Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries.
In universities, both sports activities and libraries play important roles. While I understand the reasons supporting the idea that they should receive equal funding, I am convinced that, in some cases, sports activities should be allocated more financial resources.
On one hand, it is understandable why some people believe that sports activities and libraries should be given the same amount of money. Firstly, sports activities provide opportunities for outdoor activities, which not only boost students' health but also relieve their stress. Besides, libraries are the places where students can continue their studies and conduct research. Developing both aspects contributes to the well-rounded development of students.
On the other hand, I would argue that, in some cases, sports activities require additional funding. For instance, organizing a football competition among universities in Hanoi demands significant expenses. Many elements need preparation, such as team uniforms, tickets, and monetary rewards for each team. This is in contrast to libraries, which seem to be in stable condition and have fewer activities compared to sports activities.
In conclusion, while there are justifications for spending an equal amount of money on both sides, I would argue that, in some cases, sports activities need more financial support.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"While I understand the reasons supporting the idea" -> "While I comprehend the rationale supporting the notion"
Explanation: Replacing "understand" with "comprehend" and "reasons" with "rationale" enhances the formality of the statement, aligning it with academic style.
"they should receive equal funding" -> "they should be allocated equal financial resources"
Explanation: Substituting "receive" with "be allocated" and "funding" with "financial resources" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.
"On one hand, it is understandable why some people believe" -> "On one hand, it is comprehensible why some individuals contend"
Explanation: Replacing "understandable" with "comprehensible" and "believe" with "contend" elevates the formality of the sentence.
"Firstly, sports activities provide opportunities for outdoor activities" -> "Firstly, sports activities offer opportunities for outdoor pursuits"
Explanation: The replacement of the repetitive "activities" with "pursuits" improves clarity and avoids redundancy.
"libraries are the places where students can continue their studies and conduct research" -> "libraries serve as venues where students can pursue their studies and conduct research"
Explanation: Enhancing the sentence with "serve as venues" and "pursue" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.
"On the other hand, I would argue that, in some cases, sports activities require additional funding" -> "Conversely, I contend that, in certain instances, sports activities necessitate supplementary financial support"
Explanation: The substitutions of "On the other hand" with "Conversely," "argue" with "contend," and "require" with "necessitate" enhance the formality and precision of the statement.
"This is in contrast to libraries, which seem to be in stable condition" -> "This differs from libraries, which appear to be in a stable state"
Explanation: Replacing "in contrast to" with "differs from" and refining "stable condition" to "stable state" results in a more formal expression.
"have fewer activities compared to sports activities" -> "engage in fewer activities in comparison to sports pursuits"
Explanation: Substituting "have fewer activities" with "engage in fewer activities" and "compared to" with "in comparison to" enhances precision and formality.
Note: While the original essay is generally clear, these suggested improvements aim to elevate the vocabulary to a more formal and academically appropriate level.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing reasons for equal funding and presenting a counter-argument for allocating more resources to sports activities. Relevant sections are cited, such as the mention of outdoor activities and stress relief for sports, and the role of libraries in study and research. However, the essay could be more explicit in directly addressing the prompt’s components.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, explicitly acknowledge the two main elements – sports activities and libraries – in your thesis statement. For instance, mention both in the introduction, ensuring a clear roadmap for readers regarding how you will address both aspects.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of allocating more financial resources to sports activities. The stance is evident throughout the essay, especially in the final paragraph where a strong conclusion is presented.
- How to improve: Continue to emphasize and reinforce your stance in each paragraph. Ensure that every supporting point consistently aligns with your position. Additionally, consider addressing potential counter-arguments to strengthen your position further.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, supporting the argument with examples, such as the football competition in Hanoi. However, some ideas could be extended further to provide a more in-depth analysis. For instance, elaborating on the specific benefits of sports activities and libraries could enhance the depth of the essay.
- How to improve: Provide more detailed explanations and examples for each supporting point. Consider expanding on how both sports and libraries contribute to students’ development, giving readers a deeper understanding of the significance of each.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s key components. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as discussing the stability of libraries. While related, it deviates from the main point of equal funding for sports and libraries.
- How to improve: Maintain a laser-like focus on the main components of the prompt. Ensure that each paragraph and supporting point directly contributes to the discussion of whether universities should give the same amount of money to sports activities as they give to libraries.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in explicitly addressing all parts of the question, reinforcing the position throughout, providing more in-depth analysis, and ensuring a consistent focus on the topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure. It begins with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on funding for sports activities and libraries. The subsequent paragraphs present arguments for both sides, providing a balanced discussion. The use of transitional phrases, such as "On one hand" and "On the other hand," enhances the logical flow of ideas. The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph. This will help readers quickly understand the focus of each section and contribute to a smoother transition between ideas.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs well-structured paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. There is a clear separation of ideas, with the introduction and conclusion appropriately framing the discussion. Each paragraph develops a single point, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraph structure is effective, consider varying sentence structures within each paragraph to add stylistic diversity. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph’s opening sentence explicitly introduces the main idea, aiding readers in navigating the essay’s progression.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("On one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence by signaling shifts between ideas and perspectives. The repetition of key terms like "sports activities" and "libraries" also reinforces the connection between paragraphs.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally well-used, consider incorporating more varied synonyms or pronouns for key terms to avoid repetitive language. This will contribute to a more dynamic and engaging writing style. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain a smooth flow.
Overall, the essay exhibits strong coherence and cohesion, with a logical organization of ideas, effective paragraph structure, and appropriate use of cohesive devices. To improve, focus on providing explicit topic sentences, varying sentence structures, and diversifying language use.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. It includes terms such as "boost," "well-rounded development," "significant expenses," and "monetary rewards." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further, especially in expressing nuanced ideas and connections between concepts.
- How to improve: Consider incorporating more varied synonyms and idiomatic expressions to convey your points. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "significant expenses," you might explore alternatives such as "substantial costs" or "considerable financial outlay." This would enhance the richness and precision of your vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, in some instances, there is room for improvement. For example, the phrase "in some cases" is used twice, and its meaning might be clarified for more precision. Additionally, terms like "stable condition" and "fewer activities" could be more precisely defined.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider providing specific examples or details to elaborate on abstract terms. Instead of using "in some cases," specify the conditions or circumstances under which your argument holds true. For terms like "stable condition," provide a more detailed description, perhaps referring to specific aspects that contribute to the stability of libraries.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as "well-rounded development" (missing a hyphen: "well-rounded") and "monetary rewards" (possibly intended: "monetary awards"). These do not significantly impact comprehension but indicate a need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to details during the proofreading process. Utilize spelling and grammar tools, and consider reading your essay aloud to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, be mindful of specific terms that may have variations in spelling, like "well-rounded," where a hyphen is commonly used.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with room for refinement. Strengthening precision and addressing minor spelling issues will contribute to an even more effective use of language.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. It includes both complex and compound sentences. For example, the introductory paragraph features a complex sentence: "While I understand the reasons supporting the idea that they should receive equal funding, I am convinced that, in some cases, sports activities should be allocated more financial resources." Additionally, the writer effectively uses contrasting structures in the transitional phrases, such as "On one hand" and "On the other hand," enhancing the essay’s coherence.
How to improve: To further elevate the essay’s complexity and variety, consider incorporating more advanced sentence structures, such as conditional sentences, participle clauses, or relative clauses. Experiment with sentence lengths to create a more dynamic flow. For instance, try combining shorter sentences into more complex structures to enhance the overall sophistication of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where the use of articles could be refined. For example, in the phrase "boost students’ health," it would be more precise to say "boost the students’ health." Additionally, there is a slight inconsistency in the use of articles throughout the essay. Careful attention to article usage will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy.
How to improve: Focus on the consistent use of articles, especially in expressions where precision is crucial. Pay attention to whether a definite (the) or indefinite (a/an) article is appropriate in each context. Proofread the essay with a specific focus on article usage to eliminate inconsistencies. Additionally, consider diversifying punctuation use for a more nuanced and engaging writing style. Experiment with semicolons or em dashes to add variety and sophistication to your sentences.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation. To achieve a higher score, strive for greater sentence variety and precision in grammar and punctuation usage.
Bài sửa mẫu
In universities, both sports activities and libraries play crucial roles. While I comprehend the rationale supporting the notion that they should be allocated equal financial resources, I would like to express my viewpoint that, in certain instances, sports activities might warrant more financial backing.
On one hand, it is comprehensible why some individuals contend that sports activities and libraries should be given the same amount of money. Firstly, sports activities offer opportunities for outdoor pursuits, fostering not only the physical well-being of students but also providing a means to alleviate stress. Moreover, libraries serve as venues where students can pursue their studies and conduct research, contributing to their intellectual growth. Developing both aspects contributes to the holistic development of students.
Conversely, I contend that, in certain instances, sports activities necessitate supplementary financial support. Take, for example, organizing a football competition among universities in Hanoi, which demands significant expenses. Various elements need preparation, such as team uniforms, tickets, and monetary rewards for each participating team. This differs from libraries, which appear to be in a stable state and engage in fewer activities in comparison to sports pursuits.
In conclusion, while there are justifications for spending an equal amount of money on both sides, I would argue that, in some cases, sports activities need more financial support to thrive and contribute meaningfully to the university experience.