fbpx

Effective environmental conservation should be based on encouraging people to change their lifestyles instead of the government implementing protection legislation. Discuss the statement & Give your opinion

Effective environmental conservation should be based on encouraging people to change their lifestyles instead of the government implementing protection legislation.
Discuss the statement & Give your opinion

In this modern era, due to humankind’s destruction to the environment, it has been completely contaminated in specific areas. An effective strategy to conserve the environment is more urgent than ever. Therefore, incentivizing individuals to alter their lifestyles is considered to be a more efficacious tactic than demanding some environmental protection legislation from the government. From my perspective, I give consent to this statement.
Obviously, altering one’s lifestyles to a partial environmental conservation is beneficial for both the environment and humankind. Primarily, the environment is contaminated by destructive activities such as littering neglectfully, burning forest and using chemical substances for agricultural and horticultural purposes . What if there are no aforementioned activities, the environment will be lush and its vegetation will thrive in a multifaceted way. Take Cuc Phuong National Park as a prime illustration, without humankind’s footprint and activities , it now possesses a futile vegetation with hundreds of plants and fresh oxygen. Furthermore, this kind of environmental conservation may have advantageous bearings on humankind’s quality of life to some extent. By breathing fresh air from the unpolluted environment, this leads to a decline in respiratory health problems. Not only does this lifestyle alleviate human health problems but it also consolidates their perception about the importance of the environment. By obtaining benefits which a fresh environment yields to humankind, individuals perceive that if the environment is completely contaminated or destroyed, it will pose a threat to their life with diseases and the lack of essential life-giving sources such as oxygen, water, and fresh food. For example, the water sources of slums in Africa are completely polluted, this has led to the high proportion of gastrointestinal diseases. As a consequence, individuals there urgently protect the environment in pursuit of higher life quality. Take these altogether, this environmental protection lifestyle may make contributions to the improvement of the environment.
Irrespective of this tactic’s effectiveness, there are some potential risks and demerits in this approach. One of the disadvantages is that the lack of compulsory manners in this lifestyle, it is a challenge to change lifestyles and mindset of obstinate individuals. Therefore, the majority of individuals have obligated the government to impose restrictions, bans, penalties on environmental destructive activities. This has been proved to be effective, for instance, The environmental conservation legislation in 2018 issued by the United nations have saved more than hundred of forests and natural habitats. Nonetheless, from my stance, this strategy may be counterproductive in the light of causing protest from non-conformists against these approaches. They may destroy the environment, eradicate plants, and natural habitats. Take the anti-exploiting sand legislation in VietNam as a prime example, many sand-exploiters put their livelihoods on the top and perpetuate exploiting sand from rivers, this has led to dire consequences such as landslides,flood. To summarize, the more the government forbids, the more individuals may commit.
In conclusion, while some demerits of changing one’s lifestyle to adapt with the environment may cause some potential deterioration to the efficacy of this tactic, I believe that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In this modern era" -> "In the contemporary era"
    Explanation: Replacing "modern era" with "contemporary era" provides a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic language.

  2. "due to humankind’s destruction to the environment" -> "due to human activities harming the environment"
    Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal. Replacing "destruction to" with "activities harming" maintains formality while accurately conveying the idea.

  3. "it has been completely contaminated in specific areas" -> "specific areas have been extensively contaminated"
    Explanation: The revised wording is more direct and formal, avoiding the informal use of "completely" and providing a clearer expression of the contamination.

  4. "An effective strategy to conserve the environment is more urgent than ever" -> "It is imperative to implement an effective environmental conservation strategy."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains formality and improves precision by explicitly stating the need for implementing a strategy.

  5. "incentivizing individuals to alter their lifestyles is considered to be a more efficacious tactic" -> "motivating individuals to modify their lifestyles is deemed a more effective approach"
    Explanation: The revised phrase uses more formal language, replacing "incentivizing" with "motivating" and "efficacious" with "effective."

  6. "From my perspective, I give consent to this statement." -> "I concur with this viewpoint."
    Explanation: The recommended alternative is more formal and precise, using "concur" instead of "give consent."

  7. "altering one’s lifestyles to a partial environmental conservation" -> "modifying one’s lifestyle for environmental conservation"
    Explanation: The suggested change enhances formality and clarity by using "modifying" instead of "altering" and providing a more precise phrase.

  8. "contaminated by destructive activities such as littering neglectfully" -> "contaminated by destructive activities such as indiscriminate littering"
    Explanation: The alternative phrase adds specificity to the type of littering and maintains a formal tone.

  9. "lush and its vegetation will thrive in a multifaceted way" -> "flourishing, and its vegetation will thrive in a diverse manner"
    Explanation: The revised wording is more formal and clarifies the idea of vegetation thriving in various ways.

  10. "humankind’s footprint and activities" -> "human impact and activities"
    Explanation: The suggested change provides a more formal and precise term, replacing the informal "footprint."

  11. "advantageous bearings on humankind’s quality of life to some extent" -> "positive effects on human quality of life to some extent"
    Explanation: The alternative phrasing maintains formality and replaces the informal "advantageous bearings" with "positive effects."

  12. "By breathing fresh air from the unpolluted environment" -> "Inhaling fresh air from an unpolluted environment"
    Explanation: The suggested change improves formality and uses a more precise term, replacing "breathing" with "inhaling."

  13. "individuals there urgently protect the environment" -> "individuals there urgently advocate for environmental protection"
    Explanation: The alternative wording is more formal and replaces the informal "protect" with "advocate for environmental protection."

  14. "Irrespective of this tactic’s effectiveness" -> "Despite the effectiveness of this approach"
    Explanation: The alternative phrasing is more formal and concise, maintaining clarity while improving formality.

  15. "lack of compulsory manners in this lifestyle" -> "absence of mandatory adherence to this lifestyle"
    Explanation: The suggested change uses more formal language, replacing "compulsory manners" with "mandatory adherence."

  16. "challenge to change lifestyles and mindset of obstinate individuals" -> "challenge to alter the lifestyles and mindset of resistant individuals"
    Explanation: The alternative wording maintains formality and replaces the informal "obstinate" with "resistant."

  17. "obliterated plants, and natural habitats" -> "destroyed plants and natural habitats"
    Explanation: The recommended alternative provides a more formal and precise term, replacing the informal "obliterated" with "destroyed."

  18. "the more individuals may commit" -> "there is an increased likelihood of individuals engaging in"
    Explanation: The suggested change uses more formal language and provides a clearer expression of the idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the urgency of environmental conservation, argues in favor of encouraging individuals to change their lifestyles, and provides a clear opinion on the matter. Relevant sections include the introduction, body paragraphs discussing the benefits and risks of lifestyle changes, and a conclusion summarizing the author’s stance.

    • How to improve: The essay already comprehensively addresses all aspects of the prompt. To enhance further, consider providing more nuanced examples or exploring additional perspectives on the government’s role in environmental conservation.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The author consistently supports the idea that encouraging individuals to change their lifestyles is a more effective strategy for environmental conservation than relying on government legislation. This stance is evident in the thesis statement and reinforced throughout the essay.

    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and reinforcing it in each body paragraph. This ensures that the reader can easily identify and follow the author’s position.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides specific examples, such as the impact of human activities on Cuc Phuong National Park and the consequences of environmental degradation in African slums. Each idea is well-developed and supported with relevant details.

    • How to improve: While the essay is strong in presenting and supporting ideas, it could benefit from diversifying examples or incorporating counterarguments to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of encouraging individuals to change their lifestyles for environmental conservation. However, there are moments when the discussion seems to slightly deviate, such as the mention of "obstinate individuals" and the government’s role. These deviations are minor and do not significantly detract from the overall focus.

    • How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, ensure that each example or point directly relates to the effectiveness of encouraging lifestyle changes for environmental conservation. Be cautious of introducing tangential ideas that may distract from the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively presents and supports ideas, and maintains a clear position throughout. To improve, consider refining the thesis statement for increased clarity and minimizing minor deviations from the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a coherent structure, starting with an introduction presenting the stance, followed by body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and concluding with a summary. The logical flow is visible, but there are moments where the progression of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be more seamless to enhance overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Utilize clearer transitional phrases or sentences between paragraphs to strengthen the connections between ideas. Consider a smoother transition from presenting advantages to delving into the disadvantages to maintain a more consistent logical flow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates paragraphs to structure its content. However, some paragraphs tend to be overly lengthy, causing the ideas to become dense and convoluted. The division of ideas within paragraphs could be improved for better readability and clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on creating more distinct and concise paragraphs, each centered around a specific idea or example. Break down lengthy paragraphs into smaller, cohesive ones to enhance readability and make the essay more approachable for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, including illustrative examples and logical progression of ideas. However, the variety and strategic use of cohesive devices could be enhanced. While examples are present, they could be more diverse and precise, contributing more directly to the development of arguments.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices such as transitional words/phrases ("furthermore," "on the contrary," "in conclusion"), pronouns for referencing, and clearer signposts for the reader. Ensure that examples provided are directly relevant and effectively support the points being made.

Overall, to elevate the Coherence and Cohesion score to a higher band:

  • Ensure a consistent logical flow between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences.
  • Improve paragraphing by creating smaller, distinct paragraphs, each focused on a single idea.
  • Diversify and refine the use of cohesive devices, incorporating more varied transitions and relevant, specific examples to bolster arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words and expressions, such as "efficacious," "multifaceted," and "counterproductive." However, a more extensive and nuanced vocabulary could enhance the essay’s lexical resource. For instance, certain phrases are repeated, and simpler words could be substituted with more precise alternatives to convey the intended meaning effectively.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating a broader array of synonyms and exploring more specialized terms related to environmental conservation. Replace repetitive phrases with diverse expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "environment," experiment with alternatives like "ecosystem," "biosphere," or "habitat" where appropriate.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs imprecise vocabulary, affecting the clarity of expression. For instance, the use of "ineffectual" would be more appropriate than "futile" in the context of describing vegetation in Cuc Phuong National Park. Additionally, certain phrases, such as "a decline in respiratory health problems," could benefit from more precise wording to enhance the specificity of the argument.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Replace imprecise terms with more accurate ones. For instance, consider using "ineffectual" instead of "futile" and specify the respiratory health problems being addressed. This will contribute to a clearer and more refined argument.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are instances of minor spelling errors, such as "Cuc Phuong" (missing accent) and "VietNam" (should be "Vietnam"). While these do not significantly detract from comprehension, attention to such details would elevate the overall quality of the essay.
    • How to improve: Conduct a thorough proofread to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Pay particular attention to proper nouns and names, ensuring correct accents and capitalization. Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools to enhance the accuracy of written expression. Regular practice and exposure to diverse written materials can also contribute to improved spelling skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used, but there’s room for improvement in terms of variety. The essay tends to rely on straightforward sentence structures, occasionally affecting the overall fluency and sophistication of expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and overall quality of expression, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences. Introduce varied sentence beginnings and lengths to create a smoother flow and engage the reader more effectively.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, there are instances of minor errors. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, unclear antecedents, and awkward phrasing that affect the overall coherence. These instances don’t significantly impede understanding but could be refined for a more polished presentation.
    • How to improve: Review and revise sentences for subject-verb agreement, ensuring clarity in antecedents, and refining awkward phrasing. Carefully proofread to catch and correct minor grammatical errors, enhancing the overall precision of language use.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally adequate, but there are some inconsistencies and errors. Commas are often used correctly, but there are instances of missing or misplaced commas. The essay could benefit from more varied punctuation, such as semicolons or colons, to enhance coherence and structure.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the correct placement of commas, ensuring they are used consistently to clarify meaning and improve readability. Experiment with a wider range of punctuation marks to create a more nuanced and sophisticated writing style. Practice using semicolons and colons to connect related ideas and enhance overall punctuation proficiency.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation, refining the range of sentence structures and addressing minor errors will contribute to a more compelling and sophisticated expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, specific areas of our environment have been extensively contaminated due to destructive human activities. It is imperative to implement an effective environmental conservation strategy. Motivating individuals to modify their lifestyles is deemed a more effective approach, and I concur with this viewpoint.

Modifying one’s lifestyle for environmental conservation can have positive effects on both the environment and human quality of life to some extent. The environment is often contaminated by destructive activities such as indiscriminate littering, burning forests, and using chemical substances for agricultural and horticultural purposes. Without these activities, the environment can flourish, and its vegetation will thrive in a diverse manner. Take Cuc Phuong National Park as a prime illustration; free from humankind’s destructive footprint, it now boasts lush vegetation and fresh oxygen.

Furthermore, this kind of environmental conservation may have advantageous bearings on human health. Inhaling fresh air from an unpolluted environment can lead to a decline in respiratory health problems. This lifestyle not only alleviates human health issues but also reinforces the perception of the importance of the environment. Individuals realize that a contaminated or destroyed environment poses a threat to their life with diseases and the lack of essential life-giving sources such as oxygen, water, and fresh food. For instance, the water sources in African slums are completely polluted, leading to a high proportion of gastrointestinal diseases. Consequently, individuals urgently advocate for environmental protection in pursuit of a higher quality of life.

Despite the effectiveness of this approach, the absence of mandatory adherence to this lifestyle presents a challenge in altering the lifestyles and mindset of resistant individuals. Many have obligated the government to impose restrictions, bans, and penalties on environmental destructive activities, which has proven effective. For example, the environmental conservation legislation issued by the United Nations in 2018 saved over a hundred forests and natural habitats. However, from my stance, this strategy may be counterproductive, causing protest from non-conformists and leading to further environmental destruction.

In conclusion, while some demerits of changing one’s lifestyle to adapt to the environment may cause potential challenges, I believe that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It is crucial to continue promoting individual responsibility in environmental conservation, coupled with thoughtful governmental measures that avoid triggering opposition and unintended consequences.

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *