Every government has a duty to provide free healthcare for its people.What are the advantages and disadvantages of government providing free health care?
Every government has a duty to provide free healthcare for its people.What are the advantages and disadvantages of government providing free health care?
In recent years, any government is in charge of offering free healthcare services for its citizens.While this approach has its benefits, there are still its drawbacks.This essay will point out both of these sides.
Admittedly, there are numerous merits of free medical treatment.For one thing, when the medical care is available or at a minimal expense, the accessibility to healthcare of the residents is increased remarkably. This means that they don’t have to worry about the cost when they suffer from health issues.For another thing, people are more likely to have regular check-ups,which leads to overall better health outcomes and a decline of serious medical conditions. For example,the rate of deaths due to cancer in the US has decreased significantly when patients are diagnosed and treated immediately.
On the other hand, free healthcare service also presents some negative aspects.
Firstly, there is a financial burden on the government budget to run.The reason for that is it requires high levels of taxation and efficient management of resources. Furthermore,in some government-run healthcare systems, patients may have longer waiting times and have limited choices regarding healthcare providers and treatments compared to that of private healthcare, leading to an adverse impact on the quality of the services.To illustrate, in Italy, the medical areas are usually overloaded as there is a great number of people using free healthcare treatment.
In conclusion, free health care services can be disadvantageous in addition to their potential benefits.Governments should take the necessary actions to ensure the quality of healthcare facilities.
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Errors and Improvements:
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"any government is in charge of offering free healthcare services" -> "every government is responsible for providing free healthcare services"
Explanation: "In charge of" is a colloquial expression. "Responsible for" is a more formal and precise alternative. -
"there are still its drawbacks" -> "there are still drawbacks associated with it"
Explanation: "Its drawbacks" is redundant and awkward. "Drawbacks associated with it" is more concise and formal. -
"This essay will point out both of these sides." -> "This essay will examine both perspectives."
Explanation: "Point out both of these sides" is informal. "Examine both perspectives" is clearer and more academic. -
"there are numerous merits of free medical treatment" -> "there are numerous benefits to free medical treatment"
Explanation: "Merits" is a less common term in formal writing. "Benefits" is more straightforward and commonly used in academic contexts. -
"For one thing" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "For one thing" is too informal for an academic essay. "Firstly" is a more suitable transition phrase. -
"at a minimal expense" -> "at minimal cost"
Explanation: "Minimal expense" is somewhat informal. "Minimal cost" is a more precise and formal alternative. -
"the accessibility to healthcare of the residents" -> "access to healthcare for residents"
Explanation: "Accessibility to healthcare of the residents" is awkward. "Access to healthcare for residents" is clearer and more concise. -
"people are more likely to have regular check-ups" -> "individuals are more inclined to undergo regular check-ups"
Explanation: "People are more likely" is overly simplistic. "Individuals are more inclined" is more formal and precise. -
"which leads to overall better health outcomes" -> "resulting in overall improved health outcomes"
Explanation: "Which leads to" is a weak transition. "Resulting in" provides a stronger connection between the actions and outcomes. -
"a decline of serious medical conditions" -> "a decrease in the prevalence of serious medical conditions"
Explanation: "Decline of" is less formal. "Decrease in the prevalence of" is a more precise and academic phrase. -
"the rate of deaths due to cancer" -> "the mortality rate from cancer"
Explanation: "Rate of deaths due to" is less formal. "Mortality rate from" is a more precise and academic expression. -
"free healthcare service also presents some negative aspects" -> "free healthcare services also have drawbacks"
Explanation: "Presents some negative aspects" is vague. "Have drawbacks" is a clearer and more direct expression. -
"there is a financial burden on the government budget to run" -> "there is a financial burden on the government budget for its operation"
Explanation: "To run" is informal. "For its operation" provides a clearer indication of what the financial burden is for. -
"it requires high levels of taxation and efficient management of resources" -> "it necessitates high levels of taxation and efficient resource management"
Explanation: "Requires" is overly simplistic. "Necessitates" is more formal and precise. "Management of resources" is clearer than "management of resources." -
"patients may have longer waiting times" -> "patients may experience extended wait times"
Explanation: "Longer waiting times" can be more precisely expressed as "extended wait times." -
"leading to an adverse impact on the quality of the services" -> "resulting in a detrimental impact on service quality"
Explanation: "Adverse impact on" is less formal. "Detrimental impact on" is a more precise and academic phrase. -
"the medical areas are usually overloaded" -> "medical facilities are often overburdened"
Explanation: "Medical areas" is vague. "Medical facilities" is more specific. "Overloaded" can be replaced with "overburdened" for clarity. -
"there is a great number of people" -> "there is a large number of individuals"
Explanation: "Great number of people" is informal. "Large number of individuals" is more formal and precise. -
"using free healthcare treatment" -> "relying on free healthcare services"
Explanation: "Using free healthcare treatment" is awkward. "Relying on free healthcare services" is clearer and more natural. -
"Governments should take the necessary actions" -> "Governments should implement necessary measures"
Explanation: "Take the necessary actions" is somewhat vague. "Implement necessary measures" is clearer and more specific.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of government-provided free healthcare. It discusses the increased accessibility and improved health outcomes as advantages, while also acknowledging the financial burden on the government budget and potential drawbacks like longer waiting times and limited choices for patients.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, it could delve deeper into specific examples or statistics to illustrate the advantages and disadvantages more vividly. Additionally, ensuring a more balanced discussion by providing equal weight to both sides would strengthen the response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by presenting both sides of the argument without explicitly favoring one over the other. It acknowledges the benefits of free healthcare while also highlighting the challenges associated with it.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s perspective on whether government-provided free healthcare is ultimately beneficial or not. This would provide readers with a clearer understanding of the author’s stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas by outlining the advantages and disadvantages of free healthcare and provides some supporting examples, such as the decrease in cancer-related deaths in the US. However, it could further extend and support these ideas by incorporating additional evidence or real-life examples to bolster the argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should provide more extensive evidence, such as statistics, studies, or case studies, to substantiate the claims made. This would enhance the credibility and persuasiveness of the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of government-provided free healthcare. However, there are some instances where the focus could be tighter, such as the brief mention of Italy’s healthcare system, which slightly deviates from the main discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the topic of government-provided free healthcare. Avoiding tangential references would help to keep the essay more cohesive and relevant.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed evidence and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic. By incorporating additional support and refining the focus, the essay could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It starts with an introduction that outlines the advantages and disadvantages of free healthcare and concludes with a brief summary. However, within paragraphs, there is some lack of coherence. For instance, the second paragraph discusses the benefits of free healthcare, but then abruptly transitions to discussing drawbacks without a clear transition or development of ideas. This disrupts the logical flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that there is a smooth transition between paragraphs. Additionally, consider using topic sentences to clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph and provide a roadmap for the reader.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the structure within paragraphs could be improved for better coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument effectively.
- How to improve: Aim for each paragraph to focus on a single main idea and provide adequate supporting details. Use topic sentences to introduce the main point of each paragraph and ensure that there is a clear transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence and cohesion.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices. There are some attempts to use cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "admittedly," "on the other hand," "furthermore"), but their usage is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. Additionally, there is minimal use of cohesive devices within sentences to link ideas together smoothly.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay, including conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns, to create a more cohesive and fluid piece of writing. Additionally, pay attention to the coherence within sentences by using pronouns, repetition, and parallel structure to connect ideas more effectively.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents both advantages and disadvantages of free healthcare, there is room for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence and cohesion. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay could achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary by employing varied terms such as "merits," "accessibility," "decline," "financial burden," "adverse impact," and "necessary actions." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance the depth of expression and precision.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical richness, consider incorporating synonyms or more nuanced terms to convey ideas more effectively. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "healthcare," explore alternatives like "medical care," "health services," or "healthcare provisions" to add variety and depth to the language. Additionally, incorporating domain-specific terminology related to healthcare policy or economics can enrich the vocabulary further.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, in the sentence "when the medical care is available or at a minimal expense," "minimal expense" could be replaced with a more precise term like "low cost" or "affordable," which better captures the idea of accessible healthcare without compromising clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for more nuanced vocabulary choices that accurately convey intended meanings. Pay close attention to context and select terms that align precisely with the ideas being expressed. Utilize synonyms and antonyms effectively to add depth and precision to the language. Reviewing each sentence critically can help identify opportunities for more precise vocabulary usage.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally acceptable level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors observed. However, there are minor issues such as "in charge of offering" where "offering" could be revised to "providing" for smoother phrasing, and "treatment" in "free healthcare treatment" is redundant.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools to identify and rectify minor errors. Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help catch any overlooked spelling mistakes. Additionally, paying attention to word choice and sentence structure can mitigate the risk of spelling errors caused by inadvertent typos or misspellings.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences. There is effective use of transitional phrases to connect ideas logically. For instance, phrases like "For one thing," and "On the other hand," help to organize the essay’s arguments clearly. Additionally, the essay employs relative clauses ("when the medical care is available or at a minimal expense"), participial phrases ("leading to adverse impact on the quality of the services"), and parallel structures ("there are numerous merits…there is a financial burden") effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences (e.g., If…then…), inverted sentences (e.g., Not only…but also…), and passive voice constructions where appropriate. This will add depth and sophistication to your writing, enriching the overall quality of expression.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy with few errors. However, there are some instances of grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that slightly affect the coherence of the writing. For example, in the sentence "While this approach has its benefits, there are still its drawbacks," the use of "its" is redundant and could be omitted. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors such as missing commas in compound sentences ("…better health outcomes and a decline of serious medical conditions") and inconsistent capitalization ("…offering free healthcare services for its citizens.While…").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your essay to identify and correct errors in subject-verb agreement, pronoun usage, and punctuation. Pay close attention to articles (a, an, the) and prepositions to ensure they are used appropriately. Additionally, consider utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and rectify any grammatical inaccuracies or punctuation errors.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent times, it has become the responsibility of every government to provide free healthcare services for its citizens. While this approach has its advantages, there are also drawbacks associated with it. This essay will examine both perspectives.
Undoubtedly, there are numerous benefits to free medical treatment. Firstly, when healthcare is readily available or at minimal cost, residents have increased access to healthcare services. This means they do not have to worry about the financial burden when they face health issues. Additionally, individuals are more inclined to undergo regular check-ups, resulting in overall improved health outcomes and a decrease in the prevalence of serious medical conditions. For instance, the mortality rate from cancer has significantly decreased in countries where patients receive timely diagnosis and treatment.
However, free healthcare services also have drawbacks. Firstly, there is a financial burden on the government budget for its operation. This is because it necessitates high levels of taxation and efficient resource management. Moreover, patients may experience extended wait times, resulting in a detrimental impact on service quality. Medical facilities are often overburdened, with a large number of individuals relying on free healthcare services. For example, in some government-run healthcare systems like in Italy, medical facilities are usually overloaded due to the high demand for free healthcare treatment.
In conclusion, while free healthcare services offer advantages, they also come with disadvantages. Governments should implement necessary measures to ensure the quality of healthcare facilities and mitigate the drawbacks associated with providing free healthcare.
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