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Doing further studies abroad has become increasingly common in recent decades. How might the advantages of studying in another country outweigh the disadvantages?

Doing further studies abroad has become increasingly common in recent decades. How might the advantages of studying in another country outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, more and more people prefer to pursue higher education in foreign countries. While some people believe that it is beneficial for their future, others may argue against this tendency. In my opinion, despite some advantages, studying overseas is actually challenging for most students.

On the one hand, those who decide to study abroad may have their own reasons.
Firstly, they can gain certain values from international qualifications they obtain, which is often highly appreciated by companies and employers. This usually leads to better job opportunities and higher salaries for them after they return home. Secondly, when someone dares to step out of their comfort zone, they are able to develop themselves better. Living independently in a foreign country, people can accumulate skills and experiences which are helpful for them in the long run.

On the other hand, young people should take into consideration many disadvantages before opting for travelling to another country for education. Firstly, not everyone can meet the financial requirement of overseas education, especially in developed nations. Specifically, international students usually need to cover a wide range of fees, including tuition, accommodation, transport, and so on. Secondly, it actually takes plenty of time to adapt to the new lifestyle in a different environment. Academically, foreign students have to try hard to handle difficulties as they enter an unfamiliar education system with new teaching and learning methods. Socially, most of them are also likely to struggle with culture shock, which undoubtedly leaves them in the feeling of confusion and stress.

In conclusion, I am not convinced that pursuing an education overseas is a wise thing to do. Although students might have better career prospects and sharpen more personal skills, travelling to a different country for higher academic pursuits requires truly unaffordable costs and serious life transformation.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays, more and more people prefer to pursue higher education in foreign countries." -> "Presently, an increasing number of individuals opt to pursue higher education in foreign nations."
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Presently" adds a more formal tone. Additionally, "prefer" is replaced with "opt" for a more precise and academic expression.

  2. "In my opinion, despite some advantages, studying overseas is actually challenging for most students." -> "In my view, notwithstanding certain advantages, pursuing education abroad poses considerable challenges for the majority of students."
    Explanation: "In my opinion" is substituted with "In my view" for a slightly more formal expression. The term "actually" is removed as it may sound informal, and "challenging" is replaced with "poses considerable challenges" for greater specificity.

  3. "On the one hand, those who decide to study abroad may have their own reasons." -> "On one hand, individuals opting to pursue education abroad may have distinctive motivations."
    Explanation: The phrase "On the one hand" is refined to "On one hand" for brevity. "Those who decide to study abroad" is replaced with "individuals opting to pursue education abroad" for a more formal and precise description.

  4. "Firstly, they can gain certain values from international qualifications they obtain, which is often highly appreciated by companies and employers." -> "Firstly, they can derive significant value from the international qualifications they acquire, a factor often highly esteemed by companies and employers."
    Explanation: The term "values" is replaced with "significant value" for clarity and formality. "Gaining" is replaced with "derive" for a more formal tone.

  5. "Living independently in a foreign country, people can accumulate skills and experiences which are helpful for them in the long run." -> "Residing independently in a foreign country enables individuals to amass skills and experiences beneficial for their long-term development."
    Explanation: "Living independently" is substituted with "Residing independently" for a more formal expression. "Which are helpful for them in the long run" is streamlined to "beneficial for their long-term development."

  6. "On the other hand, young people should take into consideration many disadvantages before opting for travelling to another country for education." -> "Conversely, young individuals should carefully consider numerous drawbacks before choosing to pursue education in another country."
    Explanation: "On the other hand" is replaced with "Conversely" for variety. "Take into consideration" is modified to "carefully consider" for conciseness and formality.

  7. "not everyone can meet the financial requirement of overseas education, especially in developed nations." -> "Not everyone can meet the financial requirements of overseas education, particularly in developed nations."
    Explanation: "Requirement" is changed to "requirements" for grammatical correctness. "Especially" is replaced with "particularly" for a more precise and formal expression.

  8. "Specifically, international students usually need to cover a wide range of fees, including tuition, accommodation, transport, and so on." -> "In particular, international students typically need to bear various expenses, encompassing tuition, accommodation, transportation, and the like."
    Explanation: "Specifically" is replaced with "In particular" for formality. "Cover a wide range of fees" is modified to "bear various expenses" for a more specific and academic description.

  9. "it actually takes plenty of time to adapt to the new lifestyle in a different environment." -> "Adapting to the new lifestyle in a different environment requires a substantial amount of time."
    Explanation: "Actually" is removed for formality. "It takes plenty of time" is revised to "requires a substantial amount of time" for precision.

  10. "Academically, foreign students have to try hard to handle difficulties as they enter an unfamiliar education system with new teaching and learning methods." -> "Academically, foreign students must exert significant effort to navigate challenges as they enter an unfamiliar education system with novel teaching and learning methods."
    Explanation: "Try hard to handle difficulties" is replaced with "must exert significant effort to navigate challenges" for a more formal and specific expression.

  11. "Socially, most of them are also likely to struggle with culture shock, which undoubtedly leaves them in the feeling of confusion and stress." -> "Socially, a majority of them are likely to grapple with culture shock, undoubtedly leading to a sense of confusion and stress."
    Explanation: "Struggle with" is replaced with "grapple with" for a more formal expression. "Leaves them in the feeling of" is streamlined to "leading to a sense of" for clarity.

  12. "In conclusion, I am not convinced that pursuing an education overseas is a wise thing to do." -> "In conclusion, I remain unconvinced that pursuing education overseas is a prudent course of action."
    Explanation: "I am not convinced" is refined to "I remain unconvinced" for a more formal tone. "Wise thing to do" is replaced with "prudent course of action" for precision and formality.

Note: While making these changes, I aimed to enhance the overall formality and precision of the essay without introducing unnecessary complexity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad, providing reasons and examples for each perspective. The introduction introduces the topic, and each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the question.
    • How to improve: To further enhance completeness, consider providing a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction that directly responds to the prompt. This can help guide the reader and emphasize the essay’s position.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, expressing a skeptical view of studying abroad. The stance is consistent, and the reasons supporting this perspective are well articulated.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity, explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction. This can help readers immediately understand the writer’s standpoint.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas are presented adequately, with examples to support each point. The essay elaborates on the advantages and disadvantages, offering reasons and explanations for each.
    • How to improve: To enhance development, consider providing more detailed examples or evidence. This can further strengthen the argument and make the essay more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of studying abroad. However, there is a slight deviation when the essay discusses the financial aspect, which primarily focuses on challenges rather than disadvantages.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every point made is directly related to the advantages or disadvantages of studying abroad. In the financial aspect, consider discussing how financial challenges are a specific disadvantage rather than a general challenge.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintains a clear position, presents and supports ideas, and generally stays on topic. To improve, the writer can focus on explicitly stating their thesis in the introduction, providing more detailed examples, and ensuring that each point directly relates to the advantages or disadvantages of studying abroad.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the writer’s stance. Body paragraphs follow a clear structure, presenting advantages and disadvantages separately. However, there is room for improvement in the development of ideas within paragraphs. For instance, the advantages and disadvantages could be explored in more depth for a nuanced understanding.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing more detailed examples and explanations within each point. Ensure that the progression of ideas is smooth and coherent, offering a deeper analysis of the advantages and disadvantages presented.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect, contributing to the overall coherence. However, some paragraphs lack elaboration, and the development of ideas could be more thorough.
    • How to improve: Aim to develop each paragraph further by providing more examples, evidence, or explanations. Ensure a clear topic sentence for each paragraph, and follow it with supporting details. This will strengthen the overall structure and effectiveness of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a basic range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). While these contribute to coherence, more diverse and sophisticated cohesive devices could be incorporated for smoother transitions and connections between ideas.
    • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices, including synonyms, parallel structures, and more varied transition words. This will create a more seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion. Improvements can be made by providing more detailed development of ideas, strengthening paragraph structures, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. This will elevate the overall quality of the essay and contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. The writer employs words and phrases effectively to convey ideas. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating a more diverse and nuanced vocabulary. For instance, the repeated use of phrases like "different country" and "overseas education" could be varied for a richer expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative expressions. Instead of relying on repetitive terms like "different country," explore variations such as "foreign nation," "international setting," or "abroad."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where more precise language could be employed. For example, the term "unaffordable costs" could be specified to include tuition fees, living expenses, etc., providing a more precise description.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, aim to use specific terms that accurately convey the intended meaning. Instead of using broad terms like "costs," specify them, such as "tuition fees," "living expenses," or "financial burdens."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay, with no major errors observed. However, it is crucial to pay attention to minor errors, such as "travelling" (preferably "traveling") and maintaining consistency in hyphenation, as seen in "overseas education."
    • How to improve: To maintain a high level of spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully. Pay attention to common errors, and consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, be consistent in hyphenation usage.

In summary, the essay exhibits a solid foundation in lexical resource, earning a Band Score of 6. To enhance this score, focus on diversifying vocabulary, using more precise terms, and maintaining consistent spelling and hyphenation. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. It employs both simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall readability. There is effective use of subordination and coordination, enhancing the flow of ideas. For instance, the essay incorporates complex structures like "Living independently in a foreign country, people can accumulate skills and experiences which are helpful for them in the long run."
    • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range, consider integrating more complex sentence structures and varied sentence beginnings. For instance, try incorporating conditional sentences, inverted sentences, or rhetorical questions strategically to add nuance and sophistication.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "despite some advantages" could be refined to "despite having some advantages" for clearer expression. Punctuation is generally correct, but attention is needed in a few instances, such as the comma usage in "especially in developed nations," where a semicolon might provide better clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining sentence structure for clarity, avoiding potential ambiguities. Additionally, be mindful of punctuation nuances, such as semicolons and commas, to enhance precision. Proofreading for minor errors can further elevate the grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammar and sentence structures, contributing significantly to its coherence and effectiveness. Minor improvements in sentence variety and punctuation can elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present era, an increasing number of individuals are opting to pursue higher education in foreign nations. In my view, notwithstanding certain advantages, pursuing education abroad poses considerable challenges for the majority of students.

On one hand, individuals opting to pursue education abroad may have distinctive motivations. Firstly, they can derive significant value from the international qualifications they acquire, a factor often highly esteemed by companies and employers. This usually results in enhanced job opportunities and increased salaries upon their return home. Secondly, by daring to step out of their comfort zone and residing independently in a foreign country, people can accumulate skills and experiences beneficial for their long-term development.

Conversely, young individuals should carefully consider numerous drawbacks before choosing to pursue education in another country. Not everyone can meet the financial requirements of overseas education, particularly in developed nations. Specifically, international students typically need to bear various expenses, encompassing tuition, accommodation, transportation, and the like. Adapting to the new lifestyle in a different environment requires a substantial amount of time. Academically, foreign students must exert significant effort to navigate challenges as they enter an unfamiliar education system with novel teaching and learning methods. Socially, a majority of them are likely to grapple with culture shock, undoubtedly leading to a sense of confusion and stress.

In conclusion, I remain unconvinced that pursuing education overseas is a prudent course of action. Although students might have better career prospects and sharpen more personal skills, traveling to a different country for higher academic pursuits requires truly unaffordable costs and serious life transformation.

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