Doctors encourage older people to take regular exercise, but there are few of them taking enough physical exercise. What are the causes and what solutions could be taken to solve the problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

Doctors encourage older people to take regular exercise, but there are few of them taking enough physical exercise. What are the causes and what solutions could be taken to solve the problem.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words

The issue of having enough exercise for older people has long preoccupied society. Discussion doesn’t always advise them to take exercise on a regular basis, however, only a small number of them have enough physical exercise. This can be attributed to general nerves and some measures could be taken to solve this problem.

There are some reasons why only a few elder people can manage to have physical exercise regularly. First, many of them do not take doctors’ advice seriously. They don’t trust in the challenges people should normally have at any given age. Some things they did not have a chance to do in youth, they may think they people just do not take on habits that could lead to a demanding lifestyle such as drinking. There are a lot of examples of people over 50 with big bellies who spend much time in cafes, restaurants and are reluctant to exercise. Second, may people tend to become lazy and do not want to develop their skills on leisure activities. A large number of them give an excuse that they are aging. People should be in the old age are not the only thing that restrains them from getting in lot early engagement. Sometimes, certain seniors are developed in many walks of life and they recognize this day is devoted to readily pursuing watching TV, playing a numb and so on. This can be challenging.

Finally, there should be an awareness campaign to help this situation be unavoidable by encouraging physical exercise. This activity is in great interest, as it spreads the prompt to a large audience. We can see that doing physical exercise is a good way for minimizing the urge to get closer to encourage people to be fit with exercise. Secondly, to encourage more interest in the gym. May seniors feel lonely, a way to make people to be engaged in services, there should be friends who go out because they do not have companions and support to get some interest. Thus, a good solution can be to create some clubs such as dancing, walking groups, which can be seen in many places. When older people find an interest, they will definitely develop enthusiasm for physical exercise.

In conclusion, there are some causes of a large proportion of seniors not having enough physical exercise and the problem could be tackled by adopting several solutions. Once they can be implemented on a large scale, older people will grow an enthusiasm to take part in physical exercise for better health.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Discussion doesn’t always advise them" -> "Research does not always recommend"
   Explanation: Replacing "Discussion" with "Research" clarifies the context, and "does not always recommend" is more precise and formal than "doesn’t always advise."

2. "only a small number of them have enough physical exercise" -> "only a limited number of them engage in sufficient physical activity"
   Explanation: "Engage in sufficient physical activity" is more specific and academically appropriate than "have enough physical exercise," which is somewhat vague and informal.

3. "general nerves" -> "general anxiety"
   Explanation: "General nerves" is an unclear and informal expression. "General anxiety" is a more precise and formal term that fits the context.

4. "doctors’ advice seriously" -> "adhere to medical advice"
   Explanation: "Adhere to medical advice" is a more formal and precise way to express following professional guidance.

5. "people should normally have at any given age" -> "individuals should typically engage in at any age"
   Explanation: "Individuals should typically engage in at any age" is more specific and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "people should normally have."

6. "drinking" -> "alcoholic beverages"
   Explanation: "Alcoholic beverages" is a more specific term than "drinking," which is too broad and informal for academic writing.

7. "big bellies" -> "excess weight"
   Explanation: "Excess weight" is a more formal and medically accurate term than the colloquial "big bellies."

8. "may people tend to become lazy" -> "many individuals tend to become less active"
   Explanation: "Many individuals tend to become less active" is more precise and avoids the informal "lazy."

9. "do not want to develop their skills on leisure activities" -> "refrain from developing skills in leisure activities"
   Explanation: "Refrain from developing skills in leisure activities" is more formal and clear, avoiding the awkward construction of "on."

10. "People should be in the old age are not the only thing that restrains them" -> "Aging alone is not the sole factor that prevents them"
    Explanation: "Aging alone is not the sole factor that prevents them" is more concise and academically appropriate than the convoluted original phrase.

11. "getting in lot early engagement" -> "participating in early activities"
    Explanation: "Participating in early activities" is clearer and more formal than "getting in lot early engagement," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.

12. "developed in many walks of life" -> "developed in various aspects of life"
    Explanation: "Developed in various aspects of life" is more precise and formal than "developed in many walks of life," which is somewhat vague and colloquial.

13. "devoted to readily pursuing watching TV, playing a numb" -> "dedicated to readily engaging in activities such as watching television and playing games"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the original, correcting grammatical errors and providing a clearer description of activities.

14. "This can be challenging." -> "This is challenging."
    Explanation: Changing "This can be challenging." to "This is challenging." provides a definitive statement, which is more suitable for academic writing.

15. "to help this situation be unavoidable" -> "to address this situation"
    Explanation: "To address this situation" is a more direct and formal way to express dealing with the issue, avoiding the awkward and unclear "be unavoidable."

16. "doing physical exercise is a good way for minimizing the urge to get closer to encourage people to be fit with exercise" -> "engaging in physical exercise is an effective means of reducing the inclination to encourage people to exercise"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the sentence structure and vocabulary, improving the flow and precision of the statement.

17. "May seniors feel lonely" -> "Many seniors feel lonely"
    Explanation: "Many seniors feel lonely" is grammatically correct and more formal than "May seniors feel lonely," which is awkward and unclear.

18. "a way to make people to be engaged in services" -> "a means of engaging seniors in services"
    Explanation: "A means of engaging seniors in services" is more formal and precise, improving clarity and avoiding the awkward construction of "to be engaged in."

19. "which can be seen in many places" -> "which are prevalent in many locations"
    Explanation: "Which are prevalent in many locations" is more formal and specific than "which can be seen in many places," enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the causes of older people not exercising and potential solutions. However, the analysis of causes is vague and lacks depth. For instance, the mention of "general nerves" is unclear and does not provide a concrete explanation. The solutions proposed, such as creating clubs, are relevant but not sufficiently detailed or practical. The essay does not fully explore the complexity of the issue, such as the role of societal attitudes or specific barriers to exercise.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is explicitly addressed with clear and detailed explanations. For example, they could elaborate on specific barriers older people face, such as physical limitations, lack of motivation, or social isolation. Additionally, providing more concrete examples of successful initiatives or programs that encourage exercise among seniors would strengthen the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that older people should exercise more, but this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. Phrases like "may people tend to become lazy" and "people should be in the old age" are vague and do not clearly articulate the writer’s stance. The conclusion reiterates the need for solutions but does not strongly tie back to the initial argument about the importance of exercise.
  • How to improve: The writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and consistently refer back to it in each paragraph. Using more definitive language and avoiding ambiguous phrases will help clarify their stance. Additionally, reinforcing the importance of exercise with more compelling arguments or statistics could strengthen their position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the causes and solutions but lacks depth and support. For example, the idea that many seniors do not trust doctors’ advice is mentioned but not explored further. Similarly, the solutions proposed are not well-developed; the mention of awareness campaigns is too general and lacks specific strategies or examples.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to develop each point more fully. This could include providing specific examples or case studies that illustrate the challenges seniors face or successful programs that have encouraged exercise. Additionally, using data or research findings to support claims would add credibility to the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the causes and solutions related to older people’s exercise habits. However, some sentences are convoluted and detract from the main focus, such as the unclear reference to "drinking" and "developing skills on leisure activities," which could confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument. Avoiding tangential ideas and ensuring clarity in language will help keep the essay on topic. It may also be beneficial to outline the main points before writing to ensure a logical flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, it requires more clarity, depth, and coherence to achieve a higher band score. By focusing on providing detailed explanations, supporting ideas with examples, and maintaining a clear position, the writer can significantly improve their Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the causes and solutions regarding the lack of physical exercise among older people. However, the logical flow is somewhat disrupted by unclear transitions and some disjointed ideas. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. The second paragraph discusses reasons but includes some confusing and unrelated points, such as the mention of drinking habits and the vague statement about people over 50 with big bellies. The solutions paragraph is more focused but still contains some unclear phrases and ideas that could be better organized.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main causes and solutions to be discussed. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis. Ensure that each point is fully developed and logically connected to the next. Avoid introducing unrelated ideas that can confuse the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure within each paragraph is not always clear. The second paragraph, for example, mixes several points about why older people do not exercise, but these points are not clearly separated or developed. The solutions paragraph is more structured but still contains some overlapping ideas that could be better organized into distinct points.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that develop this idea. Use separate paragraphs for different causes and solutions to avoid confusion. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, maintaining a clear and coherent structure throughout the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "finally," to organize points. However, the use of these devices is inconsistent and sometimes incorrect, leading to a lack of clarity. For example, the phrase "First, many of them do not take doctors’ advice seriously" is a good start, but the following sentences do not clearly relate to this point. Additionally, the use of "Secondly, to encourage more interest in the gym" in the solutions paragraph is somewhat abrupt and could be better integrated.
  • How to improve: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively. For example, use phrases like "in addition," "moreover," "as a result," and "therefore" to show relationships between ideas. Ensure that each cohesive device is used correctly and that it clearly connects the ideas within and between paragraphs. Practice using these devices in different contexts to improve fluency and coherence.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a more coherent and cohesive structure, leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "preoccupied," "reluctant," and "awareness campaign." However, the range is somewhat limited and repetitive in places. For instance, the phrase "physical exercise" appears multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall lexical richness. Additionally, terms like "elder people" and "may people" are awkward and not commonly used, indicating a lack of familiarity with more appropriate synonyms.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "physical exercise," alternatives like "regular physical activity," "fitness routines," or "exercise regimens" could be employed. Furthermore, using terms like "seniors" or "the elderly" instead of "elder people" would improve the essay’s fluency and coherence.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, which can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "they don’t trust in the challenges people should normally have at any given age" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning. Similarly, "may people" is likely a typographical error for "many people," which undermines the clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Revising sentences for clearer meaning, such as changing "they don’t trust in the challenges" to "they often underestimate the importance of regular exercise at their age," would enhance understanding. Additionally, proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring correct word forms will contribute to more precise vocabulary usage.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "may people" instead of "many people," "numb" instead of "game," and "developed in many walks of life" which is awkwardly phrased. These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can aid in improving spelling proficiency. Regular practice through writing exercises focused on vocabulary and spelling can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating a broader vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences like "This can be attributed to general nerves" and "There are some reasons why only a few elder people can manage to have physical exercise regularly" are prevalent. While there are some complex structures, such as "Some things they did not have a chance to do in youth, they may think they people just do not take on habits that could lead to a demanding lifestyle," the overall variety is insufficient. The use of compound and complex sentences is inconsistent, and the essay lacks more sophisticated structures that could enhance clarity and engagement.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice combining simple sentences into more complex ones and using a variety of conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "Many of them do not take doctors’ advice seriously," the writer could say, "Although many of them do not take doctors’ advice seriously, they often overlook the importance of regular exercise." Additionally, incorporating conditional sentences (e.g., "If older adults engaged in regular exercise, they would likely experience better health outcomes") could add depth to the argument.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall quality. For example, "may people tend to become lazy" should be "many people tend to become lazy." Additionally, phrases like "People should be in the old age are not the only thing that restrains them" are awkward and unclear. There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas that could clarify meaning, particularly in complex sentences. The use of "may" instead of "many" in the second paragraph is a significant error that affects comprehension.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing writing sentences with clear subjects and predicates can help clarify meaning. Furthermore, the writer should pay attention to punctuation, particularly the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for corrections before final submission.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the clarity and effectiveness of the argument. Regular practice, along with targeted feedback, will help the writer develop these skills over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

The issue of older people not getting enough exercise has long preoccupied society. Discussion does not always recommend that they take exercise on a regular basis; however, only a small number of them engage in sufficient physical activity. This can be attributed to general anxiety, and some measures could be taken to solve this problem.

There are several reasons why only a few elderly people can manage to exercise regularly. First, many of them do not take doctors’ advice seriously. They do not trust the challenges individuals should typically face at any given age. Some activities they did not have a chance to pursue in their youth may lead them to believe that people do not adopt habits that could lead to a demanding lifestyle, such as refraining from consuming alcoholic beverages. There are many examples of people over 50 with excess weight who spend much time in cafes and restaurants and are reluctant to exercise. Second, many individuals tend to become less active and do not want to develop their skills in leisure activities. A large number of them make excuses, claiming that they are aging. Aging alone is not the sole factor that prevents them from engaging in early activities. Sometimes, certain seniors are developed in various aspects of life, yet they recognize that their days are devoted to readily engaging in activities such as watching television and playing games. This is challenging.

Finally, there should be an awareness campaign to address this situation by encouraging physical exercise. This activity is of great interest, as it spreads the message to a large audience. We can see that engaging in physical exercise is an effective means of reducing the inclination to encourage people to exercise. Secondly, to foster more interest in gyms, many seniors feel lonely. A means of engaging seniors in services could involve creating friendships, as they often lack companions and support to spark their interest. Thus, a good solution could be to create clubs such as dancing and walking groups, which are prevalent in many locations. When older people find an interest, they will definitely develop enthusiasm for physical exercise.

In conclusion, there are several causes for a large proportion of seniors not having enough physical exercise, and the problem could be tackled by adopting various solutions. Once these solutions are implemented on a large scale, older people will grow enthusiasm for participating in physical exercise for better health.