Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. Do agree or disagree?

Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat
to have a healthy diet. Do agree or disagree?

With the development of new eating habits, there is a belief that it is an appropriate idea for every body to lead a vegetarian lifestyles because meat is unnecessary for a healthy diet. While it is undeniable that vegetarism has positive influences on people's health, I contend that meat is the vital part in our needs.
On the one hand, pursuing a vegetarian diet offers several significant merits about human health. One of them is to receive the variety of nutrition and minerals. which are beneficial to our bodies. In particular, a range of vitamins, contained in vegetables, are the essential contributors to physically holistic development, even the improvements of mental well-being. In addition, following vegetarism allows people to alleviate the high risk for some prevalent diseases. For instance, the obesity and some types of cardiovascular such as high blood pressure are able to be mitigated by having well-planned vegetarian diets.. In ferns of the long-term benefit, it enables individual to enhance both physical and psychological well-being, which is favourable for adopt a longer longevity.
On the other hand, I believe that eating meat serves as a factor that allows individuals to achieve a balanced diet. Particularly, protein in different kinds of meat is the determination of brain and most body's function development. furthermore, physicalt activities require a huge amount of energy which can only be met by rich foods like meat of fishes fish . Another reason is that diets including meat are required for sone certain people. By way of example, pregnant women and adolescents need meat to meet nutritional requirements
In conclusion, I believe that vegetarianism can bring many advantages to overall health; however, this diet cannot be suitable with everyone, especially pregnant women and teenagers. Personally, I believe a balanced. approach between meat and vegetables is the most optimal choice for most people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "every body" -> "every individual"
   Explanation: "Every body" is a common idiomatic expression that can be misinterpreted. "Every individual" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing, clearly indicating that the subject refers to each person.

2. "lead a vegetarian lifestyles" -> "adopt a vegetarian lifestyle"
   Explanation: "Lifestyles" is not the correct term here; "lifestyle" is the singular form, and "adopt" is more formal than "lead" in this context, which is typically used for leadership roles.

3. "meat is unnecessary for a healthy diet" -> "meat is not essential for a healthy diet"
   Explanation: "Unnecessary" implies that meat is not needed at all, which might be an overstatement. "Not essential" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term, suggesting that meat is not crucial but still beneficial.

4. "vegetarism" -> "vegetarianism"
   Explanation: "Vegetarism" is a misspelling of "vegetarianism," which is the correct term for the diet.

5. "offers several significant merits about human health" -> "offers several significant benefits for human health"
   Explanation: "Merits" is less commonly used in this context and can be vague. "Benefits" is more direct and clear, and "for" is the correct preposition to use with "benefits."

6. "receive the variety of nutrition and minerals" -> "receive a variety of nutrients and minerals"
   Explanation: "Nutrition" is not typically used as a plural noun; "nutrients" is the correct term for the plural form.

7. "are beneficial to our bodies" -> "are beneficial for our bodies"
   Explanation: "Beneficial to" is less formal and slightly awkward; "beneficial for" is more direct and appropriate in formal writing.

8. "following vegetarism" -> "adopting a vegetarian diet"
   Explanation: "Following vegetarism" is incorrect and unclear. "Adopting a vegetarian diet" clearly and correctly describes the action of choosing a vegetarian lifestyle.

9. "the high risk for some prevalent diseases" -> "the high risk of certain prevalent diseases"
   Explanation: "For" is incorrect in this context; "of" is the correct preposition to use with "risk."

10. "In ferns of the long-term benefit" -> "In terms of the long-term benefits"
    Explanation: "Ferns" is a typographical error and incorrect usage. "In terms of" is the correct phrase for discussing aspects of something.

11. "favourable for adopt a longer longevity" -> "favorable for adopting a longer lifespan"
    Explanation: "Favorable for adopt" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Favorable for adopting a longer lifespan" corrects these issues and uses more precise terminology.

12. "determination of brain and most body’s function development" -> "determinant of brain and bodily function development"
    Explanation: "Determination" is not the correct term here; "determinant" is more appropriate. Also, "most body’s function development" is awkward and unclear; "bodily function development" is more precise.

13. "meat of fishes fish" -> "meat from fish"
    Explanation: "Meat of fishes fish" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Meat from fish" is grammatically correct and clearer.

14. "sone certain people" -> "some certain individuals"
    Explanation: "Sone" is a typographical error; "some" is the correct word. "Individuals" is more formal than "people" in this context.

15. "a balanced. approach" -> "a balanced approach"
    Explanation: The period after "balanced" is a typographical error; it should not be there.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits of vegetarianism and the necessity of meat in a diet. The writer acknowledges the merits of a vegetarian lifestyle while clearly stating their disagreement with the notion that everyone should become vegetarian. However, the response could be more comprehensive in exploring the implications of the statement that "everyone should become vegetarian." For instance, it could delve deeper into the reasons why some individuals might choose to remain omnivorous, beyond just nutritional needs.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that all aspects of the prompt are thoroughly explored. This could involve providing more examples of different dietary needs across various demographics and discussing cultural or ethical considerations that might influence dietary choices.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against the idea that everyone should become vegetarian. The writer consistently supports their stance throughout the essay, particularly in the second half where they argue for the necessity of meat in certain diets. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother, as the initial paragraph leans heavily on the benefits of vegetarianism before clearly stating the opposing view.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could introduce their viewpoint more explicitly in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph reinforces this stance. Using transitional phrases to connect the discussion of vegetarianism to the necessity of meat could help clarify their position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of vegetarianism and the importance of meat. However, some points lack sufficient development. For instance, while the essay mentions the health benefits of vegetarianism, it does not provide specific examples of nutrients that are lacking in a vegetarian diet, nor does it elaborate on the consequences of these deficiencies.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for their ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and evidence. This could include statistics on nutritional deficiencies in vegetarian diets or specific studies that highlight the benefits of a balanced diet. Additionally, elaborating on the points made about the necessity of meat for certain populations could enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essaystays relevant to the topic, discussing both vegetarianism and the role of meat in a healthy diet. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion of mental well-being feels somewhat tangential to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports their main argument. They could also consider outlining their main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without straying off-topic.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, coherence, and depth of their argument, potentially leading to a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The main ideas are generally well-organized, with the first paragraph focusing on the benefits of vegetarianism and the second on the necessity of meat in a diet. However, the transition between points could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of vegetarianism to the arguments for meat consumption feels abrupt and could benefit from clearer linking phrases.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point is clearly connected to the overall argument, perhaps by reiterating the main thesis at the beginning of each paragraph.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph contains several ideas that could be better organized, as it jumps from discussing nutrition to disease prevention without a clear connection.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with a sentence like, "A vegetarian diet offers numerous health benefits, particularly in terms of nutrition and disease prevention," to provide a clearer focus.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate opposing viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "In ferns of the long-term benefit" is unclear and disrupts the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Additionally," "Moreover," and "Consequently." Furthermore, ensure that all phrases are clear and grammatically correct. For instance, revise "In ferns of the long-term benefit" to "In terms of long-term benefits," to enhance clarity and coherence.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "vegetarian," "nutrition," "holistic development," and "cardiovascular." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the term "vegetarian" is used multiple times without synonyms, which could enhance the lexical variety. Phrases like "high risk for some prevalent diseases" could be expressed in more varied ways, such as "increased susceptibility to common health issues."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "vegetarian," they could use "plant-based diet" or "meat-free lifestyle." Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to health and nutrition, such as "nutritional deficiencies" or "dietary balance," would elevate the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "vegetarism has positive influences" could be more accurately stated as "vegetarianism has beneficial effects." Additionally, the phrase "the vital part in our needs" is vague and could be better articulated as "an essential component of our dietary needs." The use of "favourable for adopt a longer longevity" is awkward and imprecise; it should be rephrased for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They can practice rephrasing sentences to enhance clarity. For instance, instead of saying "the determination of brain and most body’s function development," they could say "is crucial for brain function and overall bodily development." Regularly consulting a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing can also help refine vocabulary usage.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "vegetarism" (should be "vegetarianism"), "physicalt" (should be "physical"), "sone" (should be "some"), and "fishes fish" (should be "fish"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally multiple times. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing exercises that focus on spelling can also improve overall accuracy.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting points. However, the overall range is somewhat limited, with many sentences following a similar structure. For instance, the sentence "In addition, following vegetarism allows people to alleviate the high risk for some prevalent diseases" could be restructured for greater variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "eating meat serves as a factor that allows individuals to achieve a balanced diet," you could say, "While many advocate for vegetarianism, I argue that eating meat is essential for achieving a balanced diet." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can enhance variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "every body" should be "everybody," and "vegetarism" should be "vegetarianism." There are also punctuation errors, such as the misplaced period in "nutrition and minerals. which are beneficial" and the double period in "diets.. In ferns." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Focus on common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. For punctuation, ensure that sentences are properly closed with appropriate punctuation marks and that commas are used correctly to separate clauses. Practicing grammar exercises and reading more academic writing can also help reinforce correct usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and some relevant points, addressing these areas of grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the quality of the writing and potentially raise the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the development of new eating habits, there is a belief that it is an appropriate idea for every individual to adopt a vegetarian lifestyle because meat is not essential for a healthy diet. While it is undeniable that vegetarianism offers several significant benefits for human health, I contend that meat plays a vital role in our nutritional needs.

On the one hand, adopting a vegetarian diet provides several notable advantages for human health. One of these is the ability to receive a variety of nutrients and minerals, which are beneficial for our bodies. In particular, a range of vitamins found in vegetables contributes significantly to holistic physical development and even enhances mental well-being. Additionally, following vegetarianism allows individuals to alleviate the high risk of certain prevalent diseases. For instance, obesity and some types of cardiovascular issues, such as high blood pressure, can be mitigated by well-planned vegetarian diets. In terms of the long-term benefits, it enables individuals to enhance both physical and psychological well-being, which is favorable for adopting a longer lifespan.

On the other hand, I believe that eating meat serves as a crucial factor that allows individuals to achieve a balanced diet. Specifically, protein found in different kinds of meat is a determinant of brain and bodily function development. Furthermore, physical activities require a substantial amount of energy, which can often only be met by nutrient-rich foods like meat from fish. Another reason is that diets including meat are necessary for some certain individuals. For example, pregnant women and adolescents require meat to meet their nutritional needs.

In conclusion, I believe that vegetarianism can bring many advantages to overall health; however, this diet may not be suitable for everyone, especially pregnant women and teenagers. Personally, I believe a balanced approach between meat and vegetables is the most optimal choice for most people.