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Developing the economy will always damage the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Developing the economy will always damage the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's world, some people argue that expanding the economy will have the consequence of threating the environment. In my view, I still firmly disagree with the opinion above.
To commence with, in developing countries, it is important to raise the economy for the development of nations, thereby forgetting the ecosystem and only focusing on profits. Moreover, there is often a need for infrastructure development, urban expansion and agricultural intensification. This lead to not only deforestation and loss of biodiversity but also happening the conversion of natural habitats into agricultural and urban areas. Secondly, fostering the economy growth means more industrial production and urbanization. This release a significant amount of carbon dioxide and waste into the environment, resulting in climate change and negative impacts on ecosystems and human heath.
However, I strongly believe that expanding the economy not only cause no damage on the natural surrounding but also play a pivotal role in people's life. First and foremost, developing the economy means poverty reduction. By creating a range of job opportunities, increasing wages , providing better access to education and healthcare that can help citizens have a better life and meet their need. Furthermore, the appearance of technological advancements which more cleaner and efficient technologies. This reduce pollution, conserve resources and mitigate environmental impact. For example, with the development of technologies, instead of using fossil fuel, we can use solar and wind energy reducing carbon dioxide.
In conclusion, while many people believe that fostering economic growth have negative effect on environment such as air pollution, I still firmly believe that developing the economic can contribute resources that not only useful to environment but also increased the quality of people's life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "threating" -> "posing a threat to"
    Explanation: Replacing "threating" with "posing a threat to" improves the formality of the statement and aligns with academic language conventions.

  2. "I still firmly disagree with the opinion above." -> "I vehemently disagree with the aforementioned opinion."
    Explanation: Substituting "firmly" with "vehemently" and replacing "above" with "aforementioned" enhances the sophistication of the expression and adheres to a more formal tone.

  3. "To commence with," -> "To begin with,"
    Explanation: The phrase "To commence with" is less formal; substituting it with "To begin with" maintains formality and academic appropriateness.

  4. "there is often a need" -> "there is frequently a necessity"
    Explanation: Replacing "often" with "frequently" and "need" with "necessity" elevates the language, making it more formal and precise.

  5. "This lead to" -> "This leads to"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "lead" to "leads" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  6. "happening the conversion" -> "resulting in the conversion"
    Explanation: Replacing "happening" with "resulting in" improves the clarity of the sentence and aligns with formal language usage.

  7. "Secondly, fostering the economy growth" -> "Secondly, promoting economic growth"
    Explanation: Substituting "fostering the economy growth" with "promoting economic growth" provides a more accurate and formal expression.

  8. "This release a significant amount" -> "This releases a significant amount"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "release" to "releases" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  9. "climate change and negative impacts on ecosystems and human heath" -> "climate change and adverse effects on ecosystems and human health"
    Explanation: Replacing "negative impacts" with "adverse effects" and correcting the spelling of "heath" to "health" enhances precision and correctness.

  10. "expanding the economy not only cause no damage" -> "expanding the economy not only causes no damage"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "cause" to "causes" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  11. "play a pivotal role in people’s life" -> "play a pivotal role in people’s lives"
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form from "life" to "lives" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  12. "By creating a range of job opportunities, increasing wages," -> "By creating diverse job opportunities, raising wages,"
    Explanation: Substituting "range of job opportunities" with "diverse job opportunities" and reordering the sentence for better flow enhances precision and formality.

  13. "technological advancements which more cleaner" -> "technological advancements that are cleaner"
    Explanation: Correcting the comparative form from "more cleaner" to "cleaner" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  14. "This reduce pollution" -> "This reduces pollution"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "reduce" to "reduces" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  15. "conserve resources and mitigate environmental impact" -> "conserve resources and mitigate environmental impacts"
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form from "impact" to "impacts" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  16. "For example, with the development of technologies," -> "For example, through technological advancements,"
    Explanation: Substituting "with the development of technologies" with "through technological advancements" improves clarity and formality.

  17. "we can use solar and wind energy reducing carbon dioxide." -> "we can use solar and wind energy, thereby reducing carbon dioxide."
    Explanation: Adding a comma and "thereby" improves the coherence and formality of the sentence.

  18. "While many people believe that fostering economic growth have negative effect on environment" -> "While many people believe that fostering economic growth has a negative effect on the environment"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "have" to "has" ensures grammatical accuracy, and adding "a" before "negative" improves precision.

  19. "increased the quality of people’s life." -> "increased the quality of people’s lives."
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form from "life" to "lives" ensures grammatical accuracy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt to address both sides of the argument by mentioning the negative impacts of economic development on the environment and presenting a counterargument in favor of economic growth. However, the coverage is somewhat superficial, and there is room for a more nuanced exploration of the complexities involved. The introduction sets the stage for disagreement but could be more explicit in outlining the specific aspects of the prompt to be addressed.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, provide a more explicit and detailed examination of the different aspects of economic development and their environmental consequences. Consider addressing not only the general impact but also the extent to which economic growth may damage the environment.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear stance against the notion that developing the economy damages the environment. The position is maintained throughout the essay, with the author consistently arguing in favor of economic growth. However, some of the supporting points lack depth and could benefit from more thorough exploration.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, delve deeper into the arguments supporting the position. Provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the stance and enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay introduces relevant ideas, such as the need for infrastructure development and the environmental consequences of industrial production. However, these ideas are presented in a somewhat fragmented manner. Additionally, the essay lacks elaboration on some points, making the discussion feel superficial.
    • How to improve: To improve the presentation and development of ideas, organize the content in a more structured manner. Each idea should be extended with supporting details and examples. This will create a more cohesive and convincing argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, addressing the relationship between economic development and its potential harm to the environment. However, there are instances where the connection between economic growth and environmental damage is presented vaguely. The essay could benefit from clearer transitions between points.
    • How to improve: To enhance focus, ensure that each paragraph explicitly connects back to the central theme of the prompt. Provide smooth transitions between ideas to create a more cohesive and logically flowing essay.

Overall, the essay exhibits a reasonable understanding of the prompt and presents a clear stance. However, refining the depth of analysis, strengthening supporting points, improving organization, and enhancing the clarity of connections between ideas will contribute to a more cohesive and persuasive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. The introduction sets up the writer’s position, followed by clear supporting points in the body paragraphs. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the negative impacts on the environment and the counterargument is somewhat abrupt. Additionally, the concluding paragraph could provide a more succinct summary of the main points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through shifts in focus. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly connects to the next. In the conclusion, recap key points without introducing new information.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, aiding readability. However, there is room for improvement in terms of paragraph length and structure. Some paragraphs are overly long, leading to a dense presentation of information.
    • How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraph lengths. Break down lengthy paragraphs into smaller, more digestible ones, each addressing a single main idea. This will improve the essay’s overall readability and help maintain the reader’s engagement.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "Moreover," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion"). However, the variety and effectiveness of these devices could be enhanced. There is a tendency to rely on a limited set of transitions, and at times, their usage feels formulaic rather than seamlessly integrated.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used transition words. Ensure that transitions contribute to the overall coherence, guiding the reader through the essay’s structure. Vary the placement of these devices for a more natural and sophisticated flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use varied words and expressions, some repetition of terms such as "developing the economy" and "environment" is noticeable. Additionally, there are instances where more specific and nuanced vocabulary could enhance the depth of expression.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a broader array of synonyms and exploring more diverse vocabulary related to economic development and environmental impact. For instance, instead of frequently using "developing the economy," you might employ terms like economic advancement, growth, or expansion.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. While some terms like "urban expansion," "agricultural intensification," and "technological advancements" are appropriately specific, there are instances where general terms like "better life" and "better access" could be more precisely defined.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by providing specific details. For example, instead of stating "better life," specify how economic development contributes to improved living standards—mentioning factors like increased income, improved healthcare, and enhanced education opportunities.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of spelling errors, such as "threating" instead of "threatening" and "heath" instead of "health." These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: Careful proofreading is essential to catch and correct spelling errors. Additionally, consider using tools like spell-check and asking a peer to review your writing. Developing a habit of reviewing your work systematically can help enhance spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, but there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. To elevate the lexical quality, focus on incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, using terms more precisely, and paying meticulous attention to spelling details during the editing process.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and compound sentences, but some sentences are overly complex, leading to occasional confusion. For instance, in the second paragraph, the sentence "This lead to not only deforestation and loss of biodiversity but also happening the conversion of natural habitats into agricultural and urban areas" is convoluted and could be clarified for better coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider using a blend of simple and complex sentences. Aim for clarity and precision in conveying ideas. For the mentioned sentence, break it into two or rephrase for better readability. Additionally, incorporate more advanced structures, such as complex compound sentences or varied use of clauses, to elevate the overall complexity and sophistication of the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, in the sentence "In today’s world, some people argue that expanding the economy will have the consequence of threating the environment," "consequence of threating" should be corrected to "consequence of threatening." Also, in the same sentence, the phrase "I still firmly disagree with the opinion above" can be refined to "I strongly disagree with the aforementioned opinion."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread the essay for errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper word usage. Consider using more varied and complex sentence structures, but ensure that they are grammatically correct. Additionally, be mindful of punctuation, particularly the use of commas and conjunctions to enhance sentence flow and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a reasonable variety of sentence structures. To reach a higher band score, focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and incorporating more sophisticated grammatical elements.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, there is an ongoing debate about whether the expansion of the economy poses a threat to the environment. I vehemently disagree with the aforementioned opinion. To begin with, there is frequently a necessity, particularly in developing countries, to boost the economy for the overall development of nations. However, this should not lead to neglecting the ecosystem and solely focusing on profits.

This necessity often arises due to the need for infrastructure development, urban expansion, and agricultural intensification. Unfortunately, these activities can result in deforestation, loss of biodiversity, and the conversion of natural habitats into agricultural and urban areas. This, in turn, has adverse effects on the environment.

Secondly, fostering economic growth often involves increased industrial production and urbanization. This releases a significant amount of carbon dioxide and waste into the environment, contributing to climate change and negative impacts on ecosystems and human health.

However, I firmly believe that expanding the economy not only causes no damage to the natural surroundings but also plays a pivotal role in people’s lives. First and foremost, developing the economy means poverty reduction. By creating diverse job opportunities, raising wages, and providing better access to education and healthcare, economic development can significantly improve citizens’ lives and meet their basic needs.

Furthermore, the emergence of technological advancements has introduced cleaner and more efficient technologies. This reduction in pollution helps conserve resources and mitigate environmental impacts. For example, through technological advancements, we can harness solar and wind energy, thereby reducing carbon dioxide emissions.

In conclusion, while many people believe that fostering economic growth has a negative effect on the environment, I still firmly believe that developing the economy can contribute valuable resources that are not only beneficial to the environment but also enhance the quality of people’s lives.

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