GLOBALIZATION

GLOBALIZATION

Over the past few decades, globalization has led to increased collaborations and exchanges between developed and developing countries. While some argue that globalization has been beneficial for both groups of countries, others maintain that it has been advantageous for developed countries while devastating for developing countries. In this report, we will investigate which group of countries receives more benefits from globalization.In order to understand how globalization has affected developed and developing countries, it is necessary to examine the different ways in which each group of countries has benefited from globalization. We will first discuss the advantages and disadvantages of globalization for both groups of countries. We will then consider the evidence for whether developed or developing countries have been more successful in reaping the benefits of globalization. Finally, we will offer our assessment of which group of countries has received more benefits from globalization.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "Over the past few decades" -> "In recent decades"
   Explanation: Replacing the colloquial expression "Over the past few decades" with "In recent decades" maintains a formal tone and is more commonly used in academic writing.

2. "While some argue" -> "While proponents assert"
   Explanation: Substituting "While some argue" with "While proponents assert" introduces a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic language expectations.

3. "advantageous" -> "beneficial"
   Explanation: Replacing "advantageous" with "beneficial" maintains clarity and is a more precise term in an academic context.

4. "devastating" -> "detrimental"
   Explanation: Swapping "devastating" with "detrimental" maintains a formal tone and provides a more nuanced expression of the negative impact on developing countries.

5. "investigate" -> "examine"
   Explanation: Substituting "investigate" with "examine" is a more formal and academically appropriate term for discussing the impact of globalization.

6. "advantages and disadvantages" -> "positive and negative outcomes"
   Explanation: Replacing "advantages and disadvantages" with "positive and negative outcomes" offers a more academic and specific description of the consequences of globalization.

7. "reaping the benefits" -> "capitalizing on the advantages"
   Explanation: Changing "reaping the benefits" to "capitalizing on the advantages" provides a more sophisticated and precise phrase in the context of globalization and its effects.

8. "Finally, we will offer our assessment" -> "Finally, we will provide our evaluation"
   Explanation: Substituting "offer our assessment" with "provide our evaluation" maintains formality and uses more academic language to express the conclusion of the report.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does address the central theme of globalization, exploring its impact on both developed and developing countries. However, the lack of depth in the analysis and the absence of specific examples contribute to a somewhat superficial treatment of the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay should delve deeper into the ways globalization affects each category of country, providing concrete examples and evidence to support the analysis. Additionally, consider explicitly addressing any sub-components of the prompt, ensuring a comprehensive response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to remain neutral by stating that it will investigate which group of countries receives more benefits from globalization. However, the absence of a clearly stated thesis or stance weakens the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve, the author should articulate a distinct position on the issue. Whether supporting one side or presenting a nuanced perspective, maintaining a consistent stance throughout the essay would enhance its clarity and cohesion.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay introduces the topic adequately but lacks in-depth exploration of the advantages and disadvantages of globalization for developed and developing countries. Additionally, there is a need for stronger evidence and examples to bolster the presented ideas.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the essay by expanding on the presented ideas, providing specific examples, and incorporating relevant data or case studies. This will not only enhance the depth of analysis but also offer a more convincing argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally adheres to the topic of globalization and its impact on developed and developing countries. However, the repetitive use of phrases like "group of countries" may lead to a lack of precision and could be considered a minor deviation from the main theme.
  • How to improve: To stay more focused, use varied language to refer to developed and developing countries. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the overall discussion of globalization and its effects, avoiding unnecessary repetition.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the prompt, improvements in depth, clarity of stance, supporting evidence, and precision in language use are essential to elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by introducing the topic of globalization, presenting arguments for and against its benefits for developed and developing countries, and concluding with an overall assessment. However, there is room for improvement in the clarity of the progression. The transitions between different sections could be smoother, making it easier for the reader to follow the flow of ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing advantages and disadvantages to evaluating which group benefits more could be more clearly signaled.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transition phrases that explicitly guide the reader through the structure of the essay. For example, you can use phrases like "Having discussed the advantages and disadvantages, let us now turn our attention to…" to signal transitions between sections.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but the structure within some paragraphs could be refined for better clarity. There is a tendency to include multiple ideas within a single paragraph, which can make it challenging for the reader to distinguish between different aspects of the argument. Effective paragraphing is essential for organizing ideas and maintaining coherence.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific idea or aspect of the argument. For example, separate the discussion of advantages and disadvantages into distinct paragraphs. This will help in presenting ideas more clearly and will facilitate a smoother reading experience for the audience.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "while," "however," and "finally." However, there is a need for a more varied use of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, the repetition of phrases like "group of countries" could be minimized for more lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of conjunctions, pronouns, and adverbs. This will contribute to a more nuanced and cohesive presentation of ideas. Also, consider using synonyms or alternative expressions to avoid excessive repetition, promoting a more diverse and engaging writing style.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the globalization topic. There is appropriate use of terms related to collaborations, exchanges, advantages, disadvantages, and benefits. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of vocabulary. Some words are repetitively used throughout the essay, such as "benefits," "countries," and "globalization." A more extensive and varied vocabulary would enhance the overall lexical resource.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider employing synonyms and exploring alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "benefits," incorporate terms like advantages, gains, or positive outcomes. Diversifying your vocabulary will make your essay more engaging and sophisticated.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately but occasionally lacks precision. For instance, in the introduction, the term "devastating" is used to describe the impact of globalization on developing countries. While this term conveys a strong negative impact, it might be considered too extreme. Precision could be improved by using a term that accurately captures the negative consequences without overemphasizing them.
  • How to improve: Aim for precision by choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In this case, consider using terms like "challenging" or "disadvantageous" to describe the impact on developing countries. This adjustment will provide a nuanced perspective without overstating the negative effects.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with a few minor errors like "benefitial" instead of "beneficial." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, improving spelling accuracy will enhance the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully. Pay close attention to common errors and utilize tools like spell-check to identify and correct any misspellings. Consistent practice in reviewing and editing your writing will contribute to improved spelling skills over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an appropriate use of complex sentences, including those with subordinate clauses. For example, "While some argue that globalization has been beneficial for both groups of countries, others maintain that it has been advantageous for developed countries while devastating for developing countries." Additionally, the essay employs transitions effectively to connect ideas, enhancing the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and compound-complex sentences. Introduce sentence structures such as inversion or parallelism to add sophistication to your writing. Additionally, ensure that the complexity of sentence structures aligns with the ideas being conveyed.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be improved. For example, "In order to understand how globalization has affected developed and developing countries, it is necessary to examine the different ways in which each group of countries has benefited from globalization." Here, the subject "group" is singular, but the verb "have" is plural.
  • How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Proofread your writing with a focus on agreement between subjects and verbs. Consider reading your sentences aloud to identify any awkward phrasing or errors. Additionally, use commas judiciously to enhance clarity and avoid confusion.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures and punctuation, improvements can be made to enhance the variety of sentence structures and ensure consistent accuracy in subject-verb agreement. Focus on incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and refining grammatical details to elevate the overall quality of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Over the last few decades, globalization has prompted increased collaborations and exchanges between developed and developing nations. While some argue that globalization has proven advantageous for both sets of countries, others assert that it has been beneficial for developed nations while being detrimental for developing ones. In this analysis, we will explore which category of countries gains more advantages from globalization.

To comprehend how globalization has impacted developed and developing nations, it is essential to scrutinize the various ways in which each category has capitalized on the advantages of globalization. Initially, we will delve into the positive and negative outcomes of globalization for both sets of countries. Subsequently, we will evaluate the evidence to determine whether developed or developing nations have been more successful in leveraging the benefits of globalization. Finally, we will provide our evaluation of which group of countries has garnered more benefits from globalization.