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My name is VTN, I'm 18 years old. When i was young, i lived in a charming small town in BG. Now, i'm living in Horizon apartment in HN. My family has 7 people: maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, parents, younger brother and me. My maternal grandparents live in BG, i'm living in HN with my paternal grandparents. My father and younger brother are living in HCM city and my mother is working abroad. My favorite food is fruit and i like drinking fruit juice. In my freetime, i often chat with my friends and play games. My hobby are cooking and shopping. Now, i'm studying in national economic university. My university is very big. it has more than 20.000 students and a team of quality teachers. My major is smart operation management in English in Faculty of business administration. i'm an economic student so in the future i want to have a good job to realize my dream of traveling everywhere and setting foot in China because this is the place i want to go the most.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"My name is VTN, I’m 18 years old." -> "I am VTN, and I am 18 years old."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks proper punctuation and uses a contraction ("I’m"), which is too informal for academic writing. The revised version corrects these issues and maintains a formal tone.
"When i was young, i lived in a charming small town in BG." -> "During my childhood, I resided in a charming small town in BG."
Explanation: The original sentence uses the informal "i" and "when," which are corrected to "I" and "During my childhood" for formality. "Resided" is a more precise verb than "lived" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"Now, i’m living in Horizon apartment in HN." -> "Currently, I reside in the Horizon apartment in Hanoi."
Explanation: "i’m" is replaced with "I" for formality, and "HN" is replaced with "Hanoi" for clarity and specificity. "Reside" is used instead of "living" to maintain a more formal tone.
"My family has 7 people: maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, parents, younger brother and me." -> "My family consists of seven members: maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, parents, my younger brother, and myself."
Explanation: "Consists of" is more precise than "has," and "my younger brother, and myself" corrects the informal "and me" to maintain formal language.
"My maternal grandparents live in BG, i’m living in HN with my paternal grandparents." -> "My maternal grandparents reside in BG, while I reside in Hanoi with my paternal grandparents."
Explanation: "Reside" is used consistently for formality, and "while" is used to introduce the contrasting information about the author’s current residence.
"My father and younger brother are living in HCM city and my mother is working abroad." -> "My father and younger brother reside in Ho Chi Minh City, while my mother is employed abroad."
Explanation: "Reside" is used for consistency, and "Ho Chi Minh City" is the full name of the city, which is more formal than "HCM city." "Employed" is a more formal term than "working."
"My favorite food is fruit and i like drinking fruit juice." -> "My favorite food is fruit, and I prefer drinking fruit juice."
Explanation: "I prefer" is more formal than "I like," and the comma after "fruit" corrects the punctuation.
"In my freetime, i often chat with my friends and play games." -> "In my free time, I frequently converse with my friends and engage in gaming."
Explanation: "Free time" is the correct phrase, and "frequently" and "engage in gaming" are more formal alternatives to "often" and "play games."
"My hobby are cooking and shopping." -> "My hobbies include cooking and shopping."
Explanation: "Hobbies" is plural, and "include" is the correct verb form for listing multiple activities.
"Now, i’m studying in national economic university." -> "Currently, I am studying at the National Economic University."
Explanation: "Currently" is more formal than "Now," and "at the National Economic University" specifies the institution correctly.
"My university is very big. it has more than 20.000 students and a team of quality teachers." -> "My university is quite large, with over 20,000 students and a team of high-quality teachers."
Explanation: "Quite large" is a more formal expression than "very big," and "over 20,000" is the correct numerical format. "High-quality" is more precise than "quality."
"My major is smart operation management in English in Faculty of business administration." -> "My major is smart operations management in English within the Faculty of Business Administration."
Explanation: "Smart operations management" corrects the misspelling, and "within the Faculty of Business Administration" specifies the location more formally.
"i’m an economic student so in the future i want to have a good job to realize my dream of traveling everywhere and setting foot in China because this is the place i want to go the most." -> "As an economics student, I aim to secure a fulfilling career that enables me to travel extensively and visit China, which is my ultimate destination."
Explanation: "As an economics student" corrects the contraction, and "aim to secure a fulfilling career" is more formal than "want to have a good job." "Travel extensively" and "visit" are more precise than "travel everywhere and setting foot," and "my ultimate destination" is a more formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt of introducing oneself, covering basic personal information such as name, age, family background, current living situation, education, and interests. However, it lacks depth and detail in certain areas. For instance, while the writer mentions their family structure, there is little elaboration on relationships or personal anecdotes that could enrich the narrative. Additionally, the essay does not fully explore the implications of the writer’s interests and aspirations, which could provide a more rounded introduction.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should include more personal stories or experiences that highlight their personality and values. Adding details about significant life events, achievements, or challenges faced could make the introduction more engaging and comprehensive.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position as it focuses on the writer’s identity and background. However, the flow of information is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult to follow the narrative. For example, the transition from discussing family to hobbies is abrupt, which can confuse the reader about the main focus of the introduction.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and coherence, the writer should organize the essay into distinct sections (e.g., family, education, hobbies) with smooth transitions between them. Using linking phrases can help guide the reader through the narrative and reinforce the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as family structure, educational background, and personal interests. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported. For instance, the mention of studying "smart operation management" is vague and lacks context. The writer does not explain why they chose this major or how it relates to their future aspirations.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point. For example, they could discuss what inspired them to pursue their major, specific skills they hope to gain, or how their hobbies influence their life. Providing examples or anecdotes can strengthen the essay and make it more relatable.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the writer’s introduction. However, there are moments where the information feels scattered, such as the abrupt mention of wanting to travel to China without a clear connection to the rest of the narrative. This can distract from the main purpose of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the overall introduction. They could also consider grouping related ideas together and ensuring that each point logically follows from the previous one. This will help create a more cohesive and focused narrative.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task but requires more depth, organization, and development of ideas to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a generally logical order, starting with personal details and moving to family background, current living situation, hobbies, and educational pursuits. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing family to favorite foods feels abrupt, lacking a clear connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link ideas more cohesively. For example, after discussing family, you could introduce your hobbies with a phrase like, "In addition to my family life, I also enjoy various activities." This would create a more seamless connection between the sections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which affects readability and coherence. All information is presented in a single block of text, making it challenging for the reader to follow the different aspects of your introduction.
- How to improve: Break the essay into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific theme. For example, one paragraph could cover personal details and family, another could discuss hobbies and interests, and a final paragraph could address educational background and future aspirations. This structure will help organize thoughts more clearly and improve overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "now" and "when," but their use is limited. The repetition of phrases like "my family" and "I" can lead to redundancy and a lack of variety in sentence structure.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover" to introduce additional information about hobbies, or "On the other hand" to contrast different aspects of your life. Additionally, vary sentence structures by combining short sentences into more complex ones to enhance fluency and cohesion.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in vocabulary, particularly with terms related to family and personal interests (e.g., "charming small town," "favorite food," "hobby"). However, the range is somewhat limited, with frequent repetition of basic vocabulary such as "live," "working," and "students." For instance, the phrase "I’m living in HN" is repeated without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or more descriptive phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "live," one could use "reside," "dwell," or "inhabit." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to education and aspirations could elevate the essay’s quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "smart operation management," which may not be a widely recognized term. The phrase "team of quality teachers" is also vague; it would be more effective to specify what makes the teachers "quality" (e.g., experienced, knowledgeable).
- How to improve: To improve precision, it is crucial to choose words that accurately convey the intended meaning. For example, instead of "smart operation management," consider using "efficient operations management" or "strategic operations management." Providing specific details about the teachers’ qualifications or teaching methods would also enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "i" instead of "I," "freetime" (should be "free time"), and "it" (should be capitalized at the beginning of a sentence). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also help identify errors. Additionally, practicing writing regularly and reviewing commonly misspelled words can improve overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay meets some basic criteria for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their overall performance in the IELTS writing task.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay primarily employs simple sentence structures, such as "My name is VTN," "I’m 18 years old," and "My favorite food is fruit." While these sentences are clear and convey basic information, the lack of complex or compound sentences limits the range of grammatical structures. For example, the sentence "My family has 7 people: maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, parents, younger brother and me" could be more effectively expressed with a compound structure, such as "My family consists of seven members, including my maternal and paternal grandparents, my parents, my younger brother, and myself."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, you could expand on your hobbies by saying, "In my free time, I enjoy chatting with my friends and playing games, which helps me relax after a long day of studying." Additionally, using a variety of conjunctions can enhance the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "i" should be capitalized to "I" throughout the essay. The phrase "My hobby are cooking and shopping" is incorrect; it should be "My hobbies are cooking and shopping" to agree in number. Furthermore, the sentence "it has more than 20.000 students" should begin with a capital letter, and the period should be a comma, as it is not standard in English to use a period in this context. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in lists (e.g., "maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, parents, younger brother and me" should have a comma before "and").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully, focusing on capitalization and subject-verb agreement. Consider using grammar-checking tools or resources to identify and correct errors. Practicing punctuation rules, especially with lists and clauses, can also improve clarity. For example, revising "My family has 7 people: maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, parents, younger brother and me" to "My family has seven members: my maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, parents, younger brother, and me" would enhance both accuracy and readability.

By addressing these areas for improvement, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy on future IELTS essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

My name is VTN, and I am 18 years old. During my childhood, I resided in a charming small town in BG. Currently, I live in the Horizon apartment in Hanoi. My family consists of seven members: my maternal grandparents, paternal grandparents, parents, my younger brother, and myself. My maternal grandparents reside in BG, while I live in Hanoi with my paternal grandparents. My father and younger brother are in Ho Chi Minh City, and my mother is working abroad.

My favorite food is fruit, and I enjoy drinking fruit juice. In my free time, I often chat with my friends and engage in gaming. My hobbies include cooking and shopping. At present, I am studying at the National Economic University. My university is quite large, with over 20,000 students and a team of high-quality teachers. My major is smart operations management in English within the Faculty of Business Administration. As an economics student, I aspire to secure a fulfilling career that allows me to travel extensively and visit China, which is my ultimate destination.