fbpx

Fewer students are studying science at school and university, favouring more computer-based subjects instead. Is this a positive or negative development?

Fewer students are studying science at school and university, favouring more computer-based subjects instead. Is this a positive or negative development?

On the one hand, with the advance developments in technology today, It is more likely that some people may keen on studying subjects mainly focused on technological devices. Firstly, the more people taking part in educational programs mainly focused in technology, they will acquire more basic knowledge in the digital world. Furthermore, improving the technological devices which will make contributions to society's enhancement. Secondly, learning computer-based subjects can provide career prosperity as more and more occupations are currently seeking innovations in terms of technological changes. For instance, teachers nowadays are more likely to meet up with his students in a virtual classroom than actually going to a school. As a result, the individuals who pursue a technology-related subject will have a quality life and a high salary as they can get opportunities from workplaces that require their knowledge on technology

On the other hand, only focusing on learning can have a detrimental effect on the workload of other jobs in society and also some valuable subjects in the educational program. Firstly, some people, especially young people have the tendency of learning subjects that are related to technological devices. Furthermore, some educational fields such as physics, biology, and mathematics will have fewer learners making the students lack theoretical knowledge specifically in that subject. Secondly, the more students graduate from technology programs, the more competitive It is in the job market. Therefore, there is an overdue workforce that specializes in technology which will create a mass of unemployed workers who only know how to use technology Resulting in fewer needed workload for other occupations such as doctors, engineers and garbagemen, if this trend continues to gain popularity, society will be unbalanced as many jobs that are compulsory to the public lack the necessary workforce.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "advance developments" -> "advancements"
    Explanation: Replacing "advance developments" with "advancements" is more precise and aligns with formal language conventions in discussing technological progress.

  2. "keen on studying subjects" -> "interested in pursuing academic disciplines"
    Explanation: Substituting "keen on studying subjects" with "interested in pursuing academic disciplines" enhances formality and provides a more academic tone to express interest in educational areas.

  3. "more people taking part" -> "an increasing number of individuals participating"
    Explanation: Changing "more people taking part" to "an increasing number of individuals participating" improves formality and emphasizes a quantitative aspect, contributing to academic style.

  4. "basic knowledge in the digital world" -> "fundamental knowledge of the digital realm"
    Explanation: Replacing "basic knowledge in the digital world" with "fundamental knowledge of the digital realm" maintains clarity while using more sophisticated language in an academic context.

  5. "making contributions to society’s enhancement" -> "contributing to societal advancement"
    Explanation: Substituting "making contributions to society’s enhancement" with "contributing to societal advancement" elevates the language to a more formal level, suitable for academic discourse.

  6. "computer-based subjects" -> "subjects in the field of computing"
    Explanation: Changing "computer-based subjects" to "subjects in the field of computing" provides a more specific and formal term, aligning with academic language.

  7. "career prosperity" -> "professional success"
    Explanation: Replacing "career prosperity" with "professional success" maintains the idea while using a more formal and academically appropriate term.

  8. "occupations are currently seeking innovations" -> "professions increasingly demand innovative approaches"
    Explanation: Substituting "occupations are currently seeking innovations" with "professions increasingly demand innovative approaches" enhances formality and precision in expressing the demand for innovation.

  9. "meet up with his students" -> "interact with their students"
    Explanation: Changing "meet up with his students" to "interact with their students" removes gender specificity and provides a more inclusive and formal expression.

  10. "a quality life and a high salary" -> "a high-quality life and substantial remuneration"
    Explanation: Substituting "a quality life and a high salary" with "a high-quality life and substantial remuneration" employs more sophisticated language while maintaining the intended meaning.

  11. "get opportunities from workplaces" -> "gain opportunities in professional settings"
    Explanation: Replacing "get opportunities from workplaces" with "gain opportunities in professional settings" offers a more formal and refined expression.

  12. "only focusing on learning" -> "solely concentrating on academic pursuits"
    Explanation: Changing "only focusing on learning" to "solely concentrating on academic pursuits" enhances formality and precision in discussing the focus on education.

  13. "detrimental effect on the workload" -> "adverse impact on the work distribution"
    Explanation: Substituting "detrimental effect on the workload" with "adverse impact on the work distribution" maintains formality and uses more specific language to convey the negative consequences.

  14. "valuable subjects" -> "essential academic disciplines"
    Explanation: Replacing "valuable subjects" with "essential academic disciplines" adds formality and emphasizes the importance of the mentioned subjects.

  15. "young people have the tendency of learning" -> "young individuals tend to pursue"
    Explanation: Changing "young people have the tendency of learning" to "young individuals tend to pursue" maintains formality and precision in describing the inclination toward learning.

  16. "will have fewer learners making the students lack" -> "result in a scarcity of learners, leading to a deficiency in students’ understanding"
    Explanation: Substituting "will have fewer learners making the students lack" with "result in a scarcity of learners, leading to a deficiency in students’ understanding" provides a more detailed and formal expression of the consequence.

  17. "more competitive It is in the job market" -> "increased competitiveness in the job market"
    Explanation: Replacing "more competitive It is in the job market" with "increased competitiveness in the job market" maintains formality and clarifies the impact on job market dynamics.

  18. "overdue workforce" -> "surplus workforce"
    Explanation: Changing "overdue workforce" to "surplus workforce" provides a more accurate term to describe an excess of workers in a specific field.

  19. "mass of unemployed workers" -> "pool of unemployed individuals"
    Explanation: Substituting "mass of unemployed workers" with "pool of unemployed individuals" offers a more precise and formal expression.

  20. "lack the necessary workforce" -> "experience a shortage of essential workforce"
    Explanation: Replacing "lack the necessary workforce" with "experience a shortage of essential workforce" maintains clarity while using more formal language to describe the deficiency in the workforce.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "On the one hand, with the advance developments in technology today, It is more likely that some people may keen on studying subjects mainly focused on technological devices."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks a clear, concise statement of the writer’s position on whether the shift towards computer-based subjects is positive or negative. It’s crucial to establish a clear standpoint in the introduction to guide the essay’s focus. Consider explicitly stating the writer’s opinion on the issue.
    • Improved example: "While advancements in technology are steering educational preferences towards subjects related to technological devices, it remains debatable whether this trend is advantageous or detrimental to academic pursuits."
  2. Quoted text: "Firstly, the more people taking part in educational programs mainly focused on technology, they will acquire more basic knowledge in the digital world."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The explanation lacks depth and clarity in connecting how increased participation in technology-focused programs leads to enhanced digital knowledge. It’s essential to provide specific examples or scenarios illustrating how such knowledge acquisition benefits individuals and society, linking it directly to the essay’s stance.
    • Improved example: "Engaging in technology-oriented educational programs introduces individuals to foundational concepts of the digital landscape. For instance, courses in programming empower students with problem-solving skills applicable in various fields, fostering a digitally literate population capable of innovative contributions in the modern workforce."
  3. Quoted text: "only focusing on learning can have a detrimental effect on the workload of other jobs in society and also some valuable subjects in the educational program."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point raised here lacks elaboration and specificity. To strengthen this argument, provide more detailed examples or reasoning on how an overemphasis on technology-based education can affect other job sectors or the integrity of traditional subjects in the curriculum.
    • Improved example: "However, an excessive emphasis on technology-centric education might inadvertently marginalize traditional academic disciplines. For instance, neglecting subjects like biology or mathematics may result in a shortage of experts in these fields, impacting critical advancements in healthcare or scientific research that rely on foundational knowledge from these subjects."

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt’s key aspects, there’s a need for deeper analysis and more illustrative examples to fortify the arguments and enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. It generally organizes ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas, though there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, contributing to the logical organization of information. However, the use of referencing is not always clear or appropriate, and there are moments where paragraphing could be more logically structured.

How to improve:

  1. Refine Cohesive Devices: Ensure a more precise and accurate use of cohesive devices. Check for instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, and strive for a smoother flow between sentences.
  2. Enhance Referencing: Work on clearer and more appropriate referencing within the essay. This will contribute to a better understanding of the logical relationships between ideas.
  3. Logical Paragraphing: Pay attention to the logical organization of paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear focus and contributes to the overall progression of ideas. Consider revising paragraph structures for improved coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion but would benefit from refinement in the areas mentioned to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, incorporating both common and less common lexical items. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, but with some inaccuracies. For instance, the phrase "advance developments" could be more accurately expressed as "advancements in technology." The essay also makes some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "keen on" instead of "keen to." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and imprecise word choices that impact overall coherence. Despite these issues, the essay conveys the main ideas and maintains a reasonable level of clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on improving the precision of word choices and ensuring accurate usage of less common vocabulary. Attention to spelling and word formation is crucial for a higher score. Revising sentences for clarity and coherence will also contribute to an overall improvement in the essay’s lexical quality. Proofreading for errors and refining expressions will elevate the Lexical Resource to a higher band level.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with occasional errors in grammar and punctuation. The writer attempts to use a variety of complex structures, but some errors may reduce communication. There is a good control of grammar and punctuation overall, but improvements are needed for a higher score. The essay lacks full flexibility and accuracy in using a wide range of structures, and there are instances of errors that go beyond ‘slips.’

How to improve: To move to a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures and eliminating grammatical errors. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence fragments, and punctuation will enhance overall accuracy. Additionally, incorporating a more diverse range of sentence structures, including complex ones, will contribute to achieving a higher band score. Finally, proofreading for minor errors and appropriateness will further enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s technologically advanced era, an increasing number of students are opting for computer-based subjects over traditional science courses at both school and university levels. Evaluating this shift, we can identify both positive and negative aspects.

On the positive side, the surge in interest towards technology-centric subjects can be attributed to the rapid advancements in today’s tech landscape. Firstly, engaging in educational programs centered around technology equips individuals with fundamental knowledge of the digital realm. This, in turn, contributes to societal progress by fostering improvements in technological devices. Secondly, a focus on computer-based subjects opens avenues for career growth, given the current trend of occupations seeking innovation in response to technological changes. For instance, virtual classrooms have become more prevalent, exemplifying the shift in the teaching landscape. Those pursuing technology-related subjects stand to benefit, enjoying a quality life and higher salaries through opportunities in workplaces demanding technological expertise.

Conversely, an exclusive emphasis on technology-centric learning may have adverse effects on the workload of other professions and essential subjects in the educational curriculum. Firstly, there is a notable trend among young people to gravitate towards technology-related subjects, potentially sidelining traditional disciplines such as physics, biology, and mathematics. This shift may lead to a dearth of learners in these foundational subjects, resulting in a deficiency of theoretical knowledge. Secondly, the growing number of graduates in technology programs intensifies competition in the job market. This oversaturation may lead to a surplus of unemployed individuals with specialized technology skills, consequently reducing demand for professionals in other crucial fields like medicine, engineering, and waste management. If this trend persists, society risks becoming imbalanced, with essential jobs lacking the necessary workforce.

In conclusion, the inclination towards computer-based subjects over traditional science courses carries both positive and negative implications. While it enhances digital literacy and career prospects in technology, it also poses a threat to the diversity and balance of the job market, potentially leaving certain vital professions undermanned. Achieving a harmonious equilibrium between technology-focused education and the preservation of foundational subjects is crucial for a well-rounded and sustainable societal development.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice