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. Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary but others think that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

. Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary but others think that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether directors in some businesses received a higher level of salary than the worker. While I understand that people believe it is a discrimination in working places, I still think that the income for directors should be on another level.

There are several reasons why directors should have a lucrative income. First of all, the more money they earn, the more responsible they are. For instance, in a variety of businesses, directors play an important role in promoting the company's development. Specifically, in some contracts, directors have to be determined to consider numerous factors which lead their business to flourishment. Secondly, the distinction in the level of salary indicates the power of directors. In a business environment, a respectable attitude towards the leader of a company is significantly essential, which helps maintain the principle rules imposed in the workplaces.

On the other hand, I understand why this issue makes people think it is unfair. Primary reason for that definitely comes from the pressure of an overwhelmed workload. Officers have to work over time compared to their boss and therefore they require a high amount of rewarding money which is worth their efforts. Some firms nowadays reward their employees for an extra which acts as a motivation to help the work more productively. This not only supports the workers' mental health but also establishes a relationship between the owner and the workers tightly.

In conclusion, although it is unfair to offer the directors a higher salary than the employees, I still think that it is worthy due to their responsibility


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Opinions are divided on whether directors in some businesses received a higher level of salary than the worker." -> "There is a divergence of opinions regarding whether directors in certain businesses receive a higher salary than their employees."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs more formal language, such as "divergence of opinions" and "employees," and clarifies the comparison between directors and workers.

  2. "While I understand that people believe it is a discrimination in working places…" -> "While I acknowledge the perspective that some perceive this as workplace discrimination…"
    Explanation: The suggested changes introduce a more nuanced and formal expression by replacing "I understand" with "I acknowledge," and by using "perceive" instead of "believe."

  3. "I still think that the income for directors should be on another level." -> "Nevertheless, I maintain the view that the remuneration for directors should be at a different echelon."
    Explanation: The improvement elevates the formality by substituting "I still think" with "Nevertheless, I maintain the view" and replacing "on another level" with "at a different echelon."

  4. "For instance, in a variety of businesses, directors play an important role in promoting the company’s development." -> "For example, across various industries, directors play a pivotal role in fostering the development of the company."
    Explanation: The changes enhance the sophistication of the sentence by replacing "For instance" with "For example," and by using "pivotal role" instead of "important role."

  5. "Secondly, the distinction in the level of salary indicates the power of directors." -> "Secondly, the disparity in salary levels signifies the authority wielded by directors."
    Explanation: The term "disparity" is a more precise and formal choice than "distinction," and "signifies" adds a more formal tone compared to "indicates."

  6. "In a business environment, a respectable attitude towards the leader of a company is significantly essential, which helps maintain the principle rules imposed in the workplaces." -> "Within a business environment, maintaining a respectful attitude toward the company’s leader is paramount, contributing to the adherence to fundamental rules in the workplace."
    Explanation: The revised version employs more formal language, such as "paramount" and "fundamental rules," to enhance the academic tone.

  7. "On the other hand, I understand why this issue makes people think it is unfair." -> "However, I comprehend why this matter leads individuals to perceive it as unjust."
    Explanation: The change introduces more formal terms like "matter" and "leads individuals to perceive," replacing "issue" and "makes people think," respectively.

  8. "Primary reason for that definitely comes from the pressure of an overwhelmed workload." -> "The primary reason for this undoubtedly stems from the burden of an overwhelming workload."
    Explanation: The improvements include using "stems from" instead of "comes from" and replacing "an overwhelmed workload" with "an overwhelming workload" for grammatical correctness.

  9. "Officers have to work over time compared to their boss and therefore they require a high amount of rewarding money which is worth their efforts." -> "Employees often work overtime compared to their superiors; hence, they necessitate a commensurate financial reward for their dedicated efforts."
    Explanation: The changes introduce formal language like "superiors" and "commensurate financial reward," providing a more academic tone.

  10. "This not only supports the workers’ mental health but also establishes a relationship between the owner and the workers tightly." -> "This not only bolsters the mental well-being of the employees but also fosters a close-knit relationship between the employer and the staff."
    Explanation: The revision uses more formal language, such as "bolsters" and "close-knit relationship," to align with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses both sides of the argument. While it discusses reasons supporting higher salaries for directors, it neglects to explore the viewpoint that considers it unfair. A more balanced analysis is needed, incorporating arguments against higher director salaries.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay should devote a paragraph to presenting the opposing view. Additionally, referencing specific sections from the prompt and counterarguments will strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, asserting that directors deserve higher salaries. However, the clarity of the position could be improved by explicitly stating the writer’s opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should express their opinion on director salaries in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This will provide a more coherent and impactful presentation of their position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and develops ideas adequately. It provides reasons supporting higher director salaries, such as increased responsibility and maintaining workplace rules. However, examples and elaboration could be more specific to enhance the depth of the argument.
    • How to improve: Including concrete examples and expanding on each point with more detailed explanations will strengthen the essay. This will make the reasoning more compelling and provide a more comprehensive analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could be more focused. The inclusion of the idea that higher director salaries are "unfair" needs further development and integration into the overall structure.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, ensure that every point directly relates to the prompt. Develop the argument against higher director salaries more fully, demonstrating a nuanced understanding of both perspectives.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt, presenting a clear position and supporting ideas. However, to improve, it should address the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly, explicitly state the writer’s opinion, provide more specific examples, and ensure all points directly relate to the topic. This will enhance the overall coherence and depth of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization by presenting reasons supporting the idea that directors should have higher salaries in the first paragraph and then addressing the opposing viewpoint in the second paragraph. However, there is room for improvement in the development of ideas. For instance, the second paragraph could be strengthened by presenting a clear transition between the reasons supporting directorial higher income and the counterargument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider providing a clear transition sentence at the beginning of the second paragraph to signal the shift from supporting the director’s higher income to acknowledging the opposing viewpoint. This will improve the coherence of the essay and make the progression of ideas more seamless.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument – the first paragraph supports higher directorial income, while the second paragraph discusses the opposing viewpoint. However, the organization within paragraphs can be refined for smoother transitions between sentences.
    • How to improve: Work on the structure within paragraphs by ensuring that sentences are logically connected. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas within each paragraph. This will enhance the overall coherence and readability of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "First of all" and "Secondly," to structure the argument. However, there is limited use of other cohesive devices like pronouns and linking words, which could strengthen the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Introduce a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these") and transitional phrases (e.g., "In addition," "However"), to connect ideas within and between sentences. This will create a smoother and more coherent progression of arguments, contributing to a higher level of cohesion in the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate varied words, but some repetition and lack of complexity are noticeable. For example, the use of "flourishment" could be replaced with a more sophisticated term like "prosperity" to enhance lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary range, strive for more sophisticated synonyms and explore different word forms. Consider incorporating idiomatic expressions or advanced vocabulary relevant to the essay’s context. For instance, instead of repeating the word "business," use alternatives like "enterprise" or "corporation."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with moderate precision. However, there are instances where word choices could be more accurate. For example, the phrase "a respectable attitude towards the leader" might benefit from a more precise term, such as "deference" or "adherence."
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Consult a thesaurus for synonyms, and consider the subtle nuances of each word. Review the essay to identify areas where more precise terms would enhance clarity and sophistication.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, spelling accuracy is acceptable, with no major issues. However, there are minor errors, such as "flourishment" instead of "flourishing." Attention to detail in spelling is crucial for conveying professionalism and ensuring the reader’s focus remains on the content.
    • How to improve: Practice proofreading carefully to catch minor spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools, and consider reading the essay aloud to identify any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, expand your vocabulary by learning the correct spelling of more advanced words to enhance overall writing accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable grasp of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range and precision. Enhancing vocabulary by incorporating more sophisticated terms and ensuring precise word choices will contribute to a higher Lexical Resource score. Additionally, meticulous proofreading to address minor spelling errors will further enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. The majority of sentences are simple and lack complexity. For instance, many sentences follow a basic Subject-Verb-Object structure, leading to a lack of variety in syntax. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, affecting the overall fluency and cohesiveness of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s grammatical range and effectiveness, incorporate a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. Introduce clauses, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to create a smoother flow. For example, instead of relying solely on simple sentences, experiment with compound or complex structures to convey ideas more eloquently.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. There are instances of subject-verb agreement issues, such as "directors in some businesses received" should be "directors in some businesses receive." Additionally, the misuse of articles, as in "it is a discrimination," impacts clarity. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases, also hinder the essay’s readability.
    • How to improve: To address grammatical inaccuracies, pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation. Proofread the essay for errors in verb tenses and ensure consistent use of articles. Utilize commas appropriately to enhance the structure and coherence of your sentences. Consider seeking feedback or using grammar-check tools to identify and rectify specific issues.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear perspective on the topic, improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are essential for achieving a higher band score. Focus on sentence structure diversity and meticulous proofreading to enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions vary on whether directors in certain businesses should receive a higher salary than their employees. While I acknowledge the perspective that some perceive this as workplace discrimination, I maintain the view that the remuneration for directors should be at a different echelon.

There are several reasons why directors should have a lucrative income. First and foremost, the more money they earn, the greater their responsibilities. For example, across various industries, directors play a pivotal role in fostering the development of the company. Specifically, in various contracts, directors must consider numerous factors that lead to the flourishing of their business. Secondly, the disparity in salary levels signifies the authority wielded by directors. Within a business environment, maintaining a respectful attitude toward the company’s leader is paramount, contributing to the adherence to fundamental rules in the workplace.

However, I comprehend why this matter leads individuals to perceive it as unjust. The primary reason for this undoubtedly stems from the burden of an overwhelming workload. Employees often work overtime compared to their superiors; hence, they necessitate a commensurate financial reward for their dedicated efforts. This not only bolsters the mental well-being of the employees but also fosters a close-knit relationship between the employer and the staff.

In conclusion, while some may find it unfair to offer directors a higher salary than the employees, I still believe that it is justified due to the increased responsibilities they shoulder.

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