Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that older people are more suited for the top positions of organisations such as directors or managers, others believe that the younger generation should be more fit for the upper management level. I agree with both statements which is that both generations can be as beneficial for the organisation as the other.

To begin with, older people definitely have a better understanding and experience than younger generations.The elders have more seniority in the business rather than the youth. As it can be easily seen in the world, most of the directors and managers of large organisations such as Google or Apple are over the age of 50 years old. This shows the expertise in business of the older generation and their knowledge, putting the younger people way far behind in the industry.

On the other hand, people with more energy, higher potential and most importantly, more innovative and creative ideas are often younger. Furthermore, they are good at communicating with co-workers, creating a healthy environment at work which is one important factor for a higher work efficiency. For instance, younger generations are known for their astounding and creative marketing campaigns such as Pepsi’s “My music my way” advertisement, the campaign involves the input of adverts into podcasts and songs on a listening application called Spotify. According to statistics, more than 50% of listeners on Spotify in America trusted the adverts that they heard in podcasts more than anywhere else.

In conclusion, I agree that older directors and managers contribute to a remarkable growth in any business or organisation, making them a good fit for the upper management level. However, it can also be seen that working with senior people gives much better results than when working with the older generations only.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people believe" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "believe," which is often too casual for academic writing.
"older people are more suited" -> "older individuals are more qualified"
Explanation: "More qualified" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "more suited," which is vague and informal.
"the top positions of organisations" -> "senior positions within organizations"
Explanation: "Senior positions within organizations" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"others believe that the younger generation should be more fit" -> "others argue that the younger generation is better suited"
Explanation: "Argue" is more formal than "believe," and "better suited" is a more precise expression than "more fit."
"which is that both generations can be as beneficial" -> "both statements suggest that both generations can be equally beneficial"
Explanation: "Both statements suggest" clarifies the reference to the preceding statements, and "equally beneficial" is more precise than "as beneficial."
"older people definitely have a better understanding and experience" -> "older individuals undoubtedly possess superior understanding and experience"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly possess superior" is more formal and precise than "definitely have a better," aligning better with academic style.
"the elders have more seniority in the business" -> "seniors hold greater seniority within the organization"
Explanation: "Holds greater seniority within the organization" is more formal and specific than "have more seniority in the business."
"putting the younger people way far behind" -> "leaving younger individuals significantly behind"
Explanation: "Leaving significantly behind" is more formal and avoids the colloquialism "way far."
"people with more energy, higher potential and most importantly, more innovative and creative ideas" -> "individuals with greater energy, higher potential, and most notably, innovative and creative ideas"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "most notably" is a more academic phrase than "most importantly."
"good at communicating with co-workers" -> "skilled in communication with colleagues"
Explanation: "Skilled in communication with colleagues" is more formal and precise than "good at communicating with co-workers."
"creating a healthy environment at work" -> "fostering a healthy work environment"
Explanation: "Fostering a healthy work environment" is a more formal and concise expression.
"the campaign involves the input of adverts into podcasts" -> "the campaign incorporates advertisements into podcasts"
Explanation: "Incorporates advertisements" is more precise and formal than "involves the input of adverts."
"more than 50% of listeners on Spotify in America trusted" -> "over 50% of listeners on Spotify in the United States trusted"
Explanation: "Over 50% of listeners on Spotify in the United States" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague "America."
"working with senior people gives much better results" -> "collaborating with senior personnel yields significantly better results"
Explanation: "Collaborating with senior personnel yields significantly better results" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "working with senior people."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both older and younger generations in leadership roles. However, it does not clearly delineate the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I agree with both statements" is vague and does not provide a definitive stance. The discussion of older individuals emphasizes their experience, while the younger generation is praised for energy and creativity, but the balance between these perspectives lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position at the beginning and reinforce it throughout the essay. For example, they could clarify whether they believe one group is more suited for leadership than the other or if they see a need for a balance between the two.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat unclear. While it acknowledges the strengths of both age groups, it fails to maintain a consistent viewpoint. The conclusion suggests a preference for older leaders, yet this is not strongly supported throughout the body of the essay.
- How to improve: The author should choose a clear position—either favoring one age group or advocating for a combination of both—and consistently support this viewpoint with relevant examples. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "In my opinion" can help establish a clearer stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the strengths of both older and younger leaders. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the mention of specific companies like Google and Apple is relevant, the argument could be strengthened by providing more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the effectiveness of younger leaders in specific contexts.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For example, when discussing the creativity of younger leaders, they could include more examples of successful young leaders or initiatives led by them. Additionally, integrating more data or research findings would enhance the credibility of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the roles of older and younger leaders. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the conclusion, which introduces the idea of "working with senior people" without clearly tying it back to the main argument about leadership suitability.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every paragraph contributes directly to answering the prompt. They can achieve this by revisiting the main question in each paragraph and ensuring that all examples and arguments relate back to the central theme of leadership suitability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, it would benefit from a clearer position, more detailed support for ideas, and tighter focus on the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument by acknowledging both sides of the debate regarding age and leadership suitability. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the body paragraphs each focus on one perspective. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing older leaders to younger leaders feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking statement that would guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two perspectives, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, a more structured approach, such as clearly delineating the pros and cons in separate paragraphs, could improve clarity. A brief summary sentence at the end of each paragraph could also reinforce the main point before moving on to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a distinct point. However, the concluding paragraph lacks depth and does not adequately summarize the arguments presented. It introduces a new idea about working with senior people, which could confuse the reader as it diverges from the main discussion.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs without introducing new ideas. A concise restatement of the main arguments will reinforce the essay’s message. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, helping the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of varied linking words. For example, the transition between discussing older leaders and younger leaders could benefit from more sophisticated connectors.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking phrases, such as "in addition," "similarly," or "despite this." Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "younger generations," you could use "they" or "this demographic" in subsequent references.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "understanding," "experience," "innovative," and "creative." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "older people" and "younger generations," which could be varied for greater impact. For example, instead of repeatedly using "older people," terms like "senior professionals" or "experienced individuals" could enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of saying "younger generations," alternatives like "youth" or "millennials" could be used. Additionally, using more specific vocabulary related to leadership and management, such as "strategic vision" or "mentorship," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "putting the younger people way far behind" is vague and informal. The term "way far behind" lacks clarity and could be expressed more formally as "at a disadvantage" or "less experienced." Furthermore, the phrase "the younger generation should be more fit" is awkward; "better suited" would be a more precise choice.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Reviewing phrases for clarity and formality can help. For instance, instead of "the youth," saying "younger professionals" would provide a clearer context. Additionally, using collocations, such as "leadership roles" instead of "top positions," can improve the precision of the language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no major errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the missing space before "The elders" in the second paragraph. This oversight can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. Additionally, the phrase "the younger generation should be more fit" could be misinterpreted; "fit" is less commonly used in this context compared to "suitable."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying attention to spacing and punctuation. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch minor errors. Furthermore, practicing commonly confused words and phrases can prevent imprecise language use.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy will help elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For example, complex sentences are used effectively, such as "As it can be easily seen in the world, most of the directors and managers of large organisations such as Google or Apple are over the age of 50 years old." This showcases the ability to combine clauses. However, the essay relies heavily on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall complexity. For instance, phrases like "older people definitely have a better understanding and experience" could be restructured to incorporate more varied grammatical forms.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or participial phrases. For example, instead of saying, "younger generations are known for their astounding and creative marketing campaigns," you could say, "Known for their astounding and creative marketing campaigns, younger generations often bring innovative ideas to the table." Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence beginnings can enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "the younger generation should be more fit for the upper management level" could be more clearly stated as "the younger generation may be better suited for upper management roles." Additionally, punctuation issues arise, such as the lack of a comma after "experience than younger generations" in the first paragraph, which affects clarity. The use of "which is that" is awkward and could be improved for clarity and conciseness.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence clarity and structure. Pay attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences where clauses are combined. Reviewing comma usage, especially in lists or before conjunctions, will help clarify meaning. Furthermore, consider revising awkward phrases for smoother reading. For example, instead of "working with senior people gives much better results than when working with the older generations only," a clearer expression might be, "collaborating with senior leaders often yields better results than relying solely on younger generations." Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading well-structured texts can also improve overall accuracy.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that older individuals are more suited for top positions within organizations, such as directors or managers, while others argue that the younger generation is better fit for upper management roles. I believe that both statements suggest that both generations can be equally beneficial for the organization.

To begin with, older individuals undoubtedly possess superior understanding and experience compared to younger generations. The elders hold greater seniority in the business world, which is evident in many large organizations, such as Google or Apple, where most directors and managers are over the age of 50. This highlights the expertise and knowledge of the older generation, leaving younger individuals significantly behind in the industry.

On the other hand, individuals with greater energy, higher potential, and most notably, innovative and creative ideas are often younger. Furthermore, they are skilled in communication with colleagues, fostering a healthy work environment, which is a crucial factor for higher work efficiency. For instance, younger generations are known for their astounding and creative marketing campaigns, such as Pepsi’s “My Music, My Way” advertisement. This campaign incorporates advertisements into podcasts and songs on a listening application called Spotify. According to statistics, over 50% of listeners on Spotify in the United States trusted the adverts they heard in podcasts more than anywhere else.

In conclusion, I agree that older directors and managers contribute to remarkable growth in any business or organization, making them a good fit for upper management roles. However, it is also evident that collaborating with senior personnel yields significantly better results than relying solely on older generations.