Fulltime students spend a lot of time studying but some people say that they should be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Fulltime students spend a lot of time studying but some people say that they should be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Today, full-time students use their most of their time on study. This can lead to many problems which is directly impact on their future.
Today, full time students use most of their time for study at school, meanwhile they save many hold a new thing should attend in other activities. Every people perspective students should balance have a balance between study and relaxation time.
It is clear that spending too much time studying can bring some drawbacks. To begin with, because focusing what you are learning, students may have a lack of social skills. This is because students when run a debt – time do not have too for going six sides per week. So difficult to behave well when they go out-turn, they feel very stress, do social with people around them. In addition, this weak of their physical health is also a serious problem. It takes students all day. Sitting down and the brain time, the limit by the time improve their health. The moreover, the relationship between students and their family will become worse. Take the Vietnam students as an example, most of they only have some hours to have meal with their family and other time is for school.
However, I think full-time students in other activities is a good way for us. This third window first and foremost, joining many outdoor activities will help student have many experiences about their life. Plan some actor sports such as, badminton, students can have opportunity to couch more stuffs with people to open their social relations, they have better electors help them develop the both mental and physical health, activities draw full two students. Additionally, attending some extracurricular after study and other activities play a role as a way to relax when students always start. Finally, when students can balance between a land-holiday day, their academic performance will become better.
In conclusion, spend too much time studying is not a few have same disadvantages and students should attend more at different activities to improve himself and make more better opportunities for their future.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Today, full-time students use their most of their time on study." -> "Today, full-time students devote most of their time to studying."
Explanation: "Devote" is more precise and formal than "use their most of their time on," which is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Studying" is also the correct gerund form needed in this context. -
"This can lead to many problems which is directly impact on their future." -> "This can lead to numerous problems that directly impact their future."
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal than "many," and "that directly impact" corrects the grammatical error in the original phrase. -
"full time students use most of their time for study at school, meanwhile they save many hold a new thing should attend in other activities." -> "full-time students allocate most of their time to studying at school, thereby freeing up time for other activities."
Explanation: "Allocate" is more precise than "use," and "thereby freeing up time" corrects the awkward and unclear original phrase. "Allocate" also implies a more intentional and strategic use of time. -
"Every people perspective students should balance have a balance between study and relaxation time." -> "Every individual believes that students should strive for a balance between academic and leisure activities."
Explanation: "Every individual believes" is clearer and more formal than "Every people perspective," which is grammatically incorrect. "Strive for a balance" is more active and precise than "have a balance." -
"spending too much time studying can bring some drawbacks" -> "excessive study time can have several drawbacks"
Explanation: "Excessive study time" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, and "have several drawbacks" is more academically appropriate than "bring some." -
"because focusing what you are learning, students may have a lack of social skills" -> "because students focus so intently on their studies, they may lack social skills"
Explanation: "Because students focus so intently on their studies" is clearer and more formal than "because focusing what you are learning." Also, "lack social skills" is grammatically correct compared to "have a lack of social skills." -
"when run a debt – time do not have too for going six sides per week" -> "when they run out of time, they do not have enough time to attend social events six times a week"
Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical errors and awkward phrasing of the original, making it clearer and more formal. -
"So difficult to behave well when they go out-turn, they feel very stress, do social with people around them." -> "It is challenging for them to behave well when they go out, as they feel very stressed and struggle to socialize with those around them."
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity and formality. "Struggle to socialize" is a more precise and formal way to express difficulty in social interactions. -
"This weak of their physical health is also a serious problem." -> "This weakness in their physical health is also a serious concern."
Explanation: "Weakness" is the correct noun form, and "serious concern" is more formal than "serious problem." -
"The moreover, the relationship between students and their family will become worse." -> "Furthermore, the relationship between students and their families will deteriorate."
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transition than "The moreover," and "deteriorate" is a more precise term than "become worse." -
"most of they only have some hours to have meal with their family and other time is for school." -> "most of them have only a few hours to spend with their families and the rest of the time is dedicated to school."
Explanation: "Most of them" is grammatically correct, and "a few hours to spend with their families" is more formal and clear than "some hours to have meal with their family." -
"This third window first and foremost, joining many outdoor activities will help student have many experiences about their life." -> "First and foremost, participating in various outdoor activities can provide students with numerous experiences about their lives."
Explanation: "Participating in various outdoor activities" is more formal and precise than "joining many outdoor activities," and "numerous experiences about their lives" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"Plan some actor sports such as, badminton, students can have opportunity to couch more stuffs with people to open their social relations" -> "Participating in sports such as badminton allows students to interact more with others, fostering social relationships."
Explanation: "Participating in sports such as badminton" is clearer and more formal than "Plan some actor sports such as, badminton," and "interact more with others, fostering social relationships" is grammatically correct and more precise. -
"they have better electors help them develop the both mental and physical health, activities draw full two students." -> "they can elect better choices to enhance both their mental and physical health, and these activities benefit all students."
Explanation: "Elect better choices" corrects the awkward and incorrect original phrase, and "benefit all students" is more inclusive and formal than "activities draw full two students." -
"spend too much time studying is not a few have same disadvantages" -> "spending too much time studying is not without its disadvantages"
Explanation: "Spending too much time studying is not without its disadvantages" corrects the grammatical error and awkward phrasing of the original, making it more formal and clear.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the drawbacks of excessive studying and the benefits of engaging in other activities. However, it lacks a clear and thorough exploration of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I think full-time students in other activities is a good way for us" is vague and does not explicitly state the author’s position. The discussion on drawbacks is somewhat present, but it is not balanced with a strong argument for the benefits of involvement in other activities.
- How to improve: To improve, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. They should also ensure that both sides of the argument are explored in a balanced manner, providing specific examples and reasoning for their stance.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear position. While the author hints at agreeing that students should engage in other activities, the lack of clarity in expression leads to confusion. Phrases like "this third window first and foremost" are unclear and disrupt the flow of the argument. The position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay, leading to ambiguity.
- How to improve: The author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that relate back to the main argument can help maintain focus and clarity.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are often underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the statement about social skills is introduced but not adequately explained or supported with examples. The use of vague phrases like "draw full two students" detracts from the clarity of the argument. Additionally, the essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance the quality of ideas presented, the author should aim to provide specific examples and evidence to support their claims. Each point made should be elaborated upon with clear reasoning and relevant examples to strengthen the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly in the discussion of social skills and physical health. The phrasing is often convoluted, making it difficult to discern how these points directly relate to the prompt. For instance, the mention of "Vietnam students" is somewhat out of context and does not clearly connect back to the main argument.
- How to improve: The author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. This can be achieved by regularly referring back to the question and ensuring that all arguments made are relevant to the discussion of balancing study and other activities.
Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires significant improvement in clarity, coherence, and development of ideas to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas that are somewhat related to the prompt, but the organization is weak. For instance, the introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, making it difficult for the reader to understand the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs do not follow a clear progression of ideas; instead, they jump between points without sufficient transitions. For example, the transition from discussing social skills to physical health is abrupt and lacks a logical connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main arguments. Each body paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details. Using a logical order, such as discussing the drawbacks first and then the benefits, can help create a more coherent flow.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. Some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that should be separated. For example, the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of studying too much mixes several points, such as social skills and family relationships, without clear delineation. Additionally, the last paragraph lacks a clear conclusion, making it feel disjointed.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and is followed by relevant supporting sentences. For instance, the paragraph on social skills could be expanded into its own section, with examples and explanations that are clearly linked to the main idea. A concluding paragraph should summarize the main points and restate the thesis in light of the arguments presented.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "additionally," but they are often misused or insufficiently varied. The transitions between ideas are sometimes unclear, leading to confusion. For example, phrases like "this weak of their physical health" are awkward and do not effectively connect ideas. The use of cohesive devices does not create a smooth reading experience.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used correctly and in context will enhance clarity. Practicing the use of these devices in different sentence structures can help the writer create a more fluid and coherent essay.
Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, significant improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "full-time students," "study," and "activities" are repeated without variation. For example, the phrase "spending too much time studying" is used, but synonyms or related terms could enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, the use of phrases like "many hold a new thing should attend" is awkward and unclear, indicating a lack of vocabulary variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "study," alternatives such as "academic pursuits," "learning," or "educational activities" could be employed. Engaging with vocabulary lists or thesauruses could help in identifying varied expressions.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "when run a debt – time do not have too for going six sides per week" is confusing and does not convey a clear meaning. Additionally, "this weak of their physical health" is grammatically incorrect and does not accurately reflect the intended message. The phrase "full-time students in other activities is a good way for us" lacks clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness and ensuring that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning is crucial. For example, instead of "this weak of their physical health," a clearer expression would be "this weakness in their physical health." Regular practice in writing and seeking feedback can help refine vocabulary usage.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "every people perspective" (should be "every person’s perspective"), "do social with people" (should be "socialize with people"), and "electors" (should be "electors" or "mentors," depending on the intended meaning). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. Reading the essay aloud can help identify misspelled words. Additionally, using spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Practicing spelling through writing exercises or quizzes can also reinforce correct spelling habits.
In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, improving vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing. Engaging with diverse vocabulary, focusing on clarity, and implementing effective proofreading strategies are essential steps for improvement.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using varied sentence structures, but the range is limited. For instance, the sentences often follow a simple structure, such as "Today, full-time students use their most of their time on study." This sentence could be restructured for clarity and variety, perhaps by using a compound or complex structure. Additionally, phrases like "This can lead to many problems which is directly impact on their future" show a lack of complexity and grammatical accuracy, as "which is directly impact" should be "which directly impacts."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of "It is clear that spending too much time studying can bring some drawbacks," you might say, "While studying is essential, spending excessive time on it can lead to significant drawbacks." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "This can lead to many problems which is directly impact on their future" has a subject-verb agreement error and incorrect verb form. The phrase "Every people perspective students should balance have a balance between study and relaxation time" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. Additionally, punctuation is often missing, such as in "students when run a debt – time do not have too for going six sides per week," which lacks clarity and proper punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and verb forms. For instance, "most of they only have some hours" should be corrected to "most of them only have a few hours." Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas and periods, will help clarify meaning. Reading essays aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical errors will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Today, full-time students use most of their time for studying. This can lead to many problems that directly impact their future.
Today, full-time students allocate most of their time to studying at school; meanwhile, they should also engage in other activities. Every individual believes that students should strive for a balance between study and relaxation time.
It is clear that spending too much time studying can bring several drawbacks. To begin with, because students focus intently on what they are learning, they may lack social skills. This is because when students run out of time, they do not have enough time to attend social events six times a week. It is difficult for them to behave well when they go out, as they feel very stressed and struggle to socialize with those around them. Additionally, this weakness in their physical health is also a serious concern. Students spend all day sitting down, which limits their time to improve their health. Furthermore, the relationship between students and their families will deteriorate. For example, most Vietnamese students only have a few hours to share a meal with their families, while the rest of their time is dedicated to school.
However, I think that full-time students participating in other activities is a good way for them to grow. First and foremost, joining various outdoor activities can provide students with numerous experiences about their lives. For instance, participating in sports such as badminton allows students to interact more with others, fostering social relationships. They can make better choices to enhance both their mental and physical health, and these activities benefit all students. Additionally, attending extracurricular activities after school plays a role as a way to relax when students feel overwhelmed. Finally, when students can balance their academic and leisure time, their academic performance will improve.
In conclusion, spending too much time studying is not without its disadvantages, and students should engage more in different activities to improve themselves and create better opportunities for their future.