Describe the graph

The graph illustrates how much money the film industry made by selling cinema tickets and DVDs in the USA and abroad between 2001 and 2010.
Overall, International movie ticket sales always generate the highest income, showing an upward trend over the years, while North American movie ticket sales stayed the lowest and fairly steady. North American DVD sales and international DVD sales saw constant fluctuation.
The North American DVD sales reached the highest level at 25 billion US dollars in 2004. Then, the figure decreased continuously until 2010. Cinema ticket sales showed minimal change, staying nearly constant across the period.
The international cinema sales peaked in 2004 with 28 billion US dollars and showed a continuous upward trend until 2010. The figure of DVD sales look quite similar to cinema sales but reached its highest point in 2004 with 18 billion US dollars.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"how much money the film industry made by selling cinema tickets and DVDs" -> "the revenue generated by the film industry through the sale of cinema tickets and DVDs"
Explanation: "Revenue generated" is a more formal and precise term than "how much money made," which is overly simplistic. "Through the sale of" is more academically appropriate than "by selling."
"always generate the highest income" -> "consistently generated the highest revenue"
Explanation: "Consistently" is a more precise adverb than "always," which can imply inflexibility. "Revenue" is a more formal term than "income," aligning better with academic language.
"stayed the lowest and fairly steady" -> "remained the lowest and relatively stable"
Explanation: "Remained" is a more formal alternative to "stayed." "Relatively stable" is a more precise phrase than "fairly steady," which can be seen as vague.
"saw constant fluctuation" -> "exhibited considerable variability"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal verb than "saw," and "considerable variability" is a more precise way to describe fluctuations, enhancing clarity.
"the highest level at 25 billion US dollars" -> "the peak level of 25 billion US dollars"
Explanation: "Peak level" is a more precise term than "highest level," which enhances the academic tone of the writing.
"decreased continuously until 2010" -> "declined steadily until 2010"
Explanation: "Declined" is a more formal alternative to "decreased," and "steadily" conveys a more consistent trend than "continuously."
"showed minimal change, staying nearly constant" -> "exhibited minimal change, remaining relatively constant"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal than "showed," and "remaining relatively constant" is a more precise phrase than "staying nearly constant."
"the international cinema sales peaked" -> "international cinema sales reached their peak"
Explanation: "Reached their peak" is a more formal construction than "peaked," improving the academic tone.
"look quite similar to cinema sales" -> "exhibit a similar trend to cinema sales"
Explanation: "Exhibit a similar trend" is more precise and formal than "look quite similar," which can be seen as informal.
"but reached its highest point in 2004" -> "but attained its highest level in 2004"
Explanation: "Attained" is a more formal verb than "reached," and "highest level" is more precise than "highest point," enhancing the academic quality of the writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph. It identifies the key features of the graph, such as the highest and lowest points, and the overall trends. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features. For example, it mentions that North American DVD sales reached the highest level in 2004, but it does not provide any further details about the trend.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the key features of the graph. For example, the essay could mention the specific values of the highest and lowest points, and it could provide more information about the trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends. For example, instead of saying that the international cinema sales "showed a continuous upward trend," the essay could say that the sales "increased steadily" or "rose consistently."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. It effectively communicates the main trends in the graph, such as the differences between North American and international sales. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where cohesion could be improved, particularly in linking sentences and ideas more fluidly. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphing, it does not always do so logically, as some ideas could be better grouped together to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. This could involve using a wider range of linking words and phrases. Additionally, improving the logical organization of paragraphs by grouping related ideas together would help clarify the progression of information. Lastly, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within it relate directly to that topic would strengthen coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, effectively conveying the main trends and figures from the graph. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and some awkward phrasing, such as "the figure of DVD sales look quite similar," which should be "the figure for DVD sales looks quite similar." Additionally, while the vocabulary is sufficient to communicate the message, it lacks the sophistication and variety expected at higher band levels. There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the figure decreased continuously," which could be better expressed as "the figure decreased steadily."

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items, and ensure precise word choices. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures can help convey ideas more fluently and flexibly. Practicing the use of synonyms and collocations will also contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it does provide relevant information and maintains a clear structure, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from the overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the figure of DVD sales look quite similar" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("look" should be "looks"). Additionally, while the essay communicates its points effectively, the presence of these errors suggests that the writer does not have full control over grammatical accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation. Expanding the range of complex sentence structures and ensuring that they are used accurately will also help improve the score. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and coherence, while minimizing grammatical mistakes, will contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph illustrates the revenue generated by the film industry through cinema ticket and DVD sales in the USA and internationally between 2001 and 2010. Overall, international movie ticket sales consistently generated the highest income, exhibiting an upward trend throughout the years, while North American movie ticket sales remained the lowest and relatively stable. In contrast, both North American and international DVD sales experienced constant fluctuations.

North American DVD sales reached their peak at 25 billion US dollars in 2004. Following this, the figure declined steadily until 2010. Cinema ticket sales showed minimal variation, remaining nearly constant over the period.

International cinema sales peaked in 2004 at 28 billion US dollars and displayed a continuous upward trend until 2010. The pattern of DVD sales was quite similar to that of cinema sales, with its highest point also occurring in 2004, reaching 18 billion US dollars.