discuss both sides of whether people should take risks or not and give your opinion.

In this day and age, it seems that there are two types of people. While some think
that the life is safe and unchallenging if they experience familiar jobs day by day,
others believe that without embracing challenges and risk-taking, the life would
not have excitement and fulfillment. This essay will discuss both views. However, I
strongly approve of the former one.
First and foremost, a very important point to consider that stability and
predictability can lead to a secure and comfortable life. It means that a stable job
offers them a suitable salary which can support to living cost of the whole family.
Moreover, stability can minimize the chances of failure and harm. This helps them
create a sense of control and reduce anxiety. For example, if you have worked for
big companies with a stable revenue, you can control your life with certain fees.
Therefore, you don’t worry about another job to get more money of risks from
the life.
On the other hand, some argue that new experiences can lead to personal growth
and self-discovery. It means that they are unsatisfied with a stable life, they prefer
coping with challenges to gain an academic advancement and professional
development. Furthermore, embracing change can bring excitement. It seems
that taking risks can open up opportunities to experience. After a long time of
taking risks, their important living skills will be improved so that they can cope
with difficulties in their lives easily.
In conclusion, while some prefer a stable life, others like taking risks. As far as I
am concerned, I put more highlight on the idea that experiencing challenges can
lead to an unsafe life. People should have further consideration on this issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"the life is safe and unchallenging" -> "life is secure and predictable"
Explanation: "The life" is grammatically incorrect; "life" should be used as a noun. "Secure and predictable" are more precise terms that better convey the intended meaning in a formal context.
"day by day" -> "daily"
Explanation: "Day by day" is a more conversational phrase. "Daily" is more concise and formal, fitting the academic style.
"without embracing challenges and risk-taking" -> "without embracing challenges and taking risks"
Explanation: "Risk-taking" is a more precise term than "risk-taking," aligning better with formal academic language.
"the life would not have excitement and fulfillment" -> "life would lack excitement and fulfillment"
Explanation: "The life" is grammatically incorrect; "life" should be used as a noun. "Lack" is a more precise verb in this context, indicating the absence of qualities.
"strongly approve of the former one" -> "strongly support the former perspective"
Explanation: "The former one" is vague and informal. "The former perspective" is more specific and formal.
"a very important point to consider" -> "a crucial consideration"
Explanation: "A very important point to consider" is verbose and informal. "A crucial consideration" is more concise and formal.
"offers them a suitable salary which can support to living cost of the whole family" -> "provides a suitable salary that supports the family’s living costs"
Explanation: "Support to living cost of the whole family" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Supports the family’s living costs" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"minimize the chances of failure and harm" -> "reduce the likelihood of failure and harm"
Explanation: "Minimize" is slightly less formal than "reduce," which is more commonly used in academic writing.
"you can control your life with certain fees" -> "you can manage your finances with predictable income"
Explanation: "Control your life with certain fees" is unclear and informal. "Manage your finances with predictable income" is more precise and formal.
"don’t worry about another job to get more money of risks from the life" -> "need not worry about securing additional income to mitigate life’s risks"
Explanation: "Don’t worry about another job to get more money of risks from the life" is overly casual and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision is clearer and more formal.
"unsatisfied with a stable life, they prefer coping with challenges" -> "unsatisfied with a stable life, they prefer to face challenges"
Explanation: "Coping with challenges" is a bit informal and vague. "Face challenges" is more direct and formal.
"taking risks can open up opportunities to experience" -> "taking risks can lead to new experiences"
Explanation: "Open up opportunities to experience" is verbose and slightly informal. "Lead to new experiences" is concise and maintains the formal tone.
"important living skills will be improved" -> "essential life skills will be enhanced"
Explanation: "Important living skills" is less formal and slightly vague. "Essential life skills" is more precise and formal, and "enhanced" is a more academic term than "improved."
"put more highlight on the idea" -> "emphasize the idea"
Explanation: "Put more highlight on" is incorrect and informal. "Emphasize" is the correct verb for academic writing.
"experiencing challenges can lead to an unsafe life" -> "experiencing challenges can lead to a life of uncertainty"
Explanation: "An unsafe life" is vague and informal. "A life of uncertainty" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding risk-taking versus stability. The first paragraph introduces the two perspectives, and the subsequent paragraphs provide arguments for both sides. However, the discussion of the opposing view is somewhat limited, and the conclusion does not fully encapsulate the nuances of both sides. For example, while the essay mentions that some people prefer stability, it does not explore the potential benefits of risk-taking in depth, which could provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to delve deeper into the advantages of risk-taking, perhaps by providing specific examples or scenarios where taking risks has led to significant personal or professional growth. Additionally, a more thorough exploration of the downsides of both perspectives could create a more comprehensive discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring stability, as indicated by phrases like "I strongly approve of the former one." However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The conclusion states that "experiencing challenges can lead to an unsafe life," which seems to contradict the earlier acknowledgment of the benefits of risk-taking. This inconsistency may confuse the reader regarding the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that their opinion is consistently reflected in each paragraph. They could restate their viewpoint in the body paragraphs to reinforce their stance and clarify how it aligns with the arguments presented. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points while clearly reiterating the writer’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of stability (e.g., financial security) and the potential for personal growth through risk-taking. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the example of working for a big company lacks depth and does not effectively illustrate the argument. The discussion of risk-taking also lacks concrete examples that could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include more specific examples and evidence. For instance, they could reference studies or anecdotes that demonstrate how risk-taking has led to success for individuals or how stability has provided security for families. This would not only enhance the credibility of the arguments but also engage the reader more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits of both risk-taking and stability. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the conclusion, which introduces the idea of "further consideration" without clearly tying it back to the main argument. This could lead to a lack of clarity about the essay’s overall message.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central question of whether people should take risks or not. They should avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion and instead summarize the key points made in the essay, reinforcing how they relate to the prompt. This will help to keep the discussion coherent and aligned with the task requirements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on risk-taking. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss each perspective separately, which helps in maintaining clarity. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively argues for the stability of familiar jobs, while the second body paragraph highlights the benefits of risk-taking. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the ideas is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On one hand" and "Conversely" can help clarify the shift from one viewpoint to another. Additionally, summarizing the key points at the end of each paragraph can reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the conclusion feels somewhat rushed and does not adequately summarize the discussion or restate the writer’s opinion clearly.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the main points but also clearly states the writer’s stance. A well-structured conclusion should reiterate the key arguments presented in the body paragraphs and provide a final thought or recommendation. This can help reinforce the overall message of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "moreover," and "on the other hand," which contribute to the coherence of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "it seems that" is used repetitively, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "in addition," "furthermore," "consequently," and "for instance" can enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures and lengths can create a more engaging reading experience. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in writing exercises can also help in developing this skill.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, using terms such as "stability," "predictability," "personal growth," and "self-discovery." However, the vocabulary choices are somewhat limited and often repetitive. For instance, the phrase "stable life" appears multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like "the life" and "the whole family" are awkward and suggest a lack of more nuanced vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "stable," alternatives like "secure," "steady," or "predictable" could be employed. Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating idiomatic expressions or collocations would enrich the vocabulary used in the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the life would not have excitement" is awkward; it would be more precise to say "life would lack excitement." Furthermore, the expression "support to living cost" is incorrect; it should be "support the living costs." Such inaccuracies can hinder clarity and affect the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on collocations and common phrases. Practicing with vocabulary in context, such as through reading and writing exercises, can help. Additionally, reviewing grammar and usage rules will assist in avoiding awkward constructions and ensuring that phrases are used correctly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "the life" (should be "life"), "to living cost" (should be "the living costs"), and "put more highlight on" (should be "place more emphasis on"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as spelling quizzes or using spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch errors. Reading extensively can also improve spelling skills, as it allows the writer to see words used correctly in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures ("if you have worked for big companies…") and the introductory phrases ("First and foremost," "On the other hand") effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, the essay tends to rely on certain patterns, such as starting many sentences with "It means that," which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use a mix of active and passive voice. For example, instead of repeatedly using "It means that," the writer could rephrase sentences to start with the subject or use participial phrases. Additionally, incorporating more complex structures, such as relative clauses or varied conjunctions, would enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, phrases like "the life is safe" should be corrected to "life is safe," and "support to living cost" should be "support the living costs." There are also punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For example, "it seems that there are two types of people" could benefit from a comma after "seems" for better readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing sentence correction exercises can help identify common mistakes. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences, will aid in creating clearer and more effective writing. Reading more academic essays can also provide insights into proper structure and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments clearly, addressing the identified weaknesses in sentence variety and grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, it seems that there are two types of people. While some think that life is safe and unchallenging if they experience familiar jobs daily, others believe that without embracing challenges and taking risks, life would lack excitement and fulfillment. This essay will discuss both views. However, I strongly support the former perspective.

First and foremost, a very important point to consider is that stability and predictability can lead to a secure and comfortable life. This means that a stable job provides a suitable salary that supports the living costs of the whole family. Moreover, stability can minimize the chances of failure and harm. This helps create a sense of control and reduce anxiety. For example, if you have worked for big companies with stable revenue, you can manage your life with certain fees. Therefore, you need not worry about securing another job to get more money or mitigate the risks of life.

On the other hand, some argue that new experiences can lead to personal growth and self-discovery. This means that those who are unsatisfied with a stable life prefer coping with challenges to gain academic advancement and professional development. Furthermore, embracing change can bring excitement. It seems that taking risks can open up opportunities for new experiences. After a long time of taking risks, essential life skills will be enhanced, allowing them to cope with difficulties in their lives more easily.

In conclusion, while some prefer a stable life, others like taking risks. As far as I am concerned, I emphasize the idea that experiencing challenges can lead to a life of uncertainty. People should give further consideration to this issue.