describe the chart
describe the chart
The chart depicts the proportion of total music was sold by 3 methods respectively streams, downloads and CDs purchased. These figures was surveyed in 8 years from 2011 to 2018.
Overall, in the starting time of this study, the total music was sold by streams account for the lowest and by CDs purchased constitute the highest. However, after 8 years, the figure changed clearly.
In 2011, there were approximately 5% of using dowloads to sale music. This number continued to increase steadly from 10% in 2013, 20% in 2015 to 30% in 2017 and stopped at 40% in 2018. With this statistics, streaming method account for the highest number in the year of 2018.
For dowloading way, the percentage in 2011 is quite high , it makes up about 35%, this figure continued to rise, reaching over 40% until between 2014 and 2015, there was a drop. From that time, the proportion fell consistently, from 42% down to 30% in 2018. A suprised thing that the highest percentage in 2011 belonged to music sales by CDs purchased; however, this figure dropped significantly. More specifically, in 2018, this rate fell to 35%.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"The chart depicts the proportion of total music was sold" -> "The chart illustrates the proportion of total music sales"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise and formal than "depicts," and "sales" is the correct noun form to use in this context, aligning with the academic style. -
"by 3 methods respectively streams, downloads and CDs purchased" -> "by three methods: streams, downloads, and CDs purchased"
Explanation: "Three methods" is grammatically correct and more formal than "3 methods." The colon after "methods" is used to introduce the list, which is more appropriate in formal writing. -
"These figures was surveyed" -> "These figures were surveyed"
Explanation: "Were" is the correct form of the verb "to be" to use in the plural form and past tense, correcting the grammatical error. -
"in the starting time of this study" -> "at the beginning of this study"
Explanation: "At the beginning of this study" is a more precise and formal way to refer to the initial period of the study. -
"the total music was sold by streams account for the lowest" -> "the proportion of music sales by streams was the lowest"
Explanation: "The proportion of music sales by streams was the lowest" corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the meaning. -
"by CDs purchased constitute the highest" -> "by CDs purchased was the highest"
Explanation: "Was the highest" corrects the verb tense to match the past tense of the sentence. -
"the figure changed clearly" -> "the figures changed significantly"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise and formal than "clearly," which is vague and less academic. -
"there were approximately 5% of using dowloads to sale music" -> "approximately 5% of downloads were used to sell music"
Explanation: "Were used to sell" corrects the verb tense and form, and "downloads" should not be hyphenated. -
"This number continued to increase steadly" -> "This number continued to increase steadily"
Explanation: "Steadily" is the correct spelling, and "steadly" is a typographical error. -
"With this statistics" -> "With these statistics"
Explanation: "These" is the correct demonstrative pronoun to use when referring to a plural noun like "statistics." -
"the year of 2018" -> "in 2018"
Explanation: "In 2018" is a more concise and formal way to specify the year. -
"For dowloading way" -> "For downloading"
Explanation: "Downloading" should not be hyphenated, and "way" is unnecessary and informal. -
"the percentage in 2011 is quite high" -> "the percentage in 2011 was quite high"
Explanation: "Was" corrects the verb tense to match the past tense of the sentence. -
"this figure continued to rise, reaching over 40% until between 2014 and 2015" -> "this figure continued to rise, reaching over 40% by 2015"
Explanation: "By 2015" is more precise and formal than "until between 2014 and 2015." -
"A suprised thing that" -> "A surprising fact that"
Explanation: "Surprising" corrects the spelling, and "fact" is more appropriate than "thing" in this context, which is too informal and vague. -
"this figure dropped significantly" -> "this figure significantly decreased"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal synonym for "dropped," aligning better with academic style.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to describe the chart by outlining the sales proportions of music through streams, downloads, and CDs over the specified years. However, it lacks a comprehensive analysis of the data presented. For instance, while it mentions trends, it does not adequately explain the significance of these trends or compare the methods effectively. The introduction could have been clearer in stating what the chart depicts, and the conclusion is missing, which is essential for summarizing the findings.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that each method of music sales is discussed in more detail, including specific data points and comparisons between the methods. A clear introduction that summarizes the chart and a concluding statement that encapsulates the overall trends would enhance the response.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position or thesis statement that guides the reader through the analysis. The transitions between discussing streams, downloads, and CDs are not smooth, leading to confusion about the main focus of the essay. The reader may struggle to understand the overall trends without a clear narrative.
- How to improve: Establish a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main trends observed in the chart. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal shifts in focus and maintain a consistent narrative throughout the essay.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat disjointed and lack sufficient support. For example, while the writer mentions the increase in streaming sales, there is no explanation of why this might be significant or how it compares to the other methods. The statistics provided are not fully utilized to support the analysis, and some statements are vague or unsupported by data.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should provide more specific data points and elaborate on their implications. Each claim should be backed up with evidence from the chart, and comparisons should be drawn to highlight the relationships between the different sales methods.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the sales methods of music. However, there are moments where the writing becomes unclear, particularly in the phrasing and structure of sentences. For instance, the phrase "a suprised thing that the highest percentage in 2011 belonged to music sales by CDs purchased" is awkwardly constructed and distracts from the main point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the analysis of the chart. Clear and concise language will help keep the reader engaged and make the argument more persuasive. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will improve clarity and coherence.
Overall, the essay needs to be more comprehensive in addressing the chart, with a clearer structure and more detailed analysis to achieve a higher band score in Task Response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a generally logical order, starting with an overview of the chart and then detailing the trends for each method of music sale. However, the transitions between different methods could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing downloads to streaming lacks a clear connective phrase, which can confuse readers about the relationship between the two methods. The overall structure is clear, but the logical flow could be improved by grouping related information more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that indicate what will be discussed. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "In contrast," or "Similarly," can help clarify the relationships between different data points and methods.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the paragraphing could be more effective. The first paragraph serves as an introduction, while the subsequent paragraphs discuss specific data points. However, the lack of clear separation between the discussion of different methods leads to a somewhat cluttered presentation. For instance, the discussion of downloads and CDs is mixed together, making it harder for the reader to follow the narrative.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single method of music sale. For example, create one paragraph for streaming, one for downloads, and another for CDs. This separation will help clarify the discussion and allow readers to easily track the changes over time for each method.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," and "more specifically," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For instance, the phrase "A suprised thing that the highest percentage in 2011 belonged to music sales by CDs purchased" lacks a smooth transition from the previous sentence, making it feel somewhat isolated.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Additionally," to introduce new information, or "Conversely," when discussing contrasting trends. This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also enhance the overall coherence of the argument being presented.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant information, improvements in logical organization, effective paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices would enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic of music sales. Terms such as "streams," "downloads," and "CDs purchased" are appropriate and relevant. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For example, the phrase "the total music was sold by streams" could be varied to include synonyms or alternative expressions like "the total music sales through streaming." The use of "account for," "constitute," and "make up" is a good attempt to diversify vocabulary, but the overall range remains basic.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more varied expressions and synonyms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "sold," explore alternatives such as "distributed," "marketed," or "transacted." Additionally, using phrases like "the data indicates" or "the findings reveal" can enrich the language and make the writing more engaging.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the starting time of this study" is vague; it would be clearer to say "at the beginning of the study." Additionally, "the percentage in 2011 is quite high" lacks specificity; it would be more precise to state "the percentage of music sales by downloads in 2011 was notably high." The phrase "a suprised thing" is awkward and should be replaced with "an interesting observation" or "notably."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. When discussing data, ensure that terms reflect the specifics of the figures being presented. For example, instead of "the highest number in the year of 2018," specify "the highest percentage of music sales in 2018." This will improve clarity and precision in your writing.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality of the writing. Notable examples include "dowloads" (should be "downloads"), "steadly" (should be "steadily"), "suprised" (should be "surprising"), and "account for" (should be "accounts for"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing software can help identify and correct spelling mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and uses relevant vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the overall quality of the writing can be enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the majority of sentences are simple or compound, such as "The chart depicts the proportion of total music was sold by 3 methods respectively streams, downloads and CDs purchased." This sentence structure lacks complexity, which is essential for achieving a higher band score. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the total music was sold by streams account for the lowest," which could be restructured for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For example, instead of saying "the total music was sold by streams account for the lowest," a more complex structure could be "Although streams accounted for the lowest sales initially, they experienced significant growth over the years." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied conjunctions can also help diversify the writing style.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "These figures was surveyed" should be corrected to "These figures were surveyed," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, the phrase "the percentage in 2011 is quite high" should be in the past tense to maintain consistency with the rest of the essay. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in lists (e.g., "streams, downloads and CDs purchased"), also detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that verb tenses are consistent throughout the essay. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules for using commas, especially in lists and compound sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes, allowing for revisions that enhance clarity and coherence.
By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
The chart illustrates the proportion of total music sales by three methods: streams, downloads, and CDs purchased. These figures were surveyed over a period of eight years, from 2011 to 2018.
Overall, at the beginning of this study, the proportion of music sold by streams was the lowest, while the sales by CDs purchased constituted the highest. However, after eight years, the figures changed significantly.
In 2011, approximately 5% of music sales were made through downloads. This number continued to increase steadily, rising from 10% in 2013, to 20% in 2015, and reaching 30% in 2017, before stopping at 40% in 2018. With these statistics, the streaming method accounted for the highest percentage in the year 2018.
For downloads, the percentage in 2011 was quite high, making up about 35%. This figure continued to rise, reaching over 40% until there was a drop between 2014 and 2015. From that point onward, the proportion fell consistently, decreasing from 42% down to 30% in 2018. A surprising fact is that the highest percentage in 2011 belonged to music sales by CDs purchased; however, this figure significantly decreased. More specifically, in 2018, this rate fell to 35%.