Discuss the causes and effects of waste in our waters

water is an important part for Animals plants and even humans Without water, our body cannot function properly, but what if I tell you that the water that we are using drinking or showering in may have some waste in it? Some people may be wondering why is our water being polluted There might be several reasons First, factories don't deal with no waste water thoroughly. the Waste water may contain a lot of bacteria viruses, Etc which can get into the water make it polluted. Second, trash can get into the water in our daily life with microplastics and potentially harmful diseases what can polluted water do to our body it can make you have some disease such as equally which can make you vomit have diarrhea and potentially kill you how can we stop this there are some ways you can do to reduce the waste in our water for example you can recycle your trash and put it in the right place or you can use eco-friendly item in your home. In short, the water is getting polluted by many reasons so we should protect it the action may be small but it can help us save the environment

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"water is an important part for Animals plants and even humans" -> "water is essential for animals, plants, and humans"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and uses "essential" to emphasize the critical role of water in a more formal and precise manner.
"Without water, our body cannot function properly" -> "Without water, the human body cannot function optimally"
Explanation: The phrase "our body" is informal and vague. Replacing it with "the human body" specifies the subject and enhances the formality. "Optimally" is more precise than "properly," indicating the highest level of functioning.
"what if I tell you that the water that we are using drinking or showering in may have some waste in it?" -> "what if I were to inform you that the water we use for drinking and showering may contain contaminants?"
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and awkwardly phrased. The revision clarifies the structure and uses "contaminants" instead of "waste," which is more specific and appropriate in an academic context.
"Some people may be wondering why is our water being polluted" -> "Some individuals may be wondering why our water is being polluted"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks a verb and is grammatically incorrect. Adding "is" corrects the verb and makes the sentence grammatically complete.
"factories don’t deal with no waste water thoroughly" -> "factories do not adequately treat wastewater"
Explanation: "Don’t deal with no waste water" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Do not adequately treat wastewater" is grammatically correct and uses more precise terminology suitable for an academic context.
"the Waste water may contain a lot of bacteria viruses, Etc which can get into the water make it polluted" -> "wastewater may contain numerous bacteria and viruses, which can contaminate the water"
Explanation: "Waste water" should be "wastewater" for proper noun usage. "Numerous" is more precise than "a lot," and "contaminate" is a more formal term than "make it polluted."
"trash can get into the water in our daily life with microplastics and potentially harmful diseases" -> "trash can enter the water through daily activities, including microplastics and potentially harmful pathogens"
Explanation: "In our daily life" is vague and informal. "Through daily activities" is more specific and formal. "Pathogens" is a more precise term than "diseases" in this context.
"what can polluted water do to our body it can make you have some disease such as equally which can make you vomit have diarrhea and potentially kill you" -> "what can polluted water do to the body? It can cause diseases such as cholera, which can lead to vomiting, diarrhea, and potentially fatal outcomes"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks specificity. The revision corrects the grammar and provides specific examples of diseases and their effects, enhancing clarity and formality.
"how can we stop this there are some ways you can do to reduce the waste in our water" -> "how can we prevent this? There are several methods to reduce water waste"
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks clarity. The revision clarifies the question and uses "methods" instead of "ways you can do," which is more formal and precise.
"you can recycle your trash and put it in the right place or you can use eco-friendly item in your home" -> "you can recycle your trash and dispose of it properly or use eco-friendly products in your home"
Explanation: "Put it in the right place" is vague and informal. "Dispose of it properly" is more specific and formal. "Eco-friendly item" should be "eco-friendly products" to be grammatically correct and more precise.
"the water is getting polluted by many reasons" -> "water is being polluted by various factors"
Explanation: "Getting polluted by many reasons" is informal and imprecise. "Being polluted by various factors" is more formal and specific, suitable for an academic context.
"the action may be small but it can help us save the environment" -> "although the actions may seem small, they can contribute significantly to environmental conservation"
Explanation: "The action may be small but" is informal and lacks precision. "Although the actions may seem small, they can contribute significantly to environmental conservation" is more formal and emphasizes the importance of the actions in a more precise manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the causes and effects of water pollution. However, it lacks depth in exploring these aspects. For instance, while it mentions that factories contribute to water pollution, it does not elaborate on specific industrial practices or regulations that could mitigate this issue. Additionally, the effects of polluted water are briefly mentioned but not sufficiently detailed; the mention of diseases is vague and lacks specific examples or explanations of how these diseases manifest or their broader implications on health.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations for both causes and effects. This could include specific examples of pollutants, statistics on waterborne diseases, or case studies illustrating the impact of water pollution on communities. Structuring the essay to clearly separate causes and effects could also enhance clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general concern about water pollution, but the position is not consistently articulated throughout. The initial sentences introduce the importance of water, but the transition to discussing pollution feels abrupt. Furthermore, the concluding statement suggests a call to action but does not tie back effectively to the main argument or reinforce the urgency of the issue.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should start with a strong thesis statement that outlines the main argument. Each paragraph should relate back to this thesis, ensuring that the discussion remains focused. Using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument and reinforce the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented in the essay, but they lack sufficient development and support. For example, the mention of microplastics is introduced but not explained; the reader is left without a clear understanding of what microplastics are or why they are harmful. The effects of polluted water are mentioned but not elaborated upon, which weakens the overall impact of the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the writer should aim to provide definitions, examples, and evidence for each point made. This could involve citing studies on the effects of pollution, discussing specific pollutants in detail, or providing statistical data to back up claims. Each idea should be developed into a full paragraph that includes an explanation, evidence, and a link back to the main argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing water pollution and its causes and effects. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the latter part of the essay where the discussion of solutions feels somewhat disconnected from the primary focus on causes and effects. The transition to solutions appears rushed and does not flow logically from the preceding discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear purpose related to the prompt. If solutions are to be included, they should be presented in a separate section that clearly delineates them from the discussion of causes and effects. This separation can help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should focus on expanding their ideas, providing clear examples and evidence, and maintaining a consistent and clear position throughout the discussion. Additionally, ensuring that the essay meets the word count requirement is crucial for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas regarding the causes and effects of water pollution; however, the organization of these ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the introduction jumps directly into the topic without a clear thesis statement, making it difficult for the reader to understand the main argument. Additionally, the transition between causes and effects is abrupt, with no clear delineation or connection between the two sections. The essay mentions causes such as factory waste and trash but does not effectively link these to the subsequent discussion on health effects.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should begin with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, starting with a topic sentence that clearly states the main point of that paragraph. For example, a separate paragraph could be dedicated to discussing the causes of water pollution, followed by another paragraph that outlines its effects, and finally a paragraph on potential solutions. Using clear transitions between paragraphs will also help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing, which hinders readability and coherence. The entire response is presented as a single block of text, making it challenging for the reader to follow the flow of ideas. Each point regarding causes, effects, and solutions is jumbled together, which detracts from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Implementing a structured paragraph format is essential. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and supporting details. For instance, the first paragraph could introduce the topic and state the thesis, the second could discuss causes in detail, the third could explore the effects of pollution, and the fourth could suggest solutions. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus will improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the flow of ideas. While there are some attempts to use linking words (e.g., "first," "second"), these are not varied or effectively integrated into the text. The lack of cohesive devices makes the connections between sentences and ideas feel weak, leading to a disjointed reading experience.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," and "as a result" can help connect ideas more smoothly. Additionally, employing pronouns and synonyms can reduce repetition and enhance cohesion. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in various contexts will help the writer become more comfortable with integrating them into their writing.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on organizing information logically, utilizing effective paragraphing, and employing a range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic of water pollution. Words such as "polluted," "waste," "bacteria," and "microplastics" are relevant and appropriate. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, with phrases like "waste in our water" and "polluted water" appearing multiple times without variation. The use of more synonyms or related terms could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeating "polluted," they could use synonyms like "contaminated," "tainted," or "impure." Additionally, exploring phrases such as "water quality degradation" or "environmental impact" could add depth to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "can get into the water make it polluted" lacks clarity and grammatical structure. The term "disease such as equally" appears to be a typographical error or miscommunication, as "equally" does not refer to a disease.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary is used in the correct context and that sentences are grammatically sound. For example, the phrase could be revised to "can enter the water and cause pollution." Furthermore, clarifying terms related to health effects, such as specifying diseases like "cholera" or "gastroenteritis," would improve the precision of the vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "no waste water" (should be "wastewater"), "what can polluted water do to our body" (should be "what can pollution do to our bodies"), and "equally" (which seems to be a misused term). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used terms in environmental discussions, such as "pollution," "microplastics," and "bacteria," can help reinforce correct spelling. Reading more academic texts on the topic can also expose the writer to correct spelling and usage in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that could enhance the argument. For example, the sentence "Some people may be wondering why is our water being polluted" is structured awkwardly and could be improved for clarity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "there are some ways you can do to reduce the waste in our water" is repetitive and could benefit from more varied expressions.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the water is getting polluted by many reasons," it could be rephrased to "The water is being polluted for several reasons, one of which is the improper disposal of waste by factories." This not only adds variety but also enhances clarity and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "water is an important part for Animals plants and even humans" lacks proper punctuation and capitalization, which should be corrected to "Water is an important resource for animals, plants, and even humans." Additionally, sentences often run on without appropriate punctuation, such as "what if I tell you that the water that we are using drinking or showering in may have some waste in it?" This sentence is overly complex and could be broken down for better readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proper sentence construction and punctuation. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments, would be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing the rules for punctuation, especially the use of commas in lists and before conjunctions, will help enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insights into proper structure and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will greatly enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Water is an essential resource for animals, plants, and humans. Without water, the human body cannot function optimally. However, what if I were to inform you that the water we use for drinking and showering may contain contaminants? Some individuals may be wondering why our water is being polluted. There are several reasons for this issue.

First, factories do not adequately treat wastewater. This wastewater may contain numerous bacteria and viruses, which can contaminate the water supply. Second, trash can enter the water through daily activities, including microplastics and potentially harmful pathogens.

What can polluted water do to the body? It can cause diseases such as cholera, which can lead to vomiting, diarrhea, and potentially fatal outcomes. How can we prevent this? There are several methods to reduce water waste. For example, you can recycle your trash and dispose of it properly or use eco-friendly products in your home.

In conclusion, water is being polluted by various factors, and we should take action to protect it. Although these actions may seem small, they can contribute significantly to environmental conservation.