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Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Technology provides humanity with opportunities, space for growth, moreover, discretion. As Text-oriented platforms like Word started to overshadow traditional writing, the downfall of writing utensils is more apparent than ever. This essay will first focus on the main reason and then elaborate the demerit and merit of such development.
As cited previously, technology provides discretion and writing is no exception. In fact, it changes the whole meaning of writing itself to texting. The primary influence of such a trend is people’s tendency to prioritize convenience. This mindset in particular is not wrong, but because of this mindset leads to the development of self-correcting system and AI implemented into the platforms. As a result, more people are gravitating towards such tools for their text. Another fundamental reason is how sufficient the whole process is. In the past, it took days for mail to come. Then nowadays, in just a brevity of time, millions of texts could be sent. Furthermore, with a small and portable phone, this action could be done everywhere.
Nevertheless, it is undoubtedly a positive development. As a saying goes “ Information is the most important thing in the world” and indeed it is. The globe is an eternal alternating world, and a sudden catastrophe couldn’t be expected. Having a stable text transmitter could potentially be an advantage. As information could be known in advance, making more time for thoughtful decisions. Secondly, having a sufficient system leads to a faster working process. As a result, people can have more leisure time doing their preferred activities to foster their mind and body after a day of work. Furthermore, they could spend more times with their family, facilitating a brighter future with their kids
In general, the trend towards traditional writing downfall is largely driven by convenience and sufficiency. By having a sufficient system, spare times could be expected. Overall, this a positive trend


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "moreover, discretion" -> "furthermore, autonomy"
    Explanation: Replacing "moreover, discretion" with "furthermore, autonomy" enhances the flow and formality of the sentence. The term "autonomy" better conveys the idea of independence and self-governance associated with technological advancements.

  2. "Word started to overshadow traditional writing" -> "Word began to eclipse conventional writing"
    Explanation: Substituting "started to overshadow" with "began to eclipse" introduces a more sophisticated and nuanced expression, aligning with academic style while maintaining clarity.

  3. "the downfall of writing utensils is more apparent than ever" -> "the decline of writing implements is more conspicuous than ever"
    Explanation: Replacing "downfall" with "decline" and "apparent" with "conspicuous" refines the vocabulary, making the sentence more formal and precise.

  4. "elaborate the demerit and merit" -> "explore the drawbacks and merits"
    Explanation: Using "explore the drawbacks and merits" instead of "elaborate the demerit and merit" provides a more academically appropriate and concise expression.

  5. "In fact, it changes the whole meaning of writing itself to texting" -> "Indeed, it transforms the very nature of writing into texting"
    Explanation: The substitution of "changes" with "transforms" and the inclusion of "Indeed" contribute to a more formal and precise articulation of the idea.

  6. "mindset in particular is not wrong" -> "mindset is not inherently erroneous"
    Explanation: Replacing "in particular is not wrong" with "is not inherently erroneous" elevates the language, emphasizing the nuanced perspective on the mindset while maintaining formality.

  7. "leads to the development of self-correcting system" -> "results in the evolution of a self-correcting system"
    Explanation: Substituting "leads to" with "results in" and "development" with "evolution" enhances the sophistication and clarity of the sentence.

  8. "because of this mindset leads to" -> "as a consequence of this mindset, there is a tendency towards"
    Explanation: The suggested revision provides a more precise and formal expression by replacing "because of this mindset leads to" with "as a consequence of this mindset, there is a tendency towards."

  9. "breavity of time" -> "brief span of time"
    Explanation: Replacing "breavity" with "brief span" improves accuracy, and the use of "span" aligns better with formal language.

  10. "Nevertheless, it is undoubtedly a positive development" -> "Nevertheless, it unquestionably represents a positive trend"
    Explanation: Substituting "it is undoubtedly a positive development" with "it unquestionably represents a positive trend" enhances the formality and clarity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

  1. Quoted text: "Technology provides humanity with opportunities, space for growth, moreover, discretion. As Text-oriented platforms like Word started to overshadow traditional writing, the downfall of writing utensils is more apparent than ever. This essay will first focus on the main reason and then elaborate the demerit and merit of such development."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting the writer’s position on the topic. While the mention of technology and its impact on traditional writing is present, the writer’s stance is not explicitly stated. It would be advisable to clearly mention whether the writer views this shift as positive or negative. For example, the introduction could be improved by stating, "In this essay, I will argue that the decline of traditional writing tools due to technology is a negative development."
    • Improved example: "In this essay, I will argue that the decline of traditional writing tools due to technology is a negative development. Technology provides humanity with opportunities, space for growth, moreover, discretion. As Text-oriented platforms like Word started to overshadow traditional writing, the downfall of writing utensils is more apparent than ever."
  2. Quoted text: "Nevertheless, it is undoubtedly a positive development. As a saying goes “ Information is the most important thing in the world” and indeed it is. The globe is an eternal alternating world, and a sudden catastrophe couldn’t be expected. Having a stable text transmitter could potentially be an advantage. As information could be known in advance, making more time for thoughtful decisions."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The transition to the writer’s stance in the second paragraph is abrupt and lacks a clear link to the previous discussion. Additionally, the argument regarding a stable text transmitter providing an advantage is not well-developed and lacks specific examples or reasoning. To enhance coherence, consider providing a smoother transition and supporting the positive development stance with concrete examples. For instance, "Despite the challenges posed by the decline of traditional writing tools, I believe it is undoubtedly a positive development due to the advantages technology offers. For instance, a stable text transmitter can provide valuable information in advance, allowing for more thoughtful decision-making in various situations."
    • Improved example: "Despite the challenges posed by the decline of traditional writing tools, I believe it is undoubtedly a positive development due to the advantages technology offers. For instance, a stable text transmitter can provide valuable information in advance, allowing for more thoughtful decision-making in various situations. In emergencies or sudden catastrophes, immediate access to information can be crucial."

Overall, the essay could benefit from a clearer presentation of the writer’s position in the introduction and more developed arguments with specific examples to support the positive development stance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The introduction introduces the main points and the essay follows a logical progression. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is somewhat faulty or mechanical. For example, the transition from discussing the reasons for the decline of traditional writing to the positive aspects of technology could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there is room for improvement in the connection between sentences. Paragraphing is generally logical, but there are a few instances where it could be improved for a more seamless flow.

How to improve:

  1. Work on the transition between ideas to ensure a smoother progression. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the essay.
  2. Enhance the use of cohesive devices to strengthen the logical relationship between sentences. This includes using appropriate conjunctions and transitions.
  3. Pay attention to paragraphing for a more systematic organization of ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical order.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision. The writer uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, aim for more variety in vocabulary, paying attention to precision and context appropriateness. Additionally, proofread carefully to eliminate the occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Consider incorporating a wider range of sophisticated expressions to further elevate the essay’s lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a band score of 7. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors that do not significantly impede communication. The essay also exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation, although a few errors are present. The range of structures used, along with the relatively frequent error-free sentences, aligns with the Band 7 descriptor.

How to improve:

  1. Phrasing and Clarity: Pay attention to sentence phrasing to enhance clarity. For instance, the sentence "In fact, it changes the whole meaning of writing itself to texting" could be rephrased for smoother articulation.

  2. Minor Errors: Review the essay to eliminate minor errors. For example, the sentence "As cited previously, technology provides discretion and writing is no exception" may benefit from a clearer connection between technology, discretion, and writing.

  3. Consistency in Complex Structures: Maintain consistency in using complex sentence structures. Some sentences, while complex, could be refined for greater coherence and fluency.

Overall, focusing on refining sentence structures, improving clarity, and eliminating minor errors will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, a diminishing number of individuals opt for the traditional method of writing with a pen, pencil, or brush. This shift can be attributed to technological advancements, which not only offer opportunities for growth but also introduce a level of convenience and discretion. As digital platforms like Word gain prominence, the decline of conventional writing tools becomes increasingly evident. This essay will delve into the primary reasons behind this trend and then assess its positive and negative aspects.

Firstly, technology, with its focus on convenience, has altered the very essence of writing, transforming it into a more text-oriented activity. This shift is driven by people’s inclination towards ease of use. While prioritizing convenience is not inherently wrong, it has led to the integration of self-correcting systems and artificial intelligence (AI) into writing platforms. Consequently, more individuals are drawn to these tools for their textual needs. Another key factor is the efficiency of the entire process. Unlike the past when it took days for mail to arrive, today, millions of texts can be sent in a brief span. Moreover, the portability of small devices, like phones, allows this action to be performed anywhere.

However, despite these changes, the overall impact is positive. As the saying goes, “Information is the most important thing in the world,” and indeed it is. In our ever-changing world, unforeseen catastrophes can occur. Having a stable text transmission system can be advantageous in such situations, enabling the dissemination of critical information in advance and allowing for more thoughtful decisions. Additionally, a streamlined and efficient system contributes to a faster working process, granting individuals more leisure time for activities that nourish their minds and bodies after a day of work. This, in turn, fosters stronger family bonds, contributing to a brighter future for children.

In conclusion, the decline in traditional writing tools is primarily driven by the desire for convenience and efficiency. Embracing a more efficient system not only saves time but also enhances overall well-being. Therefore, despite the shift towards digital alternatives, this trend is ultimately positive, offering numerous advantages in our fast-paced and ever-evolving world.

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