Economic progress is one way to measure a country’s success. Some people believe that there are other factors that should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What are the other factors? Do you think there is a factor that is more important than the others?

Stories related to economic development are never far from front pages and from the collective consciousness. The most debated question has derived from whether economic progress or other factors, encompassing education, healthcare system, and government transparency are more crucial. From my perspective, economic and other criteria play an important and equal role in evaluating a country’s wealth.

On the one hand, the reason why I accept the idea that economic development is one way to assess a country’s health is that if a country meets the economic goals required, this country will have the ability to put on the list of first-world countries. Due to developing a country which also means progressing in various fields like education because it expects professionals and a creative workforce or transparency of the government, who enact rules and regulations. This is particularly the case for America-the country ranks first in terms of economy and also has a modern healthcare system and pays attention to their education system;Thus, it is justifiable to say that economic progress is a norm for determining a nation’s progress.

Besides the aforementioned agreement, I also believe that other factors have contributed to the development of a country. The first one is education as a nation can not be wealthy if residents do not have knowledge and skills to serve their jobs;therefore, ensuring literacy rate by completing the primary needs of all members of society irrespective of their social background is necessary. For instance, in Sweden, people do not need to pay any expenses for education, which proves the development of Sweden. Furthermore, the essence of progressing a country is the advancement of health services which means a good healthcare system, measured by a reduced mortality rate and easy access to medical services. As a result, I recognise that provide enough professionals in all fields ís the core for the country to progress.

To conclude, not only the economy but also other aspects contribute to a sustainable progression of a country.

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Errors and Improvements:

"never far from front pages and from the collective consciousness" -> "constantly featured on front pages and in the collective consciousness"
Explanation: Replacing the colloquial "never far from" with "constantly featured on" maintains formality and clarity, while "in the collective consciousness" is a more sophisticated expression than "from the collective consciousness."
"The most debated question has derived from whether economic progress or other factors, encompassing education, healthcare system, and government transparency are more crucial." -> "The primary debate revolves around whether economic progress or other factors, including education, healthcare systems, and government transparency, are more crucial."
Explanation: "Derived from" is less formal; "revolves around" is a more suitable alternative. Also, using "including" instead of "encompassing" is clearer and aligns better with academic style.
"From my perspective" -> "In my view"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is slightly informal; "In my view" is a more formal and concise alternative, commonly used in academic writing.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is a more informal phrase, while "Firstly" is a more structured and formal transition commonly used in academic writing.
"the reason why I accept the idea that economic development is one way to assess a country’s health" -> "my rationale for accepting the notion that economic development is a key indicator of a country’s well-being"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat repetitive and informal. "My rationale for" is a more formal expression, and "key indicator of a country’s well-being" is a more precise and formal alternative to "one way to assess a country’s health."
"if a country meets the economic goals required" -> "if a country achieves its economic objectives"
Explanation: "Meets the economic goals required" is slightly awkward; "achieves its economic objectives" is clearer and more concise.
"Due to developing a country which also means progressing in various fields like education because it expects professionals and a creative workforce or transparency of the government" -> "Developing a country implies progress in various sectors such as education, as it necessitates a skilled workforce and governmental transparency."
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks clarity. By restructuring and simplifying the sentence, it becomes clearer and more academically appropriate.
"This is particularly the case for America-the country ranks first in terms of economy and also has a modern healthcare system and pays attention to their education system" -> "This is particularly evident in the case of America, which ranks first in terms of economy, boasts a modern healthcare system, and prioritizes its education system."
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks precision. Replacing "the country" with "America" and restructuring the sentence for clarity improves its academic tone.
"Thus, it is justifiable to say that economic progress is a norm for determining a nation’s progress." -> "Therefore, it is reasonable to assert that economic progress is a fundamental criterion for assessing a nation’s development."
Explanation: "Justifiable" is slightly informal; "reasonable to assert" is a more formal alternative. Additionally, "norm" is replaced with "fundamental criterion" for clarity and formality.
"Besides the aforementioned agreement" -> "In addition to the aforementioned perspective"
Explanation: "Besides the aforementioned agreement" is unclear and informal; "In addition to the aforementioned perspective" provides clarity and formality.
"The first one is education as a nation can not be wealthy if residents do not have knowledge and skills to serve their jobs" -> "Firstly, education is paramount, as a nation cannot thrive if its residents lack the necessary knowledge and skills for employment."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and is grammatically incorrect. Restructuring and clarifying the sentence improve its academic tone.
"irrespective of their social background" -> "regardless of their socioeconomic status"
Explanation: "Irrespective of their social background" is somewhat informal; "regardless of their socioeconomic status" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"which proves the development of Sweden" -> "demonstrating Sweden’s advancement"
Explanation: "Proves" is slightly informal; "demonstrating" is a more formal alternative. Additionally, "the development of Sweden" is replaced with "Sweden’s advancement" for clarity and conciseness.
"Furthermore, the essence of progressing a country is the advancement of health services which means a good healthcare system" -> "Moreover, central to a nation’s progress is the enhancement of healthcare services, indicative of a robust healthcare system."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and is somewhat informal. Restructuring and refining the sentence improve its academic tone and clarity.
"As a result, I recognise that provide enough professionals in all fields ís the core for the country to progress." -> "Consequently, I acknowledge that ensuring an adequate supply of professionals across all sectors is imperative for national progress."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Restructuring and refining the sentence improve its academic tone and precision.
"To conclude" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "To conclude" is slightly informal; "In conclusion" is a more formal alternative commonly used in academic writing.
"not only the economy but also other aspects" -> "not only the economy but also various other aspects"
Explanation: Adding "various" enhances the specificity and formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses economic progress as one measure of a country’s success while acknowledging other factors such as education, healthcare, and government transparency.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure that each aspect (education, healthcare, government transparency) is elaborated upon further, providing specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that economic progress is important but not the sole determinant of a country’s success. The stance is consistent and supported by examples.
- How to improve: To further clarify the position, explicitly state the stance in the introduction and conclusion, reiterating that economic progress is one aspect among others contributing to a country’s success.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on economic progress and other factors such as education and healthcare. However, some ideas lack depth and could be further developed.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion on each factor by providing more detailed explanations, statistics, or case studies to bolster the arguments and make them more compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing factors beyond economic progress that contribute to a country’s success. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused.
- How to improve: Ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt, avoiding tangential discussions. Use topic sentences and transitions to maintain coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear stance, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations and maintaining focus on the topic throughout the essay. With further development and refinement, the essay has the potential to achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the debate regarding economic progress versus other factors. Each body paragraph discusses a different factor (education, healthcare) and supports these with relevant examples (America’s economic success, Sweden’s education system). The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using clearer topic sentences to guide each paragraph’s focus more explicitly. For instance, explicitly stating at the start of each body paragraph how education and healthcare contribute to a country’s success would strengthen coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately to separate different ideas (economic progress, education, healthcare). However, some paragraphs could be more focused. For example, the second paragraph covers economic development but also touches on education and government transparency. This can lead to slight confusion regarding the main focus of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme related to the prompt. Avoid mixing multiple topics within one paragraph. For instance, focus solely on economic progress in one paragraph, then discuss education in another, maintaining a clear and focused structure throughout.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs basic cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this country," "these factors") and conjunctions ("besides," "therefore"). However, there is a limited variety and sophistication in their use. More advanced cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("furthermore," "in conclusion") or lexical cohesion (repetition of key terms) could strengthen coherence.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more explicitly across sentences and paragraphs. For instance, use cohesive devices to explicitly connect examples to arguments (e.g., "For instance," "This illustrates that…"). Also, ensure coherence by repeating key terms or using synonyms to maintain continuity and clarity throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used would enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "economic progress," "collective consciousness," "first-world countries," "transparency," "literacy rate," "advancement," and "sustainable progression." These terms contribute to a varied lexical resource and showcase an attempt to articulate ideas with a diverse vocabulary.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more nuanced or specialized terms related to economic concepts, governance, education, and healthcare. Additionally, aim for greater precision in word choice to convey ideas more effectively.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where terminology could be more precise. For example, the phrase "progressing in various fields like education" could be refined to specify how economic development impacts education, such as investment in educational infrastructure or curriculum enhancement. Similarly, the term "essence of progressing a country" could be replaced with a more precise descriptor, such as "fundamental to national advancement."
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey intended meanings. Avoid using vague or generalized terms where specific terminology would enhance clarity and depth of analysis. Consider the context of each term and how it contributes to the overall argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout, with only minor errors or typos, such as "í s" instead of "is" in the phrase "provide enough professionals in all fields ís the core for the country to progress." Overall, spelling accuracy does not significantly detract from the readability or comprehension of the essay.
- How to improve: Maintain attention to detail when proofreading to catch any spelling errors or typos. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools or seek feedback from peers to ensure consistent accuracy in written expression.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates competence in lexical resource, there is room for refinement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy to elevate the quality of expression and coherence of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences alongside simpler constructions. For instance, it utilizes compound-complex sentences such as "Due to developing a country which also means progressing in various fields like education because it expects professionals and a creative workforce or transparency of the government, who enact rules and regulations," showcasing syntactic diversity. Additionally, simpler sentences are effectively employed for clarity and emphasis, such as "On the one hand, the reason why I accept the idea that economic development is one way to assess a country’s health is that if a country meets the economic goals required, this country will have the ability to put on the list of first-world countries."
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a solid range of sentence structures, further sophistication can be achieved by integrating more complex syntactical forms like parallelism, inversion, or rhetorical questions. Encourage experimenting with varied sentence lengths and structures to enhance coherence and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. There are instances of minor errors, such as missing articles ("a nation can not be wealthy if residents do not have knowledge and skills to serve their jobs") and slight awkwardness in phrasing ("Therefore, ensuring literacy rate by completing the primary needs of all members of society irrespective of their social background is necessary"). However, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension or detract from the overall clarity of the writing. Punctuation usage is generally correct, though there are occasional lapses in punctuation consistency and precision.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to article usage and sentence structure coherence. Proofreading for punctuation consistency, particularly regarding comma usage in complex sentences, can help refine the clarity and fluidity of the writing. Additionally, strive for smoother transitions between ideas to bolster overall cohesion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Stories constantly featured on front pages and in the collective consciousness often revolve around the measurement of a country’s success. The primary debate revolves around whether economic progress or other factors, including education, healthcare systems, and government transparency, are more crucial. In my view, both economic and non-economic factors play equally vital roles in assessing a nation’s well-being.

Firstly, my rationale for accepting the notion that economic development is a key indicator of a country’s well-being stems from the idea that if a country achieves its economic objectives, it can join the ranks of first-world nations. Developing a country implies progress in various sectors such as education, as it necessitates a skilled workforce and governmental transparency. This is particularly evident in the case of America, which ranks first in terms of economy, boasts a modern healthcare system, and prioritizes its education system. Therefore, it is reasonable to assert that economic progress is a fundamental criterion for assessing a nation’s development.

In addition to the aforementioned perspective, education is paramount, as a nation cannot thrive if its residents lack the necessary knowledge and skills for employment. Ensuring literacy rates and providing equal educational opportunities for all, regardless of their socioeconomic status, are crucial. This is demonstrated by Sweden’s advancement, where education expenses are covered for all citizens.

Moreover, central to a nation’s progress is the enhancement of healthcare services, indicative of a robust healthcare system. Access to medical services and a reduced mortality rate are key indicators of a country’s well-being. Consequently, I acknowledge that ensuring an adequate supply of professionals across all sectors is imperative for national progress.

In conclusion, not only the economy but also various other aspects, including education and healthcare, contribute to a sustainable progression of a country. Each factor plays a crucial role in determining the overall success and well-being of a nation.