Employers should give holidays of at least one month to encourage them to perform better at the workplace. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals are of the opinion that giving holidays that last at least one month could positively increase performance at work. Personally, I partly agree with this statement based on several reasons that will be explored in this essay.

On the one hand, there are many reasons that explain why giving employees an extensive vacation of around one month could be highly beneficial for their work performance. Nowadays, due to the hectic schedule of many modern workplaces, achieving a balance between professional and personal lives is exceedingly hard. Therefore, many workers are burned out both physically and mentally, limiting their ability to contribute optimally to their firms. If the employers give them a prolonged vacation, they could spend time with their loved ones, recharging them energy and giving them back the ability to work productively.

On the other hand, an extensively prolonged vacation of around one month may disrupt the workflow while causing damage to the operation of business. As the employees have to handle a huge amount of workload on a daily basis, which helps them achieve their goals and earn money to afford their living expenses. In addition, if individuals have a holiday of at least one month, they cannot obtain excellent performance at work and be expert in their career path. Thus, employees find exhausted and lack aspiration to work at their companies, reducing the work productivity of workers. This not only affects the financial sustainability and work performance of workers, but also negatively limits the development of the companies.

In conclusion, giving an extensively prolonged vacation offers both merits and drawbacks to the lives of employees. Having a long holiday helps them spent quality time with their loved ones while affecting work performance of individuals and limiting the operation of business.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are of the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Hold the view" is a more formal and precise way to express that someone has an opinion, aligning better with academic style.
"Personally, I partly agree" -> "I partially concur"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "partially" is more commonly used in academic writing than "partly."
"based on several reasons that will be explored" -> "based on several reasons that will be discussed"
Explanation: "Discussed" is more specific and academically appropriate than "explored," which can imply a deeper analysis that may not be the case in this context.
"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is more formal and precise than "nowadays," which can sound colloquial.
"achieving a balance between professional and personal lives is exceedingly hard" -> "maintaining a balance between professional and personal lives is extremely challenging"
Explanation: "Maintaining" is more precise than "achieving" in this context, and "extremely challenging" is a more formal expression than "exceedingly hard."
"burned out" -> "exhausted"
Explanation: "Exhausted" is a more formal term than "burned out," which is colloquial.
"recharging them energy" -> "recharging their energy"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive error from "them" to "their."
"an extensively prolonged vacation" -> "an extended vacation"
Explanation: "Extended" is a more precise and formal term than "extensively prolonged," which is redundant.
"disrupt the workflow" -> "disrupt the workflow"
Explanation: No change needed here, as "disrupt" is correct and formal.
"causing damage to the operation of business" -> "impacting business operations"
Explanation: "Impacting" is a more concise and formal alternative to "causing damage to," and "business operations" is a more precise term.
"which helps them achieve their goals and earn money to afford their living expenses" -> "which enables them to achieve their objectives and meet their living expenses"
Explanation: "Enables" is more formal than "helps," and "meet their living expenses" is a more precise and formal way to express financial management.
"be expert in their career path" -> "excel in their profession"
Explanation: "Excel" is more specific and formal than "be expert," and "profession" is more appropriate than "career path" in this context.
"find exhausted and lack aspiration" -> "feel exhausted and lack motivation"
Explanation: "Feel exhausted" corrects the grammatical error, and "lack motivation" is a more precise and formal expression than "lack aspiration."
"reducing the work productivity of workers" -> "reducing worker productivity"
Explanation: "Worker productivity" is a more concise and formal term than "the work productivity of workers."
"Having a long holiday helps them spent quality time" -> "Having a long holiday enables them to spend quality time"
Explanation: "Enables them to spend" corrects the verb tense and is more formal than "helps them spent."
"affecting work performance of individuals" -> "impacting individual performance"
Explanation: "Impacting" is more formal than "affecting," and "individual performance" is more concise and appropriate than "work performance of individuals."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the potential benefits and drawbacks of giving employees a month-long holiday. The writer acknowledges the positive impact on employee well-being and performance, as well as the potential disruption to business operations. However, the response could be more balanced, as the argument against long holidays is somewhat underdeveloped. The essay states that employees may become exhausted and lack aspiration, but it does not elaborate on how this directly correlates with the length of the holiday.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more nuanced discussion of both sides. This could involve presenting more specific examples or evidence to support the claim that long holidays can lead to burnout or decreased productivity. Additionally, the writer could consider addressing counterarguments more thoroughly to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a personal position of partial agreement with the idea of long holidays. However, this position could be clearer throughout the essay. The introduction suggests a balanced view, but the conclusion seems to present a more ambiguous stance, stating that long holidays "offer both merits and drawbacks" without clearly indicating the writer’s overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be achieved by explicitly stating their agreement or disagreement in the conclusion and summarizing the key points that support this stance. Additionally, using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" can help clarify the writer’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of long holidays. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the essay mentions that employees can recharge and spend time with loved ones, it does not delve into how this recharging translates into improved workplace performance. Similarly, the argument about disruption to workflow lacks depth and specific examples.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples or case studies that illustrate how long holidays have positively or negatively impacted employee performance in real-world scenarios. Additionally, using statistics or research findings could strengthen the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of long holidays on employee performance. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of employees being "exhausted" and lacking "aspiration" feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about the impact of holidays.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the main question of whether long holidays encourage better performance. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the prompt in each paragraph and ensuring that all arguments are relevant to the central thesis.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there is room for improvement in the clarity of the position, the depth of argumentation, and the overall cohesiveness of the response. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their Task Response score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and each body paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint regarding the impact of long holidays on work performance. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of extended vacations, while the second highlights potential drawbacks. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some points feel slightly disjointed. For example, the shift from discussing burnout to the benefits of recharging could be better connected with a transitional phrase.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "Consequently") at the beginning of sentences can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization, as the ideas presented seem to jump around a bit. For example, the mention of workload and financial sustainability could be more clearly delineated to avoid confusion.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic, and conclude with a sentence that ties the ideas back to the overall argument. This will help maintain clarity and coherence within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could benefit from additional linking words or phrases to enhance cohesion. For instance, phrases like "In addition," and "Moreover," could be used more frequently to connect related ideas within and between paragraphs.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, consider using "Consequently," "As a result," or "This leads to" to connect cause-and-effect relationships. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement. By focusing on enhancing logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "extensive vacation," "burned out," and "financial sustainability." However, the vocabulary usage tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "prolonged vacation" and "extensively prolonged vacation." This repetition detracts from the overall lexical variety expected at a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "prolonged vacation," alternatives like "extended leave," "lengthy holiday," or "sabbatical" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to workplace dynamics, such as "employee engagement" or "work-life balance," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "recharging them energy" should be corrected to "recharging their energy." Additionally, the phrase "find exhausted" is awkward and should be revised to "feel exhausted." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. A good practice would be to proofread the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Utilizing tools like thesauruses or vocabulary apps can also help in selecting the most fitting words for the intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are minor spelling issues, such as "spent" in the conclusion, which should be "spend." This indicates a need for careful proofreading to catch such mistakes.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a systematic proofreading process. Reading the essay aloud can help identify errors that may be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can assist in catching spelling mistakes before final submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "If the employers give them a prolonged vacation, they could spend time with their loved ones, recharging them energy and giving them back the ability to work productively" shows an understanding of how to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where phrases like "extensively prolonged vacation" and "huge amount of workload" are used multiple times, which detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to connect ideas. For example, instead of repeating "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," the writer could use alternatives like "in contrast" or "conversely." Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences will help maintain the reader’s interest and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "recharging them energy" should be "recharging their energy," indicating a misunderstanding of possessive forms. Additionally, the sentence "As the employees have to handle a huge amount of workload on a daily basis, which helps them achieve their goals and earn money to afford their living expenses" is a fragment and lacks a main clause, which can confuse readers. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which helps them achieve their goals."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review the use of possessive forms and ensure that all clauses are complete. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on sentence structure and punctuation can also be beneficial. Reading more complex texts can help the writer internalize correct usage and improve their own writing. Additionally, proofreading the essay for common grammatical errors before submission would help catch mistakes that could lower the score.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the view that giving holidays that last at least one month could positively increase performance at work. Personally, I partially concur with this statement based on several reasons that will be discussed in this essay.

On the one hand, there are many reasons that explain why giving employees an extensive vacation of around one month could be highly beneficial for their work performance. Currently, due to the hectic schedule of many modern workplaces, maintaining a balance between professional and personal lives is extremely challenging. Therefore, many workers feel exhausted both physically and mentally, limiting their ability to contribute optimally to their firms. If employers give them an extended vacation, they could spend time with their loved ones, recharging their energy and regaining the ability to work productively.

On the other hand, an extensively prolonged vacation of around one month may disrupt the workflow while impacting business operations. As employees have to handle a huge amount of workload on a daily basis, this helps them achieve their objectives and meet their living expenses. In addition, if individuals have a holiday of at least one month, they may not be able to excel in their profession and become experts in their career path. Thus, employees feel exhausted and lack motivation, reducing worker productivity. This not only affects the financial sustainability and work performance of workers but also negatively limits the development of the companies.

In conclusion, giving an extensively prolonged vacation offers both merits and drawbacks to the lives of employees. Having a long holiday enables them to spend quality time with their loved ones while impacting individual performance and limiting the operation of businesses.