fbpx

Freshwater is a limited resource in certain regions of the world. Today, the escalating demand has transformed it into a global problem. What are the causes of increasing demand? What measures can governments and individuals take to respond to the problem?

Freshwater is a limited resource in certain regions of the world. Today, the escalating demand has transformed it into a global problem. What are the causes of increasing demand? What measures can governments and individuals take to respond to the problem?

It is said that clear water shortage is becoming a worldwide issue since there is insufficient water availability to meet the significantly increased need in particular areas. This essay aims to address some reasons for this phenomenon including population growth and climate change as well as suggest solutions that both authorities and residents can adopt.

The freshwater scarcity in some places could be explained by a combination of factors. First of all, as the world’s population has expanded, the demand for using water in basic activities such as drinking water, sanitation, and food production also surged. As a result, the restricted amount of pure water can not be enough for every inhabitant, especially for remote and less developed areas. Secondly, the alteration of weather patterns which leads to droughts has affected freshwater supplies. One such example of this is that a lot of regions in Africa have to suffer from a prolonged lack of clean water because of the harsh climate resulting in insufficient rain.

However, there are numerous methods that could be taken into account by everyone to solve this problem. Regarding governmental scope, an effective way is to improve water-supply infrastructure for better supply and distribution, along with building more modern devices for treating and reusing wastewater. Another measure is launching public campaigns to raise awareness in the community about the importance of water conservation.
As an individual, people could help by implementing water filtration systems to reuse wastewater as much as they can, then could be used for numerous other activities such as watering trees and cleaning cars.

In conclusion, overpopulation and climate crisis are two of the main contributors to the pure water deficit that is getting more and more serious. Therefore, both the authorities and citizens should take some actions immediately to improve the situation.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is said that clear water shortage" -> "There is a growing concern about a global water scarcity"
    Explanation: The phrase "It is said that" is too vague and informal for academic writing. Replacing it with "There is a growing concern about" establishes a more formal tone. Additionally, changing "clear water shortage" to "global water scarcity" enhances precision and formality.

  2. "since there is insufficient water availability" -> "due to inadequate water resources"
    Explanation: "Since" is somewhat informal in this context; replacing it with "due to" improves the formality. Changing "water availability" to "water resources" adds a more precise and formal touch.

  3. "meet the significantly increased need" -> "meet the substantially heightened demand"
    Explanation: "Significantly increased need" can be refined to "substantially heightened demand" for a more formal and specific expression.

  4. "in particular areas" -> "specific regions"
    Explanation: "In particular areas" can be replaced with "specific regions" for a more precise and formal description.

  5. "This essay aims to address some reasons for this phenomenon" -> "This essay aims to explore the factors contributing to this phenomenon"
    Explanation: The phrase "address some reasons for" is a bit informal; changing it to "explore the factors contributing to" maintains the formal tone and clarity.

  6. "including population growth and climate change" -> "such as population growth and climate change"
    Explanation: Replacing "including" with "such as" is a more formal way to introduce examples.

  7. "freshwater scarcity in some places" -> "scarcity of freshwater in certain regions"
    Explanation: "Freshwater scarcity in some places" can be refined to "scarcity of freshwater in certain regions" for increased formality and specificity.

  8. "First of all" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "First of all" is slightly informal; using "Firstly" maintains formality in academic writing.

  9. "using water in basic activities" -> "engaging in essential activities requiring water"
    Explanation: "Using water in basic activities" can be replaced with "engaging in essential activities requiring water" for a more formal and precise expression.

  10. "restricted amount of pure water" -> "limited supply of potable water"
    Explanation: "Restricted amount of pure water" can be replaced with "limited supply of potable water" for a more formal and specific term.

  11. "can not be enough" -> "is insufficient"
    Explanation: "Can not be enough" is colloquial; replacing it with "is insufficient" is more formal and grammatically correct.

  12. "especially for remote and less developed areas" -> "particularly in remote and underdeveloped regions"
    Explanation: "Especially for" can be refined to "particularly in," and "less developed areas" can be changed to "underdeveloped regions" for increased formality and precision.

  13. "alteration of weather patterns" -> "changes in weather patterns"
    Explanation: "Alteration of weather patterns" can be replaced with "changes in weather patterns" for a more formal and straightforward expression.

  14. "which leads to droughts" -> "resulting in droughts"
    Explanation: Changing "which leads to" to "resulting in" improves the formality and flow of the sentence.

  15. "because of the harsh climate resulting in insufficient rain" -> "due to the harsh climate leading to inadequate rainfall"
    Explanation: "Because of" can be replaced with "due to," and "resulting in insufficient rain" can be refined to "leading to inadequate rainfall" for increased formality and clarity.

  16. "However, there are numerous methods" -> "Nevertheless, several approaches"
    Explanation: "However, there are numerous methods" is a bit informal; changing it to "Nevertheless, several approaches" maintains formality and clarity.

  17. "taken into account by everyone" -> "considered by all"
    Explanation: "Taken into account by everyone" can be refined to "considered by all" for a more concise and formal expression.

  18. "improve water-supply infrastructure" -> "enhance water supply infrastructure"
    Explanation: "Improve water-supply infrastructure" can be replaced with "enhance water supply infrastructure" for a more formal and specific term.

  19. "for better supply and distribution" -> "to improve supply and distribution"
    Explanation: "For better" can be changed to "to improve" for a more formal and direct expression.

  20. "building more modern devices" -> "developing advanced technologies"
    Explanation: "Building more modern devices" can be refined to "developing advanced technologies" for increased formality and precision.

  21. "for treating and reusing wastewater" -> "for the treatment and reuse of wastewater"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "treatment" and "reuse" improves the formal structure of the sentence.

  22. "Another measure is launching public campaigns" -> "Another measure involves initiating public campaigns"
    Explanation: "Another measure is launching" is slightly informal; changing it to "Another measure involves initiating" enhances formality.

  23. "raise awareness in the community" -> "cultivate awareness within the community"
    Explanation: "Raise awareness" can be replaced with "cultivate awareness within" for a more formal and specific expression.

  24. "about the importance of water conservation" -> "regarding the significance of water conservation"
    Explanation: "About the importance of" can be changed to "regarding the significance of" for a more formal and precise expression.

  25. "As an individual, people could help" -> "Individually, individuals can contribute"
    Explanation: "As an individual, people could help" is a bit redundant; changing it to "Individually, individuals can contribute" is more concise and formal.

  26. "implementing water filtration systems" -> "installing water filtration systems"
    Explanation: "Implementing" can be replaced with "installing" for a more formal and specific term.

  27. "reuse wastewater as much as they can" -> "maximize the reuse of wastewater"
    Explanation: "Reuse wastewater as much as they can" can be refined to "maximize the reuse of wastewater" for increased formality and precision.

  28. "numerous other activities" -> "various other activities"
    Explanation: "Numerous" can be changed to "various" for a more formal and precise term.

  29. "such as watering trees and cleaning cars" -> "such as irrigating trees and washing vehicles"
    Explanation: "Watering trees and cleaning cars" can be replaced with "irrigating trees and washing vehicles" for a more formal and specific expression.

  30. "overpopulation and climate crisis" -> "population growth and climate change crisis"
    Explanation: "Overpopulation" can be refined to "population growth," and "climate crisis" can be changed to "climate change crisis" for increased precision and formality.

  31. "two of the main contributors" -> "two primary factors"
    Explanation: "Two of the main contributors" can be replaced with "two primary factors" for a more formal and specific term.

  32. "that is getting more and more serious" -> "that is becoming increasingly severe"
    Explanation: "Getting more and more serious" can be refined to "becoming increasingly severe" for a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is said that clear water shortage is becoming a worldwide issue since there is insufficient water availability to meet the significantly increased need in particular areas."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity regarding your stance on the issue. It’s important to clearly state whether you agree, disagree, or have a balanced view on the given prompt. This not only sets the tone for your essay but also helps the reader understand your position from the beginning. For instance, you could explicitly express your concern about the escalating demand for freshwater and its global implications.
    • Improved example: "The escalating demand for freshwater has transformed it into a global problem, giving rise to clear water shortages in various regions. This essay aims to explore the causes behind this phenomenon, such as population growth and climate change, and propose solutions that both governments and individuals can adopt."
  2. Quoted text: "The freshwater scarcity in some places could be explained by a combination of factors."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you touch upon the causes of freshwater scarcity, the explanation lacks depth. It is essential to extend your ideas with relevant examples or details to support your points. For instance, when discussing population growth, provide specific examples of regions experiencing water shortages due to an increased population.
    • Improved example: "Freshwater scarcity in certain regions is a result of various factors. The expanding global population has significantly increased the demand for water, stretching its availability thin. For instance, densely populated urban areas often face challenges in supplying clean water to all residents, leading to shortages and water stress."
  3. Quoted text: "Regarding governmental scope, an effective way is to improve water-supply infrastructure for better supply and distribution, along with building more modern devices for treating and reusing wastewater."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your suggestion for governmental measures is relevant, but it lacks specificity. To enhance the response, provide more detailed examples or elaborate on the potential impact of these measures. For instance, specify how improved water-supply infrastructure could benefit remote and less developed areas facing water scarcity.
    • Improved example: "Governments can address this issue by investing in advanced water-supply infrastructure, particularly in remote and less developed areas. By enhancing supply and distribution systems and implementing modern wastewater treatment and reuse technologies, authorities can ensure a more sustainable and equitable water resource management."

Overall, while your essay addresses the task, there is room for improvement in clearly stating your position, developing ideas with more depth, and providing specific examples to support your arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph follows a clear central topic. There is a good use of cohesive devices, although there is a slight overuse of certain connectors. The writer effectively addresses both causes and solutions, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. Paragraphing is generally appropriate, but there is room for improvement in transitions between paragraphs.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesive Devices: While the essay effectively uses cohesive devices, there is a slight overuse of certain connectors (e.g., "First of all"). Diversifying the use of linking words and expressions can enhance the overall cohesion.
  2. Transition Between Paragraphs: Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that guide the reader from one idea to the next.
  3. Elaboration on Solutions: The essay briefly touches upon solutions, but more depth and detail could be added to further develop the response. Providing specific examples or elaborating on the suggested measures would strengthen the coherence and cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, but refinement in the use of cohesive devices and smoother transitions would elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively communicates the ideas, but there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation.

The vocabulary used in the essay is generally varied and appropriate for the topic. Phrases like "clear water shortage," "pure water deficit," and "prolonged lack of clean water" contribute to a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. The essay also attempts to use less common terms such as "alteration of weather patterns" and "harsh climate," showing awareness of style and collocation.

However, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "the restricted amount of pure water can not be enough" where "can not" should be written as one word, "cannot." Additionally, the phrase "is becoming a worldwide issue since there is insufficient water availability" could be more succinct for greater clarity and precision.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider refining word choice for greater precision and eliminating occasional errors in word formation. Strive for more concise expressions without sacrificing clarity. Also, aim to incorporate a wider variety of uncommon lexical items with increased awareness of style and collocation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures, contributing to a Band 7 score. There is a mix of sentence forms, and the writer successfully conveys ideas using a range of sentence structures. There is evident control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few errors that do not significantly impede communication. For instance, the sentence "It is said that clear water shortage is becoming a worldwide issue since there is insufficient water availability…" is a complex structure that is well-executed.

How to improve: To move towards a Band 8, focus on refining the accuracy of more complex sentence structures. Pay attention to minor errors, ensuring a consistently error-free presentation. Additionally, strive for even greater variety and complexity in sentence structures to enhance overall flexibility.

Bài sửa mẫu

The scarcity of clean water is increasingly becoming a global concern due to inadequate availability to meet the growing demand in specific regions. This essay aims to explore the reasons behind this issue, such as population growth and climate change, and propose solutions that governments and individuals can adopt.

The shortage of freshwater in certain areas can be attributed to a combination of factors. Firstly, the expanding global population has led to a heightened demand for water in essential activities like drinking, sanitation, and food production. Consequently, the limited supply of pure water becomes insufficient for every resident, especially in remote and underdeveloped regions. Secondly, shifts in weather patterns, resulting in droughts, have adversely affected freshwater sources. For instance, many regions in Africa face prolonged water scarcity due to harsh climates causing insufficient rainfall.

However, there are several measures that both authorities and individuals can consider to address this problem. On a governmental level, an effective approach involves enhancing water-supply infrastructure to ensure better distribution, alongside the construction of advanced devices for wastewater treatment and reuse. Public campaigns can also be launched to raise awareness in communities about the significance of water conservation.

At the individual level, people can contribute by installing water filtration systems to maximize the reuse of wastewater. This reclaimed water can then be utilized for various activities such as watering plants and cleaning vehicles.

In conclusion, the escalating demand for clean water is primarily fueled by overpopulation and the effects of climate change. To mitigate this, urgent actions are needed from both authorities and citizens to improve the situation.

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT