Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write. What are the disadvantages without these skills? And what actions should governments take?

It is undeniable that even though there are an augmentation on educational accessibility, the literacy rate is still low. This can lead to the situation where the communication can be less engaging and the job market can be deeply affected. However, governments can still take measures by opening more campaigns in relation to teaching and encourage people to study despite their age.
Firstly, there are a vast majority of drawbacks in terms of not being able to read and write. For one, the ability to maintain a conversation with people who are literate could be challenging, especially through specific methods such as messaging or sending letters. As a result, this would lead to not only misunderstandings between people but also the exhaustion to communicate, which in the end could create an invisible barriers between them. For another, if one cannot understand thoroughly what meaning is placed in the text like newspapers, they might not even stand a chance to go to school, let alone university. In other words, being unable to read and write can mitigate the chance of getting a well-paid job but rather becoming blue-collar workers. Consequently, as more and more illiterate people choosing to do labour work, some jobs can be overloaded with people like them which could lead to a raise in the unemployment rate.
However, measures can be taken by the authories to tackle this situation. First, they can encourage people who cannot read and write of all ages to participate in a teaching campaign created by the government. This not only can help those individuals to have a better insight on words and phrases but also can create an environment for people to practice doing that together. Secondly, the authories can also implement rules and laws that give people free education. Accordingly, despite having underpriveliged backgrounds, people can still participate in high-quality curriculum which will help them improve not only reading and writing skills but also other prime techniques which could be useful for them latter on.
In conclusion, despite an increase in the educational accessibility, there are a large number of peope who are unable to read or write. This can result in the way people communicate and the employment rate. Nevertheless, the government can encourage people to take part in campaigns and give them free education to deal with this situation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"an augmentation on educational accessibility" -> "an increase in educational accessibility"
Explanation: "An augmentation" is not a commonly used term in this context. "An increase" is more precise and widely accepted in academic writing, clearly conveying the intended meaning of a rise in accessibility.
"the literacy rate is still low" -> "the literacy rate remains low"
Explanation: "Remains" is a more formal and precise term than "is still," which is somewhat colloquial and less specific in an academic context.
"the communication can be less engaging" -> "communication may become less engaging"
Explanation: "May become" is more tentative and academically appropriate than "can be," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"the job market can be deeply affected" -> "the job market may be significantly impacted"
Explanation: "May be significantly impacted" is more precise and formal than "can be deeply affected," aligning better with academic style by specifying the degree of impact.
"opening more campaigns in relation to teaching" -> "launching additional initiatives related to education"
Explanation: "Launching additional initiatives" is more specific and formal than "opening more campaigns," which is less precise and slightly informal.
"a vast majority of drawbacks" -> "a significant number of drawbacks"
Explanation: "A significant number of" is more precise and academically appropriate than "a vast majority of," which can be seen as overly dramatic and less specific.
"the ability to maintain a conversation" -> "the capacity to engage in conversation"
Explanation: "Capacity" is a more formal term than "ability," and "engage in conversation" is a more precise phrase than "maintain a conversation," which can imply a static state rather than an active process.
"invisible barriers" -> "unintended barriers"
Explanation: "Unintended barriers" is a more precise term that accurately describes barriers that arise unintentionally, whereas "invisible" is metaphorical and less specific.
"not only mitigate the chance of getting a well-paid job" -> "not only reduce the likelihood of securing well-paying employment"
Explanation: "Reduce the likelihood of securing well-paying employment" is more formal and specific than "mitigate the chance of getting a well-paid job," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"blue-collar workers" -> "manual laborers"
Explanation: "Manual laborers" is a more formal and precise term than "blue-collar workers," which can be seen as colloquial and less specific in an academic context.
"choosing to do labour work" -> "choosing to engage in manual labor"
Explanation: "Engage in manual labor" is more formal and specific than "do labour work," which is less formal and slightly awkward in structure.
"the authories" -> "the authorities"
Explanation: "Authorities" is the correct plural form of "authority," which is necessary in this context to refer to government agencies or officials.
"underpriveliged backgrounds" -> "underprivileged backgrounds"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly and maintaining the formal tone of the essay.
"high-quality curriculum" -> "high-quality educational programs"
Explanation: "Educational programs" is a more specific and formal term than "curriculum," which is typically used to describe the courses of study within a school or institution.
"other prime techniques" -> "other essential skills"
Explanation: "Essential skills" is a more precise and formal term than "prime techniques," which is less commonly used in this context and sounds informal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing the disadvantages of being illiterate and suggesting actions that governments can take. The disadvantages mentioned include challenges in communication and limited job opportunities, which are relevant to the question. However, the discussion could be more comprehensive; for instance, the essay could elaborate on the societal impacts of illiteracy beyond individual consequences, such as effects on community engagement or economic development.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each disadvantage is explored in greater depth. Including specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding on the government actions could provide a more rounded response, perhaps by discussing the importance of community involvement or partnerships with NGOs.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the importance of literacy and the role of government in addressing this issue. However, the phrasing in some areas is somewhat ambiguous, such as "this can lead to the situation where the communication can be less engaging," which could confuse readers about the specific implications of illiteracy.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use more direct language and avoid vague phrases. Clearly stating the position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion can help reinforce the main argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that reflects the main idea will help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the disadvantages of illiteracy and government actions. However, some points are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "invisible barriers" could be elaborated upon to explain how these barriers manifest in daily life. The supporting details provided are somewhat general and lack specific examples or evidence to substantiate the claims.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. Using statistics or real-world scenarios can make the argument more persuasive. Additionally, each idea should be extended with further explanation to clarify its significance.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the disadvantages of illiteracy and the actions governments can take. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be clearer. For instance, the transition from discussing communication challenges to employment issues could be smoother to maintain coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next. Using transition phrases can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, regularly referring back to the prompt can help keep the discussion relevant and aligned with the question.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, but there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the issue and hints at the solutions, which sets a logical framework for the discussion. The body paragraphs are organized thematically, with the first focusing on the disadvantages of illiteracy and the second on potential government actions. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing communication challenges to employment issues feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that connect ideas more explicitly. For example, after discussing communication issues, a phrase like "In addition to communication challenges, illiteracy also significantly impacts employment opportunities" would create a clearer connection between the two points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the first body paragraph discusses the disadvantages of illiteracy while the second addresses government actions. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea, particularly the second body paragraph, which could be more focused.
- How to improve: Strengthen topic sentences to clearly indicate the main point of each paragraph. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "To combat the issue of illiteracy, governments can implement several effective measures." This would provide a clearer guide for the reader about what to expect in that section.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "For one," and "However," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where repetition occurs, such as the repeated use of "can" and "people." This can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous and less engaging.
- How to improve: Diversify the cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Instead of repeatedly using "can," consider alternatives like "are able to," "have the opportunity to," or "may." Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore," "In contrast") would enhance the essay’s cohesiveness and make the argument more compelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on improving logical transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some effective word choices such as "educational accessibility," "literacy rate," and "blue-collar workers." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in vocabulary. For example, the phrase "read and write" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the lexical diversity. Additionally, terms like "authorities" are misspelled as "authories," which detracts from the overall impression of vocabulary range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "read and write," alternatives like "literacy skills" or "reading and writing abilities" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to education and communication would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "misunderstandings" and "exhaustion to communicate," which convey clear meanings. However, there are also instances of imprecise usage, such as "the ability to maintain a conversation with people who are literate could be challenging." This phrasing is somewhat vague and could be more specific about the challenges faced by illiterate individuals in communication. Furthermore, the phrase "invisible barriers" is a bit clichéd and lacks specificity in this context.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim for clarity in their expressions. For example, instead of saying "could be challenging," they could specify what aspects of communication are challenging, such as "expressing thoughts clearly" or "understanding written messages." Additionally, avoiding clichés and opting for more original expressions would enhance the precision of vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "authories" instead of "authorities," "underpriveliged" instead of "underprivileged," and "latter on" instead of "later on." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them before submitting the essay can be beneficial. Practicing spelling through writing exercises or quizzes may also help solidify correct spelling in the writer’s mind.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary appropriate for the topic, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, enhancing clarity in word choice, and focusing on spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases such as "It is undeniable that even though there are an augmentation on educational accessibility…" and "However, measures can be taken by the authorities to tackle this situation." show an attempt to use more complex structures. However, some sentences are overly convoluted and could be simplified for clarity. For example, "the ability to maintain a conversation with people who are literate could be challenging" could be more straightforwardly expressed.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more varied conjunctions and transition phrases. Additionally, breaking down overly complex sentences into simpler ones can improve clarity. Engaging with different sentence starters and varying the length of sentences can also help create a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall quality. For example, "there are an augmentation on educational accessibility" should be corrected to "there is an augmentation in educational accessibility." Additionally, the phrase "the exhaustion to communicate" is awkward; it would be clearer as "the exhaustion of communication." Punctuation errors include missing commas, such as before "especially" in "especially through specific methods such as messaging or sending letters," which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and preposition usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding comma usage and sentence structure will help. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into proper punctuation and grammatical structures. Additionally, proofreading the essay for errors before submission can catch many of these issues.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their overall writing quality and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that even though there has been an increase in educational accessibility, the literacy rate remains low. This can lead to a situation where communication may become less engaging and the job market may be significantly impacted. However, governments can still take measures by launching additional initiatives related to education and encouraging people to study, regardless of their age.

Firstly, there are a significant number of drawbacks associated with not being able to read and write. For one, the capacity to engage in conversation with literate individuals could be challenging, especially through specific methods such as messaging or sending letters. As a result, this could lead to not only misunderstandings between people but also exhaustion in communication, which in the end could create unintended barriers between them. Furthermore, if one cannot thoroughly understand the meaning conveyed in texts such as newspapers, they might not even stand a chance to attend school, let alone university. In other words, being unable to read and write can not only reduce the likelihood of securing well-paying employment but may also confine individuals to choosing to engage in manual labor. Consequently, as more and more illiterate people opt for labor work, some jobs may become overloaded with individuals like them, potentially leading to an increase in the unemployment rate.

However, measures can be taken by the authorities to tackle this situation. First, they can encourage individuals of all ages who cannot read and write to participate in teaching campaigns created by the government. This can not only help those individuals gain a better understanding of words and phrases but also foster an environment for people to practice together. Secondly, the authorities can implement rules and laws that provide free education. Accordingly, despite coming from underprivileged backgrounds, individuals can still access high-quality educational programs that will help them improve not only their reading and writing skills but also other essential skills that could be useful for them later on.

In conclusion, despite an increase in educational accessibility, there remains a large number of people who are unable to read or write. This can negatively affect communication and the employment rate. Nevertheless, the government can encourage participation in campaigns and provide free education to address this situation effectively.