Despite better access to education, many adult today still cannot read or write. in what ways are they disadvantaged? What can governments do to help them?

In the contemporary world, most people have the opportunity to access to education as i has been developed over the decades globally. However, there are still a significant number of people cannot read or write due to the inadequate facility of education. In this essay, I will discuss the disadvantages and solutions the government should implement to increase literacy.

Despite the increased access to education, there are a great number of children do not want to complete their kindergarten or some parent do not force in that. Also, parent do not have adequate money to put them in kindergarten or even other higher school levels which has significant effects on children's education. For instance, children in remote areas cannot have proper instruction, which will cause some terrible in the future like they cannot read news, books and cannot write even their name and address. Moreover, the most significant drawback is some children will more to criminal activities such as child trafficking, drug dealing and trying to extort money from other because they cannot earn money from education.

To combat these challenges, the government should implement some rules and regulations about children education through they have some disabilities. First of all, the government should offer free education or all kindergarten because all children will learn primary education. Additionally, they should develop schools in some remote areas, which can cover the whole children's literacy. Also, the government should give more priority to disable people and builds special schools to improve their literacy.

In conclusion, education is an essential tool for all people because, without good literacy, it is exceedingly difficult to find a favorable job and expose it to society. Therefore. the government should give more concern about children's literacy.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"most people have the opportunity to access to education" -> "most people have access to education"
Explanation: Removing "to" after "access" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase, making it more direct and formal.
"as i has been developed" -> "as education has been developed"
Explanation: Correcting "i" to "education" fixes a grammatical error and clarifies the subject of the sentence, enhancing readability and formality.
"a significant number of people cannot read or write" -> "a significant number of individuals are illiterate"
Explanation: Replacing "cannot read or write" with "are illiterate" uses a more precise and formal term, enhancing the academic tone.
"inadequate facility of education" -> "inadequate educational facilities"
Explanation: Changing "facility of education" to "educational facilities" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning, making it more specific and formal.
"there are a great number of children do not want to complete their kindergarten" -> "many children do not wish to complete their kindergarten education"
Explanation: Replacing "a great number of" with "many" and "do not want" with "do not wish" refines the language to be more formal and precise.
"some parent do not force in that" -> "some parents do not insist on this"
Explanation: Correcting "parent" to "parents" and "force in that" to "insist on this" improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"parent do not have adequate money" -> "parents do not have sufficient funds"
Explanation: Changing "money" to "funds" and "adequate" to "sufficient" uses more precise and formal vocabulary.
"which has significant effects on children’s education" -> "which significantly impacts children’s education"
Explanation: Replacing "has significant effects" with "significantly impacts" uses a more direct and formal verb form.
"some children will more to criminal activities" -> "some children may engage in criminal activities"
Explanation: Correcting "will more to" to "may engage in" fixes grammatical errors and uses a more appropriate verb form.
"trying to extort money from other because they cannot earn money from education" -> "attempting to extort money from others because they cannot earn a living through education"
Explanation: Replacing "trying to extort" with "attempting to extort" and "other" with "others" corrects grammatical errors and enhances formality.
"the government should implement some rules and regulations about children education through they have some disabilities" -> "the government should establish rules and regulations regarding children’s education, particularly for those with disabilities"
Explanation: Rewriting the sentence clarifies the meaning and corrects grammatical errors, improving the flow and formality.
"offer free education or all kindergarten" -> "provide free education to all kindergartens"
Explanation: Changing "or all kindergarten" to "to all kindergartens" corrects the preposition and noun agreement, enhancing clarity and formality.
"builds special schools to improve their literacy" -> "establish special schools to enhance literacy"
Explanation: Replacing "builds" with "establish" and "improve" with "enhance" uses more precise and formal language suitable for an academic context.
"give more concern about children’s literacy" -> "prioritize children’s literacy"
Explanation: Replacing "give more concern about" with "prioritize" simplifies and strengthens the statement, aligning better with formal academic language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the disadvantages faced by illiterate adults and suggesting government interventions. The disadvantages mentioned include the inability to read and write, which can lead to criminal activities and hinder job prospects. However, the discussion of disadvantages could be more nuanced, as it primarily focuses on children rather than adults, which is a slight deviation from the prompt’s emphasis on adult literacy.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly mention the disadvantages faced by adults who cannot read or write, such as limited job opportunities, social exclusion, and difficulties in accessing information. This would ensure that all aspects of the prompt are fully addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that education is crucial for literacy and that government intervention is necessary. However, the clarity of the position could be improved, as the essay sometimes shifts focus between children and adults, which may confuse the reader regarding the primary subject of discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should clearly delineate between the discussion of children and adults. A more focused approach could involve stating the position on adult literacy upfront and then discussing how children’s literacy impacts future adult literacy, thereby maintaining a cohesive argument throughout.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the need for free education and the establishment of schools in remote areas. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the writer mentions that children in remote areas lack proper instruction, there is little elaboration on how this specifically affects adults later in life.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, discussing specific statistics or studies that illustrate the correlation between education access and adult literacy rates would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments. Additionally, extending the discussion on how government policies can effectively address these issues would enhance the overall depth of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing education and literacy. However, there are moments where the focus shifts to children, which can detract from the main topic of adult literacy. The mention of criminal activities, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the impact of adult illiteracy.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should consistently relate all points back to the impact on adults. This can be achieved by framing the discussion around how the lack of education in childhood leads to adult disadvantages, thereby keeping the essay aligned with the prompt throughout.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from a more focused approach on adult literacy, clearer support for arguments, and a more nuanced exploration of the disadvantages faced by adults. By addressing these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing disadvantages and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing children’s lack of access to education to the consequences of illiteracy could be smoother. The mention of criminal activities feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a clearer connection to the preceding points about education.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point flows naturally into the next by using transitional phrases that link ideas. For example, after discussing the lack of access to education, you could introduce the consequences with a phrase like, "This lack of education not only affects personal development but also has broader societal implications."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to disadvantages and another to solutions. However, some paragraphs could be more focused. For example, the second paragraph combines several ideas about parental involvement, financial constraints, and the consequences of illiteracy, which could be overwhelming for the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for more focused paragraphs that each tackle a single idea or theme. For instance, you could separate the discussion of parental involvement and financial constraints into two distinct paragraphs. This would allow for deeper exploration of each point and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "also," and "moreover." However, the range is somewhat limited, and some devices are used repetitively. For example, "also" appears multiple times, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward, as seen in phrases like "through they have some disabilities," which lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that the devices used are contextually appropriate and grammatically correct. For example, rephrase "through they have some disabilities" to "even when they face disabilities" for clarity and correctness.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. For instance, phrases like "inadequate facility of education" and "the most significant drawback" are somewhat repetitive and could be expressed with more varied vocabulary. The use of "terrible" to describe future consequences is vague and lacks nuance.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For example, instead of "inadequate facility of education," one might use "insufficient educational resources" or "limited access to quality education." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can help convey ideas more effectively.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that may confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "some children will more to criminal activities" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The intended meaning is obscured, which detracts from the overall clarity of the argument. Similarly, "put them in kindergarten" could be more accurately expressed as "enroll them in kindergarten."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that verbs and nouns are used correctly. For instance, instead of "will more to criminal activities," a clearer phrasing would be "may engage in criminal activities."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "i" instead of "I," "parent" instead of "parents," and "disable" instead of "disabled." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can undermine the credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or vocabulary quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary, it requires improvement in range, precision, and spelling to achieve a higher band score. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and better convey their ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, sentences like "However, there are still a significant number of people cannot read or write due to the inadequate facility of education" and "To combat these challenges, the government should implement some rules and regulations about children education through they have some disabilities" show a lack of complexity. The use of more complex structures, such as relative clauses or conditional sentences, is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying "the government should offer free education," they could say "the government should consider offering free education to ensure that all children, regardless of their background, have access to primary education." Additionally, using varied sentence openings and transitions can help improve the flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "there are a great number of children do not want to complete their kindergarten" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "there are a great number of children who do not want to complete their kindergarten." Additionally, the sentence "the government should implement some rules and regulations about children education through they have some disabilities" is awkward and unclear. Punctuation errors, such as the incorrect use of commas and periods, also detract from the overall clarity of the essay. For instance, "Therefore. the government should give more concern about children’s literacy" should use a comma instead of a period.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of relative clauses. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission would be beneficial. Utilizing tools such as grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting mistakes.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, there is a need for greater variety in sentence structures and improved grammatical accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their overall writing proficiency and potentially achieve a higher band score in the future.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, most people have the opportunity to access education as it has been developed over the decades globally. However, there are still a significant number of individuals who cannot read or write due to inadequate educational facilities. In this essay, I will discuss the disadvantages and solutions the government should implement to increase literacy.

Despite the increased access to education, a great number of children do not wish to complete their kindergarten education, and some parents do not insist on this. Additionally, parents do not have sufficient funds to enroll them in kindergarten or even other higher school levels, which significantly impacts children’s education. For instance, children in remote areas cannot receive proper instruction, which may lead to serious consequences in the future, such as being unable to read news, books, or even write their name and address. Moreover, the most significant drawback is that some children may engage in criminal activities, such as child trafficking, drug dealing, and attempting to extort money from others because they cannot earn a living through education.

To combat these challenges, the government should establish rules and regulations regarding children’s education, particularly for those with disabilities. First of all, the government should provide free education to all kindergartens so that all children can learn primary education. Additionally, they should develop schools in remote areas, which can enhance children’s literacy. Furthermore, the government should prioritize children with disabilities and establish special schools to improve their literacy.

In conclusion, education is an essential tool for all people because, without good literacy, it is exceedingly difficult to find a favorable job and integrate into society. Therefore, the government should give more concern to children’s literacy.