. Focus on incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation for continued improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Experiencing disorientation is a common occurrence in the lives of individuals, and I can attest to this based on my own experiences. On one occasion, I found myself in a situation where I had to rely on both an online map and a printed map to navigate through an entirely unfamiliar region, making it a memorable experience for me.

One year ago, I visited Da Lat City for a vacation with my cousin. As it was our first time in Da Lat, a completely unfamiliar area for both of us, we had to rely on maps to navigate our way around. The particular incident that is still vivid in my memory occurred when we decided to explore a local village situated in the mountainous area, known for its vast array of flowerbeds.

Initially, we depended entirely on Google Maps (GG Maps). However, my phone couldn’t pick up strong signals in the remote area, causing the map to malfunction. This led us to travel back and forth, creating a sense of fluster and exhaustion. Fortunately, I had a printed map with me as a backup in case of unexpected events. Unfortunately, it turned out to be challenging to interpret and keep track of the route on the printed map.

Frustrated with our attempts, we decided to seek directions from the locals. What truly impressed me was the hospitable and responsive attitude of the local people towards us. It turned out that we were just a few hundred meters from our destination, but we were heading in the opposite direction. If it hadn’t been for the locals’ support, we could have spent the whole morning in vain. This experience taught me the importance of being well-prepared and seeking assistance when needed, making it a valuable lesson in navigating unfamiliar territories.

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