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Despite improvements in vehicle technology, there are still large numbers of road accidents. Explain some of the causes of these accidents, and suggest some measures that could be taken to address the problem.

Despite improvements in vehicle technology, there are still large numbers of road
accidents. Explain some of the causes of these accidents, and suggest some
measures that could be taken to address the problem.

Regardless of the huge development in vehicle technology, there are still large figures for traffic accidents. Several reasons could be taken to elucidate this trend such as the loosely enforced regulations and tiredness. However, this tendency could be tackled by inventing new laws and launching campaigns from the government.

There are two main causes why road accidents still occur. To begin with, the policies from the administrations lack deterrents, which can create a psychology of neglecting while driving the transportation of drivers and they may do other activities such as: phoning or surfing the Internet. In addition, driving while drunk and not sober can also be a reason for this. The workers and staff that have nine-to-five jobs and manual labor, who have to work intensively can be exhausted while controlling the vehicles and those who consume lots of alcohol substances. For example, research from Stanford University showed that more than 60 % of road accidents stemmed from driving after using alcohol They driving under the influence of it which can pose a serious threat to not only their life but also the others.
People and the authorities can take various measures to alleviate this problem. Firstly, the state should have a fixed punishment for those who travel by car or other transportation while less conscious. To illustrate, they can increase the penalties for those who while traveling are in traffic by sentencing them to prison for 6 months instead of just financial punishments. Furthermore, the residents should enhance their understanding of traffic laws by taking courses and researching on the Internet to improve their safety when controlling their vehicles.

In conclusion, despite technological advancement, there are still numerous causes of road accidents. However, several approaches can be taken to overcome these issues.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "huge development" -> "significant advancements"
    Explanation: "Significant advancements" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the extent of technological progress in the context of vehicle technology, aligning with academic style.

  2. "large figures for traffic accidents" -> "substantial numbers of traffic accidents"
    Explanation: "Substantial numbers" is a more precise and formal way to describe the quantity of accidents, avoiding the vague and informal "large figures."

  3. "could be taken to elucidate" -> "can be attributed to"
    Explanation: "Can be attributed to" is a more direct and academically appropriate phrase, clearly indicating causality in the context of explaining reasons.

  4. "loosely enforced regulations" -> "insufficiently enforced regulations"
    Explanation: "Insufficiently enforced" is a more precise term that accurately describes the weakness in the implementation of regulations, enhancing the formal tone.

  5. "tiredness" -> "fatigue"
    Explanation: "Fatigue" is a more specific and formal term that is commonly used in academic and professional contexts to describe physical or mental exhaustion.

  6. "inventing new laws" -> "enacting new legislation"
    Explanation: "Enacting new legislation" is a more formal and precise term that accurately describes the process of creating and implementing laws.

  7. "launching campaigns" -> "initiating campaigns"
    Explanation: "Initiating" is a more formal synonym for "launching," which is better suited for academic writing.

  8. "the policies from the administrations" -> "policies implemented by the administration"
    Explanation: "Policies implemented by the administration" clarifies the agency responsible for the policies, enhancing clarity and formality.

  9. "create a psychology of neglecting" -> "promote a culture of neglect"
    Explanation: "Promote a culture of neglect" is a more precise and formal way to describe how policies can influence behavior, aligning with academic style.

  10. "phoning or surfing the Internet" -> "using their phones or accessing the Internet"
    Explanation: "Using their phones or accessing the Internet" is a more formal and precise way to describe the activities, avoiding the colloquial "surfing."

  11. "driving while drunk and not sober" -> "operating vehicles under the influence of alcohol"
    Explanation: "Operating vehicles under the influence of alcohol" is a more formal and precise term that avoids the colloquial "drunk and not sober."

  12. "consume lots of alcohol substances" -> "consume large amounts of alcohol"
    Explanation: "Consume large amounts of alcohol" is a more formal and precise phrase, avoiding the informal "lots of."

  13. "They driving under the influence of it" -> "They operate vehicles under the influence of alcohol"
    Explanation: "Operate vehicles under the influence of alcohol" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.

  14. "People and the authorities can take various measures" -> "Individuals and authorities can implement various measures"
    Explanation: "Implement" is a more formal verb than "take," and "individuals" is a more precise term than "people" in formal writing.

  15. "while traveling are in traffic" -> "while driving"
    Explanation: "While driving" is a more concise and formal way to express the activity, avoiding the awkward and unclear "while traveling are in traffic."

  16. "sentencing them to prison for 6 months" -> "imposing a six-month prison sentence"
    Explanation: "Imposing a six-month prison sentence" is a more formal and precise way to describe the legal action, aligning with academic style.

  17. "enhance their understanding of traffic laws" -> "improve their comprehension of traffic regulations"
    Explanation: "Improve their comprehension of traffic regulations" uses more formal vocabulary and is more precise in describing the enhancement of knowledge.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes of road accidents (loosely enforced regulations and driver fatigue) and suggesting measures to tackle the problem (new laws and awareness campaigns). However, the explanation of causes could be more comprehensive. For instance, while the mention of "driving while drunk" is relevant, it could be further elaborated to include statistics or examples of how this specifically contributes to accidents. Additionally, the suggestion of "launching campaigns" is vague and lacks specificity regarding what type of campaigns would be effective.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each cause is thoroughly explained with examples or data to support their claims. For the suggested measures, providing specific examples of successful campaigns or laws from other countries could strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that despite advancements in technology, road accidents continue to be a significant issue. The stance is consistent throughout the essay, as the writer reiterates the need for new laws and public awareness. However, the phrasing in some parts, such as "the policies from the administrations lack deterrents," could be clearer. The use of "psychology of neglecting" is somewhat ambiguous and may confuse readers about the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use more straightforward language and avoid complex phrases that may obscure the main point. Additionally, reinforcing the position in the conclusion with a summary of the main arguments can help to solidify the stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes of road accidents and potential solutions. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the discussion about driver fatigue is introduced but not fully explored. The supporting examples, such as the research from Stanford University, are relevant but could be more effectively integrated into the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detail and examples. Including statistics, studies, or real-world examples can provide stronger support for the claims made. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea will help in structuring the argument more effectively.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of road accidents and measures to address them. However, there are moments where the focus could be tightened. For instance, the mention of "manual labor" workers could be better connected to the overall argument about fatigue and its impact on driving. The transition between ideas could also be smoother to maintain coherence.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates to the main topic of road accidents. Using clear transitions between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph supports the central argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, avoiding tangential information that does not directly contribute to the discussion will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing causes to solutions is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses causes but does not clearly link to the second paragraph, which outlines solutions. The ideas within paragraphs are generally well-organized, but the connection between the two main sections could be more explicit.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the causes, a sentence like "To address these issues, several measures can be implemented" would create a smoother transition to the solutions. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea will help maintain focus and coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with a clear distinction between causes and solutions. Each paragraph contains relevant information, but the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer organization. The first paragraph lists two causes but does not clearly separate the discussion of each cause, leading to some confusion. The second paragraph also introduces multiple solutions without a clear structure.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on legal measures and the other on educational initiatives. This would allow for a more in-depth discussion of each solution and improve clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "to begin with," and "furthermore." These devices help connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be more fluid. For example, the phrase "the policies from the administrations lack deterrents" could be more smoothly integrated into the surrounding text.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "in addition" or "moreover" to introduce additional points can enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help avoid repetition and improve cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "road accidents," the writer could use "these incidents" in subsequent references.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could elevate the writing to a higher band score by enhancing clarity, organization, and fluidity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "development," "deterrents," "psychology of neglecting," and "exhausted." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "road accidents" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, phrases like "huge development" and "large figures" could be replaced with more precise alternatives such as "significant advancements" or "high incidence rates."
    • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "road accidents," they could use "traffic collisions," "vehicular incidents," or "roadway mishaps." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help in expanding their lexical range.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "the psychology of neglecting while driving the transportation of drivers" is convoluted and unclear. The intended meaning seems to refer to drivers neglecting safety while driving, but the wording obscures this. Additionally, "alcohol substances" is redundant, as "alcohol" itself suffices.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. Rephrasing complex ideas into simpler, more direct language can help. For instance, the problematic phrase could be revised to "drivers neglect safety measures." Furthermore, avoiding redundancy, such as using "alcohol" instead of "alcohol substances," will improve precision and clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "the workers and staff that have nine-to-five jobs" (where "that" should be "who") and "They driving under the influence of it" (which should be rephrased for grammatical correctness). Additionally, "not sober" is awkwardly phrased and could be improved to "under the influence of alcohol."
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling and grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can help identify errors before submission. Additionally, practicing writing and revising essays can help solidify correct spelling and grammatical structures.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an adequate use of vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, focusing on clarity, and proofreading for spelling and grammar, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "Regardless of the huge development in vehicle technology" and "To begin with, the policies from the administrations lack deterrents" showcases an attempt to vary sentence beginnings and complexity. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and run-on sentences, such as "the psychology of neglecting while driving the transportation of drivers and they may do other activities such as: phoning or surfing the Internet," which detracts from clarity and fluency.
    • How to improve: To enhance sentence variety, the writer should practice using more complex structures effectively, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses. For example, instead of saying "the policies from the administrations lack deterrents," the writer could say, "the policies implemented by the administrations, which lack effective deterrents, contribute to a culture of negligence among drivers." Additionally, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can improve readability.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "the workers and staff that have nine-to-five jobs and manual labor, who have to work intensively can be exhausted while controlling the vehicles and those who consume lots of alcohol substances" is a convoluted sentence that lacks proper punctuation, making it difficult to follow. Additionally, phrases like "the others" in "the life but also the others" are vague and should be more specific. The use of "They driving under the influence of it" is grammatically incorrect and should be rephrased for clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on complex sentences and punctuation rules, will be beneficial. It is also advisable to proofread the essay for common errors, such as missing commas or incorrect verb forms. For instance, the sentence could be revised to: "Driving under the influence of alcohol poses a serious threat not only to the driver’s life but also to the lives of others." This revision corrects grammatical issues and enhances clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, focusing on sentence variety and grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Regardless of the significant advancements in vehicle technology, there are still substantial numbers of traffic accidents. Several reasons can be attributed to this trend, such as insufficiently enforced regulations and fatigue. However, this tendency could be tackled by enacting new legislation and initiating campaigns from the government.

There are two main causes why road accidents still occur. To begin with, the policies implemented by the administration lack deterrents, which can create a psychology of neglect while driving among drivers, leading them to engage in other activities such as using their phones or accessing the Internet. In addition, operating vehicles under the influence of alcohol can also be a reason for this. Workers and staff who have nine-to-five jobs and manual labor, who have to work intensively, can be exhausted while operating their vehicles, especially those who consume large amounts of alcohol. For example, research from Stanford University showed that more than 60% of road accidents stemmed from driving after consuming alcohol. They operate vehicles under the influence of it, which can pose a serious threat not only to their lives but also to others.

Individuals and authorities can implement various measures to alleviate this problem. Firstly, the state should have a fixed punishment for those who travel by car or other transportation while less conscious. To illustrate, they can increase the penalties for those who, while traveling, are in traffic by imposing a six-month prison sentence instead of just financial punishments. Furthermore, residents should improve their comprehension of traffic regulations by taking courses and researching on the Internet to enhance their safety when operating their vehicles.

In conclusion, despite technological advancements, there are still numerous causes of road accidents. However, several approaches can be taken to overcome these issues.

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