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Extracurricular activities such as sport teams, special-interest clubs and art groups are a vital element for students’ development. Write an essay (about 250 words) to discuss advantages and disadvantages of extracurricular activities

Extracurricular activities such as sport teams, special-interest clubs and art groups are a vital element for students' development. Write an essay (about 250 words) to discuss advantages and disadvantages of extracurricular activities

Nowadays, students tend to engage in a lot of extracurricular activities besides academic subjects. It is believed that extra-classroom activities play an indispensable role in students’ development. The following essay will analyze both merits and demerits of extracurricular activities in great detail.
On the one hand, extracurricular activities provide students with a number of benefits. First and foremost, participating in extracurricular activities cultivate their soft skills.Extracurricular activities give them a hand to interact and communicate with those around them through collective activities. To illustrate, students doing team sports such as volleyball, basketball can communicate with more people and cooperate with each other to score. Consequently, they can improve communication skills and teamwork skills.Another point in favor of extracurricular activities is that they help students reduce stress and tiredness after studying at school. After-school activities allow them to take part in interesting activities such as camping, picnic, sightseeing,.. Consequently, these activities help them feel comfortable and relaxed. Last but not least, joining in these activities also paves the way for a well-paid job in the future. Extra-classroom activities contribute considerably to making students’ CV more outstanding than those who never do.
On the other hand, despite the above-mentioned advantages, these activities can have negative influences on students. The first drawback is that their academic performance will be negatively affected. Because students spend most of their time joining in extracurricular activities, the time that should be allocated for studying will be limited. Hence, this leads to bad academic results.Besides, they are under pressure that they have to excel in both school performance and extracurricular activities.Secondly, joining in these activities make students have busy schedules.Thus, they have less time to spend with their families, and this can reduce sense of belonging between family members at the same time
All things considered, it is an obvious conclusion that although extracurricular activities have some bad points, they are very beneficial for the students’ development . Students had better balance between studying and these activities suitably.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" provides a more formal and contemporary tone.

  2. "It is believed that" -> "It is widely acknowledged that"
    Explanation: Substituting "It is believed that" with "It is widely acknowledged that" enhances the formality and academic style of the statement.

  3. "great detail" -> "thorough detail"
    Explanation: Replacing "great detail" with "thorough detail" maintains the formality while using a more precise term.

  4. "First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
    Explanation: "Primarily" is a more formal alternative to "First and foremost," aligning better with academic writing.

  5. "cultivate their soft skills" -> "nurture their soft skills"
    Explanation: "Nurture" is a more formal synonym for "cultivate," improving the academic tone.

  6. "give them a hand to" -> "facilitate"
    Explanation: Replacing "give them a hand to" with "facilitate" is more concise and academically appropriate.

  7. "through collective activities" -> "via collaborative activities"
    Explanation: "Via collaborative activities" is a more formal and precise phrase.

  8. "To illustrate" -> "For instance"
    Explanation: "For instance" is a formal equivalent of "To illustrate" commonly used in academic writing.

  9. "cooperate with each other" -> "collaborate with one another"
    Explanation: "Collaborate with one another" is a more formal and academic way to express this idea.

  10. "score" -> "achieve their goals"
    Explanation: "Achieve their goals" is a formal phrase that conveys the idea more appropriately than "score."

  11. "Consequently" -> "As a result"
    Explanation: "As a result" is a formal alternative to "Consequently" in academic writing.

  12. "feel comfortable and relaxed" -> "experience comfort and relaxation"
    Explanation: The phrase "experience comfort and relaxation" is more formal and precise.

  13. "Last but not least" -> "Finally"
    Explanation: "Finally" is a standard transition word in academic writing, whereas "Last but not least" is more informal.

  14. "paves the way for" -> "enhances the prospects of"
    Explanation: "Enhances the prospects of" is a more formal phrase that aligns with academic writing.

  15. "well-paid job" -> "lucrative employment"
    Explanation: "Lucrative employment" is a more formal and precise term than "well-paid job."

  16. "CV" -> "curriculum vitae"
    Explanation: "Curriculum vitae" is the full and formal term for "CV."

  17. "despite the above-mentioned advantages" -> "notwithstanding the aforementioned advantages"
    Explanation: "Notwithstanding the aforementioned advantages" is a more formal expression.

  18. "The first drawback is that" -> "One primary drawback is"
    Explanation: "One primary drawback is" is a more formal and structured way to introduce the first disadvantage.

  19. "time that should be allocated for studying" -> "time earmarked for studying"
    Explanation: "Time earmarked for studying" is a formal and precise alternative.

  20. "this leads to bad academic results" -> "this results in poor academic performance"
    Explanation: "This results in poor academic performance" is a more formal and clear way to express the idea.

  21. "joining in these activities" -> "participating in these activities"
    Explanation: "Participating in these activities" is a formal and standard phrasing.

  22. "have busy schedules" -> "maintain hectic schedules"
    Explanation: "Maintain hectic schedules" is a more formal and descriptive choice.

  23. "reduce sense of belonging" -> "diminish the sense of belonging"
    Explanation: "Diminish the sense of belonging" is a formal and precise alternative.

  24. "All things considered" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: "In conclusion" is a formal and widely accepted transition phrase for summarizing the essay.

  25. "Students had better balance" -> "Students should strive to maintain a better balance"
    Explanation: The revised sentence provides a clearer and more formal recommendation for students.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of extracurricular activities, providing arguments for each side.
    • How to improve: There is no improvement needed in this aspect.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. It clearly presents the benefits and drawbacks of extracurricular activities without wavering.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement is necessary in this regard.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides specific examples to illustrate its points, such as the examples of teamwork skills gained through sports and the negative impact on academic performance.
    • How to improve: The essay could benefit from more elaborate development of the advantages and disadvantages. Providing additional examples and elaboration would enhance the depth of the discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic throughout and does not deviate from discussing the advantages and disadvantages of extracurricular activities.
    • How to improve: No improvement is needed regarding staying on topic.

Overall, this essay demonstrates strong task response, presenting a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of extracurricular activities. The essay maintains a clear and consistent position, supported by specific examples. To improve further, the writer could consider expanding on their ideas with more detailed examples and elaboration to provide a deeper analysis. Nevertheless, this essay deserves the Band Score of 8 for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably logical organization. It starts with an introduction that introduces the topic and states the intention to analyze the advantages and disadvantages of extracurricular activities. Then, it presents arguments in favor of extracurricular activities, followed by arguments against them. The conclusion sums up the main points.

    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, it would be beneficial to use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Additionally, consider a more systematic approach, such as discussing advantages first, then disadvantages, rather than alternating between the two.

  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments, which is effective. However, some paragraphs could be more concise and focused. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of extracurricular activities could be divided into two separate paragraphs to improve clarity.

    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and supports that idea cohesively. Consider breaking long paragraphs into shorter ones for better readability.

  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand"). However, there is room for improvement in using a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.

    • How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbs, to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help improve the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. To improve, the writer should focus on using more diverse cohesive devices, ensuring clear topic sentences, and refining paragraph structure for better organization and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary throughout. There are instances of varied word choices, such as "indispensable," "cultivate," "outstanding," and "excel." These terms contribute positively to the essay’s overall lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the use of a wide range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more specific and contextually relevant terms. While the essay generally uses appropriate vocabulary, some areas could benefit from more nuanced word choices. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "extracurricular activities," you might substitute it occasionally with synonyms like "co-curricular endeavors" or "non-academic pursuits" where appropriate.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are a few instances where imprecise word choices hinder clarity. For instance, the phrase "Extracurricular activities give them a hand to interact" could be improved for precision, as the phrase "give them a hand" is less clear. Similarly, "students doing team sports such as volleyball, basketball can communicate with more people" could be refined for more precision in conveying the idea.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary precision, strive for more specific and accurate word choices. For instance, you could replace "give them a hand" with "facilitate," and in the second example, you might say, "students engaging in team sports like volleyball and basketball can effectively communicate with a wider range of individuals."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. There are a few minor spelling errors, such as "extracurricular," which is consistently spelled as "extra-classroom." Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, like missing commas and inconsistent spacing before punctuation marks.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it’s important to proofread your work carefully and use spelling and grammar-checking tools if available. In particular, pay attention to common words like "extracurricular" to ensure they are spelled correctly. Additionally, review the use of punctuation to ensure consistency and correctness throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures. It utilizes a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. For example, it includes simple declarative sentences ("Nowadays, students tend to engage in a lot of extracurricular activities besides academic subjects"), complex sentences with subordination ("Because students spend most of their time joining in extracurricular activities, the time that should be allocated for studying will be limited"), and compound sentences ("Students had better balance between studying and these activities suitably"). However, the variety of structures used could be further expanded to enhance the overall flow and engagement of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve the range of structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences, conditional sentences, and rhetorical questions. This will add complexity and sophistication to your writing. Additionally, vary sentence beginnings and lengths to create a smoother and more dynamic reading experience.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains reasonable grammatical accuracy, but there are several instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "Extracurricular activities give them a hand to interact" should be revised to "Extracurricular activities enable them to interact," and "joining in these activities make students have busy schedules" should be corrected to "joining these activities makes students have busy schedules." In terms of punctuation, there are some missing commas and inconsistent usage of periods and ellipses. For instance, "camping, picnic, sightseeing,.." should be "camping, picnic, sightseeing." These errors, while not pervasive, do affect the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread your essays carefully, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct word usage. Review common grammatical rules and practice constructing grammatically correct sentences. For punctuation, ensure consistent and appropriate usage, especially with commas, periods, and ellipses. Reading more literature can also help you internalize proper grammar and punctuation.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates solid language skills, there is room for improvement in terms of grammatical range and accuracy. Expanding sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills will contribute to a more polished and impactful essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, students tend to participate in various extracurricular activities alongside their academic studies. It is widely acknowledged that these out-of-classroom activities play an essential role in the development of students. In this essay, we will thoroughly examine both the advantages and disadvantages of extracurricular activities.

Primarily, extracurricular activities offer students numerous benefits. First and foremost, engaging in these activities helps nurture their soft skills. Students have the opportunity to interact and communicate with others through collaborative activities. For instance, students involved in team sports like volleyball or basketball can enhance their communication and teamwork skills by working together to achieve their goals. Additionally, these activities provide a means for students to experience comfort and relaxation. After a long day of school, participating in activities such as camping, picnics, or sightseeing can help students unwind and recharge. Finally, participating in extracurricular activities enhances the prospects of securing lucrative employment in the future, as it adds value to their curriculum vitae. This can be a significant advantage notwithstanding the aforementioned advantages.

On the other hand, one primary drawback is that excessive participation in extracurricular activities can negatively impact students’ academic performance. The time earmarked for studying becomes limited, resulting in poor academic performance. Moreover, students may face the pressure of excelling both in their schoolwork and extracurricular activities. Secondly, the busy schedules students maintain due to their involvement in these activities can diminish the sense of belonging within their families. With less time to spend at home, family bonds may weaken.

In conclusion, while there are some downsides to extracurricular activities, their benefits for students’ development are undeniable. Therefore, it is essential for students to strive for a better balance between their academic studies and participation in extracurricular activities.

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