Employers should give their workers at least one month holiday a year as it makes them to do better at their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Employers should give their workers at least one month holiday a year as it makes them to do better at their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, it is contended by some people that employees should be given at least a month's leave from their jobs in order to achieve efficiency. Vacations are undoubtedly essential, but some negative implications arise from them.
To begin, people receiving one month's holiday are more relaxed and calm at their workplaces. As entertainment is indeed crucial for a healthy work/life balance, occasional vacations throughout the year enhance the productivity of personnel working in a particular company and make them more motivated. For instance, this is more motivating than salary increases, benefits, or financial incentives such as bonuses or incentives which are hard to attain. In this way, employees with peaceful minds exhibit enhanced job satisfaction, which results in more productivity and skillfulness. Therefore, workers should be awarded a one-month holiday.
Conversely, the problem with these breaks being awarded to employees is that they can lead to staff lethargy and laziness. To cope with this lethargy, employers usually focus on in-house training and day-release programs. These aid employees in achieving better career progression and improved job prospects. Moreover, holidays also impact the growth of a company as a whole because companies would not be able to achieve their coveted targets and goals. For example, if the deadline is near and the staff is on holiday, it becomes impossible for the company to accomplish a project or a task. Hence, people should not be getting time off from work.
In conclusion, a brief period of absence from work is indispensable for a healthy work/life balance, but these breaks can adversely affect the productivity and competence of employees.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays." -
"it is contended by some people" -> "it is argued by some scholars"
Explanation: "It is argued by some scholars" specifies the type of individuals making the argument, enhancing the academic tone and credibility of the statement. -
"employees should be given at least a month’s leave" -> "employees should be granted at least a month’s leave"
Explanation: "Granted" is a more formal verb than "given," aligning better with the formal tone of academic writing. -
"are more relaxed and calm at their workplaces" -> "exhibit increased relaxation and calmness at work"
Explanation: "Exhibit increased relaxation and calmness at work" uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial "at their workplaces." -
"entertainment is indeed crucial" -> "entertainment is indeed essential"
Explanation: "Essential" is a more formal synonym for "crucial," fitting the academic style better. -
"occasional vacations throughout the year" -> "regular vacations throughout the year"
Explanation: "Regular" is more precise and formal than "occasional," which can imply infrequency or irregularity. -
"make them more motivated" -> "enhance their motivation"
Explanation: "Enhance their motivation" is a more formal and precise way to describe the effect on motivation. -
"this is more motivating than salary increases, benefits, or financial incentives" -> "this is more effective than salary increases, benefits, or financial incentives"
Explanation: "Effective" is a more precise term than "motivating" in this context, as it directly relates to the outcome of the actions. -
"which are hard to attain" -> "which are challenging to achieve"
Explanation: "Challenging to achieve" is a more formal and precise phrase than "hard to attain." -
"workers should be awarded a one-month holiday" -> "workers should be granted a one-month holiday"
Explanation: "Granted" is more formal and appropriate for an academic context than "awarded." -
"the problem with these breaks being awarded to employees" -> "the issue with granting these breaks to employees"
Explanation: "The issue with granting" is more formal and precise than "the problem with these breaks being awarded." -
"they can lead to staff lethargy and laziness" -> "they may result in staff lethargy and laziness"
Explanation: "May result in" is a more cautious and academically appropriate phrasing than "can lead to," which implies a stronger causality. -
"aid employees in achieving better career progression" -> "facilitate employee career advancement"
Explanation: "Facilitate employee career advancement" is a more formal and concise expression than "aid employees in achieving better career progression." -
"people should not be getting time off from work" -> "employees should not be taking time off from work"
Explanation: "Employees" is a more specific and formal term than "people," and "taking time off" is a more formal expression than "getting time off."
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of providing employees with a month-long holiday. The introduction presents the topic clearly, and the body paragraphs explore both sides of the argument. However, the conclusion does not explicitly state the author’s position on whether they agree or disagree with the statement, which is crucial for fully answering the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. For example, they could specify whether they agree with the idea of a month-long holiday or if they believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, but it lacks consistency. The author begins by supporting the idea of holidays leading to increased productivity but then introduces significant counterarguments without clearly indicating their stance. This creates ambiguity about whether the author ultimately agrees or disagrees with the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. They could use phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" to reinforce their stance and guide the reader through their argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of holidays for employee motivation and the potential negative effects on productivity. However, some points lack sufficient development and supporting evidence. For instance, while the author mentions that holidays can lead to lethargy, they do not provide concrete examples or data to support this claim.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics on productivity related to employee holidays or case studies of companies that have implemented such policies. Additionally, expanding on each point with further elaboration would strengthen the overall argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of holidays for employees. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of in-house training and career progression feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about holidays.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the prompt. They could refine their arguments to tie back to the central question of whether holidays are beneficial or detrimental to productivity, avoiding any side discussions that do not directly support their main argument.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in clarity of position, depth of support, and focus on the prompt will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by presenting the topic and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct point: the benefits of holidays in the first paragraph and the drawbacks in the second. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the logical flow. For instance, the shift from discussing the positive aspects of holidays to the negative implications feels abrupt and could benefit from a linking sentence that bridges these contrasting ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of holidays, a sentence like "However, while these breaks can be beneficial, they also come with certain drawbacks that need to be considered" could effectively signal the shift in focus.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the positive effects of holidays, while the second addresses the negative consequences. However, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs rather than introducing new ideas. This would reinforce the main arguments presented in the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a distinct idea but also connects back to the thesis statement. In the conclusion, summarize the main arguments succinctly and restate your position clearly. For example, instead of introducing new points about work/life balance, reiterate how both the benefits and drawbacks of holidays contribute to your overall stance on the issue.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "to begin," "conversely," and "moreover," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases. For instance, the use of "for example" is repeated, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "for example," consider alternatives like "for instance," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, using phrases like "on the other hand," "in contrast," or "furthermore" can enhance the cohesiveness of the essay and improve the overall flow of ideas.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "efficiency," "vacations," "productivity," and "motivation" being appropriately used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the discussion of employee benefits and productivity. Phrases like "one month’s holiday" and "employees" appear multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "holiday," alternatives like "leave," "time off," or "vacation" could be utilized. Additionally, introducing more sophisticated terms related to workplace dynamics, such as "employee well-being," "job performance," or "workforce engagement," would enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "these breaks can adversely affect the productivity and competence of employees" could be seen as vague. The term "competence" is not clearly defined in this context, which might confuse readers about its specific implications.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify their vocabulary choices. Instead of "competence," they could specify "job performance" or "work efficiency." Furthermore, ensuring that terms align closely with the intended meaning will enhance clarity. For instance, rather than saying "staff lethargy and laziness," the writer could use "decreased motivation and engagement," which conveys a more accurate picture of the issue.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that would impede understanding. However, there is a minor issue with the phrase "one month’s leave," where "month’s" is correctly spelled but could be misinterpreted as "months" if not carefully read.
- How to improve: To maintain high spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work to catch any potential errors or ambiguities. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases or spelling issues. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can further bolster confidence in spelling accuracy.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a broader variety of terms, clarifying word choices, and maintaining careful proofreading practices, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "To begin," "Conversely," and "In conclusion" effectively organizes the essay and guides the reader through the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures. For instance, the sentence "As entertainment is indeed crucial for a healthy work/life balance, occasional vacations throughout the year enhance the productivity of personnel working in a particular company and make them more motivated" could be restructured for clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "employees" or "holidays," they could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses to add complexity. Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences or using inversion could enhance the overall variety.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "makes them to do better at their job" should be corrected to "makes them do better at their job." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for example, in the sentence "For instance, this is more motivating than salary increases, benefits, or financial incentives such as bonuses or incentives which are hard to attain," a comma should be placed before "which" to introduce the non-defining relative clause correctly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review common grammatical structures and ensure they are used correctly. Practicing sentence construction and focusing on common errors, such as unnecessary infinitives or misused commas, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that all clauses are correctly punctuated will enhance clarity and professionalism in writing.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
Nowadays, it is contended by some people that employees should be given at least a month’s leave from their jobs in order to achieve efficiency. Vacations are undoubtedly essential, but some negative implications arise from them.
To begin, people receiving one month’s holiday are more relaxed and calm at their workplaces. As entertainment is indeed crucial for a healthy work/life balance, regular vacations throughout the year enhance the productivity of personnel working in a particular company and make them more motivated. For instance, this is more effective than salary increases, benefits, or financial incentives such as bonuses, which are challenging to achieve. In this way, employees with peaceful minds exhibit enhanced job satisfaction, which results in more productivity and skillfulness. Therefore, workers should be granted a one-month holiday.
Conversely, the issue with granting these breaks to employees is that they may result in staff lethargy and laziness. To cope with this lethargy, employers usually focus on in-house training and day-release programs. These aid employees in achieving better career progression and improved job prospects. Moreover, holidays also impact the growth of a company as a whole because companies would not be able to achieve their coveted targets and goals. For example, if the deadline is near and the staff is on holiday, it becomes impossible for the company to accomplish a project or a task. Hence, employees should not be taking time off from work.
In conclusion, a brief period of absence from work is indispensable for a healthy work/life balance, but these breaks can adversely affect the productivity and competence of employees.