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Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruin one’s health completely. What is your opinion?

Dieting can change a person's life for the better or ruin one's health completely. What is your opinion?

It is said that dieting has a positive impact on a person's life or it can lead to the total decline of one’s health. To a certain extent, I agree that dieting can benefit people's health; however, I partially disagree with this view.

On the one hand, I believe that people who go on a diet will have good health. If we apply proper dieting in our lives, the level of physical and mental health will rise. A period of proper dieting will bring us a fit and good-looking appearance which can boost our confidence in our daily interaction with other people. The beauty that comes from good health is awe-inspiring. Besides, If people lose weight healthily, we can reduce our chances of having diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, and heart disease.

On the other hand, I think people's health can be ruined by improper dieting. Crash dieting can lead to a lack of physical activity because of insufficient intake of food to produce the energy required, leaving them exhausted and this also has a negative influence on their weight in the long run. Moreover, dieting in negative ways will affect the immune system which would make them fragile and less resistant to diseases. The result is people not only have good health but also increase the rate of getting hard diseases.

In conclusion, dieting can indeed change a person’s life for the better or can even harm people's health depending on what ways people apply dieting to their lives. Therefore, people should do careful research or find a good expert to consult before going on a diet to get the greatest benefits from dieting and prevent its bad impacts.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is said that dieting has a positive impact on a person’s life or it can lead to the total decline of one’s health." -> "It is argued that dieting can positively influence a person’s life, but it may also contribute to a significant deterioration in one’s health."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone by replacing "It is said" with "It is argued" and offers a more nuanced expression of the dual effects of dieting.

  2. "To a certain extent, I agree that dieting can benefit people’s health; however, I partially disagree with this view." -> "To some extent, I concur that dieting can enhance individuals’ health; nevertheless, I hold a nuanced perspective."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs more precise language by replacing "I agree" with "I concur" and adds sophistication by using "nevertheless" to indicate a nuanced stance.

  3. "If we apply proper dieting in our lives, the level of physical and mental health will rise." -> "Adopting a well-balanced diet can contribute to an improvement in both physical and mental well-being."
    Explanation: The suggested changes eliminate the colloquial term "apply" and replace it with "adopting," while also enhancing the formal tone by replacing "level" with "well-being."

  4. "A period of proper dieting will bring us a fit and good-looking appearance which can boost our confidence in our daily interaction with other people." -> "Engaging in a consistent and balanced dietary regimen can result in a physically fit and aesthetically pleasing appearance, fostering increased confidence in interpersonal interactions."
    Explanation: The revision replaces informal phrases like "bring us" with more formal language like "engaging in a consistent and balanced dietary regimen" and enhances precision by replacing "fit and good-looking" with "physically fit and aesthetically pleasing."

  5. "The beauty that comes from good health is awe-inspiring." -> "The aesthetic benefits arising from good health are awe-inspiring."
    Explanation: The improvement replaces the informal phrase "The beauty that comes from" with a more concise and formal expression, "The aesthetic benefits arising from."

  6. "If people lose weight healthily, we can reduce our chances of having diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, and heart disease." -> "Adopting a healthy weight loss approach can lower the risk of developing conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, and heart disease."
    Explanation: The revision maintains a formal tone by replacing the informal "people lose weight healthily" with "adopting a healthy weight loss approach" and provides a more precise description of the health conditions.

  7. "Crash dieting can lead to a lack of physical activity because of insufficient intake of food to produce the energy required, leaving them exhausted and this also has a negative influence on their weight in the long run." -> "Engaging in crash dieting may result in decreased physical activity due to inadequate food intake for the necessary energy production, leading to exhaustion. Additionally, this practice negatively impacts long-term weight management."
    Explanation: The revised sentence enhances formality by using "engaging in crash dieting" and provides a clearer structure by separating the consequences of insufficient energy production and its impact on long-term weight management.

  8. "Moreover, dieting in negative ways will affect the immune system which would make them fragile and less resistant to diseases." -> "Furthermore, adopting unhealthy dieting practices can adversely affect the immune system, rendering individuals more susceptible to diseases."
    Explanation: The suggested changes replace the informal "dieting in negative ways" with "adopting unhealthy dieting practices" and enhance clarity by specifying the impact on the immune system and susceptibility to diseases.

  9. "Therefore, people should do careful research or find a good expert to consult before going on a diet to get the greatest benefits from dieting and prevent its bad impacts." -> "Hence, individuals should conduct thorough research or seek guidance from qualified experts before embarking on a diet to maximize the benefits and mitigate potential adverse effects."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality by replacing "do careful research" with "conduct thorough research" and adds precision by using "mitigate potential adverse effects" instead of "prevent its bad impacts."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the prompt, discussing the positive and negative impacts of dieting on health. However, the analysis could be more detailed, with specific examples from the essay to support the assessment.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, provide specific instances from the essay that demonstrate the discussion of both positive and negative aspects of dieting. For example, quote the sections where the benefits of dieting are mentioned, as well as where the potential harms are discussed.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, expressing partial agreement with the idea that dieting has positive effects on health while also acknowledging its potential negative consequences.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the partial agreement in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This helps in reinforcing the consistency of the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides but lacks in-depth development and elaboration. Specific examples and detailed explanations are needed to enhance the support for the presented ideas.
    • How to improve: To improve, expand on each point with concrete examples and elaborate on the connections between ideas. For instance, provide specific examples of proper and improper dieting to illustrate the potential consequences discussed.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of dieting on health. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused, such as when introducing the positive aspects of dieting.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph is directly related to the topic and contributes to the overall argument. Avoid unnecessary information that may divert the reader’s attention.

General Comments:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a balanced view on the impact of dieting. To improve, focus on providing specific examples, elaborating on ideas, and maintaining a high level of detail throughout the essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the overall argument and avoids any potential deviations from the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably logical organization of information. It starts with a clear introduction, presenting the two perspectives on dieting. The body paragraphs follow a structured approach by discussing the positive and negative aspects separately. The concluding paragraph provides a succinct summary of the main points. However, there is a slight imbalance in the depth of discussion between the positive and negative aspects.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each body paragraph receives a similar level of development. Balance the discussion of positive and negative aspects more evenly, providing comparable depth and detail for both sides.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with distinct breaks between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider refining the topic sentences to clearly convey the main point of each paragraph. This will enhance the reader’s understanding and contribute to a smoother transition between ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "moreover," "in conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence by signaling shifts in ideas and relationships between sentences.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally well-used, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. This can add nuance to the connections between ideas, making the essay more sophisticated. Additionally, ensure that the placement of cohesive devices is strategic, contributing to a smooth and logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion. To enhance the score further, pay attention to the balance of development between positive and negative aspects, refine topic sentences for clarity, and consider expanding the repertoire of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a moderate range of vocabulary. It effectively employs terms like "proper dieting," "fit," "boost confidence," "crash dieting," "fragile," and "resistant to diseases." However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of vocabulary choices. For instance, exploring synonyms or more nuanced terms could elevate the lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the breadth of vocabulary, consider integrating synonyms or more specific terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "health," explore variations such as "well-being," "fitness," or "vitality" to add depth to your expressions. Additionally, expanding the use of domain-specific terminology related to nutrition and health could enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary adequately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For instance, phrases like "negative ways" or "good health" could be more specific to convey precise meanings. Conversely, terms like "crash dieting" and "fragile" demonstrate accurate and apt word choices.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on using more specific language. For instance, instead of "negative ways," consider specifying the adverse effects of certain diets, such as "unbalanced nutrition" or "harmful dietary practices." Likewise, rather than repeatedly using "good health," delve into particular aspects like "optimal health," "well-being," or "physical fitness" to provide clearer and more nuanced descriptions.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally commendable. However, there are minor instances of misspellings or typographical errors, such as "awe-inspiring" (missing hyphen) and "its bad impacts" (it’s -> its). These occurrences do not significantly impede readability but could be addressed for greater precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, thorough proofreading and spell-checking tools can be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on identifying and correcting specific types of errors, such as homophones or hyphenated terms, can further improve spelling precision.

Overall, the essay effectively utilizes vocabulary to discuss the effects of dieting on health. To elevate the lexical resource, enhancing both the range and precision of vocabulary choices while ensuring consistent spelling accuracy will further strengthen the essay’s linguistic depth and clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence types, including complex sentences (e.g., "If people lose weight healthily, we can reduce our chances of having diabetes…"). However, more complexity and variety in sentence structures, such as the use of compound-complex sentences or inversion, could enhance the overall richness of expression.
    • How to improve: To improve the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences or experimenting with different sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of starting sentences predominantly with "I believe" or "On the one hand," try using introductory phrases or clauses for more diversity.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates accurate grammar usage. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement could be improved (e.g., "Crash dieting can lead to a lack of physical activity because of insufficient intake of food to produce the energy required, leaving them exhausted…"). Additionally, attention should be paid to maintaining consistency in verb tense throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreements, ensuring that the verb agrees with the subject in number. Maintain consistent verb tense within sentences and across paragraphs. Pay special attention to transition points to avoid unnecessary tense shifts.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs correct punctuation, with appropriate use of commas, periods, and semi-colons. However, there are instances where comma splices occur, and the use of punctuation to create more varied sentence structures could be explored (e.g., "Moreover, dieting in negative ways will affect the immune system which would make them fragile…").
    • How to improve: To refine punctuation skills, focus on eliminating comma splices by using conjunctions or separating into distinct sentences. Experiment with colons or dashes to add variety to sentence structures. Ensure that punctuation choices contribute to the overall clarity and flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, with areas for improvement in diversifying sentence structures, refining subject-verb agreements, and exploring punctuation for enhanced expressiveness.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that dieting can positively influence a person’s life, but it may also contribute to a significant deterioration in one’s health. To some extent, I concur that dieting can enhance individuals’ health; nevertheless, I hold a nuanced perspective.

On the positive side, adopting a well-balanced diet can contribute to an improvement in both physical and mental well-being. Engaging in a consistent and balanced dietary regimen can result in a physically fit and aesthetically pleasing appearance, fostering increased confidence in interpersonal interactions. The aesthetic benefits arising from good health are awe-inspiring. Additionally, adopting a healthy weight loss approach can lower the risk of developing conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, and heart disease.

However, on the flip side, engaging in crash dieting may result in decreased physical activity due to inadequate food intake for the necessary energy production, leading to exhaustion. Furthermore, this practice negatively impacts long-term weight management. Adopting unhealthy dieting practices can adversely affect the immune system, rendering individuals more susceptible to diseases.

Hence, individuals should conduct thorough research or seek guidance from qualified experts before embarking on a diet to maximize the benefits and mitigate potential adverse effects. In conclusion, while dieting has the potential to positively transform a person’s life, it is crucial to approach it with caution and informed decision-making to ensure both short-term and long-term health benefits.

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