Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important, and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, educating children is very important. However, some people believe that helping adults who cannot read or write is even more important and that the government should spend more money on this. I agree with this idea because I believe that while educating adults is important, we should also continue to focus in educating children.
On the other hand, teaching young people is also very important. Children are the future of every country, and a good education helps them grow up and become smart and skill adults. If we do not focus on teaching young people, our country can not have enough skilled workers in the future. So, using money for children’s education should always a top priority.
In addition, the government can help both by using money and resources carefully. For example, they can create special classes for adults in the evening so that they can study after work. At the same time, school can still receive money to provide good education for young people. In this way, both adults and children are helped when they need it.
In short, helping adults who cannot read or write is important, we should not forget to teach young people. The best solution is to ensure that both groups receive the support and money when they need, so that everyone has a better future

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"educating children is very important" -> "the education of children is crucial"
Explanation: The phrase "the education of children is crucial" uses more formal language and emphasizes the significance of the topic, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"helping adults who cannot read or write" -> "providing literacy support to adults"
Explanation: "Providing literacy support to adults" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action, focusing on the specific aspect of education rather than the general term "helping."
"I agree with this idea" -> "I concur with this perspective"
Explanation: "I concur with this perspective" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the more conversational "I agree with this idea."
"we should also continue to focus in educating children" -> "we should also continue to prioritize the education of children"
Explanation: "Prioritize the education of children" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of focusing on children’s education, aligning better with academic style.
"teaching young people is also very important" -> "the education of young people is equally significant"
Explanation: "The education of young people is equally significant" uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial "very important," enhancing the academic tone.
"Children are the future of every country" -> "Children are the future of each nation"
Explanation: "Each nation" is a more formal and precise term than "every country," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"a good education helps them grow up and become smart and skill adults" -> "a quality education enables them to mature and develop into skilled adults"
Explanation: "A quality education enables them to mature and develop into skilled adults" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "grow up" and "smart and skill adults," which are not typically used in formal writing.
"our country can not have enough skilled workers" -> "our nation may lack sufficient skilled workers"
Explanation: "Our nation may lack sufficient skilled workers" is a more formal and precise way to express the potential outcome, avoiding the contraction "can not" and the vague "enough."
"using money for children’s education should always a top priority" -> "funding children’s education should always be a top priority"
Explanation: "Funding children’s education should always be a top priority" corrects the grammatical error and uses "funding" instead of "using money," which is more specific and formal in this context.
"the government can help both by using money and resources carefully" -> "the government can assist both by allocating funds and resources judiciously"
Explanation: "Assist" and "allocating funds and resources judiciously" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"school can still receive money to provide good education for young people" -> "schools can continue to receive funding to deliver quality education to young people"
Explanation: "Schools can continue to receive funding to deliver quality education to young people" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the awkward phrasing of the original sentence.
"helping adults who cannot read or write is important, we should not forget to teach young people" -> "providing literacy support to adults is crucial, yet we must not overlook the education of young people"
Explanation: "Providing literacy support to adults is crucial, yet we must not overlook the education of young people" corrects the awkward structure and uses more formal language, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging the importance of both adult education and children’s education. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The introduction mentions agreement but fails to clarify the author’s position in relation to the prompt’s request for an extent of agreement or disagreement. The body paragraphs focus more on the importance of children’s education rather than providing a balanced view of both sides, which is necessary to fully answer the question.
- How to improve: To improve, the author should clearly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction. Additionally, the essay should include more discussion on the importance of adult education, perhaps by providing specific examples or statistics that highlight its significance. A more balanced exploration of both viewpoints would enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear stance that agrees with the importance of adult education but quickly shifts focus to children’s education. This inconsistency creates confusion about the author’s overall position. While the conclusion attempts to summarize the importance of both groups, it does not reinforce a clear and consistent viewpoint throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently refer back to their main argument in each paragraph. Using phrases like "While I agree that…" or "Although both are important, I believe…" can help clarify the stance. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion will help solidify the position taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the importance of education for both adults and children, but these ideas lack depth and support. For example, the statement about children being the future of the country is valid but is not sufficiently elaborated upon. The essay mentions creating special classes for adults but does not provide details on how this could be implemented or its potential benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should provide specific examples, statistics, or real-world implications of the arguments made. Each point should be developed with explanations that connect back to the main argument, ensuring that the reader understands the significance of each idea.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of education for both adults and children. However, the focus is predominantly on children’s education, which detracts from the topic’s balance. The repeated emphasis on children’s education may lead the reader to question the author’s commitment to addressing the prompt fully.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph addresses both aspects of the prompt. A more structured approach, such as dedicating one paragraph to adult education and another to children’s education, would help maintain relevance. Additionally, explicitly linking each point back to the prompt will reinforce the essay’s adherence to the topic.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the author should clearly articulate their position on the extent of agreement, ensure a balanced discussion of both adult and children’s education, provide more detailed support for their ideas, and maintain focus on the prompt throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that acknowledges the importance of both adult and child education. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the importance of adult education to the necessity of child education is somewhat abrupt. The essay begins with a general statement about the importance of educating children, but the connection to adult education lacks a smooth transition. The ideas are generally relevant, but the organization could benefit from clearer topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "In contrast," or "Furthermore," can help to create smoother connections between ideas. Structuring the essay to first fully explore one side of the argument before transitioning to the other could also improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the final paragraph lacks a clear concluding statement and feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding content. The first two paragraphs could also benefit from more distinct separation of ideas, as they currently blend the discussion of child and adult education without clear delineation.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the final paragraph summarizes the key points made throughout the essay. A strong concluding sentence that reiterates the main argument or offers a final thought can enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, consider using a more defined structure, such as dedicating one paragraph solely to the importance of adult education and another to child education, before discussing the balance between the two.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "on the other hand," and "in addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be stronger. For example, the phrase "At the same time" is used, but it does not effectively link the ideas in the context of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "consequently," and "for instance." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also clarify the relationships between different points. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs, making the argument more cohesive overall.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on basic terms and phrases. For instance, words like "important," "help," and "money" are repeated without variation, which limits the lexical diversity. Phrases such as "good education" and "skilled workers" are used, but they could be enhanced with synonyms or more specific terms to convey a richer meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "important," they could use "crucial," "vital," or "paramount." Additionally, using phrases like "financial investment in education" instead of just "money" could elevate the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "smart and skill adults" is awkward and should be "skilled and intelligent adults." The term "using money for children’s education should always a top priority" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical structures and ensure that phrases are complete and correctly formed. For instance, revising to "investing in children’s education should always be a top priority" would enhance clarity and precision. Additionally, the writer should aim to use more specific terms that accurately reflect their intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "skill" instead of "skilled," "school can still receive money" which should be "schools can still receive funding," and "a top priority" which is missing the verb "be." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission could help catch these errors. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also be beneficial in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will not only enhance the quality of the writing but also contribute to clearer communication of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences like "In many countries, educating children is very important" are prevalent. There are also compound sentences, such as "However, some people believe that helping adults who cannot read or write is even more important and that the government should spend more money on this." However, the essay lacks complex sentence structures that could enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. For example, the use of relative clauses or conditional sentences is minimal.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying "Children are the future of every country," the writer could say, "Given that children are the future of every country, it is imperative that we provide them with a robust education." This not only adds complexity but also strengthens the argument. Practicing the use of subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, while) can help create more varied sentence forms.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "we should also continue to focus in educating children" should use "on" instead of "in." Additionally, the sentence "So, using money for children’s education should always a top priority" is missing the verb "be," making it grammatically incorrect. Punctuation errors include the comma splice in "In short, helping adults who cannot read or write is important, we should not forget to teach young people," which should be separated into two sentences or connected with a conjunction.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work, paying special attention to verb forms and prepositions. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify common mistakes. Furthermore, practicing sentence combining and restructuring can improve fluency and reduce errors. For punctuation, understanding the rules for comma usage and sentence boundaries will be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, focusing on the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many countries, the education of children is crucial. However, some people believe that providing literacy support to adults who cannot read or write is even more important, and that the government should allocate more funds for this purpose. I concur with this perspective because, while educating adults is significant, we should also continue to prioritize the education of children.

On the other hand, the education of young people is equally significant. Children are the future of each nation, and a quality education enables them to mature and develop into skilled adults. If we do not focus on teaching young people, our nation may lack sufficient skilled workers in the future. Therefore, funding children’s education should always be a top priority.

In addition, the government can assist both by allocating funds and resources judiciously. For example, they can create special classes for adults in the evening so that they can study after work. At the same time, schools can continue to receive funding to deliver quality education to young people. In this way, both adults and children are supported when they need it.

In short, while providing literacy support to adults is crucial, we must not overlook the education of young people. The best solution is to ensure that both groups receive the necessary support and funding, so that everyone has a better future.