Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is the decline in writing by hand a positive or negative development?
There is a growing tendency that the amount of people using a pen, pencil or brush for hand writing dramatically decreases. There are several reasons behind this trend and it undoubtedly leads to many negative consequences.
It is understandable while people nowadays stop relishing to write by hand. For one, technological devices are smarter and smarter everyday. They allow their users to take notes, write diary or work without a real pen. Just a touch by hand and everything is done. Additionally, smart devices allow people to have a vast range of space to store more information while notebook or any kind of paper has it own limited number of space. Another cause is that, hand writing consumes more time than other type of writing. This can be explained from the fact that the time you look for a pen is longer than the time you open your phone and use note app. Hence, a phone or an ipad or a laptop is a better choice because of its ulitity.
Nevertheless, from my perspective, the decline of hand writing brings a variety of negative consequences. It must first be recognized that the creation of hand writing was one of the greatest creation of all time. This creation changed people’s life and was the testament of knowledgement. Stop writing by hand is a retrograde evolution compares to the past. In additon to this, writing by pen or drawing, painting by brush is one of the way to improve creativity. It is undeniable that artifical intelligence provide a numerous apps for coloring or drawing, however, they provide pre-programmed creative form, not the creativity from human brain. Hence, people will be more and more dependent on AI.
In conclusion, the smart and utility of technological devices seem to be the root causes of decrease in the number of people writing by hand. Nevertheless, it is a negative development.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"amount of people" -> "number of individuals"
Explanation: In academic writing, it’s preferable to use "number" when referring to countable entities like people. "Amount" is more appropriate for uncountable nouns. "Number of individuals" is a more precise and formal phrase here.
"stop relishing to write" -> "cease to enjoy writing"
Explanation: "Stop relishing" is an informal way of expressing the idea. "Cease to enjoy" maintains formality and clarity, conveying the same meaning in a more academically suitable manner.
"smarter and smarter" -> "increasingly sophisticated"
Explanation: While "smarter and smarter" is colloquial, "increasingly sophisticated" aligns better with academic tone, conveying the idea of continuous improvement in technological devices.
"Just a touch by hand" -> "Merely a touch"
Explanation: The phrase "Just a touch by hand" is informal. "Merely a touch" maintains simplicity while sounding more academic and precise.
"vast range of space" -> "ample storage capacity"
Explanation: "Vast range of space" is less formal. "Ample storage capacity" provides a more formal and concise description of the amount of space available.
"notebook or any kind of paper has it own limited number of space" -> "notebook or any type of paper has its inherent space limitations"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and uses informal language. "Inherent space limitations" communicates the same idea more formally and concisely.
"consumes more time" -> "takes up more time"
Explanation: "Consumes more time" is slightly informal. "Takes up more time" maintains formality without altering the meaning.
"ulitity" -> "utility"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "utility" ensures adherence to proper spelling and enhances the essay’s credibility.
"the decline of hand writing" -> "the decline of handwriting"
Explanation: "Hand writing" should be corrected to "handwriting" as a single word in formal writing.
"the testament of knowledgement" -> "a testament to knowledge"
Explanation: "Testament of knowledgement" is an awkward expression. "A testament to knowledge" conveys the intended meaning more accurately and formally.
"retrograde evolution compares to the past" -> "regression compared to the past"
Explanation: "Retrograde evolution" is an odd phrasing. "Regression compared to the past" is more appropriate in the context of decline or backward movement.
"In additon to this" -> "Additionally"
Explanation: "In additon to this" contains a typographical error and is less formal. "Additionally" serves as a suitable replacement to maintain formality.
"writing by pen or drawing, painting by brush" -> "writing with a pen or drawing and painting with a brush"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and grammatical correctness by separating the activities more distinctly.
"artifical intelligence provide a numerous apps" -> "artificial intelligence provides numerous apps"
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement and article usage enhances the sentence’s grammatical correctness and formal tone.
"they provide pre-programmed creative form" -> "they offer pre-programmed creative templates"
Explanation: Replacing "form" with "templates" maintains clarity and uses a more precise term for the context of artificial intelligence generating pre-made creative options.
"not the creativity from human brain" -> "not human brain creativity"
Explanation: Rearranging the wording for conciseness and clarity while retaining formal language.
"smart and utility" -> "smartness and utility"
Explanation: To convey the qualities of technological devices more formally, "smartness" is a more academic term than "smart."
"seem to be the root causes" -> "appear to be the primary causes"
Explanation: "Seem to be the root causes" lacks precision and formality. "Appear to be the primary causes" offers a more formal and precise description.
"it is a negative development" -> "it represents a negative trend"
Explanation: "Negative development" is less formal. "Represents a negative trend" maintains formality and expresses the idea more precisely.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "There is a growing tendency that the amount of people using a pen, pencil or brush for hand writing dramatically decreases. There are several reasons behind this trend and it undoubtedly leads to many negative consequences."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively introduces the topic and presents the writer’s viewpoint. However, it would be beneficial to provide a brief roadmap outlining the main reasons that will be discussed in the essay. This would enhance the overall structure and guide the reader through your arguments.
- Improved example: "In the contemporary era, a noticeable decline is observed in the number of individuals resorting to traditional means of writing, such as using pens, pencils, or brushes. This shift is attributed to various factors, which will be explored in this essay, leading to the assertion that this trend has significant adverse effects on society."
Quoted text: "It is understandable while people nowadays stop relishing to write by hand. For one, technological devices are smarter and smarter every day. They allow their users to take notes, write a diary, or work without a real pen. Just a touch by hand and everything is done. Additionally, smart devices allow people to have a vast range of space to store more information while a notebook or any kind of paper has its own limited number of space."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you acknowledge the reasons behind the decline, the explanation lacks depth and specific examples. To strengthen your argument, provide concrete instances or personal experiences that illustrate the convenience and efficiency of technology in comparison to traditional writing methods.
- Improved example: "The preference for digital writing tools is understandable given the increasing intelligence of technological devices. These devices offer unparalleled convenience; a mere touch is all that is required to jot down notes, maintain a diary, or engage in professional work. Moreover, the expansive storage capabilities of these devices provide users with virtually limitless space to archive information, a stark contrast to the constrained pages of a traditional notebook. For instance, in my own experience, using note-taking apps on a tablet has significantly streamlined my writing process and eliminated the need for physical notepads."
Quoted text: "Nevertheless, from my perspective, the decline of hand writing brings a variety of negative consequences. It must first be recognized that the creation of hand writing was one of the greatest creation of all time. This creation changed people’s life and was the testament of knowledgement. Stop writing by hand is a retrograde evolution compares to the past."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your position is clear, but the argument lacks depth and specific examples. To bolster your point, provide historical or personal examples that highlight the significance of handwriting as a form of expression or knowledge preservation.
- Improved example: "However, from my perspective, the decline of handwriting carries a myriad of negative consequences. It is crucial to acknowledge that the creation of handwriting was one of the greatest achievements in human history. This art form has not only transformed lives but also served as a testament to human knowledge. Discontinuing the practice of writing by hand represents a regressive evolution when compared to the rich history of handwritten documents that have shaped cultures and preserved crucial information. For instance, historical manuscripts and personal letters penned by influential figures provide invaluable insights into the thoughts and experiences of past generations."
Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the topic and presents a clear viewpoint. However, to achieve a higher score, enhance the depth of your arguments by incorporating specific examples and providing a more detailed analysis of the consequences of the decline in handwriting.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion provide a clear structure, and there is a logical progression of ideas within paragraphs. However, some issues affect the overall cohesion. For instance, the transition between ideas is not always smooth, leading to occasional jumps in the flow of the essay. Additionally, there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as unclear referencing and a lack of consistency in maintaining a clear central topic within each paragraph.
How to improve:
- Work on smoother transitions between ideas to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
- Ensure clear referencing within and between sentences to avoid confusion.
- Maintain a consistent central topic within each paragraph for improved coherence.
- Consider refining the balance between technology-related reasons and the negative consequences of the decline in handwriting to strengthen the overall argumentative structure.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay displays an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, attempting to use less common vocabulary, but with some inaccuracies. There is an effort to express ideas using varied vocabulary, although at times, the choices aren’t consistently precise. The essay makes some errors in word choice and lacks accuracy in collocation, which slightly affects the fluency and precision of expression.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on refining word choice and using more complex vocabulary consistently. Pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to convey ideas more precisely. Practice incorporating sophisticated vocabulary organically, ensuring accuracy in usage to elevate the overall lexical sophistication of the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing some variety in sentence structure. While there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues, they rarely impede communication. The essay attempts to address the prompt with coherent ideas and some development of arguments.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence structures, ensuring a more consistent and varied use of complex sentences. Additionally, addressing the grammatical errors and punctuation issues, such as the misuse of articles ("the amount of people") and some word choice errors ("relishing to write"), will contribute to a smoother flow and improved accuracy. Finally, a more detailed development of arguments with specific examples could strengthen the essay’s overall quality.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is a noticeable trend where fewer individuals opt for traditional methods of hand writing using a pen, pencil, or brush. Various factors contribute to this shift, resulting in several adverse effects.
It is evident that contemporary technological devices continue to advance, becoming increasingly sophisticated. These devices enable users to effortlessly take notes, maintain diaries, or engage in work without the need for a physical writing instrument. The convenience of a simple touch on a screen replaces the traditional pen-and-paper approach. Moreover, these smart devices offer ample storage space for information, unlike notebooks or paper, which have inherent limitations. Another contributing factor is the time efficiency of alternative writing methods. The time spent searching for a pen is considerably longer than opening a phone and using a note app. Hence, for many, a phone, iPad, or laptop proves to be a more practical choice due to its utility.
However, it is crucial to acknowledge that the decline in hand writing yields various negative consequences. Hand writing has historically been a monumental creation, significantly shaping people’s lives and serving as a testament to knowledge. Abandoning this practice is a regressive step compared to the past. Additionally, engaging in activities such as writing with a pen or creating visual art with a brush fosters creativity. While artificial intelligence provides numerous apps for coloring or drawing, these tools offer pre-programmed creative forms rather than the spontaneous creativity originating from the human mind. Consequently, there is a growing risk of individuals becoming overly reliant on AI for creative expression.
In conclusion, the allure and practicality of technological devices are primary factors contributing to the decline in hand writing. Despite this, it is essential to recognize that this shift represents a negative development, as it jeopardizes the unique creative potential and historical significance associated with traditional forms of writing and artistic expression.