Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual persons to address. In other words, we have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual persons to address. In other words, we have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is believed that environmental issues are too serious for individuals and countries to cope with. Therefore, international corporations should be responsible for them. This notion is fundamentally flawed as these three parties are equally important to tackle this problem together.
On the one hand, there are two primary reasons why environmental problems are considered as an international emergency. First, poor countries cannot afford to spend a large amount of money to construct and operate environmentally friendly systems, which have a greatest impact on the rapid growth of pollution. Therefore, they have to call for technical and financial support from tich countries and worldwide organizations. Second, with the fast pace increase of our surroundings problems, only worldwide cooperations working to protect the environment are able to have the most efficient solution to this phenomenon as soon as possible by imposing green protection laws and widely raising global citizens awareness to guard the surroundings with many international marketing campaign both outline and offline. For example, a great group of nations , who have signed the Paris Agreement have to obey its regulation to guard the green life.
On the other hand, on no account should nations and dwellers’ duties be underestimated. Small as residents’ action such as recyclying their waste, using canvas tote or only avoiding littering, with a wide community, a huge amount of carbon footprints are reduced. As a result, greenhouse effect will soon be controlled considerably. In terms of governments, they are also one of the most active crucial factors are in these projects. With their rights, they are easily to impose financial fines on these companies and individuals polluting the green life. Also, with a huge influence on educating citizens' mindset and awareness government can support their residents work on protecting the surrounding by both compliments, certifications and financial rewards.
In conclusion, not only international cooperations but also individuals and nations are responsible for the long-term future.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"It is believed" -> "It is believed"
Explanation: The space before "believed" is unnecessary and disrupts the grammatical structure of the sentence, making it more formal and correct. -
"too serious for individuals and countries to cope with" -> "too complex for individuals and countries to address"
Explanation: "Cope with" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Address" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, emphasizing the management and resolution of environmental issues. -
"fundamentally flawed" -> "fundamentally incorrect"
Explanation: "Flawed" can imply a minor error, whereas "incorrect" clearly indicates a more significant error in reasoning, which is more suitable for academic discourse. -
"poor countries cannot afford to spend a large amount of money" -> "developing countries lack the financial resources to invest in"
Explanation: "Poor countries" is somewhat pejorative and informal; "developing countries" is more neutral and respectful. "Lack the financial resources to invest in" is more precise and formal than "cannot afford to spend a large amount of money." -
"have a greatest impact" -> "have the greatest impact"
Explanation: "Greatest" should be used as an adjective, not an adverb, to correctly modify "impact." -
"tich countries" -> "rich countries"
Explanation: "Tich" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "rich" to refer to countries with a high standard of living. -
"fast pace increase of our surroundings problems" -> "rapid increase in environmental issues"
Explanation: "Fast pace increase" is awkward and unclear. "Rapid increase in environmental issues" is more precise and formal. -
"worldwide cooperations" -> "global collaborations"
Explanation: "Cooperations" is not a standard term; "collaborations" is the correct term for joint efforts between organizations. -
"imposing green protection laws" -> "enacting environmental protection legislation"
Explanation: "Imposing" can imply force, which may not be the intended meaning. "Enacting" is more neutral and appropriate for formal writing. "Legislation" is more specific than "laws." -
"widely raising global citizens awareness" -> "widespread awareness among global citizens"
Explanation: "Raising awareness" is correct, but "widespread awareness among global citizens" is more formal and precise. -
"outline and offline" -> "online and offline"
Explanation: "Outline" is incorrectly used here; "online and offline" is the correct phrase to describe marketing strategies. -
"a great group of nations" -> "a significant number of nations"
Explanation: "A great group" is informal and vague; "a significant number" is more precise and formal. -
"have to obey its regulation" -> "must comply with its regulations"
Explanation: "Have to obey" is informal; "must comply with" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. "Regulations" should be plural to match the plural subject "nations." -
"Small as residents’ action" -> "Small actions by residents"
Explanation: "Small as residents’ action" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Small actions by residents" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"recyclying" -> "recycling"
Explanation: "Recyclying" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "recycling." -
"canvas tote" -> "canvas tote bags"
Explanation: "Canvas tote" is incomplete and unclear; "canvas tote bags" specifies the type of bags being referred to. -
"green life" -> "environment"
Explanation: "Green life" is an informal and unclear term; "environment" is the standard term in academic and formal contexts. -
"greenhouse effect will soon be controlled considerably" -> "greenhouse effect will be significantly mitigated"
Explanation: "Controlled considerably" is awkward and imprecise. "Mitigated" is the correct term for reducing the effects of the greenhouse effect, and "significantly" is more formal than "soon." -
"are in these projects" -> "are involved in these initiatives"
Explanation: "Are in these projects" is informal and vague; "are involved in these initiatives" is more precise and formal. -
"easily to impose" -> "easily impose"
Explanation: The space before "impose" is unnecessary and disrupts the sentence flow. Removing it corrects the grammatical structure. -
"compliments, certifications and financial rewards" -> "compliments, certifications, and financial rewards"
Explanation: The space before "certifications" is unnecessary and should be removed for grammatical correctness.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the necessity of international cooperation and the roles of individuals and nations in tackling environmental issues. The author acknowledges that environmental problems are significant and require collective action, which aligns with the prompt’s assertion. However, the response could benefit from a more explicit agreement or disagreement with the statement, as the position is somewhat ambiguous. For instance, while the essay states that "these three parties are equally important," it does not clearly articulate whether the author agrees or disagrees with the notion that only international efforts can effectively address environmental problems.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This could involve using phrases such as "I largely agree" or "I disagree" to clarify their stance. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach that directly correlates to the prompt’s components.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position but lacks consistency in articulating the stance throughout. The introduction suggests that international corporations should be responsible for environmental issues, yet the body paragraphs argue for the importance of individual and national efforts, leading to a mixed message. The conclusion attempts to reconcile these views but does not reinforce a definitive position.
- How to improve: The author should maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay. This can be achieved by clearly stating their viewpoint in the introduction and ensuring that each paragraph supports this position. The author could also use transitional phrases to guide the reader through their argument and clarify how each point relates to their overall stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as the financial limitations of poorer countries and the role of governments in enforcing environmental regulations. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, while the mention of the Paris Agreement is relevant, it could be expanded with more specific details about its implications or successes. Additionally, the argument about individual actions lacks quantitative data or examples to illustrate the impact of such efforts.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to elaborate on key points with specific examples, data, or case studies that illustrate the effectiveness of international cooperation and individual actions. This could involve citing statistics on recycling rates or successful international environmental initiatives to substantiate their claims.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the roles of international corporations, nations, and individuals in addressing environmental issues. However, there are moments where the focus becomes diluted, particularly in the discussion of individual actions, which could be more directly tied back to the central argument about the necessity of international cooperation.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking individual and national efforts to the overarching theme of international responsibility. The author could also outline the structure of the essay in the introduction, indicating how each section will contribute to answering the prompt.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in clarity, consistency, and depth of support would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the issue and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, with the first focusing on international responsibilities and the second on the roles of individuals and governments. However, the logical progression within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition between the points about poor countries needing support and the role of international corporations could be smoother to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point builds on the previous one by using transitional phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition" to connect ideas more cohesively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer separation of ideas. For instance, the discussion about individual actions and governmental responsibilities feels somewhat jumbled, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider dividing the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs—one focusing on individual actions and the other on governmental roles. This separation will allow for a more focused discussion on each topic, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "as soon as possible" could be better integrated into the context of the argument about international cooperation.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "In contrast" to enhance the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is contextually appropriate and contributes to the overall clarity of the argument.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving logical flow, paragraph structure, and the range of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "environmental issues," "international corporations," and "green protection laws." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "environment" and "surroundings." This suggests a reliance on a narrow set of terms, which can detract from the overall impression of lexical resourcefulness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "environment," alternatives like "ecosystem," "natural world," or "ecological system" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "sustainability," "biodiversity," and "ecological footprint," would enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "greatest impact on the rapid growth of pollution" could be more accurately expressed as "significant contributor to the escalation of pollution." Additionally, "worldwide cooperations" is a misnomer; the correct term should be "international cooperation." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion and weaken the argument.
- How to improve: Writers should focus on ensuring that the vocabulary used accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing and revising phrases for clarity. For instance, instead of "call for technical and financial support," one might say "seek technical and financial assistance." Engaging with academic texts on environmental issues could also help in acquiring more precise terminology.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "tich" instead of "rich," "recyclying" instead of "recycling," and "canvas tote" which should be "canvas bags." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, or writing drafts and revising them after a break to gain a fresh perspective. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary related to environmental topics can help solidify correct spelling in future essays.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future IELTS essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, the essay relies heavily on basic sentence forms, and complex structures are not consistently used. For example, the sentence "Small as residents’ action such as recyclying their waste, using canvas tote or only avoiding littering, with a wide community, a huge amount of carbon footprints are reduced" is convoluted and could be simplified or restructured for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Small as residents’ action," the writer could say, "Although individual actions may seem small, they collectively contribute significantly to reducing carbon footprints." Additionally, varying the placement of clauses and using different conjunctions can enhance the overall complexity and sophistication of the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, phrases like "the greatest impact on the rapid growth of pollution" should be "the greatest impact on pollution growth." The use of "tich countries" is a typographical error, and "cooperations" should be "cooperation." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect spacing (e.g., "a great group of nations , who have signed the Paris Agreement"), disrupt the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. Practicing grammar exercises specifically targeting areas of difficulty, such as articles and prepositions, would also be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for comma usage, particularly in complex sentences, to enhance readability. Reading essays aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is believed that environmental issues are too serious for individuals and countries to cope with. Therefore, international corporations should be responsible for addressing them. This notion is fundamentally incorrect, as these three parties are equally important in tackling this problem together.
On the one hand, there are two primary reasons why environmental problems are considered an international emergency. First, developing countries lack the financial resources to invest in environmentally friendly systems, which have the greatest impact on the rapid increase in pollution. Consequently, they must seek technical and financial support from rich countries and global organizations. Second, given the rapid escalation of our environmental issues, only global collaborations working to protect the environment can provide the most efficient solutions as soon as possible by enacting environmental protection legislation and raising widespread awareness among global citizens through various international marketing campaigns, both online and offline. For example, a significant number of nations that have signed the Paris Agreement must comply with its regulations to safeguard the environment.
On the other hand, the responsibilities of nations and individuals should not be underestimated. Small actions by residents, such as recycling their waste, using canvas tote bags, or simply avoiding littering, can collectively lead to a substantial reduction in carbon footprints. As a result, the greenhouse effect will be significantly mitigated. In terms of governments, they are also one of the most crucial factors in these initiatives. With their authority, they can easily impose financial fines on companies and individuals who harm the environment. Additionally, by educating citizens and raising awareness, governments can support their residents in protecting the environment through compliments, certifications, and financial rewards.
In conclusion, not only international corporations but also individuals and nations share the responsibility for ensuring a sustainable future.