Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is obvious that the diversity of languages is losing annually. Some individuals argue that this depletion is beneficial for mankind. This essay aims to debate that this statement is only true to some extent and the disappearance of languages is serious.
On the one hand, fewer languages used on the globe can ease human lives. The first point to make is that this will deprive people from language studying, leading to more spare time for them to do other works. For instance, they can employ their time to finish their remaining job at companies, learn new skills or unwind after hardworking hours. Another point to make is that conflicts can arise from linguistic misunderstanding. To illustrate, if people communicate in a language they have not mastered, they can accidentally use the wrong words or express controversial ideas. Therefore, if individuals use an identical language there will be less adverse issues.
On the other hand, languages are strongly associated with nations’ identification. The loss of language can bring about the devastation of countries’ uniqueness and they may be devoured by bigger countries. For example, a small nation which is not able to protect its native tongue can be immersed in other nations and disappear. In addition, languages are deemed as a means to preserve cultures. Many anecdotes, books and documents are made up from a specific language. If this language vanishes, those cultural materials will also disappear. Therefore, it is essential to protect language diversity.
In conclusion, the loss of some languages in the world is inevitable. Fewer languages existing can be beneficial due to the fact that people are granted extra time and there will be less controversies. However, the benefits this issue provides can not surpass the drawbacks. Since language is vital with nations’ identification and culture preservation.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is obvious that the diversity of languages is losing annually." -> "It is evident that language diversity is declining annually."
   Explanation: "Losing" is incorrect in this context; "declining" is the appropriate verb to describe a decrease in language diversity over time. Also, "the diversity of languages" should be "language diversity" for grammatical correctness and to maintain a formal tone.

2. "Some individuals argue that this depletion is beneficial for mankind." -> "Some argue that this decline is advantageous for humanity."
   Explanation: "Depletion" is too strong and vague; "decline" is more precise and appropriate for describing a decrease in language diversity. "Mankind" is somewhat archaic and less formal; "humanity" is preferred in academic writing.

3. "This essay aims to debate that this statement is only true to some extent and the disappearance of languages is serious." -> "This essay aims to argue that this assertion is partially accurate and the disappearance of languages is a significant concern."
   Explanation: "Debate" is not the correct verb here; "argue" is more appropriate for presenting a formal academic stance. "Serious" is vague; "significant concern" is more specific and formal.

4. "fewer languages used on the globe" -> "fewer languages in use globally"
   Explanation: "Used on the globe" is awkward and informal; "in use globally" is more precise and formal.

5. "deprive people from language studying" -> "relieve individuals of the need to study languages"
   Explanation: "Deprive" is incorrect in this context; "relieve" is the correct verb to indicate a reduction in effort or necessity. "People" should be "individuals" for formality, and "study languages" should be "study of languages" for grammatical correctness.

6. "more spare time for them to do other works" -> "more time for them to engage in other activities"
   Explanation: "Spare time" is informal and vague; "time" is more precise. "Do other works" is informal and imprecise; "engage in other activities" is more formal and appropriate.

7. "finish their remaining job at companies" -> "complete their remaining tasks at workplaces"
   Explanation: "Finish their remaining job" is informal and imprecise; "complete their remaining tasks" is more formal and specific. "Companies" is too broad; "workplaces" is more appropriate in this context.

8. "learn new skills or unwind after hardworking hours" -> "acquire new skills or relax after long working hours"
   Explanation: "Unwind" is informal; "relax" is more suitable for academic writing. "Hardworking hours" is informal; "long working hours" is more formal.

9. "adverse issues" -> "adverse effects"
   Explanation: "Issues" is too vague; "effects" is more specific and appropriate in this context.

10. "languages are strongly associated with nations’ identification" -> "languages are closely tied to national identity"
    Explanation: "Strongly associated with nations’ identification" is awkward and verbose; "closely tied to national identity" is more concise and formal.

11. "devastation of countries’ uniqueness" -> "erosion of national distinctiveness"
    Explanation: "Devastation" is too strong and informal; "erosion" is more precise and appropriate for describing gradual loss. "Countries’ uniqueness" is awkward; "national distinctiveness" is more formal and clear.

12. "they may be devoured by bigger countries" -> "they may be assimilated by larger nations"
    Explanation: "Devoured" is metaphorical and informal; "assimilated" is more precise and appropriate in an academic context. "Bigger countries" is informal; "larger nations" is more formal.

13. "Many anecdotes, books and documents are made up from a specific language." -> "Many anecdotes, books, and documents are composed in a specific language."
    Explanation: "Made up from" is incorrect; "composed in" is the correct phrase for describing the creation of written works in a language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the importance of language diversity. The introduction clearly states that the author believes the statement is only true to some extent, which indicates an understanding of the prompt. The first body paragraph discusses the potential benefits of fewer languages, while the second body paragraph highlights the drawbacks. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the opinion presented in the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion. For example, they could clarify how much they agree or disagree with the idea that fewer languages are beneficial. Additionally, providing a more balanced discussion with equal emphasis on both sides would strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the author believes the disappearance of languages is serious, but this position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. While the author acknowledges the benefits of fewer languages, the conclusion somewhat undermines their earlier assertion by stating that the benefits "can not surpass the drawbacks" without a clear reiteration of their stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently refer back to their main argument in each paragraph. They could use phrases like "Despite these benefits…" or "However, it is crucial to remember that…" to remind the reader of their stance throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and examples, such as the potential for increased free time and reduced misunderstandings due to fewer languages. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the point about conflicts arising from linguistic misunderstandings could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples or evidence. They could include real-world instances of language loss impacting cultural identity or specific examples of misunderstandings that have led to significant consequences.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of language loss. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "spare time" and "unwind after hardworking hours" in the first body paragraph feels somewhat tangential and could be more directly linked to the overall argument about the importance of language diversity.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the loss of languages is important. They could refine their arguments to ensure that each point clearly ties back to the broader implications of language loss on society and culture.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. However, further development of ideas, clearer positioning, and tighter focus on the prompt will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, indicating that the argument will be discussed to a certain extent. The first body paragraph addresses the potential benefits of fewer languages, while the second focuses on the drawbacks. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the points in the first paragraph is somewhat abrupt, particularly when moving from the discussion of time saved to the issue of linguistic misunderstandings.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In addition" could help to create smoother connections between ideas within and between paragraphs.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph has a main idea, and the writer attempts to support these ideas with examples. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from more detailed examples and clearer topic sentences to reinforce the main argument about cultural preservation.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, providing more specific examples or elaborating on the points made (such as discussing specific cultures or languages that are endangered) would strengthen the argument and enhance the depth of analysis.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to contrast the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "the loss of language can bring about the devastation of countries’ uniqueness" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify how this point relates to the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "however," "moreover," "consequently," and "for instance." Additionally, ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one will improve the overall flow of the essay. Using referencing words (like "this," "these," or "such") can also help to create clearer connections between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective word choices such as "diversity," "depletion," and "devastation." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "fewer languages" and "language studying." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the text. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "languages," the writer could incorporate terms like "linguistic diversity" or "dialects."
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary. This can be achieved by reading more academic texts or articles related to language and culture to expose themselves to different lexical choices. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also help in developing a more varied vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas clearly, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "deprive people from language studying" could be more accurately expressed as "limit opportunities for language study." Additionally, the term "adverse issues" is somewhat vague; a more precise term could be "conflicts" or "misunderstandings."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of words and their appropriate contexts. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more precise synonyms, but it is crucial to ensure that the chosen words fit the intended meaning. Engaging in exercises that require the writer to define and use new vocabulary in sentences can also aid in this area.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "hardworking" (should be "hard-working") and "deemed as a means" (should be "deemed a means"). These errors, while not numerous, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should make a habit of proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools can help catch errors, but it is also beneficial to read the essay aloud to identify mistakes that may be overlooked. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can reinforce correct spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences like "if people communicate in a language they have not mastered, they can accidentally use the wrong words or express controversial ideas" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, the essay relies heavily on a few sentence structures, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and lengths. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The first point to make is" or "Another point to make is," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "One significant advantage is…" or "Additionally, it is important to consider…". This would enhance the flow and engagement of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation, with only a few errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "deprive people from language studying" should be "deprive people of language study." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences or confusion. For instance, in the sentence "Therefore, if individuals use an identical language there will be less adverse issues," a comma is needed before "there" to separate the clauses correctly.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review common prepositional phrases and ensure correct usage, such as "deprive of" instead of "deprive from." Furthermore, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can help clarify meaning and improve readability. A good strategy would be to read the essay aloud to identify natural pauses where punctuation may be needed.

Overall, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that the diversity of languages is declining annually. Some individuals argue that this decline is advantageous for mankind. This essay aims to argue that this assertion is only partially accurate and that the disappearance of languages is a significant concern.

On the one hand, fewer languages in use globally can ease human lives. The first point to make is that this will relieve people of the need to study languages, leading to more time for them to engage in other activities. For instance, they can use their time to complete their remaining tasks at workplaces, acquire new skills, or relax after long working hours. Another point to consider is that conflicts can arise from linguistic misunderstandings. To illustrate, if people communicate in a language they have not mastered, they can accidentally use the wrong words or express controversial ideas. Therefore, if individuals use a common language, there will be fewer adverse effects.

On the other hand, languages are closely tied to national identity. The loss of language can bring about the erosion of countries’ uniqueness, and they may be assimilated by larger nations. For example, a small nation that is unable to protect its native tongue can be absorbed by other nations and disappear. In addition, languages are deemed a means to preserve cultures. Many anecdotes, books, and documents are composed in a specific language. If this language vanishes, those cultural materials will also disappear. Therefore, it is essential to protect language diversity.

In conclusion, the loss of some languages in the world is inevitable. While fewer languages can be beneficial because people are granted extra time and there will be fewer controversies, the benefits this issue provides cannot surpass the drawbacks. Since language is vital for national identity and cultural preservation, it is crucial to address this concern.