Every year an increasing number of students choose to go to another country for their higher education. Do you think the benefits of this development outweigh the problems associated with it?
There is no denying that the trend of students opting for higher education in foreign countries is on the rise. From my perspective, the benefits of this development surpass the associated problems.
It can be argued that studying abroad brings numerous benefits, with the most notable being exposure to cultural exchange. This means interacting with individuals from different parts of the world, deepening their understanding of a wide range of languages and ethnicities. As an illustration, every year Sydney University welcomes nearly 80 nations, providing a diverse and enriching educational environment. Additionally, many universities deliver high-quality education to international students. Due to the development of technology, some courses have been designed for based and project lessons, giving students a chance to broaden their knowledge in their field in their career. For instance, Fulbright University provides an engineering major through a blend of practical and theoretical lessons, enhancing not only academic skills but also soft skills such as solving problems, leadership or critical thinking. That makes them have enough qualities to pursue their goals in the competitive job market. Therefore, learning abroad not only allows people to embrace different cultures but also facilitates holistic studying.
However, it is essential to consider drawbacks as well. One significant disadvantage is the cultural barrier. That is, foreign students may find it challenging, to adjust to the new social environments. For example, Indian students who are moving to British universities, have difficulties with some local customs such as using chopsticks, speaking English or adapting to local dress customs. This issue can hinder them from communicating with citizens, working or studying at the universities One Additional drawback is the need to be independent. That means, without parental support, some people face it difficult to tackle their life issues. To illustrate, Mexican people who study abroad may find it challenging to handle finances, arrange schedules or set targets. Nevertheless, these challenges can be addressed through programs promoting cultural integration and student support services.
To conclude, the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages. The opportunity for cultural immersion and exposure to high-quality education surpasses the challenges of adapting to a new culture and becoming independent. Therefore, the increasing number of students opting for overseas education is a positive development with numerous benefits.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"From my perspective" -> "In my view"
Explanation: The phrase "From my perspective" is slightly informal in an academic context. Replacing it with "In my view" maintains the author’s point of view while presenting it in a more formal manner.
"the most notable being" -> "notably"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase "the most notable being" to "notably" maintains the emphasis on the primary benefit of studying abroad while adhering to a more concise and academic tone.
"As an illustration" -> "For example"
Explanation: "As an illustration" is slightly less common in academic writing. "For example" is a more direct and commonly used phrase to introduce specific instances or examples.
"for based and project lessons" -> "based on project-oriented lessons"
Explanation: "for based and project lessons" lacks clarity. "Based on project-oriented lessons" provides a clearer structure and a more accurate description.
"makes them have enough qualities" -> "equips them with the necessary skills"
Explanation: "Makes them have enough qualities" is imprecise and informal. "Equips them with the necessary skills" conveys the idea more clearly and in a formal tone.
"Therefore, learning abroad" -> "Consequently, studying abroad"
Explanation: "Therefore, learning abroad" could be replaced with "Consequently, studying abroad" to improve the transition and formalize the connection between the previous point and the conclusion.
"One significant disadvantage is" -> "A notable drawback is"
Explanation: "One significant disadvantage is" can be refined to "A notable drawback is" for a more concise and formal expression of the negative aspect.
"That is, foreign students" -> "Namely, international students"
Explanation: "That is, foreign students" is a bit informal. "Namely, international students" maintains formality while specifying the group being discussed.
"may find it challenging, to adjust" -> "may struggle to adjust"
Explanation: "May find it challenging, to adjust" can be replaced with "may struggle to adjust" for a more concise and direct phrasing.
"One Additional drawback is" -> "Another drawback is"
Explanation: "One Additional drawback is" can be more succinctly expressed as "Another drawback is" without losing clarity or formality.
"means, without parental support" -> "entails the absence of parental support"
Explanation: Replacing "means, without parental support" with "entails the absence of parental support" offers a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"some people face it difficult" -> "some individuals find it challenging"
Explanation: "Some people face it difficult" is not as precise. "Some individuals find it challenging" conveys the same idea more clearly and formally.
"Therefore, the increasing number" -> "Hence, the growing number"
Explanation: "Therefore, the increasing number" can be refined to "Hence, the growing number" for a more formal and conclusive tone.
By making these adjustments, the essay becomes more aligned with academic writing standards, ensuring a formal tone while maintaining clarity and precision in expressing ideas.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both the benefits and problems associated with students choosing higher education in another country. Relevant examples, such as the cultural diversity at Sydney University and the challenges faced by Indian and Mexican students, support the analysis.
- How to improve: While the essay covers all aspects, it could enhance the analysis by providing more examples or elaborating further on how the benefits outweigh the problems.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The introduction clearly states the author’s perspective, and each paragraph supports the notion that the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To strengthen the position, consider addressing potential counterarguments and refuting them in a dedicated paragraph.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, particularly in discussing the benefits of cultural exchange and high-quality education abroad. However, some ideas could be extended for a more comprehensive analysis. For example, it briefly mentions technology in education but could delve deeper into its impact.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing more detailed examples and elaborating on the connections between them. A more thorough exploration of technology’s role in education could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but briefly veers off when discussing the need for independence. While this point is relevant, it could be integrated more smoothly into the discussion of challenges.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic of the benefits and problems of students choosing higher education abroad. Integrate the discussion of independence more seamlessly into the overall analysis.
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering a well-structured argument that supports the position that the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the challenges. To improve, consider providing more examples, extending ideas for a more in-depth analysis, addressing potential counterarguments, and ensuring a seamless transition between paragraphs to enhance overall coherence.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the writer’s perspective. Each body paragraph discusses either the benefits or drawbacks of studying abroad, providing specific examples to support the points made. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure a clear and seamless transition between paragraphs. Consider using linking words or phrases to connect ideas, guiding the reader through the essay more smoothly.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, and the body paragraphs each address a different dimension of the topic. However, in some instances, the paragraphs could be more cohesive within themselves, with a stronger internal structure.
- How to improve: Work on improving the internal coherence of each paragraph by ensuring a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. This will make the individual paragraphs more cohesive and contribute to a stronger overall essay structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. There is a reasonable variety of linking words and phrases, such as "however," "additionally," and "therefore," to guide the reader through the essay. While this contributes to overall coherence, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider array of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used connectors. This will add sophistication to the essay’s language and further enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of cohesive devices within and between paragraphs.
Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a balanced view on the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad. With slight improvements in logical organization, internal paragraph coherence, and the diversification of cohesive devices, the essay has the potential to elevate its coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Sure, let’s break down the Lexical Resource criteria based on the provided checklist and essay.
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a decent range of vocabulary, incorporating terms like "cultural exchange," "ethnicities," "soft skills," "holistic studying," "cultural barrier," "parental support," among others. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further, exploring synonyms, and using more sophisticated or domain-specific terms.
- How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary, consider integrating more nuanced and specific terms related to cultural exchange and educational domains. For example, instead of "soft skills," use specific skills like "interpersonal communication," "problem-solving abilities," or "innovative thinking." Additionally, explore synonyms and avoid repetition of words (e.g., instead of "challenges," use "obstacles," "difficulties," or "hurdles").
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally demonstrates imprecise vocabulary usage, which affects the clarity and precision of ideas. For instance, the phrase "based and project lessons" could be refined for clarity. The sentence "That makes them have enough qualities to pursue their goals" lacks precision and could benefit from a more specific and precise vocabulary choice.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by using more accurate and contextually fitting terms. For instance, rephrase "based and project lessons" to something like "project-based learning approaches." For the sentence lacking precision, focus on specifying the qualities needed to achieve goals, like "acquiring requisite skills," "cultivating competencies," or "developing essential attributes."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of spelling accuracy, but there are several instances of misspelled words such as "based" (should be "blended"), "surpassess" (should be "surpasses"), "set targets" (should be "setting targets"), among others.
- How to improve: Enhancing spelling accuracy can be achieved through thorough proofreading, using spell-check tools, and dedicating time specifically to review and correct spelling errors. Developing a habit of revising written work systematically for spelling accuracy can significantly improve this aspect.
By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary with precision and enhancing spelling accuracy through careful proofreading and editing, the essay can elevate its lexical resource score and overall effectiveness in conveying nuanced ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. It employs a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is a tendency to rely on straightforward sentence structures, and some sentences could benefit from greater complexity to enhance the essay’s sophistication.
- How to improve: To further enrich your writing, consider incorporating a variety of sentence structures. Integrate complex sentences with subordinate clauses to provide depth and nuance to your ideas. For example, in the second paragraph, the sentence "However, it is essential to consider drawbacks as well" could be revised to introduce complexity and flow more smoothly.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a good command of grammar. However, there are instances of minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing. For instance, in the first paragraph, the phrase "For instance, every year Sydney University welcomes nearly 80 nations" could be refined for clearer expression.
- How to improve: Carefully review sentence structures to ensure subject-verb agreement and eliminate awkward phrasing. Consider revising sentences where the intended meaning might be compromised by grammatical errors. Utilize tools like grammar checkers for additional assistance in identifying and rectifying these issues.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used accurately throughout the essay. However, there are occasional instances of missing or misused commas. For example, in the second paragraph, the sentence "For example, Indian students who are moving to British universities have difficulties with some local customs" could benefit from a comma after "universities" for improved clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on refining your comma usage, ensuring that they are appropriately placed to aid comprehension and guide the reader through your ideas. Reviewing punctuation rules and practicing their application in various contexts will contribute to greater precision in your writing.
In summary, your essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and punctuation, earning it a Band Score of 7. To elevate your writing further, strive for increased sentence structure variety, address minor grammatical errors, and polish punctuation usage for enhanced clarity and precision.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is an undeniable trend of students choosing foreign countries for higher education, and, in my view, the benefits of this trend outweigh the associated problems.
Studying abroad offers numerous advantages, notably the opportunity for cultural exchange. This involves interacting with people from various parts of the world, deepening one’s understanding of diverse languages and ethnicities. For example, Sydney University hosts students from nearly 80 nations annually, creating a diverse and enriching educational environment. Additionally, many universities provide high-quality education to international students. Thanks to technology, some courses are designed based on project-oriented lessons, allowing students to enhance their knowledge in their field. Fulbright University, for instance, offers an engineering major through a blend of practical and theoretical lessons, improving both academic and soft skills such as problem-solving, leadership, and critical thinking. Consequently, studying abroad not only exposes individuals to different cultures but also equips them with essential skills for comprehensive learning.
However, it is essential to acknowledge drawbacks as well. A notable drawback is the cultural barrier, where international students may struggle to adjust to new social environments. For instance, Indian students studying in British universities may face difficulties with local customs such as using chopsticks, speaking English, or adapting to local dress customs. This challenge may hinder their communication with locals and affect their ability to work or study effectively. Another drawback entails the absence of parental support, making it challenging for some individuals to handle various aspects of life independently. For example, Mexican students studying abroad may find it difficult to manage finances, organize schedules, or set targets without parental guidance. Despite these challenges, programs promoting cultural integration and student support services can help address these issues effectively.
In conclusion, the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages. The opportunity for cultural immersion and exposure to high-quality education surpasses the challenges of adapting to a new culture and becoming independent. Hence, the increasing number of students opting for overseas education is a positive development with numerous benefits.