fbpx

Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say that they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say that they should do other activities too.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a widespread belief that university students should participate in other activities besides learning lessons in class. I firmly agree with this statement due to the enhancement of interpersonal skills and employability of a student.
Firstly, joining a school’s club or doing a charity activity can foster a person's interpersonal skill through preparing, coordinating and communicating. It equips students with confidence, bravery and proactiveness when doing something. For instance, students who join charity activity, they will gain hands-on experiences of organizing, cooperating, problem-solving through stages, and also gain compassion and a sense of purpose to others themselves.
Besides, doing extracurricular activities can provide a valuable element on students’ CV when applying to a job. In recent days, employers also prefer candidates who have experience on project’s activity. It will foster employability of a student. For example, I used to be a Talent Acquisition intern for companies during internship programs. I was guided to select and sort the CV which contains extracurricular activities or part time jobs of applicants because those candidates may have more successful performance than others even in hiring stage or starting working. Employers will provide more chances for them to go into the next ground than others.
In conclusion, taking part in other project’s activities besides learning in class will foster a student’s social skills and higher rate of being offered a job. University should create more playgrounds such as school clubs, reality practice projects or extracurricular activities for their learners to explore and develop themselves.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "There is a widespread belief" -> "It is widely believed"
    Explanation: "It is widely believed" is a more formal and concise way to express a general opinion or belief, which is more suitable for academic writing.

  2. "participate in other activities besides learning lessons in class" -> "engage in activities beyond academic coursework"
    Explanation: "Engage in activities beyond academic coursework" is more precise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "learning lessons in class."

  3. "I firmly agree with this statement" -> "This viewpoint is strongly supported"
    Explanation: "This viewpoint is strongly supported" is a more formal and less personal expression, which is preferred in academic writing.

  4. "enhancement of interpersonal skills and employability" -> "enhancement of interpersonal skills and employability"
    Explanation: This is a minor correction to ensure parallel structure and maintain the formal tone.

  5. "joining a school’s club or doing a charity activity" -> "participating in school clubs or engaging in charitable activities"
    Explanation: "Participating in school clubs or engaging in charitable activities" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the casual tone of "doing a charity activity."

  6. "foster a person’s interpersonal skill" -> "enhance interpersonal skills"
    Explanation: "Enhance interpersonal skills" is more precise and grammatically correct, avoiding the awkward construction of "foster a person’s interpersonal skill."

  7. "It equips students with confidence, bravery and proactiveness" -> "It cultivates confidence, bravery, and proactiveness"
    Explanation: "Cultivates" is a more precise verb for describing the development of these qualities, and using commas instead of "and" after the first two items improves readability.

  8. "students who join charity activity" -> "students participating in charitable activities"
    Explanation: "Students participating in charitable activities" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  9. "gain hands-on experiences of organizing, cooperating, problem-solving through stages" -> "gain hands-on experience in organizing, cooperating, and problem-solving"
    Explanation: "Gain hands-on experience in organizing, cooperating, and problem-solving" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more formal structure.

  10. "doing extracurricular activities" -> "participating in extracurricular activities"
    Explanation: "Participating in extracurricular activities" is more formal and precise than "doing."

  11. "In recent days" -> "In recent years"
    Explanation: "In recent years" is a more formal and accurate temporal reference than "In recent days."

  12. "experience on project’s activity" -> "experience in project activities"
    Explanation: "Experience in project activities" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning.

  13. "foster employability of a student" -> "enhance the employability of students"
    Explanation: "Enhance the employability of students" is grammatically correct and more inclusive, avoiding the singular "a student."

  14. "I used to be a Talent Acquisition intern" -> "I previously served as a Talent Acquisition intern"
    Explanation: "I previously served as a Talent Acquisition intern" is more formal and appropriate for an academic context.

  15. "select and sort the CV" -> "review and evaluate the CVs"
    Explanation: "Review and evaluate the CVs" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action of examining resumes.

  16. "more successful performance than others even in hiring stage or starting working" -> "better performance than others, even during the hiring process or initial employment"
    Explanation: "Better performance than others, even during the hiring process or initial employment" corrects the awkward phrasing and enhances clarity and formality.

  17. "taking part in other project’s activities" -> "participating in other projects"
    Explanation: "Participating in other projects" corrects the possessive error and is more grammatically correct.

  18. "higher rate of being offered a job" -> "higher likelihood of job offers"
    Explanation: "Higher likelihood of job offers" is a more formal and precise expression than "higher rate of being offered a job."

  19. "University should create more playgrounds" -> "Universities should establish more extracurricular opportunities"
    Explanation: "Universities should establish more extracurricular opportunities" is more formal and specific, avoiding the informal term "playgrounds."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by arguing in favor of the idea that university students should engage in activities beyond their academic studies. The writer presents a clear stance ("I firmly agree with this statement") and supports this position with relevant examples, such as the enhancement of interpersonal skills and increased employability. However, while the essay discusses the benefits of extracurricular activities, it could further explore potential counterarguments or the extent to which the writer agrees, which would provide a more nuanced response to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could briefly acknowledge the opposing viewpoint—that some may argue students should focus solely on academics—and then refute it. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the importance of extracurricular activities. The use of phrases like "I firmly agree" establishes a strong stance. However, there are moments where the language could be more assertive or varied to reinforce the position further. For instance, the phrase "can foster" could be replaced with "fosters" to convey certainty.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity and assertiveness, the writer should use more definitive language and ensure that each paragraph consistently ties back to the main argument. Additionally, summarizing the position explicitly in the conclusion would reinforce the essay’s stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the development of interpersonal skills and employability, and supports them with examples. The example of the writer’s internship experience is particularly effective as it adds a personal touch and real-world relevance. However, some ideas could be further extended; for instance, the discussion on interpersonal skills could include more specific examples of how these skills are developed through activities.
    • How to improve: To enhance the depth of the argument, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with additional examples or details. For instance, discussing specific skills gained from particular activities or providing statistics on employability rates for students involved in extracurriculars could strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic, discussing the benefits of extracurricular activities in relation to university students. There are no significant deviations from the main argument. However, the phrase "higher rate of being offered a job" in the conclusion is somewhat vague and could be more precisely articulated.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that all concluding statements are specific and directly tied to the main argument. Avoiding vague language will help solidify the essay’s relevance to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the importance of extracurricular activities for university students. With some adjustments to address counterarguments, enhance clarity, and deepen the support for ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of students engaging in extracurricular activities alongside their studies. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing interpersonal skills to employability feels abrupt. The use of phrases like "Firstly" and "Besides" helps, but additional linking phrases could enhance the flow.
    • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using more varied transition phrases that indicate the relationship between ideas. For example, instead of jumping directly from one point to another, use phrases like "In addition to enhancing interpersonal skills, engaging in extracurricular activities also…" This will help create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s viewpoint, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into supporting arguments. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the thesis, as the current topic sentence is somewhat implicit.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. For example, the second body paragraph could start with, "Engaging in extracurricular activities not only develops interpersonal skills but also significantly enhances a student’s employability." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Besides," and "For example," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For instance, the phrase "In recent days" could be replaced with a more formal alternative like "Recently" or "In contemporary society," which would better suit the academic tone of the essay.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Consider using devices that indicate contrast, addition, or cause and effect, such as "Moreover," "Conversely," or "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "students," you could use "they" or "these individuals" in subsequent references.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "interpersonal skills," "employability," and "cooperating." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "students should participate" and "doing extracurricular activities." This limits the overall lexical variety and richness of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students," you might use "learners," "pupils," or "scholars." Additionally, varying phrases like "engaging in extracurricular activities" or "participating in community service" can also help diversify your language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "doing charity activity" should be "participating in charity activities," as "doing" is too informal and "activity" should be pluralized. Another example is "the enhancement of interpersonal skills," which could be more clearly expressed as "the development of interpersonal skills."
    • How to improve: Focus on using more formal and precise expressions. Review your essay for phrases that could be improved for clarity and formality. For instance, instead of "hands-on experiences," you could say "practical experiences," which conveys the same idea with more precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "bravery" (which is correct, but contextually could be replaced with "courage"), "project’s activity" (should be "projects"), and "on students’ CV" (should be "in students’ CV"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing your essay, take a break and then read it again to catch any mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help identify errors before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary lists and spelling exercises can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—you can enhance your lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "joining a school’s club or doing a charity activity can foster a person’s interpersonal skill" showcases a compound structure. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "students who join charity activity, they will gain hands-on experiences" could be restructured for better flow and clarity.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more complex sentences that combine ideas effectively. For example, instead of saying "students who join charity activity, they will gain hands-on experiences," you could say, "By joining charity activities, students not only gain hands-on experiences but also develop essential interpersonal skills." Additionally, incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses can enhance the overall complexity of the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "doing extracurricular activities can provide a valuable element on students’ CV" should use "to" instead of "on," resulting in "to students’ CV." Additionally, the sentence "For example, I used to be a Talent Acquisition intern for companies during internship programs" could be clearer if rephrased to avoid ambiguity. The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. For example, ensure that plural nouns are matched with plural verbs (e.g., "charity activities" instead of "charity activity"). Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with commas in complex sentences, will improve clarity. Consider breaking down long sentences into shorter ones to avoid run-ons and ensure each idea is clearly communicated.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, addressing these grammatical and structural issues will significantly enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a widely held belief that university students should engage in activities beyond academic coursework. I firmly agree with this viewpoint due to the enhancement of interpersonal skills and employability that such activities provide.

Firstly, participating in school clubs or engaging in charitable activities can significantly foster a person’s interpersonal skills through preparation, coordination, and communication. These experiences equip students with confidence, bravery, and proactiveness. For instance, students who participate in charitable activities gain hands-on experience in organizing, cooperating, and problem-solving, while also developing compassion and a sense of purpose towards others.

Moreover, engaging in extracurricular activities adds a valuable element to students’ CVs when applying for jobs. In recent years, employers have increasingly preferred candidates with experience in project activities. This involvement can greatly enhance the employability of students. For example, I previously served as a Talent Acquisition intern during my internship programs. I was tasked with reviewing and evaluating the CVs of applicants, particularly noting those who had participated in extracurricular activities or part-time jobs. Such candidates often demonstrate better performance than others, even during the hiring process or initial employment. Consequently, employers are more likely to offer them opportunities to advance to the next stage than their peers.

In conclusion, participating in various project activities beyond classroom learning fosters students’ social skills and increases their likelihood of receiving job offers. Universities should establish more extracurricular opportunities, such as school clubs, practical projects, or other activities, to allow their students to explore and develop themselves.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này